New Here, Socially Awkward

[Being_Me]

Hello, folks,

I have been lurking here for a while. I joined because I feel a bit isolated at times. A thread about meeting other CDers got me thinking. I generally don't like the company of other people. It's not like I am some miserable, hateful person, I just prefer quiet time at home with my wife. I very strongly prefer the company of women to men. I've never met another person who prefers clothing of the opposite gender, though.

Anyway, I think "socializing" here might be good for me. It has taken a long time to get here. Like a lot of you, I grew up pre-internet and in the closet. I had a lot of confusion about what I even am (though I can't put it in exact words yet, I do know what I am, now!). There was enough self-loathing that I had a very serious drinking problem all my life, until I quit a few years ago.

I am comfortable enough now that I can interact with the world doing errands and such completely shaved with longish hair, wearing a cute top, ladies' shorts, and flats with feminine socks. I would never just strike up a conversation with someone, though. I wouldn't even in a tee, jeans, and workboots. I have and would like to occasionally present fully as a woman. I know I get away with what I wear because I'm comfortable being seen that way, largely through repetition.

Well, I guess I just answered my question: how do I get comfortable talking to people while my appearance is as feminine as I can make it? Start doing it and keep doing it until I am comfortable with it.

[Pat]

Hi -- Welcome, and I'm glad we could clear that up for you. ;)

Just a thing to consider -- the world is divided into introverts and extroverts. Extroverts charge their spiritual batteries by being around other people and discharge when they're alone. Introverts charge up by being alone and discharge when they're among other people (even if the interaction is fun.) That tends to be a personality trait that doesn't change and like yourself, I tend to be an introvert.

What I personally found out about myself, though, is that I'm a pretty social introvert -- I like people, it just tires me out to be around them. I used to seem to avoid people because I was unhappy pretending to be a cis-gender male. I didn't especially enjoy the company of men because I was uncomfortable having to "pass" amongst them. As I got more in touch with myself I got less uncomfortable around others and now I'm a pretty outgoing person even though I still need solitude to recharge. When I was being Patrick my idea of a good Friday was to sit on the couch and watch TV. Now as Pat / Jennie, I find I really enjoy going out and I socialize easily. It's a happy change.

I drone on about that because you may be in a similar situation. You may find as you get happier about yourself, you become happy to share yourself with others and actually start looking forward to occasions when you will. Give yourself a chance.

[Stephj]

I am also an introvert I don't like large groups of people I really like just sitting around reading a good book or hopping on my motorcycle and going for a ride and I have a lot more female friends than male friends

[S. Lisa Smith]

Welcome!! I'm an extravert so I can't help you there, but what Jennie says makes a lot of sense. I think you will enjoy being here. Have fun!!

[TrishaTX]

I am some where in the middle although more to the extrovert side. It took me years to go out, I would recommend going slow. If there are local groups or parties try those, they can relax you and provide a safe environment to mingle. I found just taking a drive the first few times helped...

[Lana Mae]

I agree with Jennie!! Also an introvert and there is a lot of knowledge and experience here and a willingness to share!! I have learned a lot here and feel I have gotten a lot of support!! Alright I have bragged on the others long enough!! LOL Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Being_Me]

Thanks, everyone. While I am not sure how social I want to be, I do know that I now regret not going out dressed more when I was young and beautiful. I don't want to look back in 20 years and think that I missed opportunities now.

And Jennie, I just left the Boston area, where I had lived most of my life.

[Tracii G]

Welcome.
No need to feel isolated here I'm sure there are many members here that are just like you and can relate to how you feel.

[Teresa]

It's good to hear you conquered the drink problem and Cding has given you an interest, Jennie makes a good point , I've never thought about it like that before.

I became far more extrovert through my photography business which I did for thirty years, having to break the ice quickly with people and always trying to find something a person will be willing to talk about, now no matter how I'm dressed I love talking to people, I'm comfortable with either gender but at my social evenings I do talk as much to the GGs as the CDers.

[Lori Kurtz]

I started dressing up very young, and I often wonder if that had an influence on making me an introvert. I always felt that I had this secret, and that it was very important for me to hide it from other people. So I was afraid to reach out to others and be open with them. I was afraid that I might somehow allow somebody to know me too well, and that my secret crossdressing life might be discovered. This cut me off from a lot of social interaction that would have been good for me. For many years, I had no clue that anybody else did the things I did in private, and I think, now that gender issues are being seen as more common and are better understood and more accepted, young people are less likely to have the kinds of problems that I did growing up. I hope so, anyway.

[Being_Me]

Lori, I had other issues growing up, but the crossdressing definitely contributed to my isolation. I'm glad that it can be different from younger folks.

[Nikki A.]

I guess I'm an extrovert, I do like being around people especially those who accept me as I am. I have people who know just one side of me and others who do know both sides.
My problem is I have trouble telling people who are especially close to me. Those that I really care for I don't want to possibly lose them. But I know I will eventually tell them and let the chips fall where they may.

[Lauri K]

Welcome and don't be shy here to join in the discussions.

I am introvert and have the papers to prove it, nothing wrong with it other than it presents some challenges. So the key is to learn how to deal with the other 3 types of people in the world. If someone shows me they care I am usually an open book to them as I feel some sense of trust.

Share your thoughts and experiences with others is perhaps a gateway into tearing down those wall of fear and rejection.

Usually our fears are just that and nothing bad ever happens.

[NewBrendaLee]

Welcome sister were glad to have you join us.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi B M :hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

If you have a question there is a 99.7% chance that one or more of the ladies will have an answer for you...:daydreaming:...

[docrobbysherry]

Being, I came out online here nearly 10 years ago after dressing in a vacuum for the previous 10 years. I was taken with how interesting the others were here and, decided to see if they were the same way in person.

My first time ever out dressed coincided with my first meeting with other T's at the SCC in Atlanta. That was nearly 8 years ago. Altho I'm not a social person, I've attended countless other T events around the country because I find the attendees to be such remarkable people. And, I'm more comfortable out completely dressed with other T's.:hugs:

On the other hand, I have little or no interest going out dressed among vanillas by myself. I don't have the time, interest, or energy to deal with every stranger's reaction to an obvious man in a dress!:brolleyes: