Had a feeling first time ever...pretty cool

[Kaitlyn Michele]

today was a typical day for me..

played a lot of music ... did a Skype catch up therapy session with my incredible therapist ..

managed a bunch of crap going in my daughters life, and enjoyed a fantastic day with my other daughter...
ate vegan "sausage" pizza (omg...ugh..)

then tonight i was goofing off on snap chat... i was looking at old pictures... and i found some pics from just the beginning of summer...they were selfies of me...
heading out of my house...had on like a tank top.... i had just got my hair straightened which i like


and as i looked at the picture, i just saw me...a woman.. i couldnt see anything but a woman... and me..... all my flaws...i have a SCAR on my eye from a car accident..I have blotchy skin from nightmare electrolysis...i have my mothers face...unfortunately she was quite masculine in her jaw and nose... lol... i still see all my flaws... but i was taking in this girl just like any girl.., me....

i had never felt it that clearly and directly before...

kind of blew me away because i transitioned in 2009(omg its been that long...F'ing kill me)..

not kidding even a little bit

first time i thought that thought EVER...and looking at my picture...it just felt the "Rightest" it ever felt... and i'm honest about it..i've had a privileged and successful transition ....i suffered and gave up a lot .... but theoretically i'm supposed to have it all figured out...

but that moment came out of nowhere and it hit me as big as any moment I've had in transition and i just thought i would share it

[Suzanne F]

Lovely! That is just what I needed to hear. We rightly spend a lot of time here with the struggle. But that feeling that we are right in the world, that is what I want!
Suzanne

[LeaP]

My God, 7 years!?

And yes, a very cool story.

[Rianna Humble]

It is great that you have now seen what most of us on this forum have been seeing for the last several years - you are a woman and all the imperfections that you have described cannot change that.

[Badtranny]

...and I started this trip in 2010. Right after you finished it.

Coincidence? I think not.

:-)

[tgirlamc]

How wonderful Kaitlyn!... Good to know the victories and milestones continue and are sometimes reached when you don't expect it and aren't trying to hit a mark... It gives hope that they will all be reached and all things are possible!

Take Care,

Ashley :)

[Jennifer-GWN]

So much of this is subtle BIG little things that happen along the way. They make us realize that all is good, authenticity is amazing and this truly real. Priceless moments!

[Meghan4now]

Kaitlyn,

Thanks for sharing that. I am in no way on the same path, but really appreciate your insight. It helps to allow me to be more empathetic with your journey.

I can see how hard it must be to go through such a huge transition, and to get to that "I'm home" feeling.

As a weak analogy, I remember my first house. It took about 4 years, and one day I woke up on the couch. And it was home. I hadn't had that "home" feeling as deep as when I was in my parents house growing up. A half dozen apartments, over 10 years on my own. And suddenly it strikes.

So your story really resonates with me. And it really paints a picture of reality and normality that we don't get on this board as often as I would like.

[Heidi Stevens]

I'm so happy that you have found yourself, all of yourself! There are a lot of journeys in life that don't end when we want. To end them you have to take one last big step. Looks like you finally walked off a winner!

[STACY B]

YEP,, Well there ya go,, Another HAPPY ENDING in this,, Thank Goodness we get some good news out of all we do and have done here. Good on you,,Good on you is what I say.

[Georgette_USA]

Kaitlyn
Glad and happy to see that your recent journey has come to a very good time. I meet many that have had that journey from anywhere in the 90s till now and some that are just starting.

We get many journeys in our life. I am a very result type person. About two years ago my partner died, and I am on a new journey with NO idea where I am going, and I am struggling.

[jentay1367]

Good for you, Kait! I feel happy when I can find some win, any win.... anywhere. Yours, sounds like a well earned moment of great satisfaction. Thanks for sharing.

[PretzelGirl]

While I am surprised it took until now until you had this moment, it does drive important points. That we continue on and we still have self visualization issues. But life is better because we are authentic. And that those times do come; a moment of clarity if you will. I wish we could all have that moment and it sticks forever...

[Kate T]

:):hugs::love:
Just happy that your happy.

Kate

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Thanks for the comments!!

I found myself a long time ago... transition was exactly right for me... my quality of life is excellent

it really never occured to me though how i was looking at myself especially in things like pictures..

i have a pretty good body image...I had FFS...i know i look female to others...

i just never really consciously thought about a picture of myself with the part of my brain that instantly genders without thinking about it vs the part of my brain that picks apart everything relating to gender
so the moment of clarity was really cool and i wanted to share

[arbon]

Nice. I'm glad you did share.

[Starling]

Taking your gender for granted, Kaitlyn, the Cis Experience...Thank you for describing it so clearly, and inspiringly.

:) Lallie

[KymberlyOct]

That is so Cool !!! Very happy for you Kaitlyn that you experienced that special feeling. I really appreciate your comments and that you are still here. I am glad to hear that your journey continues in a positive way. I am so early on but I find your thoughts very helpful.

OMG already had my own electrolysis nightmare. 2 techs 8 hours one day. UGH. 2 months later I am also concerned long term about the blotchiness you mentioned. Live and learn.

[nikkiwindsor]

Kaitlyn,

I'm so happy for you! Knowing that your mind is fully appreciating who you are in the inside is wonderful. For what it's worth, through your posts and pics, I see, hear and feel you as a woman, actually more importantly and more correctly, I know you're a woman. Not a doubt in my mind!

Nikki

[AlyssaT]

Thank you for sharing that, Kaitlyn. When people share their insecurities, or the ways that their feelings vary from the "official" narrative, it helps me feel like I am okay to not have everything feel perfectly natural and clear.

[Lauren B]

I mostly lurk on this forum and have been doing so for a long time as I have tried to come to terms with who I am and what I must do. Your journey is one of the things that made me realize that I can do this, even way back before I was ready to take any concrete steps. That you still share here and you've reached that place is wonderful. All the best to you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Thanks so much gals

One thing i learned (or thought i learned) is that its always forward
... but really in my mind my transition was over...
I didnt really think there was more to it...but its never that black and white

i have been putting off finishing electrolysis.... i guess my punishment for having a head of hair is that 300+ hrs isnt enough electro (plus i did many many lasers..ugh)
.... i still have to shave almost every day

im thinking that i've been putting that off because a.) it sucks b.) it hurts c.) its time consumming and d.) its expensive
but those are coping excuses...its really that after my srs (Which was in 2009) i had no more "transition energy" left... and i wasnt sure there was anything to really gain by it...but i dont think that anymore

[KymberlyOct]

300+ hours. Think I am going to cry. Only 283 Hours to go. UGH. I am kidding. Mostly.

[tgirlamc]

Hi Kaitlyn!...

I feel your pain... I'm a bit past the 300 hour of electro mark myself with multiple laser sessions as well... After a very long break, I have finally started again but going to just do it locally an hour session at a time instead of traveling for two tech marathons... The density decrease from what was accomplished thus far makes the daily shaving much more effective and I can keep the upper lip cleared by tweezing but, I'm really feeling the need lately to finish up!!!

Onward We Go

Take Care,

Ashley...forever a work in progress :)

[Jennifer-GWN]

The hair oh the hair...does it ever end. Ive had a 2 month hiatus from electro as there's no local services available here. Was ok for the first month but now its catching back up to me. ergh soon be back to my regularly scheduled 3 days a week. Its one of those love/hate things about transitioning that gnawingly never seems to end. Granted daily shaving is easier, however, the fact remains its shaving almost daily thick or sparse.

I feel for you kiddo... group hug for all those in the electro spinning wheel.

[Jmichelle60]

I've started down the laser\electrolysis road this year. Way too many gray hairs.

[Anne2345]

Wow. What an interesting and unexpected post. Knowing what I know now, however, I do get it, and I can't say that I am particularly surprised, but still. Regardless, that's awesome, and good for you! :)