How do I get it back in the box?

[randi_789]

After my outing on Friday

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24184

I can't get it out of my head. No matter what I am doing, or what time of day it is, I can't stop thinking about it. Riding in the car with my wife (who doesn't know I dress) I am planning how to do it again, where I will go, what I will wear. I am in another world. Help!! How do I get these desires put back in the box? I wish, only partially, and a very small part, that I had never opened the box. But now i am a little afraid of where it is going to lead. How many times? Will it get stronger each time? I know many of you have been in this position, having gone out for the first time, and I need some input. I need support. I simply can't get it out of my head. Three days have passed, and I am still high on the experience. I am rambling now so i will stop. Thanks for anything you can say to help me.

[psdibe]

At least for me it will get back in the box. It will get back in the box as time goes by as you feel more comfortable with your dressing and the clothes you where the desire will ebe and flow. As you allow your self to dress as you want and to the extent you want the desire will come and go. Once you are comfortable in your situation and with the people around you at least for me there will be days when it is natural, just part of you. then you will be able to think and focus on the rest fo the world . I thnk there is a blending of dressing and how you mix that with what you do evry day. It takes time. Email me and I can maybe better explain how it is happing for me.
Hugs
PD

[Wenda]

Sorry dear, I cant be much help. I have not found that it can be controlled per se. You can re-focus, and use self-discipline, but, at the end of the day, the urge and desire persist. This site helps but also hinders. Sharing our feelings with others liberates some of urges and desires that we have buried. My advice would be to carefully and slowly expose this side of you to your partner. If she rejects it, then you know you have to remain hidden. If she shows some acceptance, then you are opening the door to a new and exciting phase of your relationship. best wishes

[randi_789]

Wenda, I have thought that the information gleaned here is a double edged sword, providing information and support, but also enticing and bringing out the hidden desires inside. Be that as it may, I have let it out and now somehow I have to control it.

Hint around to my wife (of 35 years) to see how she feels about it? I have thought about doing something like that but can't figure out how. I did bring it up about 25 years ago and she didn't like the thought of it then and made me promise to stop, which i stupidly agreed to, so I don't see her being readily accepting now.

[Nikki Dee]

After my outing on Friday

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24184

I can't get it out of my head. No matter what I am doing, or what time of day it is, I can't stop thinking about it. Riding in the car with my wife (who doesn't know I dress) I am planning how to do it again, where I will go, what I will wear. I am in another world. Help!! How do I get these desires put back in the box? I wish, only partially, and a very small part, that I had never opened the box. But now i am a little afraid of where it is going to lead. How many times? Will it get stronger each time? I know many of you have been in this position, having gone out for the first time, and I need some input. I need support. I simply can't get it out of my head. Three days have passed, and I am still high on the experience. I am rambling now so i will stop. Thanks for anything you can say to help me.
Don't think it ever goes back in the box does it.??..you just deal with it.!
Nikki. x

[Deborah]

Going out is like smoking cigarettes. Once you start you don't want to quit (for most people anyway) I don't have time or opportunities to go out as much as i'd like. Once i did it i really enjoyed it (not in public btw--TG meeting then a few outtings in the car to lonely roads then went for a walk.). It's all about control though.

[Rikkicn]

I think that when desires are repressed for so long and so deeply they become obssesions and you ge to the place you are now.
I think another question to consider is how do you open the box even further. This is your true self trying to get out and live in the world the way she was meant too.
The coming out process, as difficult as it is, is a key step.
Rikki

[Stephenie B]

Randi'
Welcome to the club,It gets easyer if you think of yourself at work.How would you explain it to your boss? So with that in mind, you enjoy the times that you can dress and be the person that you want to be. I hate it when I can't be a woman, but I sure look forward to when I can.
Good luck. I hope that this helps.
Huggs

[Julie Avery]

Randi, I'd suggest changing your question from "how do I get it back in the box" to "how do I integrate my crossdressing with the other desires and values that orient my life."

I'm not saying "come out to your mother-in-law by midnight tonight", those are very personal and individual issues for each of us to ponder. But I would say, as clearly as I can, "Be done forgetting that you like to crossdress when the urge is not upon you. Bear in mind always that this is a part of who you are."

For too many years, when I wasn't actually giving in to the urge to dress, I was so repressed that I didn't even admit to myself that I had it. Nothing good came from that.

And I do love a post another member made, concerning getting our crossdresser identity in touch with her conscience.

I say, get rid of the boxes, you're one person, many-sided, deal with it (and I don't mean that to sound critical or harsh, just as straightforward as I can put it).

Good luck, girl!

[Kathleengurl]

Julie, i really like your brains sis. Great advice.

[Sarahgurl371]

I think all the represssion for so many years is what creates the monster in the first place. The wanting to get out of the box so badly comes from stuffing it in the box for so long.

I think the key to integrating this part of us into our lives with peace and harmony is freedom. Freedom to express who we are, when we feel like it. You read about it all the time. When a CD comes out and is accepted, its like opening the flood gates. Things go overboard. They almost have to. I know that I can deny myself for a long, long time. That doesn't help resolve the inner conflict at all. It only feeds the monster.

Oh, I am most certainlly not there yet. Too many problems with myself, and my wife. Just trying to find the balance. Moderation is the key. But I do feel that until I let it out of the box, its only going to grow stronger. Just have to manage that and balance it with all the other reponsibilities, goals and dreams.

[Carole]

Have you ever tried to repack something back into it's box with all the original packaging? It doesn't usually fit perfectly; I doubt you will be able to put it back, accept the damage and enjoy it.

[Jasmine Ellis]

Randi will never go back in the box dear, She's out and that's it! Not sorry to say. Enjoy dear :happy:

[Anita Mae GG]

you need to tell your wife. the longer you hide it the more hurt she will be

[Penny]

You'r out! You'r out! and can't get in
for you just had a major win

For long you harbored deep inside
the places that your sole could hide

But think of all that you could loose
if out is always what you!d choose

So try to ballance all your life
and strive to tell you' loving wife

For then perhaps that you might see
that in and out you deserve to be

[Cathy Anderson]

Hi Randi,

As even your thread title, an impicit reference to Pandora, suggests, there is a universal quality to this problem. It's a dilemma of human nature.

And like many universal problems of this kind, we can find suggested solutions in our cultural storehouse of literature and myths.

To whit, consider the myth of the Sirens and their tremendously appealing yet dangerous song.

* Most men steer clear, and never dare to listen.
* Of those who dare listen, many end up dashed upon the rocks.
* Odysseus, that ancient and most crafty of heros, found a solution: he lashed himself to the mast and then sailed close enough to listen.

The answer--or an anwer--is there in symbolic form.

I wrote an article about this here:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/myth.htm

Cathy

[unclejoann]

Cathy, Your myth article was good reading. When I went to your About page, it states that you are not currently dressing and have no plans to resume. Is this current? I know it comes and goes. My last purge was wisely to pack all my dainties in a box and store them rather than throw them away -- within two weeks I was unpacking. After 40 years of crossdressing, I have learned it comes and goes but never really stays away. Currently, I am just trying to integrate.