Pierced ears and owning yourself

[Rogina B]

Pierced ears are not a "body modification"..However it seems to be a thing here in that so many are afraid or unwilling to have control of "what they want" with themselves ! I am amazed that it is such a big deal for some. After a short while,there is only a little hole that no one will see ! I have a half dozen and never heard a thing to the negative. However,here on this forum,it seems to be the precipice that going over means that you are "outing" yourself to your world. I wish more people would realize that being an "out" person really shows your world that you are "also an interesting person"..The fear of the negativity is imagined often because the person has gone overboard in spinning a different web to those around them. You have to give acceptance to get acceptance.

[Lana Mae]

I swore when I was a macho man that I would never pierce my ears!! That was before I knew I was a cd! I am very accepting of others: if it suits you do it I have nothing against it/you!! For me, no body piercings or other "body modifications"!! However, after my transformation next month, I do not know!!! I may get my ears pierced and can justify it because circumstances have changed!! If it outs me, I will not care at that point!!! And that is my feelings on the matter!!! Hugs Lana Mae

[ChristinaK]

Unfortunately, we don't live in a vacuum, so what we do affects others. How THEY feel about it is the big issue. In my case, my wife already thinks I'm a freak and has used that term.

When I got my ears pierced, she knew it was to dress up and she went ballistic. Read my post about it, it's kind of funny and kind of sad.

My kids were surprised, but not a big deal. Of course, they're not pierced now because that was crossing a line my wife would not tolerate.

I'm still lucky to be married given the Southern Christian values my wife wears proudly. She's a good wife and mother, but she is definitely stuck in her ways. I suppose I should have broached the issue a little deeper than wearing panties when we were.dating, but my daughter wouldn't be here today if I had. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Not that CDing is valorous, but you get it.

[Lauri K]

Pierced ears are not a "body modification"..However it seems to be a thing here in that so many are afraid or unwilling

I find people here are the best at making up excuses and writing long dissertations to justify the excuses.

Certainly it is not my place to tell anyone how to live their life, but I do grow tired of reading into fear / excuses on this subject.

I am sure I will get some grief over this, but I am lost on how a simple ear piercing could or would affect another person's life in any significant way.

If folks are really that fragile, we need to wrap them up in bubble wrap and keep them away from the real world because there are many other bigger issues to be dealt with in life than a piercing.

[ChristinaK]

Ha, that's funny Laurie. I totally agree, but I am not my wife and most of us have to live within boudaries. I have been in jobs where pierced ears would definitely be an issue that would be career limiting, or worse.

Don't like it, but that's the way it is. Suit, shaved, short hair and DEFINITELY no earrings. Now that I'm retired from that profession, I tried piercing. But, my wife wants her old husband back. Just this morning she told me to wear a suit for our family picture. I said we should all be in the same color and wear sweaters. Since its her, my daughter and I, I suggested pink as I own a pink sweater. She started crying. Good f £!&÷£&g grief. Men wear pink all over the frikkin globe, but not in my wife's macho world.

[char GG]

Some CDers tell their spouses that CDing is only a small part of their lives. When they want their ears pierced for CDing only - (something they would never do when presenting as a man) then seems to become larger commitment to CDing. The wife (SO, whatever) sees the holes all the time; it is a constant reminder of CDing. There is no going back. Closed holes are still visible.

So I guess it depends on how important body modifications are important to you. It may be a tiny hole to you and a huge canyon to your SO.

[Marissa V]

I had my ears pierced somewhere early 90's... And i too often wonder what the big deal about it is. Back when i had it done it was in my 'metalhead period' (still am one but not that obvious about it anymore). To me it seems like people invision themselves with having their 'fem' earrings in all the time if they have their ears pierced and thats what causes the so called fear. I dunno, just a thought. As i said, i never had any issues with it, not even back in my 'dude is a metalhead' stage in life :p

[vicky_cd99_2]

I have had both ears pierced for years. No one has said a thing about them. I did it back in a time when if guys wore earrings it depended on what ear they were in if you were gay or not. I put them in both ears just to mess with people. I hadn't fully come to terms with my cross dressing. Wore them to work when I was a civilian and didn't care what anyone said, funny thing was no one said anything.

We all have our own demons to face and we all have our own excuses for how we deal with those demons.

[Dana44]

I had my ears pierced last year and wear earrings all the time and nobody has said anything. I've seen a lot of others that wear them also so I don't think it is big deal at all.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
To me pierced ears signify very little, so many guys have them pierced now days anyway. I chose not to because it would make very little difference to my CDing, I love wearing earrings but totally happy with clip ons, I'm not sure if my wife would raise any objections . I'm put off anyway because both my wife and daughter have had problems with pierced ears, my daughter gave up on them.

[Meghan4now]

Some CDers tell their spouses that CDing is only a small part of their lives. When they want their ears pierced for CDing only - (something they would never do when presenting as a man) then seems to become larger commitment to CDing. The wife (SO, whatever) sees the holes all the time; it is a constant reminder of CDing. There is no going back. Closed holes are still visible.

So I guess it depends on how important body modifications are important to you. It may be a tiny hole to you and a huge canyon to your SO.
Actually this is quite true. If I weren't dressing, my piercing wouldn't have been as big a deal to my wife. Even certain shirts, my wife has said, "that's too girly" even though they are in the men's department. So you pick your battles in life. What is it worth. You could continue to wear clip ons. Yuck!

Life is a balance of self determination and social harmony.

[Sara Jessica]

Pierced ears are not a "body modification"...

Then what is it?

I don't get why some won't shave their legs year-round. Yet I don't grouse at those who CHOOSE not to take that step.

[Ceera]

Depends so much on how old you are, and the people you've associated with throughout your life. And if you have a wife or SO who isn't tolerant of you acting feminine, there is their reaction to consider as well. I certainly wouldn't have risked an adverse reaction from my wife while she was still alive. She had never pierced her own ears, and would have been disapproving of me doing so, even in male mode.

I'm nearly 60. Piercings of any sort simply wasn't something a male my age did, when I was growing up. At least not among the people my family associated with. It wasn't even a very popular thing among our women. My mom wore clip-on earrings. So did the woman I married.

Other families and ethnicities embraced it more, but it wasn't something I was exposed to much, among my male friends.

Over the years I have seen it become much more common, especially for younger males. But only rarely still for men my age.

So for me, it was something I percieved as a definite feminizing step, and something my friends and family couldn't help but see as such. After mine were pierced, the first time my sister saw me, she commented on it right away. And all I was wearing was very small gold ball studs.

My attitude now is that I don't care what others think. In male mode, I tend to wear less feminine earrings than when in female mode, but if anyone were to ask why, my response is simply, "because I like wearing earrings, and clip ons pinch and hurt too much".

[Jennifer-GWN]

Getting my ears pierced was the first big little event for me on going full time. I so wished and waited for that event for so long. The crazy concerns that rattle around in our heads that all too often stand in the way.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I have to point out that some of us don't have our ears pierced because of how it can affect our livelihood. In my profession (engineering) NONE of the males have pierced ears. And we deal with customers who expect a certain stereotype and although our managers won't tell us we can't or shouldn't, they tend to avoid giving us assignments with more responsibility (and thus more pay).

Would I be let go for it? No BUT they do frequently have slow periods where they lay off people & pierced ears can definately affect who gets brought back first (yes I know it's discrimination but it can't be proven).

[Tracii G]

I had my ears done at age 60 and that was several years ago.
I don't think there is an age where you shouldn't do it.
It really is amazing how many here just take the abuse of their SO's If you are a mature man and you want to have your ears done then do it.
Does your wife ask you if she can get a tattoo or go shopping with a girl friend?
Does she ever ask you for permission to do anything to her body? Chances are no.

[Rogina B]

Depends so much on how old you are, and the people you've associated with throughout your life. And if you have a wife or SO who isn't tolerant of you acting feminine, there is their reaction to consider as well. I certainly wouldn't have risked an adverse reaction from my wife while she was still alive. She had never pierced her own ears, and would have been disapproving of me doing so, even in male mode.

I'm nearly 60. Piercings of any sort simply wasn't something a male my age did, when I was growing up. At least not among the people my family associated with. It wasn't even a very popular thing among our women. My mom wore clip-on earrings. So did the woman I married.

Other families and ethnicities embraced it more, but it wasn't something I was exposed to much, among my male friends.

So for me, it was something I percieved as a definite feminizing step, and something my friends and family couldn't help but see as such. After mine were pierced, the first time my sister saw me, she commented on it right away. .
So,something set you free to own your own body..And what has happened that was so awful?

[Annacd]

I wish I could, so many pretty earrings to buy for pierced ears.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Everyone's life situation is different. Everyone's "head space" is different. One size does not fit all in life. There are some in more conservative professions who cannot have earrings in, some are in professions where long hair is not acceptable. It is old fashioned for sure, but it is the way it is for some. One should not risk their livelihood for such small reasons, especially in this day and age (many would struggle to find another decent job in this deprecated economy.) Some may have wives that can make their lives hell if they do it. Everyone is different, and everyone should respect that.

I decided to grow my hair long about a year ago. I didn't for a long, long time partially for work reasons back then, and partially because I just didn't want questions about it from people who know me and don't know I dress. Sure enough, I got asked about it over and over again, enough at one point it almost made me angry. It is a personal thing, I don't like personal questions from those people and I had to make up excuses just for their own consumption. That is where my head space was. I am glad I did it after all, but I had my own perfectly valid reasons for not doing it previously. If you are not young, and you change your appearance, people may ask. Some don't care. I do care. Either way, it is a perfectly valid way to feel.

[Lisa85]

A lot of it depends on your decade of birth. Older decades mean more trauma for SO of someone with pierced ears. CD is ok but pierced is still too much embarassment

[Ceera]

So,something set you free to own your own body..And what has happened that was so awful?

Unfortunately, what set me free was the deaths of my mother, father and wife in less than a 4 year span of time. At that point I decided that I no longer gave a damn about pleasing anyone else, and determined to live for myself and explore all my options.

Since then? Well, I am not sure yet what impact it's having on my relationship with my sister. She has seen me now with ears pierced, nails done, and arms shaved, but we didn't have an appropriate time to discuss what it meant and why I am doing it.

[Ressie]

Gee, I'm gonna go out and get my ears pierced because some CD from Florida thinks I'm afraid to. ………………not

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rogina:hugs:, It took me 72years to do it,

My DA/DT:love:Wife did the bottom pair and I did the middle and top pairs...:daydreaming:...

[Meghan4now]

Does your wife ask you if she can get a tattoo or go shopping with a girl friend?
Does she ever ask you for permission to do anything to her body? Chances are no.
Well, as a matter of fact, she Did ask about a tattoo, and I told her ok, go for it! And she will often check with me when she wants to go out without me, to make sure I know where she is and about when to expect her, especially when the kids schedules are involved. Just mutual respect. And she values my opinion. Not like she needs permission, but she also want harmony in the relationship.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u, Ceera! Owning who u r means NOT doing what everyone else does if it's NOT your thing, Rogina.

Like many new dressers, I became fascinated with ear rings and have a huge collection of clip ons. However, I've come to prefer long wigs which cover my ears. Making wearing ANY kind of ear rings pointless. They just get stuck in my wigs!:sad:

Also, I'm just a CD that has no need to express femininity when not dressed.

And, I know a number of straight guys that wear ear rings. So, if that's your thing, just do it!:thumbsup:

[Rogina B]

Gee, I'm gonna go out and get my ears pierced because some CD from Florida thinks I'm afraid to. ………………not

No,I am not a "CD"..I am an out Trans serious and just don't understand how so many here "want things" but fear them at the same time. Scan some of the threads and you will understand what my observation is..

[Tracii G]

Meghan sounds like you have a great relationship with mutual respect I think that is wonderful.

[Krisi]

Even though this is a crossdressing forum, it's important to understand that we don't all live the same lives. Some of us are young, some are old. Some are married, some are single. Some are lawyers or doctors and some do manual labor. Some are retired. Most importantly, some are out to the public and some keep our dressing inside or even try to hide it from our wives.

One thing I see on lots of posts is the idea that it's your body and you should be able to do whatever you want with it. It seems pretty certain that these posts come from people who have never been married or are no longer married. They don't understand that marriage is a partnership and what we do affects our partners. The wise husband discuss something like getting his ears pierced with his wife and not do it if it's going to upset her. Most wives wouldn't get a tattoo without asking their husbands. That's how marriages work.

It seems pretty insulting for someone to post that they are tired of hearing excuses why someone doesn't do something. Again, we are all in different situations and what seems like a no-brainer to one of us could create serious issues for another. One of the good things about web forums is that you can just bypass posts or threads that you don't want to read. If someone posts a reason why they don't get their ears pierced, that's their decision and they have a right to make that decision. Perhaps they will change their mind in the future, perhaps they won't.

I will say that I had mine pierced at a late age (after I retired) and it was a minor issue for some of my friends, but it was well worth it for me. I love the feeling of dangling earrings against my neck and they just slip into the holes. No clips, tape or magnets. If you can do it, I recommend it. If you cannot, I understand and respect your decision.

[Sara Jessica]

No,I am not a "CD"..I am an out Trans serious...

I tried to look up out trans serious but couldn't find anything. I'm guessing this means genus trans / family out / order serious, also known as having a lack of empathy for other's situations and forgetting where they came from.

The reason I find the entire premise of this thread to be so condescending is because yes, I covet pierced ears but I am unwilling to go down that path. A callous few may have the opinion that it is because I lack the intestinal fortitude to just own it when it comes to what I do with my body (still wondering how ear piercing is not a body modification). The reality is that I have to consider the big picture which includes the opinion of my wife along with the potential effect on my ability to earn a living for my family. On the former, I have never even approached her on it. For all I know she'd be totally cool with it (doubtful). But yes, the love of my life, my partner for over 20 years, the mother of my children and the light who does so much in the name of family deserves the respect in being able to offer her opinion on these sort of things.

However, what is of greater importance is that my career in a rather conservative business field makes this concept a non-starter. I've already taken quite a long swim in that pond when I grew my hair out about 16" down my back and in hindsight, it was not a very intelligent "statement" to make on my part. 40-something year old guys in the business world just raise too many eyebrows by going down that road. Piercing both ears including running around with starters for weeks or months is exactly the same. I therefore choose not to go there.

I will not begrudge those who do so. In fact, I'll harbor my share of controlled envy. As has been said, we are all in different situations. There is no one-size-fits-all to who we are, how we express ourselves and where we choose to do so.

If when I retire I choose to get my ears pierced and wonder what took so long, I hope that I can summon up a degree of empathy and remember where I came from.

[Laurana]

Pierced ears are not a "body modification".

Actually they are. In the same way tattoos are a body modification. You are modifying your body to suit the way you like to look.

With that said. I had 5 holes at one point.......long before I started dressing. Straight men get earrings every day.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Actually this is quite true. If I weren't dressing, my piercing wouldn't have been as big a deal to my wife. Even certain shirts, my wife has said, "that's too girly" even though they are in the men's department. So you pick your battles in life. What is it worth. You could continue to wear clip ons. Yuck!

Life is a balance of self determination and social harmony.


I agree here. When my wife found out about my crossdressing, she became uncomfortable seeing me in men's nightshirts. I had numerous nightshirts, either the long T-Shirt variety or the variety with buttons and collars. These were red or blue plaid, or solid burgundy or blue. I had worn night shirts for decades. Nonetheless, my wife made me get pajamas.

In this case, discretion was the better part of valor. I could lose this fight, if I could win bigger ones, like going out and going to conferences. That's why the only shaving I do is my beard area, (and my chest if I think I can get away with it). No shaving of arms, legs, hands, or feminizing my eye brows. It's a compromise that I make to keep the peace.

I do, however, grow my nails out when I'm going to a conference, and deal with the grief I get from my wife.

[rachael.davis]

I dunno, for me having multi pierced ears is a "thing", for someone else it may not be.

[Majella St Gerard]

I don't understand what the big deal is about pierced ears, lots of men have pierced ears and are not CD' s. I don't see the connection. I am 53 and have had my both ears pierced since I was 22, I have 2 holes in each ear. I worked 20 years in a very male dominated job, I wore 4 gold hoops in my ears in a chemical plant and no one said boo about it, lots of guys I worked with wore earrings. At the time I was only underdressing.

[Pat]

I like to have the freedom to make my own choices, which means I have to extend others the freedom to make their own choices. It's the Social Contract. ;)