Question for the GGs?

[heathr1]

I'm still in the closet and apart from my ex girlfriend and possibly her mother, no one else knows.

She was supportive.

Here is the $64,0000 question.

What proportion of your GG friends do you feel would be accepting if a male friend told them they CD?

[Bev06 GG]

Most of my friends would be horrified. I know this because not so very long ago at work one of our mothers (I am a supervisor at an out of schools club) came in and announced to all of my staff that she'd just thrown her husband out for wearing her knickers. Most of the staff were horrified and sympathised with her, telling her that she'd no option to take the action that she had, if only to protect their 11year old daughter.
I have to say that I suspect there must have been other problems in the relationship to take such drastic action, however, try as I might I could not get anyone to see the husbands point of view. I work with a smashing bunch of girls, but I think rather narrow minded.
BEVxxx

[Ms. Donna]

Most of the staff were horrified and sympathised with her, telling her that she'd no option to take the action that she had, if only to protect their 11year old daughter.

Protect her from what? Was he wearing her knickers?

This is one position for which I have little patience - the notion that crossdressers are are so deviant as to liken them to child-molesters. :mad:

I'd say that narrow minded is one of the more polite ways to discribe their reaction.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Bev06 GG]

I agree Donna,
there is so much ignorance out there you just can't believe it can you. Judging by the reaction of my work colleagues I guess most people think that CDs are perverted.
BEVxxxx

[BrendaB GG]

I would like to think that most of my friends would be ok with it. However, I hang with a very liberal group. A lot of them are gay or bisexual, or at least gay friendly. I've had men confide to me that they are gay, but never a TG (until my husband of course!). I know that I myself would be ok with it, but then I have educated myself on the subject, so I have that advantage over some girl in the office who has never run into this before.
Hard one to answer!
Brenda

[Anita Mae GG]

Well I only hang out with one friend We've been best friends for 19 years, IF I told her about Danielle (which I haven't) She would be cool with it. But like I said, I only hang out with her. I don't have time for much else. Not with 4 kids....

[kathy gg]

When I used to work, I found most women {40's and oder} were completely freaked out by the idea that their husband would do this. They did not know about our private life, but the few times the general topic came up the input was negative and disturbing.

I try hard to avoid people who are not open to difference.

But to answer yoru question... I think some women are okay with it if it is a guy friend who there is no chance of ever having a relationship with. But I think when it crosses the line and becomes more than friendship some women are just not able to process it. Hard to give a rough guess of percentage though....

[Flo's wife GG]

I only have a few friends and of them I feel that I could share with them about my SO if she felt comfortable with me telling someone.
I know that members of my family would be very supportive if we were to tell them. I have freinds gay, bi, straight and those who just aren't sure yet so I would like to think that they are as open as I am.
And the friends that I have made here have made such a difference in our lives.

[Joanie]

Most of my friends would be horrified. I know this because not so very long ago at work one of our mothers (I am a supervisor at an out of schools club) came in and announced to all of my staff that she'd just thrown her husband out for wearing her knickers. Most of the staff were horrified and sympathised with her, telling her that she'd no option to take the action that she had, if only to protect their 11year old daughter.
I have to say that I suspect there must have been other problems in the relationship to take such drastic action, however, try as I might I could not get anyone to see the husbands point of view. I work with a smashing bunch of girls, but I think rather narrow minded.
BEVxxx

Amazing, especially incredible how women have taken over men's blue jeans and a bunch of other stuff and no one calls them deviant! Today's paper had a picture on a person wearing jeans (no face show) that extended across the newspaper fold, only when I got to the bottom and saw the high heels at the end of the picture with "Name brand women's jeans/pants on sale" did I know which gender it was intended for, yet the thought of a man wearing women's lingerie in private evidently horrifies the world, a world that thinks nothing of women having appropriated what was once traditional male garb.
P.S.-I think women wearing blue jeans, etc. is fine, this isn't an attack on them!

[Bliss GG]

Long before I met my CD boyfriend, I was with some of my girlfriends one evening, and one of them was describing a dream she'd had about her current boyfriend. In the dream, she was taking his pants down and realized that he was wearing women's underwear. The rest of the group shrieked with laughter. One of them said, "what a way to find out he's gay!" Trying to set her straight I said, "that doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, lots of straight men wear women's underwear." There was a lot more embarrassed laughter, with the concusion being that gay or straight, they wouldn't be with a man who wore women's underwear or any women's clothing. I didn't understand what the problem was, they didn't understand why I had no problem with it. The conversation lapsed into confused silence until someone changed the subject.

I think a lot of my women friends do equate crossdressing with homosexuality. So they are o.k. with it in theory, just as they are o.k. with some men being gay. But date one? No, they wouldn't. And I haven't shared with any of them that my boyfriend wears pants in public, but skirts and dresses in private. That's what brought me here actually. Looking for women friends (GGs) who aren't freaked out.

[Elsie GG]

I am very fortunate that I attend an open and affirming church where we honestly welcome gays, lesbians, transgenders and cross dressers where-ever they are at in their spiritual journey, as the indivieduals they are. We became open and affirming several years before Dian accepted herself and I became her only confidant (before our first "out of town" dinner last month). I believe that having been a part of that church family and getting to know two transgenders in the choir, made it much easier for me, when I first encountered Dian en femme.

I also am fortunate that I work for an major corporation that supports the gay, lesbian, transgender community. They provide benefits for same sex partners. We had an incredible lunch presentation last year where over a hundred employees wore their ranbow colored PRIDE tee-shirts, and we had some of the sr. management team talk about their experiences in society as gays, lesbians and transgenders at work, when traveling or building their families.

A couple of the women I work with would be as accepting as I, but I have a feeling that there are many out there that would not be as comfortable. A couple guys I walk with every day at lunch would definitely be uncomfortable (maybe accepting) if they knew my husband's "little secret". I fully support the transgender community if the conversation comes up. I don't bring it up on my own. My biggest concern is if someone were to ask my why I am so adament about my support of this wonderful group of people. If it comes up my response is I sing in a quintet of 3 lesbians and two straight gals. Best group I ever joined. I also work with several members in the GLAD community, and have met their partners. I guess I am one of the furtunate few who have discovered the challenges and beauty of this group that sits at the margin of our society.

The problem at hand for CDs is finding a group that is comfortable with knowing and accepting the diversity of the individual.

[1989bccclasmate]

I think it depends on the closeness and openess of the GG. You pretty much can tell by the opening likes, "youre so pretty"..you dont normally describe a boy as pretty unless they are femme and in that case most likely they have a greater possibbility of CDing
I didnt have a problem accepting my one friend or any of my newer friends..his X fiance did though and it was very painful for him and I think he was glad he fond me to trust!

[Alexandria]

Most of my friends know about my secret life. In fact, they are supportive of it. They call me "Scottisha" (lame name I know).

There are a few people who dislike my crossdressing. One of them a highly conservative Christian girl, where fears sent me to a guilt trip that led me up to my first (and hopefully last) clothing purge. Most of my male friends find the idea rather weird so I never bring it up with them.

But still, a majority of the GG's I know are suprisingly supportive. I've been suprised many times when exposing my secret and having them say "That's it? There's nothing to be ashamed of! I find it quite charming!"

If you want to spread your secret out, don't do so directly, but kinda "tease" your GG friends about the idea, perhaps ask "Hmm, this is a fantastic dress...I'd like to try it on!". If they find it weird or say nothing, drop it. If they find the idea amusing and charming, press the idea further :).

Of course, like Brenda, I choose to hang out with a very liberal group of friends (mostly bi's, lesbians, or just simply open-minded). So they can completly understand how I feel, especially as I have to hide this all from my family.

Elsie, what kind of church is this? I've been looking for a good open-minded church.

[ladyelaine]

Is it easier for another to appreciate what we do, and say nothing, but too difficult for this same person to express approval?

Elaine

[Julia Cross]

My experience when the topic has come up has been, and they didn't know I dressed as well, mostly negative. I think while many will accept it, at least to your face, they wouldn't want it in their lives. I also feel that many while saying they understand, would actually have other things to sayt when you are not around.

I don't think society has made big enough strides forward in acceptance of transgendered issues, largely in part os lack of education. As well in recent years there has been a push towards the extremes of both sexes in the mass media, again influencing those who can't think for themselves or are afraid to stand up to sway towards the traditional gender differences.

I would say be cautious with whom you tell.

Julia

[ReginaK]

Protect her from what? Was he wearing her knickers?

This is one position for which I have little patience - the notion that crossdressers are are so deviant as to liken them to child-molesters. :mad:

I'd say that narrow minded is one of the more polite ways to discribe their reaction.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

If that ticks you off, don't read the DSM-IV. "Transvestic fetishists", as the psychology industry refers to us, are in the same some category as pedophiles.


* DSM-IV Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders: Paraphilias
o 302.4 Exhibitionism
o 302.81 Fetishism
o 302.89 Frotteurism
o 302.2 Pedophilia
o 302.83 Sexual Masochism
o 302.84 Sexual Sadism
o 302.3 Transvestic Fetishism
o 302.82 Voyeurism


It's disappointing enough that we're seen as having a mental disorder. It's even worse we're likened to criminals. That's just gives the narrowminded of the world even more ammo.

[Ms. Donna]

If that ticks you off, don't read the DSM-IV. "Transvestic fetishists", as the psychology industry refers to us, are in the same some category as pedophiles.

Hi Regina,

Read it? I own a copy of the DSM-IV. It's on the bookshelf with the rest of my research materials.

And yea, it's enough to make you - well - sick. :rolleyes:

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Cheery GG]

Hi Hearth1,

most of my friends are absolutely fine with Lisa.....some of them dont know how i manage to cope with it, but they never force theyre opinions on me, they seem to admire me more for my open mindedness, rathjer than judging lisa in any way.

If my sister or the rest of my family knew however, they would be disgusted, they are all very narrow minded. Of course im not prepared to find out for sure....

cheery
xx

[heathr1]

Thank you for all your replies.

[heathr1]

I can only think of a couple of GGs myself who I remember saying as long as CDers are not hurting anyone they see nothing wrong with it.

[krista65]

My gosh..if I am "deviant" because I love beautiful feminine clothes..then half the world should be thrown in jail!..LOL

I ahve heard that too.."as long as you don't hurt someone, then it is ok"..see to me that is a copout too..they are not understanding you..why in the world would a person hurt someone because of the fact they wear women's clothes????..that attitude is what has kept me semi in the closet all my life and led to a lot of confusion and lonliness on my part..no hugs this time Krista:mad:

[ReginaK]

I forgot all about this thread and I never really answered your question.

Out the handful of GGs I know, only 2 of them are completely accepting of it. But that has a lot to do with their background. They're both bisexual and both swingers, so they are pretty accepting people in general. One GG I know doesn't accept it, but she's tolerant of it. In otherwords, she couldn't care less about why I do it and she doesn't want to care, but she definitely doesn't say anything bad about it. At least not to my face.

[heathr1]

Thank you everyone.

I never expected this number of responses and it made me think what a great place this site is.:)