Ashamed

[SamanthaDarling120]

I was wondering if it is normal for me to feel ashamed and guilty about my desire to dress and look and act like a female? I have admitted to myself that I am a transvestite. I love to dress in female clothing and wear make-up and pretend I'm female. I'm not going to lie, there is a sexual aspect as well but I love the way female clothing feels and looks. I love to imagine myself as a woman and fantasize about looking like a girl and being a girl. I just feel guilty about it. Especially after "the act". I'm just struggling with this. I have hidden it for years and I feel alone.

[Judy-Somthing]

Join the CLUB, I've been doing this for 50 years, Purging, self loathing, in the closet, and loving it!

[Tracii G]

There is nothing wrong with dressing in womens clothes or feeling the desire to be a female.
Why does it make you feel guilty?
You aren't hurting anyone and not breaking a law.
You have these feelings and a lot of us have the same feelings so you are not alone.
Let me guess is it because others might think you are gay because you like it?
CDing doesn't mean you will become gay or eventually want to change sexes it just means you like dressing up nothing more.

[Robin414]

I do occasionally, see 'does my neighbor have a point'. Fortunately I only feel that way very rarely but it does have an impact.

[SamanthaDarling120]

I am confused as to what I am considered to be with these desires. Am I a transvestite or just a crossdressers. I'm confused about the difference.....if there even is one. And no I don't feel like people will think I'm gay. I do have a desire sometimes to be with another tranny (Is that an offensive word?) but I like girls. It is I just feel self conscious about it. Even when I'm alone. I don't know, it's hard to explain I guess.

[Tracii G]

You are you there is no need to stick a label on you.
The transgender spectrum is huge and with a million spaces in between.
Some people just have to have a label or find where they fit in broad gender line.
People obsess over trying to find an answer as to why they do what they do. Just enjoy what you do if it makes you happy.

[DaniT]

Shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment all the way up to self loathing. Overcoming these feelings is soooo difficult and you are definitely not alone.

When I was in high school these feelings absolutely controlled my life. Back then dressing up had a distinctly sexual aspect for me as well, though it doesn't anymore. Cross dressing has only recently re-entered my life (and it did in a huge way after being pushed down deep for 16 years) but I was surprised to find that the element of shame and guilt is no longer present, or at least not in the same debilitating quantities they were before. I think it's because I sought education immediately upon it resurfacing.

Again you are not alone. Shame is virtually assured for many of us, due to the fact that society and our upbringing almost universally told us that this is a shameful act. It takes a lot to overcome a lifetime of that sort of pressure.

I believe we can do it though. Be the person you need to be =)

Dani

[Nataliebabe]

We have all felt the same way as you do at one point. What helped me was research and asking myself lots of questions. My suggestion to you is reflect on where you started with crossdressing. where you currently are and where do you see yourself in one year, two years or whenever. Once you accept yourself, life becomes much easier. I came out to an old girlfriend many years ago. She was accepting and helped me alot. My wife is accepting also. We have spent many a night talking about my girl side. I am a crossdresser! There is nothing wrong with it or me. I accept me for who i am. I know that you can also! You are not alone in this!

[jen_ross]

I think for many people it's normal to feel ashamed, but you just have to give yourself permission to be who you are. Don't get down on yourself about the fact that you enjoy crossdressing. A lot probably depends on your cultural influences like what part of the country you live in. I am from the S.F. Bay Area which is very tolerant, I never thought to be ashamed of my predisposition (but to be fair I have only expanded beyond makeup in the last year or so). A lot of it comes with age too, when you are younger you may be less sure of yourself. At ~50 I say, life is too short to not wear panties to bed if I want to. This is not to minimize the issues that this may cause in relationships, I don't have a good answer for that.

[Rachelakld]

Yes, quite normal to feel that way.
We now live in a new age where people are allowed to enjoy sex, what you are doing is very normal so don't be to hard on yourself.

[docrobbysherry]

What Rachel said, Sam. Nearly every dresser has been turned on by some aspect of their dressing. For most here, that decreases over time. On the other hand, there quite a number of us so called "fetish dressers" here. After 20 years, I still get turned by my appearance in the mirror and pics. Which helps explain why I try to present as a 20/30's female instead of the 70+ y/o man I am!:heehee:

There r also quite a number of members here who insist they r straight. Because they have no interest in men. But, they DO in women and other dressers!

Guilt comes with the territory. But, u r not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal or immoral. Keep telling yourself that and eventually you'll give yourself a break. As I finally am with mine.:thumbsup:

[Lauren Richards]

Sam,
Welcome to a very exclusive group. Fear and guilt are on the main course, yet, somehow in time they generally become less main course and more interesting side dishes that may or may not be tasted as you grow into yourself. Everyone is different. And we are all the same.

The good news... you are perfectly normal.
The bad news..... you are perfectly normal.

It is an adventure, a journey, and you can expect both amazing highs and incredible, nearly debilitating lows. Probably. Or not. Everyone is different. And we are all the same.

Be you. Be open. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others. That is often the hardest part of the journey. Bon Voyage. May the winds take you to interesting places..

Lauren

[Alice_2014_B]

You're definitely not alone Samantha; it's just part of us, or at least for some.
:)

[baldy1]

My thoughts must be on a different wave lenght because although i love all things femine, the clothes, the look, the feel of the cloth and especially the wearing of the clothes i do not act femine or try and be femine or ladylike i just love wearing womens clothes so i do not feel guilty and most certainly do not feel the need to purge?

But and a big but i never could pass as femine or female so maybe thats why i never try, who knows?

Julie

[Kimberly Adams]

I've been dressing for a lot of years and been through all of the shame and guilt and whatever. Thrown away dozens of outfits. I'm totally at peace with it now and just want to enjoy and embrace it... except I'm married and my wife doesn't know yet so another challenge. Life's just full of interesting choices.. live without regret.

[Desiree2bababe]

Pretty normal, I was given the advice by a therapist to remain dressed after "the act" and as she said, the guilt subsides............

[Mollyanne]

Yes, it's normal to feel this way until you truly accept the fact that you are wired this way. I too was in the same boat until I fully accepted who I am and who I really want to be. YES, I WANT TO BE A GIRL ALSO!!!!! I love dressing as a girl(woman), I fantasize about this all the time and picture myself living the rest of my life as a woman. I have been dressing for over 50 yrs and have been to therapists and all have said the same thing------this "dysfunction" that I have is seen in many males and there is no reason as to why this happens. there are many, many theories as to why but "NO CURE". And if even there was a "cure" I wouldn't take the "cure", I LIKE BECOMING THE WOMAN WHO LIVES INSIDE OF ME!!!!!!

Mollyanne

[CarlaWestin]

In my opinion, it's a matter of perspective. All the guilt and self loathing comes from a perceived personality that you think is acceptable. Do you ever watch men and notice how much fun they're NOT having? I just can't imagine not having my second half that loves being dressed up pretty, with the feel of nice breasts and the posture shift of walking in heels. How about just realizing that you do it because you like it instead of piling on all the negativity. Trust me, you'll be happier and live longer and healthier.

[Lana Mae]

It is normal to feel shame and guilty!! You must ask yourself why you feel shame and guilt! Then you must forgive yourself and realize crossdressing is alright and quite normal!! Transvestite is more or less the old term and crossdresser is the new term. There is an infinite line of variations from the crossdresser that wears his flowery dress with his full beard smoking his cigar watching football or ballet on tv in his living room to the nicely dressed lady at tea time at her club to everything in between and beyond!!!! We are as diverse as many ways as there are people who crossdress!! Yes and there even sexy senior citizens out there!! So just be you!! You are not doing any thing illegal!! Enjoy and know you are not alone!!!! Hugs Lana Mae

[LaurenS]

Life is too short - don't squander it by feeling guilty about something that makes you happy.

I felt guilty and ashamed for over 3 decades before I had tragic life experiences that made me realize that this is all I got, and if I am happier, then everyone around me will be too.

On the label part, don't worry, just explore and embrace your happiness and maybe you'll discover an appropriate label, but if not, don't sweat it. After all, do you really need a label to explain you to you?

[Jessica May]

Absolutely, I feel this way from time to time. Mainly do to thinking about the impact that my dressing may have to people around me. I know who I am and what I enjoy but it has taken me time to get used too it myself. I don't feel shame as often as I used to but it definitely hasn't gone away.

[NancySue]

As in the opening of A Tale of Two Cities, "They were the best of times and the worst of times". We are "wired" a little differently with an obsession that will flow and ebb forever. I believe the sooner one accepts this as a permanent part of ones life, the "worst of times" will become fewer and fewer. Been there...done that. My accepting, helpful wife has had a very positive influence on my acceptance. I've positively resolved these issues. Now, it's only the "best of times". I envy those who are in a tolerant community. We are not, consequently we have to be very careful, which we are. I/we do go out, but very carefully....very frustrating. However, Where's there's a will, there's a way. I'm sure there are others in our community like me, but the hypocrisy is very evident.

[Alice Torn]

Guilt is feeling lousy about what we do. Shame is more about what we are. I have had a ton of religious guilt and shame, and societal too. It has not completely gone away, but i accept now, that this is something, a compulsion that will not totally go away, but there are times, like the present, when i just am not up to getting dressed up, as too much conflicting stuff is going on in my life. i had to unfriend a man on FB this morning, who told me i am in no way a converted Christian, and was extremely critical of me. Unfriended him. There will always be critics and enemies. Hopefully a few friends. But i have trouble being close to anyone anymore.

[Krisi]

It is normal to feel ashamed and guilty about our crossdressing because we all (most of us) want to be considered "normal" and it's not normal for a man to dress up as a woman.

That said, most of us get over the shame and guilt if we are not hiding our dressing from a wife or other loved ones.

As for felling alone, don't let your hobby keep you from normal relationships with women and friends. Staying home to crossdress instead of going out with friends or family would indicate a problem.

[DanielleLee]

I would agree with most others... it's normal that we feel shame. It's the product of society's (and sometimes ourselves) misunderstanding of who and what we are.

Once you are able to accept that your transvestism is a part of you and it's nothing to be ashamed of... then you'll be able to enjoy this part of you guilt and shame free.

[adrienner99]

Anyone who is "different" has experienced some degree of guilt and shame, which is tragic in our case because it's all just someone else' projection of "what's right" on us. Cds are peaceful and tolerant, and the morons who villify us and ridicule us would never have the courage to do what we do. While we have no genuine reason to feel ashamed, I think it is a rare CD who hasn't been made to feel small by others...

[Dana44]

When I was young I felt guilty, not particularly ashamed. I have no fear so I do things safely and this has me going through life nicely. But now with the stuff that is going on has me thinking on it. Do not feel ashamed and know that many of us are out here. I will still go out but be more aware and show no fear. We are who we are and be proud of it.

[Stephanie47]

I just have to echo the other responses. To feel ashamed is normal. A man wearing women's clothing is outside societal norms and expectations. Most people try to conform to societal expectations. It took me a long long time to gain self acceptance and discard feelings of self loathing, disgust, etc. I've come to realize I'm wired this way. I also felt conflict for many years. Was I gay? Being gay back in the 1950's, 1960's and until relatively recently was not acceptable. And, any man who did wear women's clothing was deemed to be gay. That was a big source of conflict. How the heck could I be gay, when I really really loved women and what happily married and totally fulfilled with my wife? Total confusing.

So, the question becomes what do I do about this desire to wear women's clothing. As a self defensive measure against being shunned by society be careful who you reveal your desires. I (we) may be able to accept myself (ourselves) but there is still a desire to avoid hostility and ridicule. I get the feeling when I read many posts many many posters are comfortable with themselves being a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing, but, still fears the negative reactions that may occur from those around them. That to me is normal. That is why many of us seem to enjoy outside activities away from those closest to us, physically and emotionally.

[sarahcrossed]

societal and religious pressures used to keep me in shame and self condemnation. that is until i learned that this is who i am and there is nothing that can change that. no amount of self-loathing, guilt, or shame. I saw a meme of Iggy pop in a dress and it says "im not ashamed to dress like a woman, because i don't think it's shameful to be a woman." i included the meme in this post.

It really struck a cord with me. Why would i think its shameful to be a woman? With out femininity there would be no beauty in the world.

A lot of indigenous cultures in america celebrated those who were not strictly male or female. They were often refereed to as "two-spirit" and were considered to be spiritual leaders. my favorite in history was named "finds them and kills them" or Osh-Tisch. she was a warrior and a spiritual leader in the crow tribe.

here is a link if you want to know more about her or two spirit in native american culture.
http://www.rejectedprincesses.com/princesses/osh-tisch

societal and religious views of gender a human construct. there is no shame in being who you are. once you learn to accept and embrace your self you can then be to be who you are. its easier said than done, i know. it takes a lot of time and work to break yourself of the shame.

[Teresa]

Samantha,
You've got caught up on the labels, they translate as the same thing so use which ever you prefer.

Most of us have lived with the shame/guilt side of it, you say it's partly sexual that's usually where the problem comes, you're dressing to partly satisfy a sexual need. Please try and get over it, my T is still high even at my age so there is still a sexual element, my wife knows and accepts this .

Also as it progresses you will have to realise that it's not going away, you may get an ebb and flow but it always comes back, that doesn't happen with me it's with me the whole time , I've had to admit a great deal in trying to find myself now I just accept it's part of me , I was born like it so I've finally come to terms with it, yes I do now openly enjoy it.
If you need help in finding yourself try and take it, you can't and shouldn't live with being ashamed and guilty of something you can do nothing about. CDing can be fun and enjoyable, it's not weird , the more open you can be the more people will accept it.

[Lori Kurtz]

Many of us have stories very similar to yours. You're not alone. You are who you are, and that's something you need to accept. Get some psychotherapeutic counseling if you're still having trouble with that. The fact is, you have a side to your personality that you can enjoy in a way that most so-called "normal" people can't. Like many of the rest of us, you're in a very exclusive sorority. Welcome, and embrace who you are!

[Tina_gm]

Yes been there done that feeling shame, guilt, self loathing.... did it for 30 years. My generation certainly wasn't and still isn't accepting. Now at least there are places to go and more and more people who do accept.

[Scarlett Viktoria]

It is normal to feel ashamed. It just takes time and some internal reflecting sometimes to realize you are just doing what makes you happy and you aren't hurting anyone. You're fighting a lifetime of a culture making it seem like it's so wrong, whether on purpose or not. But then it becomes clear that's based on absolutely nothing and if women can wear men's clothes, why the f*** can't we wear theirs. Have fun!

[Gretchen_To_Be]

For me, the feelings of shame come and go. Sometimes I feel a feminine euphoria--the dreaded Pink Fog--where I am driven to dress, improve my appearance, and purchase new things, and in those moments I'm happy or even proud to be a CD/TG. That's when I feel emboldened to shop openly for women's clothes, dress in front of my wife, etc. Other times I am ashamed of the power this has over me, the time "wasted" on this obsession, and the amount of money spent.

[MichelleDevon]

Samantha, I'm not sure I am going to add anything new to this thread but I hope I can add a little encouragement.

Guilt and shame, as most others have already said, go with the territory - we've pretty well all been there. In my case it was there from the 1950s until I discovered, via the internet, that it wasn't just me - that was when I stopped feeling shame, I think. Talking to others made me realise I needed to "come clean" about it to my wife. That finally happened in 2001 and that marked the end of guilt for me. So in the following 15 years I have come to accept who and what I am and I am happy share it with anyone. The labels don't matter a jot to me - crossdresser, tranny, t-girl, whatever. I am not transgendered or transsexual - I have no desire to go through surgery but I will admit to occasionally feeling it would be nice to BE a woman.

I have learnt to re-assess my sexuality - I always said I was 100% heterosexual but I think that was a conditioned response to how the world was. I have t-girl friends who definitely turn me on and we play together. My preference is still for real girls but I am content to own up to a significant degree of bisexuality.

You are who you are; there is nothing to be gained by beating yourself up about that. There are lots of us out there - acknowledge who and what you are and get on with enjoying life. You only have this one life - it isn't a rehearsal, it's the real thing and we can get terribly bogged down with unnecessary feelings of guilt. Share it with the world, go out there and be yourself - most of the world couldn't give a flying f***. The fear is in our own heads, there is nothing of which to be ashamed.

It is easy for me to tell you to get out there and be a part of the world as Samantha - I've done it; so can you. The steps feel so big and scary but, honestly, they are not; as you look back on each step after taking it you wonder why the hell it took you so long. You may find family and friends can be hard to deal with but by "coming out" you are not turning into a different person - you are just, finally, sharing the whole, the real, you with them; no more guilty secret, no more living a lie - this is YOU and they'd better learn to live with that.

Good luck.

Michelle
xx

[Alice Torn]

Michelle, When the fog hits me, I am more able to ignore fear and guilt, and shame, and go out many miles from where i stay. But, coming out to my sister, and brothers would be almost suicidal, and also people in the church i have been with. There are some people who know the male me, that i simply will not come out to. The guilt and shame trips would be never ending.

[MichelleDevon]

Alice, I can well understand that there will be some people where one might feel that disclosure is simply not an available option. I certainly have parts of Stephen's life where Michelle is not permitted to go. There are family members who know about M but have not, and probably never will, meet her - my parents, for example. I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone just to go telling the whole world in some cavalier fashion - there is always a need for discretion in order to maintain the peace, as it were. Judgement about who you can tell and who you can't is obviously down to individuals and their own situation but at least, having made such a decision there should be no additional shame or guilt in relation to those people.

[sometimes_miss]

I was wondering if it is normal for me to feel ashamed and guilty about my desire to dress and look and act like a female?
I wouldn't say it's normal, but it's relatively common. After all, we grow up being told that to be anything feminine at all, is the worst possible thing a boy can be. So it's pretty natural that we'll feel at least at little bad about it, having been brought up that way for so long. Even after 30+ years of understanding that none of this is my fault, there is still a little bit of feeling like it's something that I should be able to resist doing if only I were enough of a man to be strong enough mentally to force myself to ignore those desires.

It never goes away. Maybe the next generation will be better off, but I somehow think that there are still a whole lot of people in the world that will continue to treat boys terribly if they dare cross the gender lines.

[ChristinaK]

Pretty much what we all go through. It hits me most hard when it's been a while since going out.

After 15 minutes or so I'm smiling and looking at the woman in the rear view mirror.

[CDTiffany]

Samantha, Samantha, Samantha.... You rock. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sure that you have received excellent advise from all of the above forum members. You found the right place to ask these questions. You did not share your age. But I am going to guess you are young. You are very lucky. It is the year 2016. Plenty of support for you. This website and other places to look for friendly advice.
No need to feel weird, We all have done the "act" as you call it. Once again I am not sure your age. I'm guessing late teens or early 20's. You will be just fine.
Stay in touch with us. And everything will be just fine!
XOXO Tiffany Amber Rhoads.

[Sister Rachel]

Oh just get your frock on and enjoy! Just be you. Stuff "guilt". Feminine/ masculine, they just come and go in waves for me, you get used to it in time, no biggie :)

[nikkiwindsor]

As gender-fluid/non-binary, I use to feel ashamed many years ago. But, now, I'm actually very proud of my uniqueness and the benefits of having both a feminine and masculine spirit...lately, much more feminine than masculine.

I'll share an example of what I mean about the benefits of having a female soul, spirit & mindfulness.

As I've posted elsewhere, I recently transformed myself at a local wig boutique I frequent. I spent the better part of an afternoon there having the bangs trimmed on two wigs and learning how to walk lady-like in a set of heels while getting loads of constructive criticism back from the boutique SAs (both delightful cis-gals).

After returning home, I've been corresponding with the boutique as we arrange a future "gown photoshoot" that they offered to me b/c as the owner said, "we need to do something fun and we haven't done anything fun in quite a while."

Well, in one of the emails the wig boutique owner/SAs included the following and I quote, "You are absolutely fabulous inside and out , you have such a sweet spirit and a joy to be around." It just melted my heart to the core to read that. Notes like that affirm that I'm a much better human being for being gender-fluid/non-binary. If I was masculine alone I wouldn't be bringing nearly as much joy to others in this world of ours.

Nikki

[lostinmyworldcd]

I have hidden it for years and I feel alone.

You are not alone .... This place here was the best decision I ever made .... I shared my dress up time with no one ... Although I have been caught at least once , I have never opened up to anyone , until I started posting here .

This place started the healing .... Let the shame go ;)

[jennifer0918]

Samantha welcome to the club and have like you have many times.Tell you what it gets easier with time and as the years go by and you get older you don't feel ashamed, learn to accept what you can not change, you and me were born this way I feel it's a gift.In my opinion about you wanting to be with a trans woman check it if your not gay your not going to enjoy I think and only my opinion some guys that go after transexuals maybe might me a little gay and they don't know it.I think your attraction to transexuals comes from your desire of being the female role and maybe being TS.Gender identity is a vast subject and not one nor two are alike, just have fun and dress and if there is something sexual about so be it as long as your not hurting no one it's ok.

[Cassiek]

When I started dressing I admit it was more sexual but now I just love the feeling of soft sensual clothing against my skin. I go through the guilt cycles but they seem to be less frequent. At first I felt guilty about my feminine feelings but am now coming to terms. I have begun shaving my legs and chest regularly and am getting laser treatments to eliminate back hair. There is no better feeling than being clean shaven a cute bra and panty set either hose or stockings sexy pumps and a pretty skirt blouse or dress and full makeup to escape a stressful day.

[Krisi]

I thought I knew myself pretty well but someone on this forum informed me this morning that I was ashamed of myself. I don't feel that way and I think the person was just trying to insult me for expressing my opinion when it didn't agree with hers.

We were all raised differently, we are all in different situations and relationships. As I posted above, we all feel shame at first because crossdressing is not socially acceptable but most of us get over it and go on with our lives and our dressing.

[Savannah_Skye]

Hi Samantha, first you are not alone and there is a quite a large community here to understand and many of us have experienced what you are going through. As for feeling ashamed and guilty, I get it. What helps me is to rationalize through my guilt or shame and find that source of guilt. For example I ask myself, I am really doing something wrong or have societal values told me this is wrong or delusional? Am I seriously hurting someone through this expression? After all, being guilty is a response to doing something wrong. Also, for what it is worth, for many the sexual aspect does decrease overtime.

[Katie01]

I think there is a chemical component to the shame and guilt many of us have experienced. When I was younger the need to dress would come over me and escalate to the point of near compulsion. It was euphoric and I LOVED it! Very drug like. Then I would have an orgasim and everything would come crashing down. I couldn't get out of the clothes fast enough. Then I would be overwhelmed with guilt, shame and self loathing. After a time I would normalize and the shame would subside. I felt crazy! I was always amazed at how different the world looked when I was in and out my girl mode. Again, very drug like. Now that I am a (youthful) 60 I feel almost none of the negative effects. Sometimes (not always) after sex with my SO I lose the need to dress, but I have NONE of the guild or shame.

Sorry for the ramble. All to say there is really nothing wrong with your feelings. Also, as my therapist always asks, what is normal? Normal isn't all or nothing, it's a bell curve. Go easy on yourself and enjoy the ride.

Hugs,
Katie

[DIANEF]

I've been through the guilt-shame bit but that was a long time ago, Once there was a cetain sexual element to it, now I just concentrate on looking as good as I can. I think my dressing has probably kept me sane, it controls what I eat, what I think, how I act and I see no shame or guilt in that. I suppose that every one of us has a different way of dealing with our desire to be feminine, the out and proud or those in the closet. Just a few minutes ago my gay son went out heading into Manchester for the Gay Pride event, he's not guilty about his sexuality and we shouldn't be either.

[BettyMorgan]

I felt guilty for years. Now I've begun to love myself and accept that this female expression is part of who I am. I think it's important to accept who you truly are and if you are in a relationship, having that person accept who you are.

I agree with DanielleLee, that once you accept yourself you will eliminate the shame. And believe me, crossdressing is way more enjoyable when you can dump the shame and guilt.

[Mickitv]

I don't really feel there is anything to be ashamed at but I completely understand how you feel. Please remember you are not alone if you ever need someone to chat with please feel free to contact me or any of the lovely girls on this site.

[CONSUELO]

Samantha,
Shame about being a transvestite is imposed on us. In some societies males who present as women are treated with respect. We have no need to feel shame and you should not feel ashamed of what you like to do and how you do it.

Remember how society used to try to make homosexuals "ashamed" but then they decided to have gay pride parades and they no longer feel ashamed but proud. If you can get involved in the transvestite community and mix with those who feel no shame whatsoever.

[Alice Torn]

With me, it is mainly church Bible teachings.

[Lily Catherine]

Samantha - you definitely aren't alone. I daresay your sentiments have been shared by many across the board. I also don't consider it 'normal' - gratuitous shame shouldn't be normal at all - but it's a fairly common feeling nonetheless. Do feel free to open up here; there's always someone to hear you out here even where no one else will. Keep on exploring and asking - it's better than just wondering to yourself.

Like Alice, I face questions of faith quite often. I probably won't go into any further detail here, although it goes beyond explicitly worded rules prohibiting cross-dressing or governing sexuality.

I'm also fairly ashamed of being unsure of where I stand, and not exactly knowing what I am - much less who I am. As ideal as it may sound, I can never be fully sure, but I feel it's only in my best interests to find out for myself than to keep wondering. Ditto for my intentions (the colossal, overhanging 'WHY'), although I know there really isn't a definitive answer either.

[BettyMorgan]

With me, it is mainly church Bible teachings.

Maybe find a more accepting church?
My friend who is a CD, who just started coming out late this winter, has just this summer started performing as a drag queen! Believe it or not, she performed last night at a church in Edmonton, Alberta! An all ages drag show at a Unitarian church, with proceeds going to Camp fYrefly.

How progressive is that?

Camp fYrefly:
Camp fYrefly is Canada's only national leadership retreat for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-identified, two-spirited, intersexed, queer, questioning, and allied youth.

Link to
All ages drag event (https://www.facebook.com/events/1376524565710298/?notif_t=plan_user_invited&notif_id=1472332902220914)

[Jamie Erikson]

[QUOTE=BettyMorgan;3987889]Maybe find a more accepting church?

It's not that easy sometimes - I've been brought twice before my pastors at a former church and they threatened to out me to my wife if I kept on dressing up and was banned for months from my duties at that church. We've since moved from that city, and my wife still doesn't know, neither anyone else in the family.

[Jenny22]

In my younger years, as many of us if not most, I dressed in whatever I could find of my older sisters. I would then get a male satisfaction from it and then I'd feel ashamed. I've not felt ashamed, now, for many years. Shame seems to pass a bit with age,.

[sometimes_miss]

There is nothing wrong with dressing in womens clothes or feeling the desire to be a female.
Why does it make you feel guilty?
You aren't hurting anyone and not breaking a law.
You have these feelings and a lot of us have the same feelings so you are not alone.
Let me guess is it because others might think you are gay because you like it?
CDing doesn't mean you will become gay or eventually want to change sexes it just means you like dressing up nothing more.
Even if it does, there's nothing wrong with that, either! We simply have to stop treating sex as if it's a bad thing. Our puritanical viewpoint on everything is still poisoning our society, and it has to stop.

Do what you want. Enjoy life. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks is right or wrong. What you do with your own life is NONE of their business. You don't have to be 'out' to the world, but you have to be 'out' to yourself. Accept who and what you are, and have some fun every day. Sex is good. Sex is fun. Dressing up is good. Dressing up is fun. Eating great food is fun. Watching TV and movies is fun. Put it all together if you wish. Have a good time.

It's high time we stopped treating each other as if there's something wrong with those of us who really, really enjoy sex, of any kind,whether alone, with one other person, or even in a group. If anyone wants to 'amuse' themselves 10 times a day while dressed up in a chicken costume, I say go for it. Just be safe when you do it.

[Lorileah]

yellow card: discussions of religions are not allowed

[Karine]

As many said before, you're not alone. I also feel ashamed sometimes. We do something that for most people is not "normal" even bad for some.
When I felt ashamed or guilty, I always remind to myself:
1) I am not hurting anyone,
2) Crossdressing is just too pleasant to quit.

Keep in mind that life is short. Enjoy it.

[Gen D]

As many said before, you're not alone. I also feel ashamed sometimes. We do something that for most people is not "normal" even bad for some.
When I felt ashamed or guilty, I always remind to myself:
1) I am not hurting anyone,
2) Crossdressing is just too pleasant to quit.

Keep in mind that life is short. Enjoy it.

Second that!
And I add one more thing:
3) It is in my life for so many years so it is part of me so I need to embrace it.

[sonialexis]

I think we all of struggled with this, i know i have. i would promise myself i wouldn't dress, i have thrown, buried, burnt my feminine stuff countless times. I did not chose to be a cross-dresser, i did it because it was me and now i know it will be that way forever. So i have accepted the fact that I'm very attracted to femininity, i enjoy it, I also am more feminine than masculine and i'm someone who loves to dress up in women's clothes. I have stopped seeing it as something wrong mostly because i know i cannot/will not stop. I have struggled with trying to label myself to belong to a tribe, a pack, (bi-sexual, crossdresser, submissive femboy, transvestite, bi curious, pansexual......) i don't care for it now. There are many like me and i don't necessarily need to find someone exactly like me to identify and relate. i relate to you Samantha, i hope you soon find acceptance within and overcome the shame and guilt darling.

[Misty Rae Pleasure]

As you can see us crossdressers have many ways of dealing with who we are. They range from unquie to exactly the same to every combination in between. The guilt lessens with time as it helps when one just admits they are who they are and they begin to truly enjoy the benefits of being a crossdresser. No matter what the definition is. Don't worry about going through cycles as most all of us do, as I for one have not crossdressed for four months and havn't even been online for that long. Why? Don't know and don't care. No matter how long I stay away I always come back to crossdressing. Right now now I am in full girl mode and still after all these years can't believe that I get to feel and look the way I look right now. I so love being a crossdresser. As crossdressers go you're normal and I wish you the best with being one of us girls.

Lady Pleasure

[CherylFlint]

Welcome to the club.
Accept it and have fun.
FUN!
Stay safe.

[Mayo]

I don't feel guilt or that there's anything wrong with me. I do feel shame in the sense that I am concerned how others might see me. I realize from this that what I fear is being judged for who I am, and possibly being put down or criticized. We're all affected to one degree or another by the social conditioning we've received over the course of our lives not to be different - and particularly not in a way that contravenes gender roles and expectations. It sucks.

[shellybme]

Welcome to the club. Almost all of us feel the same way. Just have to accept yourself for who you are. Easier said then done, but its part of the process. I struggle myself with it every day.