Submissive nature

[SophieLiz]

So looking for a bit of advice.
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine bought me a choker as a gift and I absolutely adore it.
Now as my masculine self, I'm not dominant at all. As Sophie I'm very submissive. When I wear this choker my submissive streak gets multiplied. So much so that I feel like I am wearing her "mark", that I belong to her. And I absolutely love it.

Has anybody else experienced anything like this? I have no sexual attraction to her and the feeling goes away when I take the choker off.

The whole thing has got me very confused.

[misschris]

what kind of choker is it?

[JenniferMBlack]

I'm the bdsm community one of the things is the Dominant gives the submissive a collar. For some that is a big thing. As a submissive maybe thays where the feelings come from.

[SophieLiz]

265626

This is it

- - - Updated - - -

That's what I thought, although I've never been involved in BDSM before, which confused me

[Teresa]

Sophie,
Certain styles of choker can suggest a dominant person but the one in your case is just a very pretty necklace, maybe just try and treat it like that.

[SophieLiz]

That's what I'm trying to do. My friend has been extremely supportive but I don't think she'd be ready to know the kind of feeling her gift has stirred up in me

[Krisi]

Jewelry (or clothing for that matter) doesn't change who I am or my personality. Being married for many years, I don't get the "belonging to her" thing. While in a sense I belong to my wife, wearing (or not wearing) a wedding ring doesn't change my feelings. When I was working in the trades, I didn't wear rings for safety reasons. Moving on, I began wearing a wedding ring but nothing else changed.

I think sometimes we get confused when we first try something different but it goes away eventually.

[SophieLiz]

I hope so. I'm finding being a crossdresser confusing enough, I don't need this right now

[CONSUELO]

Sophie,

Relax and don't be confused. i am a submissive and small items of dress such as a choker can carry strong sexual connotations. What has made the choker even more evocative for you is that it was a gift from a friend. She may be sending you a small message. The feelings of "wearing her mark" and "belonging to her" are not at all unusual.

I think what is really the challenge is what to do about it or whether to do anything about it. Time will tell so just relax.

[Teresa]

Sophie,
Welcome to confused. com sorry crossdressers.com !

I'm nearly twice you age and it's doesn't get any easier, You just have to get to know yourself and what makes you tick and the rest eventually have to go along with it.

[sometimes_miss]

I experience something odd. When I'm dressed as a guy, I can't stand anything snug around my neck; hate even buttoning the top button on dress shirts. Ties? forget about it. On the few occasions where I've managed to keep the shirt buttoned and a tie on, I wind up frequently pulling at them with a finger. I've been like this since I was 3 years old.
Yet, when I'm wearing girl clothes, I crave the feel of a dress collar or turtle neck top, and can wear it all day with not a moment of feeling discomfort at all. Even fall asleep wearing a collar with no problem.
Weird.

[Tracii G]

You are just feeling a connection to the person who gave it to you and having a fetish fantasy.

[Kate Simmons]

Probably a psychological effect for the most part. :)

[Alice_2014_B]

You should look thru my recent picture posts; I LOVE wearing chokers and collars!
:)

[SophieLiz]

Well it's kind of reassuring to know u'm not the only one confused by it all. Thanks

[adrienner99]

I think it's somewhat common for crossdressers to be submissive (though plenty are NOT) . I think of it as a "subset" of our culture. But it does seem unusual that only one article of clothing stimulates your submissive buttons....Do you feel the urge to serve her? To wear a maid's dress? Part of crossdressing is to explore these feelings and / or fantasies. Just go slowly and don't lose someone who is obviously worth hanging onto...

[Tracii G]

Search fetish websites there might be some answers there.
Don't be surprised if you get a lot of porn pop up after entering the site.

[Lorileah]

Sometimes a necklace is a necklace. "Collaring" in the BDSM world involves far more than just a collar. Often the "slave" (and that is what collaring is) makes or the Dom/sub design it together. So unless you both agree (consent), you got a nice gift. Many women get chokers and necklaces and don't get owned. Sort of like putting a ring on your left 4th finger doesn't make you married. Or putting a badge on a shirt doesn't make you a cop or military person.

There is nothing wrong with being submissive (Although the swapping back and forth because of clothing tells me a lot about how you envision females). And if when you wear this your submissive side comes to the top (oh bad choice of words there) that's OK. The necklace itself looks like it should be on the cover of a bodice ripper novel, so maybe that's why you feel that way. But don't get all a flutter about being a sub to the person who gave it to you unless they made that clear

[Fiona123]

Sophie: this sounds (to me) like a very pleasant fantasy. I recommend going with it...see where it leads. Try talking to your friend. Its a nice choker.🌺

[SophieLiz]

Just to clarify a couple of things about myself here. I'm not somebody who classes themselves as 'dominant' in the masculine and submissive in the feminine. I've always been submissive since I was a kid, but growing up where I did, men were expected to be men and a male with submissive tendencies would quickly become outcast, so I had to hide my submissive side for many years (32 to be exact). It wasn't until I really started exploring my crossdressing side that I have felt free to explore my submissive side as well. Whether I'm masculine or feminine, I'm always submissive, but when in "man mode" I've learned to hide it well. I'm not somebody with outdated views on men and women's places at all.
Going back to the choker, it is the first item of feminine attire anybody has ever bought for me, so that in itself is a big deal for me. When I wear it, I don't necessarily want to wear a maid's uniform, but I would happily wear anything she asked me to. When I wear it, I want to be whatever she wants me to be, but also want her to look after and protect me. I suppose I turn into a stereotypical 'damsel in distress'.
I suppose that is something I've always wanted, but never felt free to express it, having been expected to be the one who would find a wife who would look after the home while I looked after her.

[Sarasometimes]

Could some of your feeling be connected to this being your first feminine gift and that if you allow her to buy you more she is sort of dressing you up which could remove some guilt of doing it on your own. Hey she gave you the choker so now you HAVE to wear it or insult her. I can see how you may have some new feeling from this.
Vaguely connected to this is a benefit for me to go and get my wig highlighted. Sure I make the appointment but once I am there the choice of what method is used and how long I will be there shifts to my hairdresser. Also if she puts me under a dryer or uses foil and a plastic cap...are all things out of my control. I get a sense of submission on occasion during a salon appointment. Not sure you agree about a connection just MHO.
Bottom line you have a supportive friend and a pretty choker necklace to wear, sounds great to me.

[SophieLiz]

I know I do. She is amazing and feel so lucky to have met her.
Just an update. I actually confesses to her about how it made me feel and she never wanted that kind of power over over me. Since I've learned she's not comfortable with this, it's kind of lost it's effect. Although I am a little disappointed, but now I know I need to find a strong woman to look after me

[looking_good]

My dressing also uncovered a powerful set of my feelings in this 'belong-to' area - words like 'take care of', 'belong to', etc.

After the dust settled a bit, I began to look at my relationship with my wonderful SO in a different light - a clearer view for me, I think. I've often held a part of myself at a distance in relationships - a guy thing, perhaps. I think I've gotten a better insight now into being completely committed to our relationship - risking more, trust, more vulnerability, and recognizing that we are connected and committed. And I hope I have gained a better insight into what my SO expects and needs from our relationship.

Simple example? She has come along for the ride with my crossdressing - not an easy challenge for her or for most SOs. How could I not be 'all in' with someone like that, eh?

[LilSissyStevie]

All I would have to do to get a belly laugh out of the people who know me and have the misfortune of having to deal with me daily would be to talk about my "submissive nature." At first I thought it said "subversive nature." That would be more fitting of my personality. I think people confuse submission with being a bottom. I'm a bottom and by god you're going to make me submit the way I want it or the party is over. Playing at submissiveness is not the same as being submissive. I'm constitutionally incapable of being submissive. I have to work hard at just being cooperative.

I like chokers. I have a box full of them. But maybe your friends gift was more of a hint about your Adam's apple than anything to do with collaring. But if it helps to get you into "sub space" then it's all good.

[StephanieH]

I am extremely submissive in femme mode, and interestingly, when in regular guy mode, not at all - I always thought it just came with the package!

[phili]

I think it is possible that when an object has a lot of symbolic and emotional power, we are in a severe deficit for that emotion. We love and cherish and can't live without the object.

Once we have a little of what we need, the deficit is not so sever, the laser focus disappears, and the object- using the choker as an example, gets less powerful, and we feel a sense of unexpected relief.

[Lucy Long Legs]

This is an interesting topic. I am submissive too, particularly when dressed. A choker is an essential part of my wardrobe - it makes my neck look slender and vulnerable, and gives me a feeling of danger. I am sure we all have items of clothing which trigger our feminine side and for me, this does it. It certainly encourages my partner to dominate me.

[Sarasometimes]

I think many people have times and circumstances where they are dominant and others when they are submissive. To dominate it takes energy and planning and you then have the responsibility to be submissive you get to skip all that and that can be very stress reducing if it fits your personality. The choker can have all sorts of meaning but which ones are up to the wearer and giver to decide.

[Micki_Finn]

I'd have to say I'm on the other end of the spectrum. While dressed I feel more dominant, brassy, outgoing and generally a bit of a diva.

[docrobbysherry]

Sophie. Glad u worked this out with the GG who gave it to u. Sounds like she won't be buying u anything else. Also, sounds like u don't want her to. Unless there's some BDSM involved?

As one who has been into bondage play on and off for 50+ years? I suggest u do NOT wait until u find a "strong woman" to see where you're going with this. There r sites, Fetlife is one, where u can read about all sorts of fetish life styles. And, chat with participants if u have questions.

The sooner u determine what BDSM u DON'T have any interest in, the sooner you'll find what DOES interest u. A lot of us have fantasies involving being submissives, etc. But, trying them out with other people can be more stimulating or may burst our imaginary balloons.

Much like your GG did yours!