Crossdressers vs. Transgender

[Imeni]

First off, id like to apologize in advance if this upsets anyone. I'm not trying to make an issue or anything, just curious about an observation and hope i can give some clarity to the situation.

I love being a crossdresser, and i love you guys, be it crossdressers or transgenders or Steve. I might not go to marches or be openly vocal about it but I like to think that I'm extremely supportive of the LGBT community. Marry who you wanna marry, wear what you wanna wear, go be happy, go do you. At what point do you consider crossdressing to be just that?

In my mind, the term crossdresser simply refers to the act of one person of a particular sex wearing the clothes of the other gender. But in many threads you hear stories about how, especially since this is a male to female crossdressing forum group, that wives/girlfriends/family members don't or can't accept that simple act due to religion/upbringing/personal views or fears on the subject. Which begs the question, are transgender people or those who wanting to and havent, who live under the guise of a crossdresser, doing emotional damage towards those who wont/cant ever transition or be anything than the man who they are in life.

If you're transgender, from what I've gathered from personal stories and the like, many believe that they are just born in the wrong body. And many alter their life/body to reflect this. So in this, wearing women's clothes isn't strictly crossdressing as you consider yourself a woman, you would just like to live the life you want without issues, thereby if you are a woman, wearing women's clothing isn't taboo or weird, its expected.

But what about those of us who don't ever want to transition? Who like that you can wear the pretty things, do the forms/wigs/makeup, feel pretty, do you, and in the end, take it all back off and go back to being a man? Who have zero interest in transitioning or having it reflect a large part of their life? Who have to live in a world, under an umbrella where women we're interested in start doubting themselves or their own sexuality because i like wearing panties? That because they hear stories about crossdressers who are secretly transgender people or they are worried, despite constant reassurance, that we don't want that. Some of us get lucky and we get ladies in our lives who will just accept it whole heartly. They know that its just some clothes and the guys they are with are just that, men who wear panties, etc.

I've been single for almost five years now, just hit 30 not too long ago, been a member here for a few years and I simply can't bring myself to want to try and date. Because I can't see myself finding someone who would want to willingly date a crossdresser, even one who really only does it to unstress/fetishism, because im afraid that the sheer amount of issues that would arise from it isn't worth the idea that i can be happy with another person. That just because occasionally I wear panties and a nightie to bed, that she might start to doubt herself as a woman because i have some weirdness that i can't do anything about.

And I can't help but feel that a lot of her uneasiness would stem from the notion that she would think that because im a crossdresser, which happens to be an umbrella term that we simply refuse to actually define, she would/could believe that I can fall into any of the categories below and no amount of reassurance can lead her to the right conclusion. At what point do we accept that by trying to please everyone, we could be doing more potential damage and hurting loved ones who come here looking for advice and get more scared than they were before they got here.

[Nikki.]

Not exactly sure what your question is?

[Lorileah]

:facepalm: Here we go again

First, in order to communicate within the forum there is a sticky in Intro that defines word

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions-and-Abbreviations

But I know that there will be members who argue that too. So, to go on, threads about how you are labeled or want to be labeled tend to get into mud slinging contests. You will pretty much find that most here will let you define yourself in any manner you feel like defining yourself. I expect that this will be a short run thread. With that, follow the rules, be nice. The first flame will be the last here.

[MartineCD]

Hi Imeni

Firstly, I'm tell you how I define/label myself. I am a married heterosexual male who enjoys occasionally wearing female clothing ranging from just panties and tights to getting fully dressed including wig and make-up. I have no intention or need to become a woman or be desired by a man.

Next the term Crossdresser is (in my and this is a personal opinion) used to cover such wide spectrum of people and how they choose go dress that it defies all but the definition you mentioned. The wearing of clothing used by the opposite gender.

Do I feel emotional damage by reading about someone who has chosen to transition? No, as that is not the journey I am taking. By the same token I am not negatively affected by reading about those who have acceping wives or girlfriends or have the confidence to go out dressed in public.

If anything my experience here has been entirely positive.

Hope this helps to give you another perspective.

M x

[CONSUELO]

I'm not sure what the question is either. It might be this----

-- "Which begs the question, are transgender people or those who wanting to and havent, who live under the guise of a crossdresser, doing emotional damage towards those who wont/cant ever transition or be anything than the man who they are in life."

If so it is a strange question. I cannot for the life of me think of why.

[mykell]

:D


;)

im a little confused by what the question is ????

[Heidi Stevens]

Hi Imeni, you seem to be seeking answers to some tough questions. So tough we're having problems trying to figure them out to get you good answers. If you are confused on where you fit in all this wonderful mess, may I suggest you get an hour or two of counseling with someone who works in the gender field. They will have a better grasp on how to get you some answers to get you comfortable with wherever you are. Good luck!

[jennifer0918]

From my experience with trans woman that I had as friends before 99%of them start off as homosexual and later down the road decide to transition. Again if I offend anyone I'm sorry only opinion from my own experience. So I ask them why did you transition 100% of them said to me because of the money,they make more money as a ts,then a gayboy meaning escorting, backpage, and craigslist. The downside they are miserable because of the hormones and the chemical in balance and what not.Me I'm happy as cd,but if one day decide to transition it will be until my child is grown and im retired and I will be a lesbian, no interest in men!!!!

[Megan G]

99%of them start off as homosexual and later down the road decide to transition.....So I ask them why did you transition 100% of them said to me because of the money,they make more money as a

Well not going to flame (your welcome Lori) but OMG you need to meet some real TS women then because I don't know of one single TS that transitioned because of the above... Smh😖

[Lorileah]

:eek: 99%? Really? Not buying that at all. Not buying any of that post. Jury will disregard that post

[Tracii G]

They all start out as homosexuals ??
Yeah not buying any of those reasons because not one TS woman I know is an escort or a craigslist lady of the evening.
Makes me wonder what you think TS women are.

[Amelie]

I can't comment on the transgender/crossdresser discussion, cause it is too complicated and could mean different things to different people.

But I'd like to add to what Jennifer said. I am not saying her numbers are correct but when I was young I first thought I was gay before I realized that I was a woman. I had no knowledge as a young teen what transgender was, there was no word transgender back then. But I did know what gay was and some gays had some of the same traits/feelings that I had. Of course not all trans and not even a lot start out as gay, but I sort of did.

Also, there are transsexual escorts, plenty of them. I use to be a sex worker,, that's a nice way of saying it. I am on a forum for transsexual escorts.



I didn't think you were totally wrong Jennifer, maybe with the numbers could be off a bit. But there are people in other countries like Brazil for instance where your gay to transsexual example could be true. In Iran gays are somewhat forced to become transsexuals by Gov't. But that is a bit different. There are many situations in the world, people don't always follow one path.

[ReineD]

... Who have to live in a world, under an umbrella where women we're interested in start doubting themselves or their own sexuality because i like wearing panties? That because they hear stories about crossdressers who are secretly transgender people or they are worried, despite constant reassurance, that we don't want that.

I've been single for almost five years now ... and I simply can't bring myself to want to try and date. ... That just because occasionally I wear panties and a nightie to bed, that she might start to doubt herself as a woman because i have some weirdness that i can't do anything about. ... And I can't help but feel that a lot of her uneasiness would stem from the notion that she would think that because im a crossdresser, which happens to be an umbrella term that we simply refuse to actually define, she would/could believe that I can fall into any of the categories below and no amount of reassurance can lead her to the right conclusion.

At what point do we accept that by trying to please everyone, we could be doing more potential damage and hurting loved ones who come here looking for advice and get more scared than they were before they got here.


I think I understand your question. I've pared down your post to isolate the major points. Basically, this thread is about not wanting to get in a relationship with a woman who will constantly fear that you want more than to just crossdress, because when she sees the word "transgender" in the media (or in this forum) it often means someone who is already TS, or who wants to transition, or who will want to transition down the road sometime.

Well, I hear ya! lol. I'm one of those GGs who was convinced my own SO was on his way to transition, despite all his assurances to the contrary. But it wasn't because everyone uses the term "transgender" in different ways, whether it is as an umbrella term for anyone who crosses any gender barrier, as a substitute for "transsexual", or as some vague middle point between "crossdresser" or "transsexual".

I instead believed he was going to transition because he kept ramping up the CDing ... from dressing in private only and only having a small amount of clothes, to establishing online femme profiles, then wanting to meet people who didn't know his guy self, then going out more and more out in public, ramping up the wardrobe, going from shaving lower legs occasionally to shaving all over all the time, getting photo shoots, going to TG conventions, getting femme haircuts (my SO has long hair), getting ears pierced, growing out nails, getting laser beard removal, going from regular to expensive designer clothing, loving to go out dressed alone without me, all of which gave me the impression that all these activities were a great deal more important to him than anything else in his life. It was the increasing importance he placed on all of this that led to my belief he was on his way to transition and if he told me otherwise then he must be in denial.

I was wrong. As soon as it stabilized, I stopped thinking he would want to transition. And then it all started to slow down again. By this time my SO for years had been everywhere dressed, had taken vacations dressed, and it was no longer new. Eventually other things in life became a priority for my SO again. If my SO were transsexual, this wouldn't have happened.

So if ever you do get into a relationship with a GG and she doesn't see you ramp anything up exponentially your first few years together, then why would she believe that you want to take this further.

[CONSUELO]

Well I don't know where this thread is heading and I still don't understand the original question, if there was one. Perhaps it can be clarified.

However, as happens quite a lot on this forum, I see bold statements being made that seem to be only supported by anecdotal evidence. Few of us know a significant sample of gays, TS,TG or cross dressers and those we do know are not randomly and blindly selected as would be needed for a proper scientific study. Its nice to see all of the opinions but keep the salt cellar handy.

[Eryn]

I see it as a continuum. Some are happy with underdressing, some need to wear outerwear, some need to go out, etc., all the way along to some need extensive surgery to conform to the image of natal women. Sometimes we enter the continuum as CDers and then slide sideways to a position they find more comfortable.

That's just how it is. There's no need for divisiveness.

Oh. I know a number of transitioned ladies. None identified as gay before transitioning.

[Rogina B]

From my experience with trans woman that I had as friends before 99%of them start off as homosexual and later down the road decide to transition. Again if I offend anyone ...

I doubt all of this !

[jennifer0918]

Opinions vary

[GBJoker]

I think I know how to answer OP's question, but not sure my bluntness would fly too well here.

[Lorileah]

Hey Joker, can't you put it nicely? It would maybe help the thread

[Imeni]

Ok, sorry, ive had slight brain damage in the past which makes it really hard for me to notice when i dont get my point out clearly. Like I feel that I have then i read the comments and im like, ...shit. Ok. So.

I was more curious about where people stood on the idea that crossdressers are easily described. Wearing the opposite sex's clothes, for whatever reason one has. But transexuals almost use their terminology to carpet over a huge facet of beliefs and ideas that affect us. Much like how ever Jacuzzi is a hot tub but not every hot tub is a Jacuzzi, then having to live in a world where yes, we have our own struggles, but now even more so that we almost have to hide more that transgendered people are so open which leads to a greater area of damage to not just one group of people but many. Like how does that affect your day to day life, or plans on life as a whole?

[carrie001]

Who's Steve?

[stephNE]

I'm not sure there is one answer to this question, as there are many differing views.
I am a crossdresser, and 100% hetero. I think the term transgender, or trans, is an umbrella term that covers all of us. IMO, any one who blurs the line between man and woman, is a part of this big T-group.

[NicoleScott]

If we all use different definitions, then when you say a word I hear something different, and that means we're not communicating.
Even when crossdressed I identify as a guy and as a crossdresser under the transgender umbrella.
Others define TG, as Reine said, as some vague middle point between crossdresser or transsexual. In my opinion, it is to separate themselves from those who have a sexual aspect to their dressing, but only dressing to express their internal feminine identity, and therefore not CD. On the other side, with no current intention to transition, not TS. In the middle, TG. I have no idea what "trans" means as a stand-alone noun, only as a prefix.

[Lorileah]

and we're not making this a CD vs TS thread...right?

[ReineD]

Ok, sorry, ive had slight brain damage in the past which makes it really hard for me to notice when i dont get my point out clearly. Like I feel that I have then i read the comments and im like, ...shit. Ok. So.

I was more curious about where people stood on the idea that crossdressers are easily described. Wearing the opposite sex's clothes, for whatever reason one has. But transexuals almost use their terminology to carpet over a huge facet of beliefs and ideas that affect us.

Sorry, I thought you were asking about how to handle this is future relationships with GGs. So it's simple really, you can explain to a future love interest that you are not transgender, you are instead a garden-variety crossdresser whose sense of male gender is not affected and will not be affected in the future.

As to the rest, if a MtF TS says she is transsexual, then how does this carpet over the TG umbrella. And if you are concerned about people who identify as transgender and who use this term as an umbrella to include crossdressers (even those who have no gender issues), then again you could always explain to a future girlfriend that you are not transgender. In other words, you are free to define yourself as you like!

But, I don't think you will ever get people to agree to a definition of "transgender". There will always be people who insist it is an umbrella term for everyone who crosses any gender barrier including just clothes, others who will insist it means a midway point between crossdresser and transsexual, and others who will insist it is a preferred term for transsexual.