Just do it!!

[Rikidee]

I have been a cross dresser all my life. I have been going out in public for over 30 years. I love it! I don't get bogged down in the titles, cross dresser, transsexual, transgender, gender fluid etc. When I am in an appropriate situation and decide to dress I try to do what every girl does and dress appropriately for what I am going to do. Sometimes it is tank top and skirt or shorts or jeans, sometimes a dress.

I just love it all and enjoy whatever I am wearing and all the ma'ams and misses that come with it.

When I go out especially in "between" mode I am always llooking forward to my first interaction to see if I am perceived as female, not that it matters but I know I am doing it right. I wonder if some of you feel the same way.

The thing is to just get out there and have fun. Most folks really don't care.

Rikidee

[Elizabeth G]

I find that as I age, my ability to apply the 'just do it' attitude becomes easier. I worry less about what others think about me and this makes dressing much more enjoyable.

[Krisi]

Most folks really don't care.

Most strangers don't care. People who know you will care and this is something you should really think hard about before you start prancing around your neighborhood in a tutu.

How would your wife feel about the neighbors seeing you as a crossdresser? How about your children? Your boss and co-workers? The people at your church?

We all have our own situations and one bit of advice does not "fit all". We need to consider the consequences of our actions before we do things.

[Paula_56]

The more you do it...the more you want to do it!!!

[Stephanie47]

I'm happy Krisi chimes in on these threads, and, beats me to making a level headed reply. I retired, so I do not have to worry about any potential adverse consequences of outing myself. I do wonder what would have happened in the office if I had an encounter with an fellow employee when I had years before I could retire. Would I really feel comfortable without regard to whether or not I was either ignored or accepted as a cross dressing male? Same with church or the neighborhood. What about fallout on the wife and kids? I have always approached life with "risk vs reward." What are the pluses? What are the minuses?

Yes, Paula is right. In my earlier years I felt a pent up desire that was so overwhelming to "do it," that I probably threw all caution to the wind. Just think before you leap.

[Krisi]

Thank you!

[Alice Torn]

Krisi is right about going out locally! The rare times i do go out, is to towns and cities much further than my local towns here. Word still spreads in some places.

[Teresa]

Rikidee,
I'm inclined to agree with you when you've finally done with being in the closet and hiding behind curtains, when you finally discover yourself and what your needs really are it's finally time to say enough is enough, I was born this way I'm wired differently and and I no longer feel guilty or ashamed of it. It feels so natural to be out dressed, I try my best to look acceptable but no longer have the thoughts of passing or not, I've been out and accepted by others most people have been complementary , it is part of me and part of my life and I'm not going to hide it any more or concern myself what people do think, my wife and family know this.

If I could make some money for charity I would prance down the street in a tutu, I've done charity stunts before and it's great fun.

[Jaylyn]

I agree with this most of the time about just do it, but CD can leave many different thoughts and meanings in other folks heads so I'm hesitant about just doing it. I live in a very small gossipy town and that just do it could really have many negative thoughts about me. That's why I can not just do it. Might work in the larger towns where no one close knows you.

[Tracii G]

Rikidee you just broke rule number one of this forum.
Never say you can do something if you want to because it upsets all the closet ladies.

There are some of us that have accepted this part of us and moved on and enjoy being ourselves.
The other group well they are way too uptight and haven't accepted or can't deal with it and stay in the closet.
They do love to respond to threads like this and make a big stink about why they don't go out but sounds like excuses to me.

[Keely]

The more you do it...the more you want to do it!!!

You are so right Paula!

[Krisi]

Rikidee you just broke rule number one of this forum.
Never say you can do something if you want to because it upsets all the closet ladies.

There are some of us that have accepted this part of us and moved on and enjoy being ourselves.
The other group well they are way too uptight and haven't accepted or can't deal with it and stay in the closet.
They do love to respond to threads like this and make a big stink about why they don't go out but sounds like excuses to me.

You just have a great trouble wrapping your mind around the fact that everyone is not living your particular life. Not everyone is so selfish that they will do whatever they want regardless of how many loved ones it hurts. Not everyone is so shortsighted that they will do whatever they want regardless of how it affects their future or career.

It's good that you feel you have this freedom and I wish you well, but I hope I can somehow make you understand that not everyone has this freedom and those who don't are not somehow inferior to those who throw caution to the wind.

In theory, this forum is for all crossdressers, not just those who meet your standards. Being "in the closet" doesn't mean being weak, it means being practical. If you were to take a poll, I suspect more of us here are secretive about our hobby than those who flaunt it.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
Why do you do have describe it as being shortsighted and selfish ? Our CDing may hurt our partners whether we're in the closet or out and about.

If you're climbing the walls in solitary confinement the final option has to be open and honest, accepting and being accepted for the needs a CDer has, despite her reservations my wife is happier with my situation now I'm going out than she was before. She didn't truly believe my needs were that deep, or I would have the courage to go out the drive dressed. She knows that's taking some courage to try and satisfy my needs. Yes she does try and play safe and calls me from down the street when it's clear for me to drive away, that's more for her peace of mind than mine , but I respect her and understand her feelings .

My CDing is an integral part of me , I'm not ashamed of it, that is the sad part of many closet CDers they haven't reached that point , It's taken me far too many years to get to this point, I know age is against me so I'm grasping the opportunity with both hands .

[Helen_Highwater]

Just to follow on from Krisi, I'm in the closet to family and friends but as and when the opportunity arises I get suitably dressed and get out there. Nothing is black and white. We all sit somewhere slightly different on the broad spectrum that is the members on the forum. I would say to, neigh urge, anyone who's never been out that it's something you should try if the opportunity presents itself but if you're happy and fully contented staying within 4 walls then that's your right to do so.

Some people play sport for fun, others to take part in competitions/leagues. Each to their own.

[Krisi]

Teresa,
I don't believe the majority of crossdressers are as "into it" as you are. You have made it clear that to you, crossdressing is the number one priority in your life. You are a crossdresser.

Most of us would say we are men, husbands, fathers, brothers, etc. first and put crossdressing somewhere on the same level as golfing, fishing, riding motorcycles, etc.


Why do you do have describe it as being shortsighted and selfish?
Crossdressing can cost us our marriages, our families, our relationships with others and our careers. Don't believe me? Simply reading other people's threads should tell you that. Notice that I said "can", not "will". It depends on our individual situations.


My CDing is an integral part of me , I'm not ashamed of it, that is the sad part of many closet CDers they haven't reached that point
Why is it "sad"? Crossdressing is not a race and it's not a goal. A person who wears his wife's panties from time to time and is happy with this is not somehow inferior to someone who crossdresses full time. We don't all have the goal to be full time crossdressers. Whatever makes us happy is the goal.

There are all levels of crossdressers on this forum. I hope you can understand this and keep it in mind when reading threads and posting replies.

[Tracii G]

I never said anything about any one being inferior Krisi.
You get so wound up when this topic comes up and you end up trying to squash a thread with a positive angle to the message.
We all know where you stand and thats fine we get it but if the topic upsets you then don't respond.
No sense in throwing a blanket over it and ruining it for the original poster and others.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I admit there is no ebb and flow it's at the back of my mind or a gut feeling 24/7 has been right from the start.

Yes I did nearly cost me my marriage and my life if you recall , my family all know now and accept it as an integral part of me now, ( not a hobby !) So now we are more or less in balance, on one side I'm a husband, father and grandfather on the other someone who has a need to present female.

I use the word sadly only from my own point of view, not all CDers do need to break out but it was prolonging dealing with the shame and guilt . I didn't know myself so being out of the closet, and finding myself through counselling and finally meeting other members of the TG community had to happen. I am a CDer and more besides, I deal with GD and being bi-gender, it's part of what makes me tick, it's not a game or a hobby it's part of my life .

[Tracii G]

Well put Teresa.
It may be a hobby to some but its life for me I think there in lies the difference.

[Pat]

Actually, I agree with everyone here. For some people it's appropriate to get out of the closet and for some it's not. We have to respect each other and allow each individual to make their own choice. I often feel very sad for the closeted people on the forum because sometimes I recognize my former, closeted self in their writing. But my choices, my path are not necessarily appropriate for them. (And needling them all the time only creates conflict and adds to my stunning collection of deleted posts. ;) )

Let's live and let live. Let's focus on what we have in common rather than what makes us different.

[Teresa]

Jennie,
I don't have a problem where anyone is on the CDing road, yes I do admit to some it's an enjoyable hobby possibly shared with a partner , it took me a while to come to terms with that idea, but hobby doesn't apply across the spectrum.

Like you I know how much being stuck in the closet can hurt but again again to some it's security , no one knows about their secret so no one can hurt them. I'm afraid to me it meant being ashamed because I was hiding a secret away, the more I discovered how much was actually part of me the more I became angry and upset by having a part of my being rejected. Finally discovering I was born like it and it's for life was the life changing moment , I really need to know what make me tick, now I finally know I can accept myself, no more hiding no more being ashamed, whatever people say or do isn't going to change what's inside my head,. The hardest part is still being in a DADT situation, my wife just doesn't want to see it, she knows how hard it is and at times how much I hurt inside through the compromise I've chosen, I can't I fully enjoy the double life I live, there are so many things she doesn't know or want to know so working round her is the only solution . After 42 years I suppose it's as good as it gets , she's happy with the grandchildren and so am I but I'm also happy being Teresa which still doesn't happen often enough.

[CynthiaD]

Yeah, here we go again. I'm getting really sick of this discussion.

Rikidee is absolutely right, of course.

If you want to go out, Just do it! Nothing will happen, and you'll have a great time.

If you don't want to go out, THEN DON'T! Your reasons for not going out aren't any more sensible or level headed than another person's reasons for going out. More to the point: I already know what your reasons are. So does everybody else on the forum. We've heard them dozens of times.

This is a support forum.
Encouraging people who want to take the next step, to go ahead and do it, is just that: support.

Cynthia

[Stephanie47]

Cynthia, I really do not want to beat this to death. Even Rikidee stated in her post at #1; "Most folks really don't care." That statement in itself is a qualifier to her recommendation. Yes, this is a support forum. Support does not infer to me, maybe to others, but not me, to think about what you are about to do.

Over the years I've read many posts where the reader "just did it" and it blew up in her face. Of course, the advice given on this forum is worth exactly what you paid for it: zero. There is no one on this forum who will there to pick up the pieces if something adverse does occur. And, if there are adverse consequences to following any advice will the person be able to handle it? My advice to consider potential consequences is based on personal observation, and, it is not limited to cross dressing activity.

If anyone in my family or a neighbor or a coworker or acquaintance comes to me for advice I just do not rubber stamp his or her initial thoughts.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
I'm not sure how to take your comments, somewhere along the line we have take advice to decide our own actions, do your comments also apply to professional counsellors , they can can only advice with the information they have, are their comments also valueless? Surely people who have lived a lifetime with TG issues have a valuable contribution to make.

OK take it to the other extreme , wars have been started on bad advice but sadly they still happen !

Cynthia,
We know threads like this are regularly posted but new members still need to know, I know sometimes we've answered the same question more than once, but give others a chance to ask and find out for themselves.

[Tracii G]

If someone has a bad experience with their SO if they dress up then they should have been better prepared or asked questions first.
If someone here says "just do it" well you need to weigh the consequences in your situation if you were to "just do it" because if it feels like a bad idea then it probably is.
Common sense should always be used but as we know not many people have common sense these days.
Don't blame the messenger blame yourself if you make a wrong decision.

[Lauri K]

I have been on the sidelines watching................everyone makes some good points

But Rikkidee has 30 years of bra strap marks on her back and states it has been a great experience and she loves it

Go out on your own terms I suppose, but if you are on the fence please take the advice and tear off that closet door and get out there with the rest of us

I was out today and wore my favorite top, it say's in BIG letters........."I Literally Do Not Care"

Every time I wear it I get tons of compliments from the GG's

So yeah back to the point no one really cares, it's up to you ultimately to decide .......no one here can make your decisions but my free advice is go out there and have some fun looking pretty