New found respect for those getting out and just owning it

[IamWren]

So I went to a kickboxing class that I signed up for and because of an apparent very limited amount of workout apparel I only had my black, flared yoga pants and a t-shirt to wear. Besides the idea of my bare legs on the mat or kicking the vinyl bag had me grossed out, too. I also couldn’t stand the idea of going barefoot on the vinyl mat (plus I’m not ready to display my pink, French tip toes in public) so I bought a pair of yoga socks.

Of course the only ones I could find in a city of 3 million people and in five different stores were black with little pink grippy dots on the bottom. To add to that, I’m pretty short, so t-shirts are naturally kind of long on me but as I began to sweat, and sweat and sweat buckets… my shirt began to hang just a little longer. So it looked like I was wearing a short tunic dress. It probably came down to about two inches above my knee.
I was terrified as I saw myself in the mirrors of the gym. I was so unbelievable self conscious the entire class. I felt like I saw some of the women looking at me and thinking “aww… look how cute he looks.” and that the guys were thinking “what the hell is wrong with this guy???”

I was wearing two pairs of really tight boy-shorts undies to try and keep my junk from being on full display in my yoga pants because frankly I just didn’t want to look like a male ballet dancer wearing a codpiece. But then my dangly bits were so inconspicuous, I looked like a prepubescent girl with a little mound.

It was not fun. It was not fun at all. But no one said anything. No one gave me a side eye or walked with their back pressed against the wall to sidestep me. No one pointed and laughed. But I just felt… I don’t know. I didn’t like it.

How do y’all do it? How do you gender benders and gender tweens do it? Putting myself in this position gives me a new found feeling of respect for the TS gals who are just starting to transition and you tweeners who are just living your lives wearing clothes that feel comfortable for you.

God, how do you do it and keep it together. Much respect to you all…. much respect.

[Micki_Finn]

Can't go out "in between" myself. Way too self conscious unless I'm all put together.

[Tracii G]

We have gotten over worrying what others think and we aren't acting all homophobic.
Seems you were the only one with issues on what you were wearing.
If the shirt was long to begin with your dangly parts weren't going to show anyway.
Lets be honest here you were pushing your boundaries by wearing that outfit to class because you chose to and you knew the consequences
What is so scary about bare feet on a vinyl mat?
What style of martial arts is it based on?

[docrobbysherry]

I'm with Micki. I don't dress part way. It's all or nothing for me.

If I go out in public dressed and suffer the same stress as u, Sue? I want to be sure my worries r well founded!:straightface:

[Nadine Spirit]

I got over my fears.

And realized that as with you, many of my fears were simply in my head. Nobody has done anything super rude or disrespectful. But boy I was sure terrified of people circling around me, pointing their fingers, lighting their torches, and screaming "kill the monster!" So far, no torches, no finger pointing, no screaming, no killing the monster.

It's hard to get over our own fears. It's hard to quiet the mean voices in our own heads. But the more successful I am with that, the more I appreciate my fellow human beings, instead of fearing them.

It really has helped me to be a much happier person.

[Alice_2014_B]

I'm in the group that has to completely dress up when going out, cannot go "in between" or androgynous.
Both, partially and complete, are generally very daring in most placestates to do.
:)

[AllieSF]

Get to my age and you start seeing the unavoidable light at the end of the tunnel. Then you start saying to yourself, "Why didn't I do that a long time ago?" So, from my age to your youth, it is mostly in your head. So, keep getting out there and your fears will eventually subside and you will learn to enjoy that activity and yourself much more. Good luck on growing up and maturing, which at my advanced age, I can fortunately still do.

[Teresa]

Sue,
I for one appreciate your thought, I've been going out socially since January to a hotel to meet other members of the TG community , I'm OK with that bit but the driving is still interesting .

I have also done the in between bit when walking the dog and been caught out a few times, I knew it was just stepping stones so I had to deal with it before I was ready to go out fully dressed.

[ellbee]

As some have already mentioned, apparently it was all in your head. Seems like you recognize that, as well. :thumbsup:


Some girls here might see partial-dressing as fun ("Wee!"), while others might see it as normal ("Huh? What else would I be wearing?")


Maybe learn from this, and butch it up a bit more next time so you feel more comfortable & can focus more on your class?


Anyway, I know I feel that much more at ease "partially-dressed" when I'm with mainly GG's (the fewer manly hetero guys, the better!), and many of us are wearing something in a similar vein.

Do you think you would have felt less self-conscious in a class full of GG's, instead? :)

[IamWren]

Hi all... thanks for your responses.
Nadine, yours especially was quite kind and insightful.
Laura, yours is a question I thought about last night after the class and throughout today.
I think that's part of it. The guys in the class were quite full of testosterone, as is to be expected. I mean it was a class for kickboxing. I think I would have maybe felt a little less self conscious had it been just GGs. I don't know. Maybe something more to delve into a little deeper and ask myself if that's true and why.

[Sheila11]

No in between.

100 % guy or 100% girl.

In between is confusing to everyone including me.

[Valery L]

What you did is difficult. I think I would not do that, maybe yes but after going out totally en femme it does not appeal to me to go out just partially dressed. I would just go as a female, it is a lot easier and a lot more interesting for me.

[GBJoker]

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, or devil's advocate, or general all-around jerk here...

I'm one of those who doesn't really have respect for those who go out in public. There're dozens of reasons, but eh, I don't care to start an argument.

But hey, lots of respect to you for going to a martial arts class.

[Tracii G]

I would like to hear a few of those reasons Joker.
I try to treat everyone with respect but I guess you don't.

[Teresa]

GBJoker,
Does that mean you have no respect for those who may turn out to be TS and have to go out as part of transition ? Sometimes it's hard to know for certain and going out may help to make the situation clearer. You can list a dozen reasons not to do it some of us can list a dozen reasons to do it and I don't want to start an argument over the issue, we all have different ways of coming to terms with our CDing.

[Valery L]

Wow, I want to know some of those reasons too. I don't want to discuss, I am just curious since at this time I cannot think about a good reason to support that argument, but if there are I would appreciate to know some of them since I frequently go out dressed, I want to know what I am doing wrong.

[Lorileah]

Moving on....

back to the OP, please

[IamWren]

So I went to the class on Monday and was feeling a little of the soreness yesterday but today.... wowza! I feel like someone hit me with a sack of apples all over my body. So with that in mind, thanks for the accolade GBJoker but all I did was sign up for a class and swing my arms wildly. :)

I think the greater amount of respect I have for the TS gals and the Tweeners comes from having gone through the experience at the gym. I mean, they have the courage to live their authentic selves despite what society has ingrained in us is unacceptable. And me... well, I'm still hiding in my closet, fearful and a little ashamed at the fact I like to feel pretty sometimes.

I should probably clear up also that my post wasn't to suggest I was trying to present myself as wearing women's clothes (which yoga pants are I guess although more and more guys are wearing them) or bending gender presentation. It's just, that's all I have to work out in except for my tight, stretchy shorts I use for cycling and that would just look silly (says the guy who wore girl's yoga pants to a kickboxing class :D)

I think I might go to the class again tomorrow. I have nine more to go until my deal is over. The thought of what I'm going to wear is starting to freak me out a little again.

[GBJoker]

Sue, a true martial artist won't care what you're wearing... Unless it can affect the combat itself. :p Most likely, the people at your class will give you a glance and think "Eh, okays." then move on to the real reason they're all there.

[Krisi]

.I'm one of those who doesn't really have respect for those who go out in public. There're dozens of reasons, but eh, I don't care to start an argument. ........

You don't care to start an argument, yet you posted what you did?

Personally, When I do out, it's either Krisi or Homer. There's no in-between. There's no "Kromer".

Even at home, it's one or the other. That's not to say I don't wear panties and women's jeans in public but they don't look like women's jeans, they just look like better fitting jeans. And it's not to say I don't wear a woman's "nightie" at home sometimes without the wig, boobs and butt.

If I was going to be in an exercise class or anything similar, I would wear something appropriate for the class. Something comfortable and practical.

As for the others there, most people won't comment to you but they might make comments to others. On the other hand, some people who do these activities are pretty full of themselves and might make it uncomfortable for you. I had that experience at a gym a couple times. Nothing to do with crossdressing, just that some of the folks there were pretty much "bullies" and if a senior citizen didn't do things their way, they had to make an issue out of it. I stopped going.

[Pat]

If it's a class there's a good chance that the people there are more concerned about themselves and getting their moves perfected than they are concerned about any of the people around them, including you. ;) Early on I think most of the people who now routinely go out felt that "in the spotlight" feeling. You can read threads on this forum of people who have spent the day at work wearing women's underwear beneath male clothing (sometimes even beneath male underwear) who felt total fear of being discovered and had a sense that everybody knew what they were doing even though it's impossible for that to happen. It's called hyper-vigilance -- you're searching for signs you've been discovered. You get over it when you realize those signs never come. As Krisi notes, sometimes people might comment after you've left the room but few will have anything to say while you're there. Go fearlessly -- you're a freakin' kick boxer. ;)

[IamWren]

I think I would normally agree with everything that you said Jenny except for this one thing that happened.

After getting changed, I walk into the room, which fits about (I don't know maybe) 25 heavy bags on the mat... maybe 30. Good size room but relatively small and there were about 15 people in the class. As I start walking toward a bag, the instructor (very perky, cute, young, rah-rah, get everyone motivated 20-something gal) YELLS out, "hey everyone this is ____! It's his first time here so let's welcome him and get him motivated."
Oh
My
Gawwwwd-uh.

Spotlight on me and my tight, stretchy yoga pants and pink-dotted, footy socks.
<sarcasm> yeah... so that was nice.</sarcasm>

[Tracii G]

I studied martial arts from age 12 thru age 25 religiously and it is not only great for the body and great for the mind.
I still do Tai Chi (chi gong) just to keep limber and keep connected to my Shao Lin training.The self defense aspect is always something you may need.
I suppose I could still break boards or concrete blocks but the older I get the less that seems important.
It really doesn't matter what you wear to class so enjoy.

[NicoleScott]

I suppose I could still break boards or concrete blocks but the older I get the less that seems important.


Q - It was important before?
A- Yes, in case a board or concrete block attacked me.
I like to watch YouTube videos of guys who don't break the boards or concrete blocks and try to act like it doesn't hurt like hell.

[Dana44]

Sue, I would say that if you want to do that own it and enjoy it. But I still wear my gym pants and a t-shirt. But I've stated wearing my lady tennis shoes as my male ones have worn out.

[DaniT]

Oh
My
Gawwwwd-uh.

Spotlight on me and my tight, stretchy yoga pants and pink-dotted, footy socks.
<sarcasm> yeah... so that was nice.</sarcasm>


Oh dear. That sounds like something from my nightmares. I have spotlight nightmares all the time. I'm not sure how I'd have dealt with it. If you managed to not panic, then you probably did better than me.

I'd have probably tryed to kick off the footy socks and remembered my purple toenails. Then I'd have slapped myself in the forehead and run away. All eyes on me only works for me if I have prepared myself for it. I feel for ya.

Dani

[Tracii G]

Nicole breaking boards or concrete blocks is just a way to demonstrate your technique.
You focus your Chi (inner power) and strike the object.
If done correctly with your hand or forearm there is very little pain. I will tell you laying on a bed of nails while they break a concrete block on your abdomen with a hammer hurts like hell every time even if you have your breathing just right.
Most of that kind of stuff was done at tournaments just for show.It takes great skill and if you mess up you deff feel it.
Kick boxing is more of a sport and what I studied was more of a way of life. Shao Lin Do is the style I know and its more about being able to defend yourself if you need to and never used in an aggressive manner.