on my mind.....

[jennifer0918]

I feel nervous, anxious, of telling my SO about me dressing. Not sure if I should tell her I'm happy doing me and being me and I don't want her to think mixed toughts about me, im still the same person.I had a trans women friend that I wanted to come out to her but never did I was to scared to lose her friendship anyways she stopped talking to me a while back.Should I let my SO know about me dressing?

[Scarlett Viktoria]

The answer will probably overwhelmingly be yes. But, do you mind if I ask how old you guys are, how long you've been dressing and how long you two have been together?

[Lana Mae]

Honesty is the best policy!! Especially with an SO and CD!! Just my 2 cents!! Hugs Lana Mae

[bridget thronton]

It is hard to hide dressing completely and it may not be good if she finds out before you tell her yourself

[Jenniferathome]

The positives outweigh the negatives, asymmetrically. In my signature is how I told my wife. Do know that most wives are frustrated by the hiding, lying, selfishness, not the cross dressing. When you tell her, tell it all and tell it once. No partial truths.

Do simple search here and read what wives have to say. The Loved One's section is a good place to go.

[shellybme]

Tell her even if it is hard. It is far better than her finding out by herself. Can you imagine her walking in on you dressed? Finding some lingerie around the house that is not hers? I know we all try to be very careful but it could happen. Better to be upfront than hide things. Trust me, you will feel better about it. Just my thoughts. Also, GOOD LUCK!!!!:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[NancySue]

Should you? Absolutely! The sooner the better. Jenniferathome's reply is great advice. Do it ! Odds are your SO already either suspects or knows, (female intuition) but isn't sure what to do. Even at this point, your revelation my be fragile because of the issues also noted in Jennifer's reply. In any event, get it completely out and go from there. I speak from experience. Before we got married, I told her everything, expecting her to dash to the nearest door. She didn't leave. She, to this day, appreciated my courage to tell her. She is very supportive. Don't wait.

[jennifer0918]

The answer will probably overwhelmingly be yes. But, do you mind if I ask how old you guys are, how long you've been dressing and how long you two have been together?

I'm 41 she is 37 yo we been together 19 years and I been dressing since I was 8yo .I rarely have alone time at home so motels for me and that's maybe every 6 months or so .

[Lorileah]

I hope the motels are business related because nothing raises a red flag faster than a man going to a hotel for "personal" reasons

[Scarlett Viktoria]

I'm 41 she is 37 yo we been together 19 years and I been dressing since I was 8yo .I rarely have alone time at home so motels for me and that's maybe every 6 months or so .

Like others have said, if you tell her she will be upset about the lying and going behind her back. She'll be upset for a while and it won't be easy. There is a chance she won't accept you at all and there is a chance will eventually accept you. You live with her and you know her best so you will be the best judge of this. You'll have to decide if you are ready for this long process whatever the outcome. You have to decide if it will be worth even worse consequences if she finds out on her own. But my opinion is that because you have been doing this since you were a child and since you have been married for so long, she has a right to know. Just go about it carefully. There are some wives on here that may be able to offer help with that. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[BrittanyB]

I expected to take this "secret" to my grave, but that wasn't to be. My wife found the clothes and it was incredibly tense and stressful. She has since been nice about it and even a little bit accepting. It's understandable that she wants to "fix it" in some ways since she is a counselor, but we are making progress. In retrospect, I wish I would have told her; it would have been the respectful thing to do since I believe she loves me and I certainly love her...I caused her some intense grief and anxiety by not telling her.

[jennifer0918]

Thanks for the advice but I'm not ready right now,I know she needs to know and yes its the right thing to do,but there is too much would not understand.It took me a lifetime to understand crossdressing and to figure out how and why I do this.One I know for sure I'm not transgender and two not into men I just enjoy this femme side in me and c'mon girl cloths is so much more fun then mens ....

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I hope the motels are business related because nothing raises a red flag faster than a man going to a hotel for "personal" reasons

No motels are just for me to dress in and go out to hamburger Mary's for drinks just for some me time.Nothing sinister.

[Gardener]

Jennifer, no doubt about being honest but I do think you have to think about your own personal strength. Different responses can be anticipated, you just have to read some of theses strands. How confident do you think you are to take questioning, maybe rejection to a greater or lesser extent, false accusation, anger. How clear are you about your own position? Have you ever told anyone else and felt the reaction? Is there anyone who could be supportive if need be? So honesty, yes. However when you are ready and at what seems rhe best time.

[Lorileah]

No motels are just for me to dress in and go out to hamburger Mary's for drinks just for some me time.Nothing sinister. I didn't realize hotel bills noted you just dressed and went to a CD bar....hmmm :thinking: No way your wife would not think you were having an affair if she saw the credit card statement right?


Keep that up and you won't have to tell her, she'll find out on her own

[Scarlett Viktoria]

Just to put things in perspective, you've been hiding this for 19 years from her. Whether you tell her today or 5 years from now it will be exactly the same. But yeah, be prepared for questions. There is a good thread on here somewhere from a couple months ago about what questions to expect. I wish I had come to a CD website before telling mine. I was extremely ill prepared and thought it would go smoothly, lol. But we're good now and she accepts me.

[Bruce64]

Go ahead tell your SO, go slowly, I told my Wife in many different ways, like one time she was away for 3 Months taking care of her sick Father, once she got back I told her I tried on she skirts and bras and they felt really nice on my skin and after that I told her I bought two Panties on line and it will be coming shortly and one time I wore her Pantyhose and told her it's really nice wearing it, then I bought my own pantyhose, it takes a lot of nerve to do these things, in the end I did told my Wife I just love wearing Women's clothing, she is very accepting, she even bought me a few things. I told her also I don't know why I like Women's clothing but I think it's the feel and touch thing.

[Krisi]

If you have been hiding this from her for 19 years and going to motels and bars, your luck is about to run out.

I suggest telling her. How you do it is up to you but it's usually better to tell than to get caught.

[Jenniferathome]

I didn't realize hotel bills noted you just dressed and went to a CD bar....hmmm :thinking: No way your wife would not think you were having an affair if she saw the credit card statement right?...

Jennifer, Lorileah makes a great point here (comical too). What WILL happen is your wife will fill in the blanks with plausible ideas. Cross dressing, for most wives, is not the most plausible. An affair is.

Get your thoughts together. Write them down. Keep is short and detailed. Tell her when SHE is not stressed about anything in particular. You have one chance to do it right. If she finds out, you are not able to tell her on your terms and as you can read here in multiple posts, THAT tends to be really tough.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
At some point you have to tell her, it just has to happen for you to move on. I do think you have the right idea to get it clear in your own mind before you can expect your wife to understand. I found it best to write it all down eventually.
It's just a suggestion but why don't you find a social group to meet others rather than dress alone in a motel , you may find like me that it changes your perspective on CDing, I've found it's balanced many issues out, and my wife accepts me better knowing it's not something I've been making up and overstating, she accepts that if I have the confidence to go out and drive dressed to meet others in an open environment of a hotel then it's definitely a need I'm satisfying.