Well I've never...!

[Robin414]

been reacted to negatively. So I've been 'out' all over the place en tween or en femme now for two years and I've never had a negative reaction. OK, once when I was en drab buying a pair of Steve Madden flats obviously for myself (remember as a dude I look like a vice cop) the SA was less than accepting. But en tween or better I find people are actually nicer...women smile and call me hon and sweetie. I had a nurse at a clinic recently pat my butt as I was was getting an x-ray and even male SAs are exceptionally 'delicate'.

I think 'acceptance' is the new cool, either that or people are scared out of their minds that this 5'13" amazon chic is going to beat them senseless and post the video to you tube!

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've hardly had any negative comments either, and it's not because I'm passing! I am actually 5' 14" and my head is either shaved or light stubble, as is my face. I go into regular stores and thrift stores looking for skirts, sometimes dresses, and stores to buy underwear and hosiery off the sale racks. I've definitely had some double takes, but no one has objected or tried to get me to leave. I've had the ladies at the bible/church based thrift stores bring me skirts they think I might be interested in.

[Alice_2014_B]

I've been given compliments by SA's on my dress and I've been whistled at. The time I was whistled at I was wearing a LBD, bare legs, and some very cute black heels.
Never had a negative experience during all my times out en femme.
:)

[Tania75]

While I have never been out shopping dressed, I have spent time on the other side of the shop counter as a sales assistant, and while most customers were a bit ho-hum, we would welcome anybody with a bit of enthusiasm, male, female or otherwise, it didn't really matter, and you would be surprised who the return customers were (actually, on this forum, you wouldn't be surprised).
Just as in life, enjoy being yourself, and do it with a smile and a positive attitude, and all will be lovely.

[Lana Mae]

I am not out but even shopping in drab no SA ever asked who an item was for nor did I ever tell them. Have had reaction from one SA and was only asking directions! I think she was having a bad day or something!! If you are relatively confident acting they will be fine! If they did ask I would not lie to them!! Just my 2 c !! Hugs Lana Mae

[Allisa]

Well I'm sure some have read my experiences being out and about and some were negative but I generally get "cute" comments like hon and sweetie even when full male which is generally after work on the way home or when taking on a home project, but out shopping en-femme always, if not more of an effeminate male(earrings, bracelets, etc...)and my own hair hanging down and somewhat styled and of course my diminished height(5'-6") and I guess I put out an air of vulnerability? thus I get treated nicely, I'm not a threat so why bother and maybe because I smile and treat everyone with respect and I've learned the art of being passive aggressive. Well back to your initial subject, I have been and it doe's test your resolve.

[Lori Kurtz]

I was in an airport once--this was long before the current terrorism paranoia, and the airport seemed like a nice anonymous public place to go while dressed up--and I was enjoying walking around in female mode. I was in a reasonable blend-in sort of outfit, and most people didn't bat an eyelash at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a woman pointing at me, and when I looked more directly at her, I realized that she was pointing me out to a police officer. I'm busted, I thought, and was terrified about what might happen if the policeman confronted me. But he didn't. Apparently, even back then (roughly 1970, I think), the police officer decided that he had better things to do than hassle a guy who, for whatever reason, was wearing women's clothing. Whew.

[Krisi]

The other side of the story:

I was walking in the outdoor mall one evening near closing time so most of the people were gone. I thought I looked pretty good and I was dressed for the mall, not the club. I walked around the corner and a middle aged woman was walking toward me. She looked me up and down and gave me a look that sent me back home.

It's not all peaches and cream out there. You win some and you lose some.

[Robin414]

I was leaving a clinic a couple days ago en tween and a rather elderly woman stopped and gave me an odd look and as I passed I turned my head slightly and could see she was still looking.

Yah, I know what she was thinking "Damn, I remember when I looked that good in them there skinny jeans n' boots!"

[Tracii G]

I have had a few less that optimum reactions but most people are nice and I really don't seem to upset them too much.
I do get female SA's call me sugar or sweetie.
Had a male SA to at a sporting goods place smile and say hi may I help you find anything?
He was really nice and I had fun talking to him. Very cute too.

[ellbee]

It's been my experience that the worst in *social* settings are as follows:

Male, hetero (known or assumed), age 20-45, lower on the socio-economic ladder, perhaps in small packs of two or more. Alcohol may or may not be involved. Environment is not particularly known for its gay/CD/drag/whatever.


Scenario: They're checking you out. I know the look. Been there, done that, blah blah. Everything is going fine, passing, passing, passing...

Oh- wait a sec! Something shifts, either internally (in their heads) or externally (change of lighting or angle or something).

Then it hits them, whether 5 seconds later or 5 minutes later: They've been checking out a DUDE!

And they typically don't take too kindly to that.


In my head, it's like, "Um, excuse me... But I'm over here just minding my own business -- *you're* the one who's been checking me out, derp!

Only person to be angry with is YOURSELF!"


And I know we'd all like to play keyboard commando's, here. But honestly? At that point, best to stay away from them, ignore them, whatever.

It's not worth it, IMO, because things can certainly escalate from there.

[docrobbysherry]

That's great, Robin! :thumbsup:

I guess I'm the only one getting flack out there? On the other hand, I either look like a homely old man in a young woman's dress or a masked mystery. It probably doesn't help that I dress to blend the way Madonna does----:devil:

[Robin414]

Madonna is still hot and your style totally rocks Sherry!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Oh- wait a sec! Something shifts, either internally (in their heads) or externally (change of lighting or angle or something).

Then it hits them, whether 5 seconds later or 5 minutes later: They've been checking out a DUDE!

And they typically don't take too kindly to that.

I wonder if that's why I have not really had any serious negative interactions? To most people, even if they are not really looking at me, I'm instantly a guy. At 6'2" and 200 pounds, striding along, not many are going to assume "woman" If they do them pay attention, and when we get to the "What’s he wearing? Is that a skirt?" They're just pretty much trying to figure why I’m doing it, if it bothers them at all. As they don't feel in any way that I'm "tempting" them it skips that whole fear that they might be gay, or worse, might be thought of as gay, so we don't get into that fear/anger thing.

I had to walk past a landscaping crew the other day that I expected to generate something, but all I got, and only from the last guy in line who had his head down looking for something in his pockets, was, "Is he wearing a dress? Is that a dress? is it comfortable?" from behind me as walked up the hill. I turned around and said, "It's a skirt, but yes, very comfortable" he seemed completely stunned, and I think, a little envious, as he was wearing denim cut offs, and no shirt, but still looked sweaty.

[lynnstar]

I do all my shopping in drab. I may be underdressed at the time but outwardly i am in drab. I have shopped for slips and skirts and shirts at thrift shops , walmart, k-mart and good will andI even at the burrlington coat factory with no problem. Being retired military, i even bought fem underwear at the post PX. Again! No problem. Once years ago, i went to a freds dept store and bought a bra/pantie ensamble and a half slip. When i went to pay for them the young woman asked if they were for me? I lied and said no but she smiled and said nothing else. I think she knew i was lieing judging from the look and smile on her face. Anyway , i paid for the items and left. But basically! I very seldom have an issue buying fem clothes.

[StefaniLara]

I've never had any problem buying clothes for myself, or even being out in public. The closest thing I've come to being disrespected, and frankly it was really disrespectful in retrospect, was when I was out at a gay club, one where there's a drag show every night, and a server bringing me my drink called me sir. I didn't let it rankle me, though it did kind of annoy me. Other than that, I'm either ignored by everyone, or called ma'am.

[ellbee]

I wonder if that's why I have not really had any serious negative interactions? To most people, even if they are not really looking at me, I'm instantly a guy. At 6'2" and 200 pounds, striding along, not many are going to assume "woman" If they do them pay attention, and when we get to the "What’s he wearing? Is that a skirt?" They're just pretty much trying to figure why I’m doing it, if it bothers them at all. As they don't feel in any way that I'm "tempting" them it skips that whole fear that they might be gay, or worse, might be thought of as gay, so we don't get into that fear/anger thing.

Yeah, I know *genuinely* passing (or even simply temporarily passing) can be a bit of a "holy grail" for some, and admittedly it's easier for some girls & in certain situations & environments, than others.

But honestly? It's not all that it's cracked up to be, either. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try, if that's what you're after. Hey, go for it. Look & be your best & most realistic. Don't blame you in the least bit. I'm right there with you.


Though be forewarned that it can open up a whole new can of worms, oftentimes finding yourself in very unexpected & odd circumstances.

And it's not like it's something you can just easily be prepared for ahead of time when dealing with it, as every instance can present some unique & difficult challenges, with no clear-cut correct response.


What makes it even worse is that, from my experience, it's way easier to accidentally "fool" men than it is to fool GG's... Because, well, guys can be pretty stupid sometimes, ha! Though I suppose GG's also just have a much better eye & sense for certain things.


Anyway, it's a really messed-up position to be in when it does happen. Some of you out there may know what I'm talking about, LOL.

And for those who wish they could? Seriously, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Be happy with wherever you are.