realizations & revelations whilst ill

[Just-Lucy]

Hiya, Girls.

I was in hospital over last week doing tests due to a cancer scare (all is good on that btw, but have other issue of smaller nature). While in the hospital I started re evaluating my life and thought that if I only had little time left, that I wouldn't want to spend it any other way than as Lucy (full time). Up till this point me and my partner, a GG, were still trying to figure out things and felt that maybe I was bi or fluid gendered. Now I'm thinking that isn't the case and that all I want to be is the woman I know I am inside, outside. My partner had already accepted so much and been so supportive, but has said many times that she would never be a lesbian couple and if I were full time/had hrt that she would leave me. I hate so much of the male parts...

Does this mean im a woman? I do refer to myself as she, in my inner monologue...

There's no way to keep the one I love and be myself is there?, What do I do? xXx

[Marissa V]

For yourself....find yourself a good therapist to explore the extend of your feelings towards wanting to be(come) a woman. That in itself will clear up a lot of questions and feelings you might have. I would even suggest you take your partner along a few times, involve her in the process. But..as you pointed out, if she can't you as a lesbian couple then that horrible moment you have to make a choise will show up eventually. All i can tell you is to not hold on too long and hard. One, there is no way to forcebly change someone's sexual preference and two...if you hold on too long even the friendship you have built up might go away. The one you love might become your best friend through the entire process (if you decide to go down that path) and for me personally...its the biggest treasure to hold on to, a friend for life.

[ClaudineD]

Echo the sentiment of Marissa....this is not an easy journey...choices affect many others.....many level to consider this early on and use the services of every discipline to make decisions......desires vs. needs are on different levels in this life choice....take your time .......

[PretzelGirl]

Lucy, I was on an advancing path when my T went through the roof, which is an indicator of cancer. I immediately shot to transition in my mind. What I did that was good for me was to go to a therapist to work through this to be sure I wasn't being reactionary. I spent three months of regular appointments before deciding to move forward. I recommend trying to slow down some, if you can handle it, and talk through it with a professional. Whether it takes one week or six months is between the two of you, but process it.

[Nigella]

Lucy, at the moment you are sat at the starting point of what could be a long road, then again it may just be nothing more than a short trip. Therapy, with if possible a therapist who is versed in TS issues, must be your starting point. Contrary to some trains of thought, transexualism is something that you will have had all your life, it is not something that suddenly says hey, guess what you are a transexual.

A good therapist will be able to help you discover your hidden past, help you view the clues that were there all your life, if they were.

Don't jump the gun regarding your relationship, that is something for another day, you may throw everything away only to discover there was no need.