Why do we do it?

[CarlaWestin]

I've never seen my Wife in high heels. Lately, she's taken on a somewhat butch approach to apparel. Short hair, shorts, no bra, t-shirts, total comfort. Yet, me, as a crossdresser, it's all about bras and tits and garters and stockings and high heels and skimpy dresses and wigs and makeup! After a couple of hours, I'm physically uncomfortable but, I'm blissfully where I want to be.

So, just tell me about your feelings about this.

[iGenny]

Um, pretty much, "ditto." Except that my wife started her butch phase years before I started dressing. She has been wearing more feminine tops recently, though, only because I started picking some out for her when we're out shopping. Happily, she's been choosing them on her own recently!

[Dana44]

Yeah Carla, Same here. my SO is sometime butch and wears flipflops all the time. Me I like heels and boots and all the things nice. I generally don't get to unconformable though.

[LaurenS]

I'm with you on all of it, except the uncomfortable part. I'm not sure I have anything uncomfortable, but makeup and corsets are hot in the summer! 😀

[Josie]

Carla I couldn't have said it better! I'm driven to take myself to that place where I'm blissfully happy and contented. As for my wife she dresses in a very conservative but feminine way.

[DIANEF]

Well, my wife certainly isn't butch, unfortunately she is severely overweight and seems to be in denial over it. She wears 'comfortable' clothing. all of which I wouldn't touch with a barge-pole, ( I wear UK size 12 clothes, shes in a 24). I'm not a huge lingerie fan, but I do try to dress as well as I can and when I look at her I do feel some resentment that as a woman she can look so plain, and I can look so much better. I do love my wife and wish she would make some effort to get the weight off, but I've been trying to encourage her for years now with no result.

[Alice Torn]

It is sad, that in my town, i very seldom see women over 40 in dresses, long hair, skirts, heels. A rare sight, indeed. We have to do something to cope with what is sadly missing and rare these days. I can understand comfort dressing much of the time, sure. We all need that. But, there is so utterly little dressing up now days. Even with guys! I suppose in downtown office building areas, you will see a lot more dresses, skirts, and heels, but when the gals get home, their are taken off quickly for tees , sweats, and running shoes. The super short hair, is a turn off for me, too.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm with u, Carla! I love the uncomfortable, restricted, even painful feeling of, girdles, pads, wigs, silicone, and hi heels of woman's things. If I want comfort, I'll dress in drab.:straightface:

Except for one point with which I agree with your wife. With my silicone prosthesis, I almost NEVER wear bras anymore!:tongueout

[Kate Simmons]

It's part of what we equate with being "feminine". :)

[Tracii G]

Carla your wife has found her mate she has no reason to put on all the trappings of womanhood she is not on the prowl.
My second wife did the same thing and if I said anything bad about sweat pants/tops I was Mr mean ass and she made my life hell over it.
DianeF She will only lose the weight when she wants to and all your nagging will make things worse.

[deebra]

Growing up Playboy and girly mags and pinup calenders trained us what sexy women look like, we were strongly attracted and turned on by this representation so it became ingrained in our brains. We wanted to be with them or better yet be them, we couldn't change our bodies to hour glass female so we did the next best thing; we became crossdressers. So far it beats watching T.V. or reading a book.

[Jenniferathome]

Are you suggesting that the way your wife dresses is influencing the way you dress? In other words, if she dressed in heels and tight dresses you would not need to?

[Dinky39]

It is absolutely shocking your wives want to dress comfortably. I mean,what gives them the right? How very dare they? You don't find that look attractive. Doesn't float your boat at all. Oh,hang on,I think I've heard this somewhere before....
Having gone through the trials and tribulations of normal life,periods,pregnancies,raising the children,going through the menopause....yeah,I think they can wear what they want,it's just clothes right??

[Gen D]

My wife said that I like all the things that she hate - stocking, heels, makeup, bras etc.
she is defiantly not a butch, but wear comfortable cloths.
I must said that I like her liked that (even tough i do LOVE her with heels...), and quite pleased she in not put makeup and that she more free than women I see (that I want to dress like those women...)

[lingerieLiz]

Very good Dinky! My wife wears comfortable clothes as do most of the women we know. Most of theirs are feminine and can be very pretty too. I know a couple younger women with great bodies, who wear comfortable clothes when not at work. Yes they exercise at the gym.

The other question is how many of us look the best we can. How many of us are the same weight we were in our prime. There is an old saying that when we get married we want our wives to stay the same forever and the wives want to change us into their vision.

As for being uncomfortable you are wearing your clothes too tight probably. It isn't unusual for either sex. Women's clothes are not uncomfortable if fitted correctly. I wear them everyday. Just as my wife and daughters have found some pieces are just not right for one reason or another. Trade or purge those items.

[Teresa]

Carla,
I feel totally comfortable dressed when I'm out, if underwear and clothes fit OK it's not a problem. I did wear an underwired bra with a tight bodycon dress instead of a soft one so I was a little sore along the band line for a day or so after. The only other inconvenience is finding it a bit drafty in cold weather when wearing a dress especially getting in and out the car. I did feel I would tire of wearing a wig after a few hours but that hasn't happened .

I guess I just enjoy it so much I can't believe how natural it feels even carrying a handbag and using a purse .

[DIANEF]

Traci, I don't 'nag' my wife over her weight, but I don't want her to end up in a wheelchair either. She already has diabetes, her mother had it and it ended up killing her. You think I should do nothing?

[Sara Jessica]

Shouldn't this thread be called "Why don't they do it?"??? Seems that is what it has devolved to.

[Tracii G]

DianeF I never said do nothing why would you even say something like that?
My second wife had weight issues and so did I at the time.I still struggle with it so I'm not talking out of my butt on the subject.
No need to go on the defensive on me OK?
Dinky I'm with you a lady can wear what she wants.
It seems many male CDers here are quite sexist when it come to what their wives wear.

[DIANEF]

Traci, I don't want to fall out with anyone on this forum. I am truly concerned that my wifes' weight issues could have long term consequences, and being told I nag her upset me a little. I try to help her eat healthily, I spent £300 on a treadmill for her, amongst other things, and I don't want her to end up like her mother. If, as you said, 'she'll lose the weight when she wants to' I dont want her to wait until its too late because right now her weight is actually increasing, she spends most of her day immobile and even struggles to get up the stairs. I was probabaly wrong with the do nothing phrase, but the nagging accusation was a bit out of order aswell.

[Judy-Somthing]

I think like most guys find women much more womanly, fem, sexy, attractive in a dress and as you know just about every woman wears a dress for special occasions.

My wife hates dresses, I don't really know why, maybe it's the way they looked at her when she wore one.

I miss her in a dress. So sexy.

[sometimes_miss]

Why. Because they don't want to, and because we do. Am I wrong, or are we having one of these why do we do it threads every week now? Doesn't anyone read old threads? The forum is loaded with valuable information. Seek and you shall find.

[Kimberly Adams]

I guess I'm one of the odd ones here, my wife is 100% girly girl. She dresses comfortable most of the time at home but out almost anywhere she's in dress or skirt, heels and don't get me started on purses. If her clothes fit me I'd be wearing all of it.

[Gillian Gigs]

Just a couple of thoughts.

Young women dress sexy to catch a man, once they caught one they slowly get to the point where they feel they don't have to fix themselves up anymore, as they already caught what they wanted.

Any CDer knows how much time it takes to go the whole nine yards.

We can say that we like wearing a bra and stockings, but we don't do it every day either. How soon would the joy die out, if we "had" to do it every day!

My wife can't stand wearing pantyhose and thinks that I am nuts for wearing them. I might feel the same if I had to wear them every day. She gets the part about the tactile feelings I have for nylon, and that tight against the skin feel, but she finds nylon too hot and that makes her uncomfortable. She never wears high heels, in fact I don't think that she owns a pair, again a comfort issue. If life is about getting comfortable, and we get comfortable in lingerie, stockings and skirts, and they don't, then why can't they get comfortable their way and we in our way!

The problem is that many of them don't see it that way. Is it because many of us look really good dressed up and that makes them feel uncomfortable? One of my wife's biggest concerns was that she didn't want me to look better than her. Women think about themselves differently than the way a man thinks about himself. A woman looks in the mirror and sees everything wrong about herself. A guy looks and says AAH, and goes about his day.

[Teresa]

Gillian,
I agree with your reply as Lexi says this comes up regular so do the answers.

Reading your reply makes me think who will some the manufacturers end up making dresses, skirts and heels for ? If you look at it like that the Cding market is bigger than we think if they all still make money from it . It may be an interesting point to find out how many mail order/Ebay sell to the TG community. I know when my wife sold three items on Ebay two of them went to male addresses.

[Tania75]

For myself, and my ex-girlfriend, our dressing style was all about our stress levels at the time.
For her, she was in a high stress corporate situation, where you were expected to dress and act in a certain style, and at the end of the day, she just wanted to rid herself of those clothes ( and corporate style) and dress in the most comfortable (unfashionable) clothes possible. That was her release from the stress of the day, and return to normal mode.
For me, it was very similar, but opposite. I work in a male oriented, stressful manufacturing environment, and my release was to get home (early start, early finish), and slip into feminine clothing (hers), and if time allowed before my girlfriend came home, full makeup as well.
For both of us it was a stress relief, disrobing ourselves of the pressures of the day, and relaxing in a "I don't care, kind of way".

[Maria 60]

When I was younger and on summer holidays I would go to work with my father, I remember walking into different office work places and it would amaze me on how I couldn't get enough of all those beautiful women working there, all dressed to the nines, dresses, heels and always looking there best. Now my wife works in a large office and when I go to her work out of about fifty women working there I may find maybe one wearing a skirt and not to often anyone wearing a dress. My wife doesn't own any pantyhose, she borrows from me when she needs a pair, only wears a dress or skirt to a funeral or wedding, goes to work wearing pants all the time. I believe the women has chosen comfort over beauty. In not to many works my wife when dressed isn't butchy, but isn't what I remember as a elegant women. The man is becoming the women.

[missjoann]

For me it started at a very young age, maybe 2 or 3. My mother had always wanted a girl but I was what she got, my dad word a lot of nights so whenever he wasn't home she would dress me...this continued all through school, every afternoon when I came home she would either dress me or she had clothes all picked out for me and then about the time I entered high school she stopped of which was a shock to me...later in life I started dressing again and enjoyed it very much....I am now in my late 60's and living the life I was ment to be and very happy

[Marcelo]

Thanks for asking Carla,

I have been fascinated with the thought of getting caught wearing 'nothing but panties' under my skirt since I was very young. I've spent many hours in front of the mirror at home flashing myself but when I got my driver's license I began venturing out in public. I was usually satisfied just catching glimpses of myself in the reflections of the glass doors of the refrigerated sections of grocery stores or mirrors in the furniture department of department stores but eventually I had to get caught by someone to cross the line.

I had really hair legs until around 1997 but it was around 1983 that I first flashed a convenience store clerk in a cheerleader uniform on Halloween. I came up with the idea of dropping my change on the floor and bending over to pick it up with my back towards the register. That first guy positively and humorously commented on my costume when I walked up. And after I flashed him he had big grin on his face as if to say that was really nice but he was too embarrassed to say anything. I think the last time I did it the lady said that I'm going have to learn to bend over in a short skirt as my change scattered on the floor. She was also grinning as I stood back up to grab my purchase.

I've done that may times over the years but gave it up since it's not really accidental. That, and I've been told that I could get in trouble with the law for it.

These days I still to the cheerleader thing but I let any panty shots be from just falling into the predicament of having a skirt that is too short for what I'm doing. I get my outings while volunteering or participating for mud runs, 5K runs, zombie runs, costume runs, etc... and everyone loves it! I don't advertise that I'm wearing nothing but panties under my skirt but accidents do occasionally happen. And I find myself trying to keep them from happening instead of making them happen. I think that's what most women would do if they were wearing a uniform as a costume and just wore panties because they didn't have a pair of cheer trunks.

When I go out I go as the traditional guy as a cheerleader – not as someone trying to pass as a woman. The biggest difference, obviously, is that I'm wearing nothing but panties under my skirt. And I completely tuck away my man parts between my legs with a gaff made from a thong worn underneath my regular panties. I also shave my arms and legs but still wear makeup that only a guy trying to be humorous would wear.

I have many stories to tell but here is one with a pic from an event with a couple of pretty positive panty flashes. Just before the pic below was taken, I was given the 'ladies first' gesture by one of the mud run organizers as I climbed out of the dirt track at Texas Motor Speedway. It was at least a two foot tall wall and I know the guy got a good, close up peek at my panties. After the pic was taken I was walking up the rather steep steps to the concession area when I looked back to see another man from the mud run company intently looking up with his eyes bugged out and his mouth gaping open in astonishment. I was wearing a Vanity Fair Illumination Helenca floral lace bikini panty over my beige thong gaff when this took place.

After I left here I cleaned my shoes, freshened my makeup, put on my good wig and headed to a small bar where I did a couple of high kicks during the costume contest before attempting the splits.

Cheers!
Marcelo

265514

[Stephanie47]

I'm a child of the 1950's and 1960's when my idea of femininity was developed. Back then girls could not wear anything but dresses and skirts to school. Women generally wore dresses to work and church.....always to church. Consequently I only wear dresses with the proper undergarments; bra, panty and slip, and, hosiery and heels. I feel very comfortable attired in a dress. In male mode I am most comfortable, as a retiree, in jeans and tee shirts.

My wife? When we were dating and newly married she was all feminine, whether in a dress or short shorts. In the 1970's she wore only dresses and skirts and heels to work. That was the norm. Now the norm is office comfort. A woman can look professional in nicely tailored pants and tops. I guess you have to ask a woman what type of function makes her feel obligated to "dress up." My wife has a weight issue, which seems to draw her to wearing pants and tops. Foot surgery precludes heels.

As to weight issues, encouragement does not automatically equal nagging. My wife has a BMI over 30. She is fifty to sixty pounds overweight. She has low end diabetes. The excess weight leads to joint and organ problems as she found out last week. If I were to dwell on the fact that she was a dynamite young woman of 115 pounds when we first met, and, scolded her for adding the weight, then that would be nagging. To encourage her that her health would be better and her diabetes would be under better control if she lost some weight is not nagging. She has good muscle tone because she does a lot of walking. However, as we age as a couple and I lose the customary muscle strength, there is no way I would be able to easily assist her if she were to become immobile. Rather I live at our home, and, she in a nursing facility?

Frankly, I think any woman is entitled to tell her hubby off royally that he looks better in a dress than her. Wearing a dress does not equal "inner" femininity.

[CarlaWestin]

Are you suggesting that the way your wife dresses is influencing the way you dress?

No, not really. But, there are times where we're both dressed pretty much identically. Kinda' like male comfort mode.


In other words, if she dressed in heels and tight dresses you would not need to?

OMG, on the contrary. I think the competition would be on. That would be fabulous fun and sooo out of her comfort zone.

Wonderful insight and comment, Jenn.
Thanks, you always make me rethink.
:)


A little bit of a footnote here. I absolutely love and adore my Wife.
We are absolute soulmates and I refrain from any derogatory comments.
She's very special and I take care of her lovingly.
She is my heartbeat.

[Jenniferathome]

It's funny how the general consensus seems to be that women relax their clothing style but no mention is made of how we guys dress. A suit and tie used to be the norm for me, but now I avoid that at all costs. Just so uncomfortable...but how could women relate?:doh:

[Pattie]

Why do we do it, I do it because I have always done it from the first time back that I can remember.
One of the things I am somewhat puzzled about why do we change our names to female names when we dress, yes I changed mine too, but would have been happy with just plain Pat.

[Tracii G]

Panty shots in public just for fun??
Sounds really pervy so don't be surprised if you get in some hot water doing that.
If you are doing make up in a humorous way you are making fun of the run of the mill crossdresser and adding the panty flashing thing then in turn you are making it harder for actual MtF TG people IMO.

[Gillian Gigs]

It's funny how the general consensus seems to be that women relax their clothing style but no mention is made of how we guys dress. A suit and tie used to be the norm for me, but now I avoid that at all costs. Just so uncomfortable...but how could women relate?:doh:

A suit with shirt and neck tie...why don't you just throw a noose around my neck and hang me! I'm sure that is the way many women feel about dresses, pantyhose and heels all day.

[Karine]

I think we have to keep in mind that for most of us, we just dress for fun and only when we want to. I really loves heels but honestly even if in a magic world where it would be normal for a guy to wear heels, I will not wear them everyday.

Most of the time, my grilfriend dresses well but not to the nines. When she do so, but it's because she want to and at this time she really enjoy the preparation and to be pretty. As sometimes, she just want to be comfortable. It is her choice depending on how she feels.
At work, formal suit is mandatory. My girlfriend like it and always says that I'm very elegant. But most of the time, when I am out of office, I just wear comfortable clothes.

[Valerie Nova]

I think that wanting something for a long time and not being able to have it, sort of leads you to indulging in that thing later on in life. Young girls are often made to wear pretty but uncomfortable clothes, and generally take it for granted that they can do so whenever they feel like it. Guys who have that particular female instinct end up being denied it for such a long time that it becomes a source of considerable stress, and so later on in life when they are able to live on their own, spend money how they want, etc, all that pent-up frustration and desire gets let out every so often as a response to stress, or just as sort of an expression of their independence, in contrast to what they couldn't do but wanted to as kids.