I wish someone had told me...

[Micki_Finn]

I'm pretty new here to these forums as well as dressing, but I've noticed I'm not alone. I've seen many posts from ladies saying that they had just started dressing.

For the benefit of all of us neonates, how would all you vets complete the following: "When I first started, the one thing I wish someone had told me was..."

[adrienner99]

If you get in a serious relationship with a woman, tell her you CD BEFORE you get married.

[Jane277]

I'm new as well, but the one thing I wish someone would have told me is that one minute I would be fine and happy dressed, then all of a sudden, I will be disgusted with myself.

[DIANEF]

Maybe if someone had said, you do know that once you start you might never be able to stop. Too late now!, not that I'd want to stop.

[Micki_Finn]

I'll pitch in my own: To reduce ingrown hairs, exfoliate like a fiend!

[Allisa]

There is nothing wrong or shameful for what you do, express yourself as you wish, but not everyone will agree with you.

[ellbee]

...Don't be ashamed of who you are.

[Heidi Stevens]

Adrienner gave very sage advice, Micki. I hid my CDing from my wife for nearly 25 years before telling her. I may have never wound up marrying her due to her objections. It would have saved a lot of my guilt and her pain when she did find out a couple of years ago. We both have since had to work hard to keep things together. I suggest you find the courage to tell anyone you think you have a future with about your CDing. If you're lucky, they won't have any objections. If they do, you're that much ahead.

[Jenniferathome]

"You're not weird nor alone."

but that's mainly for the pre-internet crowd

[Samantha2015]

If you are the head to toe kind of dresser as I've said may times
make sure you get a great wig, don't settle for some cheap one.
Get one that makes you feel amazing when you see it on you.
just one of the details that made a huge difference for me.

[Lana Mae]

I am new to this but I learn fast!! With relationships, the words are trust and communication!! With yourself, no shame You are who you are and no one knows why so relax and forgive yourself, feel feminine and enjoy it when you can!! Best wishes to all!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracy Irving]

I wish someone had told me...

1) All SA's in department stores as well as specialty dress shops (wedding, prom, etc...) will be super friendly and helpful even after you tell them you are shopping for yourself (maybe more so). I have made genuine friendships with some of the nicest people. Too many years wasted because I feared the reaction from walking into a David's Bridal. Now I have "my room" (#9). It is oversized with a bench but no mirrors so I must step out onto the floor to see myself. Many of the customers have been super friendly and complimentary as well. Which is why...

2) Nobody objects to you wearing fabric to hide your nakedness. Some people might give a compliment, other's won't care and the rest don't even notice.

[Micki_Finn]

I suggest you do so with confidence. If you're scared and nervous and slink into the store, the SAs might be staring at you not because of what you're wearing but because they think you're trying to shoplift.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Micki:hugs:, Sixty Nine years ago I wish some one would've told me how much this will cost you ...:daydreaming:...

[Tracy Irving]

I suggest you do so with confidence. If you're scared and nervous and slink into the store, the SAs might be staring at you not because of what you're wearing but because they think you're trying to shoplift.

Good advice. Totally agree. I wouldn't go into a store without confidence. That is probably why it took so long to start. I still only enter in boy clothes but at one store the SA walked me to my car. I was in a dress that I brought with me to show her. She then took a couple pictures of/for me with my phone.

[Majella St Gerard]

Just be yourself, nobody really cares how you dress.

[mykell]

someday youll accept yourself so dont waste your youth....

[Tracii G]

Listen to the veteran dressers and don't blow off their advice they are here to help.

[RADER]

I started at about 4 yeas old; Climbing into my mothers closet and
trying on just about everything. I loved the girdles, and the nylons
the best.
At 12, I got busted when my mother found several girdles under my
bed.
After the Service, I started up again. First wife did not like the Idea'
of her man wearing a girdle under his regular cloths. Here comes a
ugly divorce.
15 years later I find a real nice girl, who doesn't mind me wearing
Female clothes....Happy Days.
Rader

[ellbee]

Listen to the veteran dressers and don't blow off their advice they are here to help.

Listen to the *GG's* and don't blow off their advice they are there to help. :thumbsup:


:worship::dom:

[docrobbysherry]

Don't think you're going to become TS one day. As I did when I first began.

Not all of us have a female inside trying to get out. Most of us r simply CD's!:straightface:

[ellbee]

If applicable, listen to those who are transitioning/have transitioned and don't blow off their advice they are here to help. :)

[Katie01]

There is a difference between keeping a secret and being private.

Try not to grow it into a big monster in your head. It doesn't have to be a BIG deal.

[Suzie Petersen]

Break every mirror in your house before you turn 45! The image quality is severely beyond after that age!

;-)

[Julogden]

Work out your gender/dressing issues before getting into any serious relationships. Very important!

Also, it's okay to be who you are. :)

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm new as well, but the one thing I wish someone would have told me is that one minute I would be fine and happy dressed, then all of a sudden, I will be disgusted with myself.
That's why we PURG! LOL Been there...

I wish someone told me that hip pads are a must to really get that fem look!

And wear sunblock to keep your skin young.

[Meghan4now]

Many good responses. Mostly trying to figure out your gid before entering a relationsip, tell her way early, accept yourself, etc. Are the best ones.

However, very few people pay much attention to advice. And need to bang their heads themselves.

My addition? Pink Fog is real, can be thick, and you are probably not immune.

Oh and pink or orange undercoat helps with shadow.

[Alice_2014_B]

If you get in a serious relationship with a woman, tell her you CD BEFORE you get married.

I could not agree more, yet I was not into fully dressing up until a few years after we were married.
However, I told her about my love for wearing high heels when we were dating, that was it.
:)

[Stephanie47]

"........I wasn't a homosexual." Of course all cross dressers in the 1950's and 1960's were homosexuals! Or so I was told!

[Alice Torn]

Don't tell anyone in your church if you are in one. And, take it one day at a time. You don't know what a day will bring, and could be your last.

[Rosemary+]

Once you start dressing , you've signed up for life. It is not going away

[Gillian Gigs]

In the following order:
1. Accept yourself and move on, no one is perfect.
2. Be up front from the first date with your future spouse.
3. Don't purge thinking that this will cause you to stop. It doesn't work!

[Sheila11]

love your mother
feed the cat
and always leave the porch light on.

[Miss Mandy]

Well said Katie...I always turn everything into a big monster!!! It has taken me a while to get to the point of telling myself it is not a pair of six-inch thigh-high boots but rather dollar store pink flip-flops:)

In all seriousness, don't obsess over this thing. Meet your responsibilities, allow it to make you a more empathetic person, and move on. Everyone has challenges and issues. If you knew what others are dealing with, you would be shocked!

[tammigurl]

I'm pre-op my advice: if you devote enough, time, $$$ and energy and reach a passable state, I recommend that you communicate with people before they read you. eg I'm doing post doctorate studies and use the local and/or academia librarys frequently so to avoid suspicion, stares, harassment etc, I now, when I enter these places, approach the duty librarian, explain I am a pre-op transexual, not there to molest anyone/children etc, but to study....most are very understanding, co-operative and even protective of me.....works in other places as well eg shopping for dresses, makeup (my favourite because it's a great place for personalised advice and a quick makeover), hairdressers etc....nip their phobia/judging you in the bud. Also dress like GG's: don't sport a drag queen look or struggle around in a skin tight pencil skirt with 3" heels in the middle of the day in Macys for example (save those looks for when you're out at night with the gurls).....just some suggestions..you have to make mistakes to learn....blessings

[Lorileah]

just breathe...

[raeleen]

What great advice! I love it all!

[Connie D50]

Dress appropriately for the occasion.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm loving all of the responses. Here's what I would have liked to have heard:

Remember, there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself.

and:

Oh, here, let me do your makeup!

[Sarasometimes]

YMMV! We are all individuals somewhere along the gender spectrum and you need to meet your needs.

DON'T BE FEARFUL OF QUALIFIED COUNSELOR/THERAPISTS if you think they may help and can afford to go, find a good one and learn about yourself, it helps with the whole self-acceptance solution to being yourself. I started this a bit late (none have suggested a cure, not even the bad ones)!

Most people in fashion/beauty are open-minded to gender variations, so don't fear the SA/MUA/Stylists.

[ellbee]

Speaking of drag queens...


Have fun!


Whether on YouTube or wherever, or out in the real world, there are some *really* amazing girls out there.

They just don't give a hoot! Very vibrant, entertaining & full of life.


Real characters who certainly have a blast with it all. And you know what? That's contagious!

All your troubles & concerns & issues really do just disappear, and you simply start seeing things in a whole new light.


It's pretty wild, really.

Learn from them, too. :thumbsup:

[sara66]

I wish some one had told me how expensive it is. I may have rethought the whole thing.
Sara :heehee:

[Dana44]

Take everything with the grain of salt. You have a good life ahead and will be more fruitful as the typical CIS person is trying to find their identity.

[DaniT]

Learning to walk in heels is hard.

Learning to drive in heels is terrifying. I've never had cause to bemoan my manual transmission before, but sometimes I do now.

Dani

[carrie001]

Oh my god, I don't even know where to start. I wish someone had said "it's OK to be yourself." Or "You're NOT wrong or broken." "You'll be happier telling your wife, dumass, you know she's going to accept you."


Most of all...."don't hate yourself."

[Amelie]

When I first started out trans I wish someone told me to stay away from Times Square area of NYC. Also go easy on the Aquanet hair spray.

[Amanda Park]

The greatest piece of information I have come across after years of feeling ashamed is that the latest research tells us that being transgender is a likely the result of naturally occurring events in the early weeks of the development of the fetus. By the time you are born, if the brain has been feminized, you truly are what you are. When I discovered this and did some research on the gender spectrum, my shame was gone for good. What a relief!

[GBJoker]

I wish some one had told me if I don't do it the way every one else does, then it doesn't count.

[Krisi]

If you get in a serious relationship with a woman, tell her you CD BEFORE you get married.

That's good unless you realize well into the marriage how much you like to dress. Although my mother apparently dressed me as a girl when I was an infant and I sometimes wore her bras and even panties when I was a young teenager, I only dabbled in crossdressing until recently. By that time, I had been married to my wife for about thirty years.

There's no one bit of advice that applies to everyone.

[shellybme]

1. Never purge! ( I lost so many things I wish I still had)
2. Dress for the occasion. Don't go glam out in broad daylight.
3. Tell your spouse. Don't want her finding panties and thinking you are cheating.
4. Invest in quality breastforms and a wig. They will last a lot longer than and look and feel better.
5. Last but not least accept yourself. Still working through this part but progress is progress.

[Laurie A]

this is a great thread!

i agree with all those who say that you have to come to accept yourself first, then a lot of other things fall into place

also agree on dressing age / occasion appropriate, telling any potential partners up front, and never do a wholesale purge!

i'll add: don't get caught up in try to be perfect, the mirror can be a cruel mistress if you do

[Taylor186]

The desire to crossdress can run in cycles. In my teens, twenties and thirties I went for extended periods when I had zero desire to crossdress. Zero. And I often though, "finally I'm done with that phase." In my forties I realized that the desire never goes away and in my 50s I finally accepted that it is a part of who I am. I wish I would have done that a lot earlier.

[sometimes_miss]

Maybe if someone had said, you do know that once you start you might never be able to stop. Too late now!, not that I'd want to stop.
It's not necessarily that you cannot stop; but that the desire to crossdress will always be there, lurking in the background, ready to bite you in the butt when you least expect it. Besides, everyone stops crosdressing....eventually. At the same time we stop doing everything else.

[Kendra Sue]

I hear what you are saying, sometimes I will go months at a time without dressing. The urge is always there. Right now it is very strong. I wish I had not purged some of my favorite things. I have learned that dressing is just apart of me.

- - - Updated - - -

I totally agree

[Helen_Highwater]

As you learn there'll be times when the fashion police will be filling out charge sheets but there will be a day, for some sooner rather than later, that when you look in the mirror you'll know you got the right look..........and it will feel great!

[dolovewell]

1. I wish someone told me from the start that its better to invest in a higher quality wig than a cheap one from made in China. I'd say the biggest jump I made was when I finally plopped down $175 for a higher quality wig. It was a night and day difference in my look and appearance. I wasted so much time with the cheap wigs that if I had just gone the quality wig route from the start I'd come out ahead financially. A wig is an investment, perhaps your most important asset. Why go cheap?

2. PURGING NEVER WORKS. Trust me. It doesn't work. All you do is get rid of stuff you'll one day wish you never got rid of. Last time I purged I was adamant that this was it, I'll never CD again. It worked for about a year before I was knocking on the door again. All it resulted in was hundreds of lost dollars worth of good clothes and bras and shoes and makeup and a wig. Which is an extra bummer because my favorite bras were Victoria's Secret styles that are discontinued, so the only place to get them now is eBay.

3. Just go get your eyebrows waxed/threaded from the start. It's quick, easy, and gives you a great starting point. If nothing else, eyebrows. Don't think you can just pluck them yourself. Like with investing in a high quality wig, its best to just bite the bullet and get eyebrows waxed/threaded at the beginning. You'll come out ahead in terms of your time spent.

4. Be smart when buying clothes. Most of us aren't made of money and have to budget for clothes buying. I ended up buying clothes and outfits I'd only wear once and then they'd sit in my closet because I bought new clothes faster than I could wear them. What I eventually did was do a "capsule wardrobe" where you buy a bunch of items that all go with each other, so you can mix and match them to create a bunch of outfit combos with a small number of pieces. This was more economical.

5. Learn how to apply and master makeup application with cheaper makeup. I always used to think that my problems was the drug store makeup I was using, and would go out and buy expensive makeup from MAC or Sephora or ULTA and wouldn't see an improvement. The problem wasn't the makeup, it was my application. Once you have mastered using drug store makeup, then you can move up to the better stuff. Although there are two "expensive" items I recommend even for beginners, and that is Dipbrow for eyebrows and a quality eye shadow palette.

6. A common myth is that things will be easier and better if you live in a more liberal, LGBT friendly city or area. This is false. My line of work, I move a lot. I've lived in very progressive, liberal cities and very conservative, religious cities and blue collar, socially conservative small towns. What I have learned, is that it doesn't matter where you live. People are people. You get treated the same everywhere. 99% of the people anywhere don't care and will leave you alone. You aren't more likely to get attacked or made fun of in a conservative area, you aren't more likely to be treated better and nicer in a liberal area. I see too many girls think that the solution to their problems is to move to a more progressive area. The ONLY difference in more progressive areas is that there are more support groups and CD/TG groups.

7. The key to going out in public is not just confidence, but to smile. And not just a weak grin, a good smile. When you are smiling, it radiates vibes that you are 100% confident in what you are doing. This will cause others to be more comfortable around you. If you aren't confident and aren't smiling, others will be less comfortable around you. Trust me, it rubs off on others. I see a girl who is either a crossdresser or a transgirl every day walk by me when I am walking to work. She has a lot to work against, she is probably about 6'5'', well over 200 pounds. So she needs all the help she can get. It doesn't help that she is always slouched over, shoulders forward, very nervous look on her face, and a demeanor that screams "I am just trying to get where I am going as fast as I can and hope no one sees me". The nervousness rubs off on me and others. Meanwhile, if she relaxed, smiled, and owned it, she would be a lot better off.

8. If you go out in public, eventually you are going to have a bad experience. It's like Wheel of Fortune, if you keep spinning eventually you are going to land on Bankrupt. It's going to happen. You can, however, minimize your chances of having a bad experience. My bad experiences have almost always been with groups of teenagers. I've never had a bad experience with adults. It's always teenagers. There is always that teen in the pack that wants to try and boost themselves within their group at the expense of me. So if you are worried about a bad experience, just try to avoid places at times where groups of teenagers maybe rampant(i.e. mall on a Friday Night). The best way to deal with someone giving you a hard time is to ignore them and get away. I am not saying they are frequent, I have only had 3 bad experiences.

9. It's supposed to be fun. Remember this. If you aren't having fun, don't push forward. Withdraw, take off your clothes and makeup, unwind, examine why things went wrong and what can be done in the future to fix them, and live to fight another day.

[julia marie]

I wish someone had told me the truth, that not everyone is looking at you to see if you are man or woman (outside of north carolina). In truth, if you have used even some basic (not even expert) care in choosing a wig, clothes, and use of makeup, their first and only impression is that it's a woman. It's a split second thought and then they keep walking. Even sales clerks or waitresses who see you up close don't care. You're a person and they serve you. Plus you'll feel great when they compliment or smile at you. Just soften your voice if you can. That's a challenge. Enjoy!!!

[dolovewell]

i'll add: don't get caught up in try to be perfect, the mirror can be a cruel mistress if you do

Oooh this is a big one.

I'll never forget the first time I went out in public. My outfit was nothing special(women's t shirt and women's sweatpants) that didn't fit well and I wore a very cheap, bad looking wig that I had ruined with a brush. My makeup application was still amateur level at best. And my first public outing? A mall on black friday!

I didn't have a care in the world. I had the ultimate confidence, was able to shop for hours on black friday in huge crowds with no problems. Because I had just started going all the way and honestly, was just glad I didn't look hideous.

As I progressed, and got better, and got a better wig and got better at makeup and better fitting clothes, I began to obsess more and more about being perfect and would make mountains out of molehills for my smallest flaws. This ultimately led to me purging, because I was mad I could not achieve perfection. I couldn't even go out anymore, something I used to enjoy and do without any hesitation, because I was worried that my flaws would out me and lead to bad things. Flaws that didn't deter me when I first started.

It took a purge and a lot of time off to realize that chasing perfection is stupid and counter-productive. Just do the best you can, master what you can control and don't worry about what is out of your control.