Venting.....

[Dragonfir3zz]

It's hard when because of my parwnts health to dress how i want because i am home with them so much, most days.

I have been able to get clothes that they pay no attension to, which does make me feel normal, yet still hard.

As i said, for them, i would give up my world as long as i need to even if it meant no more except under garments and easily passable clothing.

i LOVE THEM TOO MUCH, and they have been theu enough in their physical and mental medical issues.

[Pat]

Just a thought to consider... maybe they love you just as much as you love them. Maybe they would like to see you happy. Speaking as a parent, if one of my sons was transgender and was hiding it from me, I'd be devastated and feel I had done something wrong that they couldn't share that with me.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Of that i have no doubt, yet with all they have been theu and are going thru, they always tell me that i am the good son and dont know what they would do without me.

There is so much more to what is happening with them that only i know, and only i know the actual risks of saying something.

Please believe, that if in any way i thought no harm would come ro them i would tell them.

I know my dad, i know he may have a clue, but for him a clue is not knowing, no confirmation.

All i do is for them, my totem is the Wolf, and my pack is all that is important to me, always.

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I would give up HRT & thoughts of surgery forever if i had to be sure as not to hurt them.

I may only be able to be me a few times here and there, but it would be well worth the sacrifices just for them.

[sometimes_miss]

Just a thought to consider... maybe they love you just as much as you love them. Maybe they would like to see you happy. Speaking as a parent, if one of my sons was transgender and was hiding it from me, I'd be devastated and feel I had done something wrong that they couldn't share that with me.
And yet, there are millions of parents who would be horrified to find out that their child isn't perfectly straight. It's not necessarily their fault, they grew up in a time and society where to be anything else was a sin, a crime, something to be ashamed of. I wouldn't force that realization on the elderly, especially the ones that don't have a lot of nice things in their lives to enjoy in their final years.
What they don't know won't hurt them, in this case. Outing myself to my elderly relatives would not be to their benefit, only mine. So I don't burden them with my life.

[Tracii G]

Its your duty to care for them because they took care of you when you couldn't take care of yourself.
You are a good son.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Thank you, i could never do or repay all they have done for me, but i do try my best even with my own problems.

[SherylynJade]

I'm kinda in the same boat. My grandfather is in his mid/going on late 90's. My wife and I don't live with him, but less than 1/2 a mile. I'm his only grandchild, and his only child (my dad) passed away almost 3 years ago. So, I'm pretty much the one who takes care of him, along with a family friend who does the chores around the house. If it wasn't for him, I would have already transitioned. Almost did completely while I was living out of State several years ago, but moved back to help out.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Same here, If I hadnt moved back after my 2nd to last car accident cause my neck got worse, then my moms atroke and dads few mild heart attacks i would have fully transitioned as well. Instead i am back CD'ing when i can, or when i get together with my group of female friends and we have dinner and movie night or all go out.

[SherylynJade]

Yea, other than just around the house, I think it's been close to a year since I've been out anywhere as myself. Starting to get to me a little. (okay, maybe more than "starting to").

[Dragonfir3zz]

I feel like one of my leabian friends qhen she was young, sneaking cloths out so she could dress more like a boy.

Coming home and having most basic outfits & wig not noticed is easy, but makeup and nails......not so much.

[SherylynJade]

Very true. I don't even do my nails anymore because I never know when I'm going to have to go do something for him.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Yup, gotta be at the ready, if they fall, foeget etc....

[Krisi]

I think it's best to keep your dressing and surgery desires from your parents. They don't need any more surprises and concerns. From your postings, it seems they won't be around for long so I suggest doing what you can for them while they are still here. It would be selfish to spring this on them at this point in their lives. You can put it off.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Agreed, which sadly is the way it is. There is still time for me to get to be me.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Mom is worse, she foegets ahe rook her meds for pain, so she takes them again and ends up in high gear. Today she fell 3 times, luckily didnt break anything, but ahe is so frail that is a major concern. I can see it wearing on dad, the crying helps too, but i see how the emotional is affecting his own physical problems.

I feel bad for complaing that i cant go out dressed properly, and just cant stop to rhink how selfish. I do still get to sleep in what i want as they dont come down and i always hear rhwm, veey light sleeper, plus its juat easier to use the intercom or phone.

All my friends are ao far, the ones that know (my GG friends), that them or even one ro come for a girls night aleep over is basically impossible.

I did ask dad to stay home so i could get out tomorrow, and Wednesday when i go to therapist 90 min away.............of course he said, you do so much and we both are thankful for you, you need a day just say so. Came downstairs for a small cey. :eek:

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So its 10.23am est and mom just left in ambulance with dad following. She took 4 nasty falls in last 6 or so hours. I will follow if they keep her. Her leg has bad bruise and is difficult to use.:eek:

[Dragonfir3zz]

So she broke her hip, and will jave to go to a rehab place to get stronger.

Fad has been staying with her, which has let me dress as i want. I feel guilty doing this with all going on, but it helps me relax to feel like me.

[Alice Torn]

n 2012, i was the last one to see my mom alive, as i was at the nursing home that night she died. Two months ago my dad died, after i helped with him for over six years. There is no way i would have let them know about my dressing, and no way i will let my remaining aunt, and sister and brother know. It would have caused big , unnecessary troubles. I had a very difficult relationships with all, as it was.