Do accepting wives realise how much we cherish them?

[Sarah Louise]

Whenever someone posts a comment on how their wife or partner accepts their dressing, there's always lots of comments about how the wife/partner should be cherished (or words to that effect).

When I told my wife about my dressing earlier this year, it was tough for a couple of days but then she accepted it. Afterwards, I told her that while I always knew I loved her, I didn't realise just how much until going through the emotions of my disclosure then her ultimate acceptance. While I'd like to think that I would had never done anything to ruin our marriage, I'm even less likely to now, knowing that she is able to accept this part of me. I don't think she really believes this though, as despite telling her this often, she still doesn't understand the effect dressing has on me and therefore why I cherish her for it.

If your wife or partner accepts your dressing, do you cherish her more for it and does she believe that you do?

[jennifer0918]

Cheerio, well I'm not sure I will always love my wife 19 years is half of our lives and two beautiful children that I'm thankful she gave me.I wonder if she will accept me but doubt it very much.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I understand what you are saying, how much closer Cding can make you feel to your partner when you come out to her , after twenty years of marriage it felt like the clock had gone back for me to when we first dated , if it doesn't affect your wife in that way and she fails to see the point you are trying to make it hurts so much. I know it has to do with me being bi-gender so when the DADT wall went up both my male and female sides felt totally rejected and unloved and that's when I nearly ended my life. I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that, I know I now suffer from bouts of depression.
Twenty years on and I finally had counselling to deal firstly with the chances of my attempting self harming again and then gender counselling to finally find myself, my wife on both occasions said it was my problem to deal with it so I was alone with the outcome of all this. I finally wrote it all down and asked her to read it, she skimmed through it and at the end I told her this is where I am with my CDing if the gap between that and her acceptance was too wide then the sensible outcome would be separation . After 42 years we realised there was too much hurt for everyone concerned so I accepted the compromise for a certain day to dress as I chose and otherwise I would still be a husband and father and grandfather. It is still hard , my wife chooses not to see me but has finally accepted me going out socially once a month my family all know and support me in these decisions.

Sorry possibly not the answer you expected, I'm not sure if cherish comes into our vocabulary any more , I still wish it did, I can't answer for my wife.

[Lorileah]

You should definitely tell them...sooner rather than later. There may come a day when you can't because they aren't there

[NancySue]

Absolutely, positively ! I told her before we got married, expecting her to dash to the nearest exit door. Thankfully, she didn't. She respected my courage and honesty. I think our bond is primarily that neither one of us understands my needs. We just accept it for what is. She undertook a research project to learn more about CDing. She had many questions. I answered them all. Her conclusion was "no conclusions". She accepts and supports me. I hug her...a lot. Her shopping "deal" is...one for me, two for her. Sounds fair to me. 😉👗👠👝.

[bridget thronton]

It is a two way street - I suspect husbands are cherished as much as wives in a strong marriage (everyone presents a number of challenges to their partners)

[Kandi Robbins]

I had been married for almost 30 years when I told my wife.

Do you know how you felt that first time you fell in love with her?

When she accepted me, told me she only wanted me to be happy, I had that same exact feeling, I fell IN love all over again!

It's been almost 20 months since that day and I have told my wife, texted her and written her, how much I love her more in that span of time than all of the previous 30 years combined. Wives that accept this are definitely to be cherished and never left to ever doubt how much we love them!

[BillieAnneJean]

I could not cherish my wife nor love her more than I did before I started CDing. I asked her if she would be OK with it before I even did it the first time. Although I got her approval to start, things went off the rails when she researched what I was thinking on the internet. It took a few years for her to come around and I always told her I would quit with no repercussions if she ever asked me to. Because she comes first.

No I don't cherish her more because it would be impossible. I have always cherished and loved her completely.

[phili]

My wife knows how much I would cherish her for accepting, but she forcefully states that she can't and doesn't want to accept me crossdressing. However, she says she appreciates how much effort I am putting in to trying to find ways to meet my needs without turning her life upside down. I am an activist, so always proposing different solutions, and some good compromises are coming out of it. It is a challenge, but so are all sorts of things- and to my wife cherishing her means not making her listen to my piano practice- which is not only true but our current metaphor. The other morning, while we were sitting together in bed reading the paper, and after being in male mode, which she likes, and makes her feel secure, I said, "I'm tracking the pink wave, and it just crashed over me. I have a suggestion- I'll take my nightgown and go in the office to work, and close the door so you don't see me, and it is not so upsetting." She agreed. It was good- later she came in and kissed me goodbye before she went out for the day.

[Jenn A116]

I guess its really up to us to show our accepting wife how much we cherish them. That's probably the key to a good marriage anyway, CD'ing aside. My wife and I have been married 19 years now and she knew before I proposed. We talk about everything and she tells me she appreciates that I have a "softer side" as she puts it. We will often critique outfits/hair/makup, etc that we see women wearing while we are out. Something that I think is unique a couple that doesn't have a CD'ing hubby.

[Meghan4now]

One key to a successful marriage is to forget about 50/50. Always do a little more. A great marriage is probably more like 80/80. And the only way to get there is by attitude and commitment. Even on days you don't feel like it!

[gina shiney]

Sarah you made me think long and hard about this.I had to look up cherish to really get the meaning as I haven't used that word to describe our relationship before. I wouldn't be here now if not for my wife. So for me cherish wouldn't be enough of what and how I feel for her, my crossdressing has been my problem not hers. The underdressing hasn't been a issue for her since it reemerged very early in our married life and wasn't a issue then, admittedly other than the usual reassurances. Before marriage I had discussed some of what I could remember of long time early sexual abuse and that I received as a child and the effects that it had. She also has been victim, but thankfully not as early or over such a prolonged time. To be honest she partly blamed herself for the reemergence, some of you will understand, kids being the focus and too tired for anthing other.(was a monk for a while) so one makes do and ding stress relief took over. At the same time I experienced a bad depression and flashbacks of the things that I had blocked. Now therapy of which my wife also attends. I was given a term I only thought soldiers at war got (ptsd) The therapy has also helped my wife in Not thinking she was the cause, that it was present and had been subconsciously influencing my life since it began 45yrs ago.
We have been married 22 years NEVER had a fight any cross words almost instantly apologized for.
I have underdressed through teen years and early twenties, but now early fifties I am starting to expand to the outer layers as well as polish etc which for the first time I have been questioned as to where I heading.
Neither myself or my wife/SO/reason4being Could love need support each other anymore then we already do.(we are as one) her words

[BettyMorgan]

My girlfriend of almost five years is someone I consider my wife since we live together now. I cherish her because she loves and accepts me for who I am. I count my blessings everyday and I tell her so.

[AlyssaJ]

I think this is an incredibly important point in the progression of her acceptance. My wife doesn't fully accept it. She does in so much as she hasn't left me, has in the past explored it with me (although pink fog did set in and I took it too far resulting in a backlash). She still understands and at least tolerates my continued explorations. And she is getting better.

That said, I take every opportunity to remind her how wonderful she is. Not just for accepting this in me, but just as a woman in general. We do sometimes get on the subject of her acceptance and I always remind her how wonderful she is for being as understanding as she has been. She usually replies with to the affect of, "well you accept my oddities as well". Maybe not the perfect viewpoint, but a positive outlook.

I think taking your wife for granted in any way is detrimental to your marriage, but in particular when it comes to her acceptance, you have to realize how special that is and understand how much differently she could have reacted. So making sure you acknowledge it is important in my book.

[DaniT]

I'm about to tell my wife. I am desperately hoping that she takes it well. I know her very well, but since nothing of this magnitude has ever come up in our relationship, it could go either way. I'm very, very nervous about it. She is so accepting, compassionate and loving that I am worried that she will pretend to accept it even if it bothers her deeply. That is the worst case scenario for me, as my Briggs Myers personality type ISTP (mechaninc) which means I will likely not be able to pick up on the fact that she is deeply unhappy until its too late.

That said, I already cherish her deeply as she is everything I am not, the perfect yin to my yang. Sometimes I feel like I take her support for granted, but I try to make it up to her. If she accepts me after this I have little doubt I will in fact cherish her just as much and more.

Dani

[Gillian Gigs]

Only if we tell them. Don't keep it a secret.

[RADER]

Yes, I told my wife every day how much I loved her. And now that she has passed, I miss her every day.
RAder

[Jessica May]

I definitely tell her all the time. Sometimes I think she really doesn't know how much I love her and am blessed that she loves me for me. So I do special things for her now and then to show her :) After going through talking to her about this I know I cherish her even more. It took a while for her to accept it and she still may not fully understand it but we are keeping communication open and hopefully she will get the understanding she is looking for.

[Tina_gm]

Definitely tell her you appreciate her accepting this. But I think overall we should appreciate them simply for them more than anything.

[Alice_2014_B]

Fortunately there were no weird days after I told my wife; she already knew I loved wearing high heels around the house.
There were no "weird questions" either.
I'm extremely grateful for her.
:)

[Dominique12]

I love and cherish my wife, regardless, and tell her numerous times a day.
But, today I am sitting here in a white bra and panties, school girl skirt with white top. I had to tell her, thank you, for letting me dress like this.

[Gen D]

I think that "to love" is better word than to cherish since it is a relationship thing. and yes, the thought about her understanding my needs, and try to help (with her own limits) make me love her more.
and while I write this post - I realize again that "to love" is much bigger than cherish.

[nikkiwindsor]

My wife accepting me for who I am is unbelievable and awesome! I do cherish and love her more than I can adequately express. I need to just ask her if she realizes just how wonderful it is for her to accept and love me unconditionally! :) Nikki

[CherylFlint]

On our first date I told my wife about my dressing.
I put an ad in “LOVE AOL” where I wrote that I was a CD “in order to relax”.
We met for dinner and she said to come over that Sat. morning and dress for her to see how she would handle it.
When I came out of her bathroom after dressing her first words were, “Let me help you with your make-up.”
We’ve been married 20 years.