So you need approval?

[Kate Simmons]

Bopping along here reading the various threads and comments a thought occurred to me. Do you need the approval of others to openly cross dress and interact with people or can you do so regardless? I realize most of us had a great deal of trepidation when we first interacted with others en femme but for myself these days it's no big deal. I'm always just my regular self for the most part and just speak and act as I always do except for being en femme. What are your experiences in this regard? :battingeyelashes::)

[Meghan4now]

Great question, but I suspect that the answer will vary with each persons life situation. Ideally, one should be able to make their own self determination, and therefore not require "permission" from anyone.

However the rub is this. We, while individual, are also social creatures, and need to function within social constructs. Even the hermetic monks, like Thomas Merton understood this. Because of this, our actions do not just affect ourselves, but also impact those around us. For those of us with deeply committed relationships, we must be very cognizant of our impact on our spouses and family. In this case, having agreement on our expression is important.

It is a sometimes challenging line. Where the self and the collective intersect. And to top it off, we as humans often have a very ill informed understanding of the outside looking in.

So in short, you do not need permission, that was granted at birth. But your life and how smooth it goes will certainly be affected by your choices.

[Allisa]

I guess at first it did but then I realized I don't need someone else's O.K. to do what I enjoy as long as it doesn't harm anyone. I 've found that just being myself many will accept/approve of me as a person albeit somewhat "different" but in a good way I hope. I guess it boils down to the "I don't care anymore syndrome". I deserve to be happy, but then again I'm a single old coot.

[BillieAnneJean]

If you have seen a number of my posts, read my blog, or seen my FB stuff, you already know that every time I transform to enfemme I go OUT. When I am out, except for our Group IN meetings, I am always in the general population. Even before and after the IN meetings I am OUT in the GP. I don't need approval to do this. HOWEVER I do need my SO's acceptance. After all she is #1 and her happiness is my report card.

It is nice to get compliments. Nice shoes, I like your dress, you look beautiful. I guess this is a form of approval. Same with the GP not recognizing that I am there, that I can blend in. This is also a form of approval.

Other than my SO, I don't require anyone's approval. I do it for me.

SUCH FUN!!!!!!

[Rachael Leigh]

I find this true for me as well Kate, once I got over being nervous about being out dressed I relaxed and was able to interact with those about me and just be me.
I find myself more open to chat when Im out dressed even though I dont try to just start a conversation I have no trouble anymore chatting with people as Leigh.
I do try to soften my voice but not really make it feminine
I find Im finally ok being me while Im out

[michelleddg]

Hey Meghan, you're always a deeper thinker than me. See if I'm understanding you with this summary: "Happy wife, happy life." :-) Hugs, Michelle

[Lynn Marie]

I think everyone needs approval and encouragement. When you get it, you feel wonderful and encouraging words can last a lifetime. Not getting it can cause you to become needy and a loss of confidence, and that's not very pretty on anyone. The best way to get approval and encouragement is to give it.

[Meghan4now]

Hey Meghan, you're always a deeper thinker than me. See if I'm understanding you with this summary: "Happy wife, happy life." :-) Hugs, Michelle
Yep, a good summary. And to others isights, I agree that approval is important. Everyone has a varying need for affirmation, approval and acceptance, but as much as we try to be stoic or an island, our very nature craves love.

So approval IS important, at least on some level.

[bridget thronton]

I am good with acceptance (as long as I am doing no harm to others their approval is not needed)

[Lana Mae]

No we do not need approval! But think we need something or we would not belong to this forum!!! Affirmation that we got it right? Peer approval?? Just socialization? I think there is probably as many answers as members!!! Thanks for sharing this thought because it got me thinking!!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Pattie]

Just being me all the time, on the road in the air or at work in the field. Just me

[Pumped]

I would be happy with acceptance or tolerance.

[phili]

I've noticed that as I work out the reasons why what I want to do is safe and not hurting anyone, I'm not looking for approval when out and about. I like it -a lot- when people are friendly, as that feels good, and it could be called approval, but the whole idea of approval is based on the wrong idea that what we are doing needs approval.

To a degree, anytime men or women stand out in their clothing or grooming, they are running the risk of people being mean - but although it is tempting, seeking approval rather than courtesy comes from not seeing our own validity!

[looking_good]

Do you need the approval of others to openly cross dress and interact with people or can you do so regardless? My CDing is a personal matter, so having others approve is a bridge to far at this point. What I have been very, very surprised to find is that my SO's amazing acceptance has been transformative. I do aspire to a place where "this is my thing" would work, but am not there yet. Another day, another dream.

[Zafira Skye]

The ‘you are not alone’ factor of this forum is wonderful and knowing there are so many others around the world for whom crossdressing is such a vibrant, public expression of their own humanity is inspiring. You’re amazing! Of course there are many of us for whom necessity dictates that our desire and pleasure to dress feminine be cloistered and clandestine. The approval of others to openly crossdress and interact comfortably with other people isn’t an issue. The consenting endorsement and approval comes from within. I accept who I am, I know this is me and I’ll revel in living in my feminine reality.

[suzanne]

Very true. I am the majority shareholder in my life, but not the only one whose needs have to be considered.

My wife is slowly working towards being more comfortable with my feminine side, but still refuses to be seen in public with me, or have anyone she knows aware that I dress. So, I find a way to go out while dressed and at the same time not be seen by the neighbors. It's my compromise to her.

[TrishaTX]

No matter how strong you are, if people were to call you out, or say you look terrible, it would create some issues internally. I look long and hard at how I dress, my makeup etc...I know I am still mostly a man, but when I do everything right , it feels great and I think I look great. Of course, I love when someone tells me so

[ChristinaK]

When I started, I neither sought or expected approval from anybody. Being a CD seemed way outside normalcy for that. However, since interacting with many people as Christina, I have found much approval, particularly when I spoke to my Sociology class. Just getting a smile from an SA is a form of tacit approval and makes me feel accepted, which is important to all human beans.

My wife doesn't approve, doesn't understand and is usually openly hostile when something reminds her. That hurts and I wish so bad she could move a little on the issue. Last night I complimented my daughter on her cool nail polishing kit. From the living room my wife called, "why, do you want to borrow it?" I said yes, absolutely. We all thought that was somewhat humorous. My wife took it in stride and even such an innocuous event was a kind of approval to me. Little things can make a big difference.

[Krisi]

It's human nature to seek approval from others. It's why we bathe, shave, buy nice (male) clothes, buy nice cars and nice homes.

I think the danger when we go out of our homes dressed as women and get compliments is that the compliments may not be sincere or mean what they seem to mean. Most people in public don't walk up to a strange woman and compliment them on their shoes or dress. It's more likely that we are getting these compliments because we are recognized as crossdressers.

[Stephanie47]

Kate, nobody needs the approval of another to do something, whether it is legal or illegal. Of course,there may be adverse consequences. Leaving it within the framework of legality, is the person ready for the consequences of one's action. I checked your age. You're 69. You can throw all caution to the wind with little negative consequences.

[Rogina B]

It's more likely that we are getting these compliments because we are recognized as crossdressers.

CD is a part of the "trans spectrum". So,where is the negative in being yourself? What really happens? Ever think that some people may view you as "more interesting"?