What makes us - us?

[rocval2001]

I have been doing some thinking this week and was wondering what makes us - us? I mean it would be easy if I could be guy all the time - but that is not the way I feel. I need to get in girl mode - it feels very natural and right to me. I try to bring my female side into my daily life, as I am sure a lot of us do. My conclusion what makes us is that it is just who we are - it is part of us. It is not a choice its a way to express a part of us. I haven't found any hard core scientific evidence that it was one specific part of our brain - or some event in our lives that caused this - it just who we are.

Agree?

Love & Hugs

Valerie

[MartineCD]

Hi Valerie

Like yourself I have been pondering the same. I've searched through my past for a single incident in which my thinking and feeling was significantly altered and come up with nothing. I can recall the first time I tried on womens underwear and it affirmed something that was already there. I wouldn't have gone looking or tried them on if there wasn't something already part of me that wanted to. As you've said Valerie it's just who we are.

M x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Valery :hugs:, It's very simple, It's just who I am & It's just what I do,

I really don't need a reason, I enjoy having the best of both worlds...:daydreaming:...

[stormy_skyxx]

Same here, i always wondered why despite being born as a male, always felt different, the realization has come an year ago more or less, i am this way, stop...there is nothing to question myself... and actually since i started this, in my opinion, positive thinking i feel much better, i started to go out, taking proper make up & style lessons, from a shy closeted cd only, i think i have become the (pretty, i think) girl that i am....so what makes us, is us...
And id like to thank you, because that is a very interesting topic that you opened and i hope many girls like us would respond...
Gilda...

[Tracii G]

Its ok to wonder but don't get all obsessed trying to figure it out because I see so many here fall into huge depressed states trying to figure it all out.
Why this why that and if I do this must mean that I am this or that.
Really a waste of time IMO.
Its kind of what is the meaning of life question there is no answer.
Just accept it as part of who you are.

[Krisi]

I used to make my living fixing things. 99% of the time I could point to what caused the malfunction, replace it and the item was as good as it was before it broke.

Human brains are not that simple. Sure, we have therapists and doctors who may attempt to tell us why we do things or act in certain ways, but they have no solid proof. They can't X-ray our brains and point to the part that causes us to be crossdressers.

In my mind, I believe I crossdress because my mother was hoping for a girl, not a boy and used to dress me as a girl when nobody was around and before I knew the difference. Is that the reason? It makes sense to me but nobody knows for sure and at this point in my life, it doesn't matter.

The reason is probably different for every one of us so think back through your life for any clues if it's important to you. Otherwise, just strap on your boobs and go on with life.

[shellybme]

I am sometimes at a complete loss of who I am. As some us can relate, I am completely masculine every way shape or form. You would never believe I was a cross-dresser unless I told you. I have no hobbies that are feminine and I enjoy everything a normal guy does. I just like wearing panties, dresses, heels and looking pretty. It really messes with me sometimes.

[Kate Simmons]

Just lucky I guess. :battingeyelashes::)

[Rachael Leigh]

Valerie I've been reading a book on this and it's even from a Christian psychologist and even he says it's really not known why we are this way and have a fem side that needs expression, oh yes there are lots of theories but nothing to pinpoint anything they can say for sure.
For me that is a bit of validation and helps me cope better

[DIANEF]

I've been dressing for over thirty years now. I stopped asking myself why a long time ago. Fact is I never found an answer and don't think I ever will. There are many incidents I could look at and say. well. yes, no, maybe... but there's no real point. I just enjoy what I do and am happy with my other self.

[Dana44]

Actually, being a DES kid and getting synthetic estrogen washed over a male developing body in the womb did a number on me. I have more female hormones than male and it has always been that way. Had to try to be manly and wow what an act. I always knew I was different and went through life beating to my own drum as I knew I was not like other men. I started to crossdress naturally as my brain switches from masculine to feminine. Both sides of my brain is open and I have the empathy of a woman and other characteristics like body. But I identified as a male and am quite gender fluid and sometimes identify as a female. Strange it is and I consider it a gift as I am creative and inquisitive for knowledge. Came from engineering and now a novelist. Yep when having a beer with a type A goes well but I note the difference between us and it is far different.

[Kandi Robbins]

The complicating factor in determining what makes us who we are is that there are so many different variations of "us". No one questions a man that is more rugged or more masculine than the average male and that is swinging to one extreme. We swing a little (or a lot) to the other extreme. We simply have an unexplainable part of us that loves things feminine. Some can manage that, some need only periodic feminine time and some need to transition. The honest truth is we'll never know and it differs across the board. Once I stopped wondering why and started accepting that this was a part of me and that I deserved to be happy, my life changed for the better. Circumstances (and that is a HUGE factor for many of us) have been favorable to me such that I can get out completely en femme as many as three times a week, and for that I consider myself blessed.

[Amy Fakley]

At least for me, it's like one of those fractal images where you can infinitely zoom in: the closer I look, the deeper I dig, the more I pull things apart, the more I find. It goes as deep as I care to look.

Throughout my life there have been events that forced me to confront it ... forced me to pull back the curtain and admit it was there ... but the fact is ... whether I chose to try and ignore it or hide it or supress it ... it was still there. It was always there. So I can't say that I believe anything "made me this way" other than the fact that I was born.

Maybe it was hormones in the womb ... maybe it was solar flares the moment I was conceived ... who knows?

The only thing I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that there is no moment in my life that I can remember, where I can honestly say "I didn't feel this way". So in that respect, the reason just doesn't matter. I might as well sit around pontificating about "what made me left handed". Doesn't matter why ... it just is, and I've gotta deal with it.

[Amber83]

I read an article not to long ago about human chimerism. It is estimated that 1 in 7 pregnancies start as multiples. In the embryo stage when cells are coming together to form the babies, the one embryo's cells are absorbed by the other embryo thus leaving one baby to develop. I believe this is where us all come from. Me being born a male could have absorbed an embryo that was female thus is why I love to dress up. But it is who I am and I love to dress up like a woman and act like a lady. That's my 2 cents on this subject. Have a nice day ladies.

[Krisi]

I really don't believe that anything that happened in the womb causes crossdressing. As fetuses, we know nothing about clothing or even sex. Even as infants we don't.

Having female hormones might cause us to have more feminine features than other men but it wouldn't explain the desire to wear a dress or high heeled shoes.

[Teresa]

Valerie,
I finally came to that conclusion when I realised and accepted I was born this way, our wiring is different. As you say it feels natural , that didn't become apparent until I ventured out this year to meet others socially. Even the first time as soon as I jumped in my car, I didn't feel nervous and when I arrived at the venue it just felt right to be out dressed I was finally fulfilling an inner need. So many aspects came together, dressed around the house is so different to being out, you feel the pleasure and also the problems of women's clothes and outsiders are seeing you deal with all that . It's also the point where I began to lose thoughts of passing, it didn't matter any more, this was me presenting myself good or bad, do,I pass , as what ? I'm TG and have a need to do this and I'm trying to do it as best I can.

Krisi,
It has clearly been shown now that we are all one gender at conception the male develops from the female and that's why some of us have different wiring , our gender and sex can be defined in so many different ways. I've always know I was born like it. I'm sorry to bring this point up again but it's not a hobby to me I have an inner need that has to be satisfied, no external agencies caused that, my bi-gender orientation was through a combination of events at the age of 8-9 that tied all the lose ends together, I've lived with the feelings ever since, no ebb and flow. I genuinely can't take it or leave it thinking someday it will pass , I'm a lifer and have to live with it 24/7.

[Sarah Louise]

I would genuinely like to know why I CD. Not that I worry about it, but I would just be very interested to know.

I have no idea why, but I know I like it!

[ReineD]

You should google "erotic imprinting" or "sexual imprinting" other than human mate choice, and see if anything rings true for you. Look at publications (google books) or articles published on university websites. There is a great deal written on the subject.

The idea is that events or a single event during early childhood sets the course for future eroticization of non-human sexual preferences that culminate during the adolescent years. And once it is set, it is difficult or impossible to reverse.

[Gen D]

I mean it would be easy if I could be guy all the time - but that is not the way I feel. I need to get in girl mode - it feels very natural and right to me.



It took my 35 years of living and over a year of therapy to be able to say this words and I it still still feel strange from time to time and I have to remind myself that it is natural and right.
Just today I disused that with my wife.

[CDTiffany]

10 years old wearing mom's two piece bikini in the bath tub.
A week later wearing mom's lingerie. A week later wearing moms dresses.
Many years later.... Make up. Nylons, Heels and doing my hair!
THIS IS WHO I AM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valerie.

Apparently. You are Valerie!

XOXO Tiffany Amber Rhoads.

[CONSUELO]

When I was very young my sisters dressed me in my aunt's corset as a joke. I still have a vivid memory of that time and from then onward I loved to dress up and did so as much as I could.
Was there something there that this incident just catalyzed? I have no idea. There is a growing body of scientific research that demonstrates that "nature" can trump nurture, but for males especially there is also evidence of early events driving or channeling your erotic path as Reine has pointed out.

[Shayna]

I used to care, probably thinking if I could figure it out I could change it. Now I just accept it.

[Kimberly Adams]

I have absolutely no idea why I do this and I guess it's good to know I'm not alone. My first memory of dressing like a girl was when I was 6 or 7 and after that it's been pretty sporadic with lots of binge dressing and purging from guilt and shame. I don't get to dress as often as I would like but over the last few years I have come to accept this part of me and embrace it. I went quite a while without even thinking about it and the last few months it's all come rushing back with a vengeance. I really don't care about the why anymore I just want to drink it in and enjoy it.

[rocval2001]

You girls are the best - Thank you for all your responses. I knew I wasn't alone in this. I just been thinking about this which I do from time to time. I like to try to understand as much I can - this subject has me stumped. If I ever find anything I'll be sure to share.

Loves & Hugs
Valerie

[Krisi]

Krisi,
It has clearly been shown now that we are all one gender at conception the male develops from the female and that's why some of us have different wiring , our gender and sex can be defined in so many different ways. I've always know I was born like it. I'm sorry to bring this point up again but it's not a hobby to me I have an inner need that has to be satisfied, no external agencies caused that, my bi-gender orientation was through a combination of events at the age of 8-9 that tied all the lose ends together, I've lived with the feelings ever since, no ebb and flow. I genuinely can't take it or leave it thinking someday it will pass , I'm a lifer and have to live with it 24/7.

OK, it's not a "hobby" to you. That's fine. I am a "crossdresser", nothing more so it's pretty much a hobby to me. I'm not trying to offend anyone but this is the MTF crossdresser section and I am speaking to those who like me, are simply MTF crossdressers. Males who dress as females once in a while in a while for pleasure. Men who posted their question in the MTF crossdressers section of the forum seeking answers or advice that apply to them..

Perhaps we should each attach a label to our avatars so we each know where the other is coming from.

[ReineD]

It has clearly been shown now that we are all one gender at conception the male develops from the female and that's why some of us have different wiring , our gender and sex can be defined in so many different ways.

Teresa, in the interest of accuracy, you need to read about sexual differentiation in humans 101:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_differentiation_in_humans

All fetuses are "its" when they first form, not female. Sexual differentiation occurs during the second month of incubation and it is determined by chromosomes. Your chromosomes are determined by your father. If one of his X chromosomes pairs with your mother's X during sex, you will be a girl (XX) and begin to differentiate as a girl (uterus, fallopian tubes) in the womb during the second month. If one of your father's Y chromosomes pairs with your mother's X (XY), you will be a boy and begin to differentiate as a boy (testes) in the womb also during the second month. After that the limbs form, the organs, etc.

[jennifer0918]

My story started when I was 8yo, I loved jelly shoes back in the 80s .I would wear them love the way they felt. Then I wanted to have breast so but you know what no and I mean no one ever tought me how to tuck.I started tucking without knowing that this had a name.From that just felt right normal I felt soft delicate I felt like a girl.I love dressing and will always do it I like it and I'm ashamed of it .

[Stephj]

Like others have said I am just a guy I love riding my motorcycle fishing reading books but I enjoy wearing a bra and panties have since I was 8 and before that loved to look at them and feel them in the store like others said no one but a few people no about me you would probably never know I really don't act very masuline or femanity but I have been told I walk like a woman but I am just me I have come to apcet it I am this way

[Teresa]

Reine,
Yes I did realise that I slipped up I should have amended that mistake.

Krisi,

This is becoming ridiculous , I'm not TSs so my comments aren't welcome in the TS section , now your suggesting we should label ourselves as to what status our CDing is.
I am also a crossdresser but it's an outward appearance to satisfy an inner need that I feel 24/7, like I said no ebb and flow, I feel I could dress 100% but have chosen to stay in my DADT marriage and accept my responsibilities as a husband and father to my family and I wouldn't insult my family by calling my CDing a hobby. As I've also said before hobbies don't cause a person to consider ending their lives.

I don't have a problem if you consider it's pleasurable hobby for you and maybe your wife but please stop thinking that applies to every CDer who contributes on the forum, it's much deeper for some of us.

[sometimes_miss]

Disclaimer. These are MY OPINIONS. If you don't like them, create your own by going and reading hundreds of books and papers, and watching every video presentation that you can find, on psychology just like I did. Feel free to disagree, that's what learning new things is all about. But I won't argue about it.


I haven't found any hard core scientific evidence that it was one specific part of our brain - or some event in our lives that caused this - it just who we are.

The whole search for the 'one, definitive reason' why we crossdress is a waste of time. Why? Because there isn't 'one' reason. There are lots of them, and it can be something different for each one of us. So trying to narrow it down to one and only one thing, will only drive you crazy. It's not necessarily genetic. Or hormonal. Or conditioning. Or chemical. And maybe it's not due to a single, life changing experience. Because it can be one or more or even maybe ALL of those things, or even something else.

AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. That's the big issue here. We're fighting thousands of years of other people's feelings of what WE should be to make THEM happy, all because THEY'RE uncomfortable with men who dress/behave as women do.


My first memory of dressing like a girl was when I was 6 or 7
I believe that the age when we start doing it may be significant. My own hypothesis is that our sexual self identity is somehow 'finalized' at some point in our development, exactly when, no one is sure. Others have suggested that we have a sense of being either male or female very early (3 to 5 y/o); this is seen in SOME transsexuals, knowing that they are in the wrong sex body. Yet others don't experience it until much later. My opinion is that it happens somewhere around puberty, much like our linguistic accent patterns, and I believe this because it seems like that's when it happened to me (yet, without other people to confirm this experience in other TG's, there's no way to know). Others suggest that our minds aren't 'fully mature' until we're around 25. Of course, none of those is always exact, as people develop at different rates. As we know, one person will start puberty at 10, another, at 17. So it is with our minds. There's no exact age that is applicable to everyone.


I've searched through my past for a single incident in which my thinking and feeling was significantly altered and come up with nothing.
There still might be something there. We don't always attribute past events and experiences as being important to us, so recalling them isn't always easy. Something may not have seemed to have an impact at the time, but perhaps it was there.

The old 'can't see the forest for the trees' quotation is probably very accurate for us.


When I was very young my sisters dressed me in my aunt's corset as a joke. I still have a vivid memory of that time and from then onward I loved to dress up and did so as much as I could. Was there something there that this incident just catalyzed?
Might simply be your reaction to receiving attention as a kid; you associate wearing female clothes with some type of positive feedback. And it may not be what you think; for, even though they did it as a joke, even if you were embarrassed by it, perhaps deep down, you may have felt as if they accepted you more that way (dressed as a girl), so there will forever be a little bit of influence in the back of your mind telling you that it's beneficial in some way to dress as a girl. It doesn't have to be a lot; it only takes one little slightly positive thing to create influence.


I used to care, probably thinking if I could figure it out I could change it.
It's not about changing the behavior. That's the big thing that western medicine won't tell us. They let us believe that once we figure it all out, we'll be 'cured'. But all that really happens, is that we understand it and can deal with it better. The feelings will always be there.

The reason to figure it out, is to find out what the underlying reason is for our crossdressing. Because until we can address the original desire, we're subject to all kinds of feelings that we can't explain, and so can't stop. consider what happens when you are hungry. If you didn't know that you have to eat to fix the feelings of hunger, you'd always feel uncomfortable. So it it with crossdressing. Once you understand what it is that drives you to do it, you'll be better able to resolve the problematic feelings that go along with it.

[Julie Gaum]

Some responses do touch on a few of the possible reasons for CDing while others (like the hobby idea) are just in denial. Consider that out of a hundred male children who, out of curiosity, try on a mother's or sister's clothes perhaps four become CDs? Commonly called the "trigger" that sends us on this path. Why? One or some of these theories apply to us individually but we - despite all the therapists - will never know for sure. Reine mentions one of the valid findings - chromosome unbalance - groups of genes composed of DNA and proteins become the Xs and Ys as she explained; the brain becomes hard-wired before and even during the first few formative years of life - call it imprinted just as a chick will at a few weeks old follow and obey its mother - environment may become an influence in this wiring; a recent idea with considerable merit involves a big word "synaptogenisis" and neural pruning.
If you really want to learn the details regarding the above, and so much more regarding our world please visit www.neverclimbedhismountain.com and click on "Blogs" - there are now 74 complied over recent years.
Good luck on your search
Julie

[Teresa]

Sometimes_miss,
I'm going to go along with 100% to your reply to Kimberly Adams. I call it tying all the lose ends together, the relationship with a GF, what a certain style of clothing represented, what it meant to wear it and the unexpected sexual outcome at the age of 8-9. From that day on I had a gut feeling or need , I can't say if GD also started at that point but looking back becoming bi-gender probably did.

I'm also with you 100% on your last paragraph . I've always known that how my CDing started was the key along with the long term dreams I had at that time but it's taken a long time and a lot of pain to put all the answers to it . To me it was like going round in destructive circles, believing something one day and the next having the guilt and shame to make me disbelieve it. I eventually found counselling was the only way to break the chain, as my first counsellor told me I have to stop living my life on assumptions, it's mentally destructive.
To me you owe it to yourself to find what makes your CDing tick, it's the only way you can come to terms with and move on, you're then in a better situation to explain it to others. OK that varies depending on your DADT situation, I had the problem it was for me to sort it.

[CherylFlint]

If you fight it it'll drive you nuts.
Since it's the way you are, why fight it? Life is a lot easier if you look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as you REALLY are and not pretend.
What I mean is when you're "dressed" you're not "drab", if that makes any sense.
When I'm "drab" I'm "Cheryl not dressed".
Go with the flow and
HAVE FUN!
Stay safe.

[Tina_gm]

To what Sometimes miss was saying about the when..... I think for at least a very very large percentage of us, IF not all of us, we are born with TGism. Why some are feeling it right from some of their 1st memories, while others don't feel any of it sometimes till their later years?? I would think a trigger needs to be pulled. Each person having their own trigger. Possibly those who are closer to or who are TS might be more prone to feel differently from the very beginning, but then again, look how many didn't realise how deep it goes for them until middle age. They knew it was something, but didn't know what that something was in many cases just on this forum alone.

How we are raised makes a difference too I would imagine. Even though some trigger has been pulled, if the family unit is strongly against such alternative lifestyles, or the person lives in a more conservative/rural setting, chances are even though the trigger has been pulled and maybe they do experience the feelings of desire to be different, they do not let themselves experiment. They deny their desires to themselves, and of course to everyone else for a long long time. Parents who are not so conservative, have many different types of friends, live in more of an urban area, the person will more likely seek out what their desire is as there is not as much of a society force or other forces at work to prohibit the desires.

As society is becoming more accepting, there are more people coming out and much sooner. One reason why many older people may be likely to think that society is somehow creating transgender, since back in their day it was so much more rare, society is only creating less prohibition of it. The percentage is likely the same now as it always has been.