Crossdressing is tough on new relationships

[SharonDenise]

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my desire to cross dress. More open before children and more secretive while they were growing up. This wonderful relationship lasted 40 plus years until she died two years ago. I've been very slowly starting to date again. I've told two of my previous relationships that I cross dress. It was okay with them as they had family members with similar desires. My last relationship turned out very differently. On my fourth date with a lady I liked very much, I let her know about my cross dressing. There was an immediate negative reaction. I feel that I'm doing the right thing by bringing out my cross dressing right away, but its tough on my relationships.

[Dana44]

Yes a few women will not be good with it. But it is best to let them know before any relationship. Funny, I had told mine but she thought I was kidding when we hooked up until I brought it out again. She is good with it and supports it. But I must man up every now and then. So it is tough on any relationship, even supportive ones.

[NancySue]

I totally agree. I was engaged to a wonderful lady. I knew I had to tell her and did as I wanted no secrets. Her reaction was not good. Eventually, we went our separate ways. I was sad and depressed, and didn't date much. A couple years later I met "the girl". We became very committed to each other. I anguished over whether to tell her or not. As our relationship grew closer to the altar, I knew I had to take that "leap of faith" and tell her, which I did, expecting her to dash to the nearest exit. To my total surprise, she stayed. She sensed there was something bothering me. I've always respected female intuition/ESP. She told me she respected my courage and honesty. We had many "heart to hearts". It's the best thing I ever did and believe you did the right thing. She helps and supports everything I do. Neither of us understand my needs but realize it's here to stay and is now an important part of our marriage.

[SophieLiz]

I met my wife during a purge and felt I had completely given up on crossdressing for good. During this time I learnt her views on crossdressers which was "freaks" and so when my urge to dress came back I never dared bring it up.
Eventually the marriage broke down (for other reasons) so now I'm free to dress as much as I like.

The problem I have now is that I have accepted Sophie as an integral part of who I am and I have no idea how and when I would ever bring this up with a possible future partner. Instead I'm avoiding getting involved with anybody for this very reason. Obviously not a healthy thing to do

[Alice Torn]

At, 62, never married, I have had only rejection, and hostility over it, when i said so. Or, a latent disrespect over it. And, maybe just friends at best, because of it. I have never really been in a position to be married, so just platonic dating is all i am qualified for, anyway. It is a deal breaker with most women.

[bridget thronton]

I do not know what if right for you- but in my case I cannot keep secrets from my spouse

[Krisi]

Welcome to reality. Like it or not, crossdressing is seen as weird (at best) by the public. Many women would rather not get involved with it just like they would rather not get involved with someone with a drug, drinking or gambling problem. Not that crossdressing is the same as the others, just that life is simpler without the CD thing thrown in. And of course, most people think a crossdresser is either gay or will want to begin living as a woman, have surgery, etc.

[Tina_gm]

Yes, there are still more people who either simply do not want to deal with it, or have very negative opinions about it. So chances are when telling a romantic partner, at least at 1st the reaction will probably not be a positive one.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sharon:hugs:, It's good to get that out of the way early on so if they don't want to e part of it they just move on...:daydreaming:...

[CONSUELO]

I'm sure it is but you are doing the right thing by being honest and open about it as early as possible in the relationship. I applaud you for that while feeling sympathetic to the difficulties it can cause. Your honesty in your previous relationship seems to have paid off handsomely and I am sure that is the sort of relationship you would want again.
Don't change, be honest and you will eventually find the relationship you deserve, which is one of openess and honesty. All my best wishes to you.

[Karen RHT]

We win some, we loose some. For the majority, crossdressing is but one facet of one's life. If we loose a relationship with someone over one facet of our life, what have we really lost??


Karen

[phili]

Try to signal your genderfluidity all the time- wear a bracelet or necklace, light fabrics, move differently. Then you will feel more like yourself and women who feel comfortable with that will sidle up to talk.

[Teresa]

Sharon,
I know you're doing the right thing, you can't go into a new relationship and start by hiding things, either way it's going to be painful if the person in question can't relate to CDing. I have come out to so many women and every single one is very accepting of my dressing but of course I'm not looking for a close relationship with them. It was something I may have faced if I had separated from my wife but it may have been different anyway because I did intended to go almost full time.

[Stephanie47]

Yes, cross dressing may be "tough on new relationships" but, then again, at my age which is your age, I don't have time for people who exhibit intolerance for others. And, that is not limited to just cross dressing. After seven decades of interacting with others people have to start meeting my standards and not their standards.

[gina shiney]

For those of us that know that we are cross dressers it is hard when looking for partner that will accept our "hobby".
In knowing that we have these desires and compulsions there is a honesty that we should share with our prospective mate, not doing so will cause us all kinds of psychological angst which is ultimately going to affect the relationship anyway. Yes it is difficult but not impossible to find a partner to accept. Just looking and reading on this site gives one hope, there are many posts on accepting wife's.
I think of all the people who don't know at the time of starting a relationship or who think that they can "give it up" and of all the grief that they and ultimately their partner go through.
Try and look at the positive side, you know what drives you and can in the long term benefit from the cull that is currently taking place. Be strong and optimistic.
Gina

[Sara Jessica]

Crossdressing is tough on new relationships

And in other news, the sky is blue...

Ba da boom!

Seriously, I don't know how one goes about the disclosure thing in this internet age where if anything goes south, dissemination of such disclosures is just a little too easy.

In my dating prior to marriage, including dating my wife, I was young and stupid (?) and found it rather easy to disclose. I may not have confided the entire depth of my nature but I shared enough that my ex's who know could have had a field day if our break-ups were anything less than amicable. The messiest break-up I ever had was with someone who I was tempted to disclosed to...and she even confided in me at one point that she found the thought of dressing and making up her guy to be an incredible turn-on (htf did I resist?). Then again, disclosure to her would have been an absolute train wreck...how did I know?

Anyways, I guess the easiest solution is to disclose early and hope for the best which is really all I have ever experienced. I feel for those who found themselves shoulder-deep in a relationship (or worse, married) without disclosure. Now that is something I have zero experience with and can offer nothing of benefit when it comes to advice.