gender dysphoria treatment question

[cdtraveler]

Ok fulll disclosure here. Due to family and career factors I don't see a full transition as being feasible for me, yet after years of therapy, I still have this inner conflict and dis ease and am not sure if this will just be my cross to bear or not but was wondering if I should be considering some form of hormone treatment? Has anyone heard of a.limited hormonal.regimine being proscribed to address the dysphoria feelings but not trigger all the full physical changes that would not be acceptable to my SO?

Thank you.

Amanda

[arbon]

Yes, some people have done that. Successfully? I don't know. You could do hrt and find it increases your need to transition even more.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

its never going to go away.

and its likely to get worse if you fight against it....if you feel it creeping up on you, thats because it is.

it may not be PC, but i have no issue with doing HRT with medical assistance.. however she is right...its just as likely to explode your GD and mitigate...

the more you are honest with who and what you are internally that can help you gauge which end of the curve you will be but in the end its very very unpredictable with zero easy answers..

I'm not sure its your best bet to think "i cant transition because..." do you realize how many people have said those words and transitioned??!!!

rather than focus on what you cant or can do and the huge obstacles ahead
if you can be open to your gender (whatever that is), it can really be a good calming influence ...and if you can be open to something like more feminine expression without any commitments or any thought of what you theoretically cant do

[Nigella]

Not knowing all the ins and outs of the American healthcare system this may seem a daft question, but has gender dysphoria actually been diagnosed? If so, have you discussed the possibility of limited HRT and the potential benefits of reducing your GD?

At Kait has said, HRT may just be a stepping stone towards a full transition, but only you and those you have discussed GD with can decide if HRT may be enough. AFAIK, even limited HRT will, over a period of time change your body, it may take longer that full HRT, but your body will change. Have you also discussed this with your SO. A full and frank chat may open other doors to help with your GD

[STACY B]

That in my opinion is a Very Slippery Slop,, There is Really NO WAY in the world anyone could know,, Now that being said,, All of the people that gave advice on this could be right, And all have had there own experience in one way or another.

BUT until you try something who could really know the outcome? After being on HRT for some time myself I for the most part am calm and have little to no GD an live a pretty normal life, But that being said and this also may not apply to you personally BUT,, From time to time it does come back and rattle my cage and make me think or gravitate towards presenting more to the female side of things. But not all the time, Just sometimes, But for the most part it gives you an option other than an outward presentation like our name sake . H.R.T calms you and really gives you years to adjust and for those around you to adjust in my mind.

But any disruption of your normal Male Hormonal levels will have effects on most everything you are used to . Female Hormones are very power full medications that do unusual and strange thing to our body's. H.R.T isn't like some kind of Nerve medication that doctors will handout for mental disorders.

To put it politely there is no Trans lite easy way to sneak around this ,lol,,, If there was we would all have done it,, Now that being said, Hormones are No quick fix themselves, They take years and years as far as I have seen for myself, Around 18 months and no problem walking into the mens room,, So don't think you will pop a few pills and all of sudden your there,,lol,,,, But on a serious note, I would really tell someone don't miss any steps on this deal. Self acceptance in my book is the hardest thing by far, I fought this crap for years and years and still find myself wanting to stop and fight and after I come to my senses and realize how far I have come and how much of a fight I have had to get here I can go back to my so called normal self, Whatever that is, But all of us are different and this is one fight you gotta fight . There are lots of Good people here, And they can tell you a lot of stuff , But at the end of the day you will be in all of those doctors app alone and have to answer for yourself,, Good Luck.

[JanePeterson]

So I asked this same question 8 months ago... And I went to my doctor ready to ask for a low dose - but you know what? I didn't really want the low dose - negotiating with GD just doesn't seem to work for me and I'm glad i did what I did- I was still making decisions based on fear at that point, and that was what was holding me back. Everyone is different, but this life seems better served when you rule out half measures and really decide who you are and what you need, then plunge in.

[Suzanne F]

If you are TS and begin taking female hormones there is mental benefit if not only for the fact you are taking a positive step toward being you. This information alone is beneficial to my mental state. I definitely have benefited from HRT and I can comment since I can look down and see my estrogen patch.

[tgirlamc]

Everyone is different, but this life seems better served when you rule out half measures and really decide who you are and what you need, then plunge in.

I think this is generally true Jane!... Its a bit like being on an episode of Fear Factor...if you want to win you got to put aside the fear and eat the bug! :)

[Pat]

Suzanne --

Feeling that you've taken a positive step is not a result of hormones, it's the result of taking a positive step. Seeing the patch reinforces that feeling and also alleviates dysphoria. But none of that is a chemical effect of the hormones. The net effect of seeing your body start to align to your mental image due to HRT will probably impact the dysphoria issue. Which, of course, is why it's a treatment for gender dysphoria. It could be possible to address dysphoria without hormones so the hormones themselves are not a treatment/cure. I'm sure it depends on the individual. Perhaps Amanda could find a line of treatment that doesn't involve hormones if she doesn't want the physical effects hormones cause.

BTW, the "-cd" on Jennie-cd is historical in nature. As it's popular to say, my views have evolved on that. Not to the point of being binary, however. ;)

[Nigella]

http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/aptrcpsych/5/2/126.full.pdf

Nuff said, although admittedly this is not in the context of Trans issues, it certainly blows your argument out of the water, google is your friend.

Ask any menopausal woman about the mental health benefits of replacing hormones

[Rianna Humble]

All of this theory is well and good, but the reality is that your hormones do affect you mentally - whether it is excess testosterone making someone aggressive or increased oestrogen having a calming effect - or in the case of someone who has been poisoned by testosterone, engendering a sense of well-being.

It could be possible to travel at the speed of light one day, but saying that does not negate the effect of current modes of transport. In the same way, Jennie, you are right that it is theoretically possible that one day, someone might find an effective treatment for dysphoria that does not involve substituting the noxious hormones with the more appropriate ones, but that does not mean that in the real world hormone therapy is not a treatment for Gender Dysphoria.

[OCCarly]

If years of therapy did not fix things, then it probably is time for hormones. Low dose hormone therapy is a thing. You can ask for it and it may work to alleviate the dysphoria. That said, FYI, I am on a full transition dosage of hormones.

My first month on hormones the psychological benefits were so great that I literally did not care how much my body changed or if it did at all. So there is something to be said for taking hormones for psychological effect.

In terms of how much your body will change, if you are much over 18 years old, the effects the hormones will have is a crapshoot more dependent on genetics than anything else. Breast size in particular is influenced almost entirely by genetics. I've seen girls who transitioned in their twenties get almost nothing and left running for the nearest plastic surgeon for implants, and I've seen women who transitioned in their sixties grow E cup breasts on hormones alone. What happens to your face is dictated mostly by bone structure.

What will change is skin texture, which will become smoother and more feminine, and body fat will redistribute, although this also seems to be dictated by genetics. At 53 I got lucky and grew a beautiful feminine butt in my first six weeks on hormones.

I really don't know how much body changes can be controlled by hormone dosage, so you should have a serious talk with an experienced endocrinologist about that.

However, even though my body is now feminine enough to look cute in a sundress, I can still hide my curves under a business suit and a loose fitting dress shirt to go to work in male mode.

In terms of your SO, I do not know where the lines are drawn, what is acceptable to her, what is not. Even on low dose, you are going to have some changes. Hope this helps.

[Pat]

Nuff said, although admittedly this is not in the context of Trans issues, it certainly blows your argument out of the water, google is your friend.

Not sure I feel blown out of the water, but it does show that I need to be more rigorous in my phrasing, so I'll try that. My gender therapist, who is herself transgender and has many TG clients, believes in assigning homework and so I spent a lot of time reading things like the WPATH standards of care and the manufacturer's lit on the hormones typically prescribed to treat Gender Dysphoria in Adults, which was my specific diagnosis. (I also used my good friend Google.)

One effect I found mentioned only on this site was a psychological benefit to HRT -- people testified that it straightened out their thinking or words to that effect. So I asked my therapist about that, since it was an effect I very much wanted, and she said she had never heard of it. Later I asked at the University of Mass. Medical Center where I was referred for treatment and the doctor (herself TS) and NP that I was seeing said they never heard of that. And certainly nothing I read from the pharmaceutical companies or WPATH mentions it either. The general impression that I get is that there is no chemical action from hormones that has a therapeutic mental effect on gender dysphoria. I'm not saying that hormones won't ever have any mental side-effect like mood swings or such (certainly they give me hot flashes which can make me a little cranky,) I'm just saying if you're looking for relief from GD the mechanism of hormones making you feel better seems to be the result of you seeing / feeling your body coming into alignment with your gender. So the OP asking if a limited course of hormones might counter GD without physical changes seemed like a non-starter to me.

I freely admit my experience is limited and most of what I'm saying is based on reading and asking people who I presume to be knowledgable. I really, really wanted that psychological effect to be there but the doctors say it isn't and I haven't experienced it. Nuff said.

[KymberlyOct]

I will not comment on HRT. I am just seeing the HRT doc for the first time next week. I will however comment on life decisions because like most of us there have been a number of bad and good ones. In my case most of the bad ones came from doing what everyone else thought I should do. Trying to make someone else happy usually in the long run ends badly for everyone involved. By being true to yourself you make the world a better place for both yourself and for those in your life. I wish I had learned this lesson many years ago. I am not saying you should transition or even take hormones. I am saying that you should be who you are and be true to yourself. Doing anything else is a long term recipe for unhappiness both for you and your SO and your career. Life is too short. Be who you are.

[Zooey]

I freely admit my experience is limited and most of what I'm saying is based on reading and asking people who I presume to be knowledgable. I really, really wanted that psychological effect to be there but the doctors say it isn't and I haven't experienced it. Nuff said.

I both agree and disagree (possibly) with your doctors. I don't think HRT has a direct therapeutic effect on the condition of gender dysphoria, or at least it didn't for me. If something had actually removed or treated my dysphoria, I'd probably be running on estrogen without transitioning, somehow, which is not really a state of being that I can understand (apologies).

What I can say with near total certainty is that HRT has affected some pretty fundamental changes in the way my brain seems to process certain things. Much like aligning the rest of my body with my gender identity, I can say that the way my brain works now feels much more comfortable to me than the way it used to, and THAT has certainly helped to relieve my dysphoria to a rather significant degree.

So, I agree that it doesn't have a direct effect on dysphoria, but it does affect the brain as much as the body IMO.

[Badtranny]

Let's talk about WHY we transition.

There are a million ways to do it, and two million reasons why you shouldn't do it. The prospect of transition can be at once the most terrifying and yet the most appealing thing that someone in your position can imagine.

Every transitioner I know without exception, has done it for one reason; freedom. We just wanted to be free of society's expectations. We just wanted to be free of our own fear, of our own secrets. That freedom, by itself would have been worth all of the heartache and heartbreak of transition. Some of us pass readily, some of us don't, but we're all free and most of us fear very little of what life has in store for us. We've kind of already been through the ringer, so what else is there to be scared of?

So, think about that for a minute. If it's freedom that you want, then perhaps you don't have to transition to find it. Maybe you do, but if I knew then what I know now, I feel like I could have figured out a way to deal with this without burning my life down. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I would do it all over again, but this process has taught me more about myself than I ever wanted to know. I think that people with gender or sexuality issues learn very early to hide and suppress feelings that are literally at the core of who you are. No good can come from that kind of hiding. It distorts us and basically indoctrinates us to look away when it comes to our own feelings. We never allow ourselves to feel anything genuine. Only the feelings that we deem acceptable.

A lifetime of this kind of thing can really get in the way of becoming a mentally and emotionally healthy person. When you finally taste a bit of authenticity it has an intoxicating effect. You think the cross dressing is the answer, then later you might think transition is the answer. Consider that maybe freedom is the answer. We talk a lot around here about the "work" of transition and that work actually has nothing to do with transitioning and everything to do with why something so drastic seems so appealing.

So you're in a situation where transition would be painful and difficult? Well the snarky me would say join the club, it's called being a damn tranny. But the compassionate me would say relax. Transition would be the LAST thing you would do anyway. Use this situation as an excuse to start digging and find out what would make you free. You can obviously cross dress in a closet but you can't transition in a closet. A gender change is a very public thing and that's what freedom is all about for most of us. Being free to be who we are right out there in the open.

Let's assume that you can't do that because of external pressures that are soooo much more difficult to deal with than the rest of us. (lil bit of snark) Cross dressing is not freedom because you're basically hiding your identity the entire time. It's like a costume right? You get to be somebody else and play dress up for awhile. As an aside, if THAT is what gets you going, then transition is not a good path for you. It's actually exactly the opposite of playing dress up. You won't get to hide anymore.

...but let's also assume that you really don't get a charge out of cross dressing. You really do have GD and it really sucks to live in a man's body. Okay, but you can't transition, so ...don't. Make the decision that transition is off the table and start doing the work to find out how you can be good with that situation. HRT might be an answer, but first you need to get clear on the question. Why do you think it's the answer? Why do you think transition would be better?

I think that the very first thing we should all do is come out. Not to work and family perhaps, but at the very least start cultivating friendships with people you can be free with. Start defending gender variant people in your social circles. You don't have to say "hey I'm one of them" but you could say "hey, different strokes dude, live and let live". I suspect that if you spent a couple of years slowly integrating your secrets with your life you will be a LOT happier and if you do end up transitioing, it'll be a hell of a lot easier because you won't be a macho douchebag any more.

Basically, transitioning is the nuclear option and you haven't even begun to fight a ground war yet. Get some boots on the ground and start learning how to be real. The answer will reveal itself when you learn the right question.

[Deborah_UK]

Melissa and I have not seen eye to eye before. But the above post is one of the best things I've seen written on any Trans forum. Fabulous summation Melissa.

[PretzelGirl]

Jennie, one of the things discussed here previously is the immediate effects of hormones. What the general consensus was, is that by starting HRT, there is a settling of the mind that you are moving forward positively. So the HRT itself does not have that immediate settling effect, but the actual action of doing something you need does. Given that, it would be interesting to see if Amanda would have an immediate positive effect of a low dose treatment. It could be telling of what is going on in her subconscious.

[Angela Campbell]

Even low dose can have effects that your SO may find objectionable. Like impotency?

[KymberlyOct]

BT / Melissa - never sure which to use. Anyway, I can tell our personalities are very different but once again you nailed it. Thanks. Helped me. Yes I am moving forward with transition but your views were helpful. I hope they were for Amanda as well. Thanks !!

[PaulaQ]

@Amanda - it is a mistake to see gender dysphoria / being trans, as a medical condition to be managed like diabetes or HIV. Ultimately, who you are, and the way the world rejects who you are, and the mismatch between your internal self image and your body, drive these feelings.

A partial solution may alleviate your suffering for a time, but it cannot last unless that solution reveals who you truly are.

I understand your dilemma - it seems unfair to risk losing everything you've worked for only to become a pariah. All I can tell you is that I lost my marriage, my dreams, my friends - cast out like this:

264920

And yet, despite all that I am so much more than I ever was. The world rejects us? It should, for we are dangerous to it. I stand in opposition to its cruelty, it's hatred, it's hypocrisy. I will resist it with my last dying breath. So if I am to be an object of hate, an enemy to the established order of things, then it's because they made me into what I am in so many levels.

I can't promise you what you'll get should you transition. Maybe life will be wonderful - that happens. Maybe you'll live in fear and misery - but at least less misery than gender dysphoria. As for me? I gained fearlessness. I have freedom I never imagined because being reviled and amongst the lowest of the low means I can look upon people's opinions of me with utter contempt. I can be myself without consequence - for if I'm damned because of what I am, then it matters little what else they may hate about me. I gained knowledge of who I really am.

Instead of feeling ashamed, I am instead proud. I know some f the most remarkable people on this earth. I know people who stand for who they are in the face of a works that denies them. And in doing so, are far more courageous than nearly all cis people. For who amongst THEM is brave enough to take on the world?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I experienced a mental effect from hormones
It seems non sensical to me that male and female hormones are not significant mood/feeling/thinking factors in our brains..
and it doesnt matter to me if its a combination of things including a placebo effect which i definitely felt... i started with a cream and i felt better instantly LOL... literally instantly...
and over time i felt empowered and alive... the specific action of it really isnt important to me as a layperson... and the body changes just felt better and better to me...

!!!!!!!!!!!Melissa that was a beautiful and thoughtful post and thanks for sharing it!!

==========
One other observation.... do you notice how the poster asked a simple short question..
the responses were filled with passion and life stories... lots of us have been through the ringer big time and those who werent are still passionately and deeply realized in their lives...

I know Amanda you check the forum....but you are not engaging in the conversation... sorry to pick that out but it tells me this is probably not what you are looking for at this point..

it sure looks to me that you are asking the age old ?? of "can i take exactly the right of hormones to alleviate my gender feelings, not have any physical changes, not piss off my wife, still be able to F#$??"...the answer is no
(and btw... if you took HRT and you see those tiny changes like softer skin you are likely to want more changes)



if your gender feelings are more and more distressing you'd be well served to take it seriously and do the hard work with your wife and life situation to prepare for things like the possibility of HRT

... if your gender feelings are about more presenting, more femininity, then hormones are probably something to avoid.

[Carlene]

I seldom post because I don' t identify as a crossdresser but have also not embraced transition. As a result, I have little to contribute. Having said this, I want to thank all who have contributed to this discussion. It has been a wonderful conversation and an extremely helpful thread.

Thank you all again,

Carlene

[Christina Kay]

For me hrt has quieted my mind, allowed me to begin accepting myself. Yes There are changes that occur, and people notice. And my journey is a constant forward progression of baby steps. But I don't care, because I am myself, and I like this self, and I am happy with who I am. For the first time ever in my life , I'm comfortable with where it's taking me.
Melissa said it so much more eloquently then I've ever heard before, or I could ever put in words.
Hugs Christina

[cdtraveler]

I wish to thank everyone for thier incredibly powerful replies. I truely honor and respect the choices you all have made and what was shared concerning the costs incurred when taking concrete steps to embrace inner authentisity, peace and happiness regardless of what others may think. In short, I've found what's been shared powerful and meaningful beyonds words.

As for where I take things next, I'm still very conflicted and the fear of losing my family and fear of most likely wanting more should I start down the road really have me frozen. So posting here in a way has been a big step.

Thank you all.

Amanda

[Rogina B]

Living an authentic life is always the option..But there is no excuses nor hiding..

[Tommie.]

Incredible thread from incredible people... i thank you all too... i hope to meet some of you face to face some day.... tommie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I wish to thank everyone for thier incredibly powerful replies. I truely honor and respect the choices you all have made and what was shared concerning the costs incurred when taking concrete steps to embrace inner authentisity, peace and happiness regardless of what others may think. In short, I've found what's been shared powerful and meaningful beyonds words.

As for where I take things next, I'm still very conflicted and the fear of losing my family and fear of most likely wanting more should I start down the road really have me frozen. So posting here in a way has been a big step.

Thank you all.

Amanda

Im glad you posted.

Im glad you are taking your gender feelings seriously.

I know how hard is to post a meaningful question in a public forum, especially with this outift!!