Cross dressing Ã*s a form of anger managment?

[Jane277]

I know i am new to cross dressing, but i have come to realize that it is also theraputic for me. Before i started dressing i was angry all the time and it started taking its toll one my marrige and friendships to where noone wanted to be around me because noone wanted to be the one to set me off (never violent just angry) but since i started dressing i have noticed that i am not angry anywhere near as much as i used to be, my marrige and my social lives are way better and people actually enjoy being around me now, i started to get angry 2 weeks ago while i was dressed and as me and my wife were arguing over something stupip i jst started laughing my wife still upset from my anger asked what was so funny and all i could say is its impossible for me to be mad when im sitting here in a dress and makeup with a bra stuffed with socks lol. Is this true for anyone else?

[Crissy Kay]

Yes to some degree for me too. I always seem to be in a better mood, or just happier while I am dressed. I think its the petticoats!!

[Micki_Finn]

It's not uncommon for girls to say that dressing has a calming/balancing effect on them. I would NOT however recommend using it as a substitute for therapy. If your anger issues are so severe that it's negatively impacting your life (eg people not wanting to be around you) you should probably consider some sort of counseling as well.

[Tracy Irving]

I am a pretty easy going person so I don't have anger issues but I am always happy when dressed :)

[Jane277]

It's not uncommon for girls to say that dressing has a calming/balancing effect on them. I would NOT however recommend using it as a substitute for therapy. If your anger issues are so severe that it's negatively impacting your life (eg people not wanting to be around you) you should probably consider some sort of counseling as well.

I have seen counselors off and on throughout my life and none have helped, I always seem to leave with more issues than I started with or some form of medication that I became addicted to and then had to go to a form of counseling to help with that, dressing up with my wife I seem to be able to talk to her more openly, I was raised to where men didn't show emotion, or discuss personal issues, that's what women do, so when I dress as a woman I am able to get everything out in a peaceful (for lack of better words) manner, even though I only open up to my wife all those who are around me has been able to benifit from it. Isn't that the goal of therapy? To make ones self a better person?

[Micki_Finn]

Jane, yes the goal of therapy is ultimate to improve our lives. I just caution you to not think that the disease is fixed just because the symptoms disappear. Ultimately therapy is there to resolve the underlying issues that are causing our problems. Yes, it's possible that the root of your anger is related to GD or whatnot, but it's also possible that it's just masking the problem and not fixing it.

[CONSUELO]

A stock answer from one of the advice columnists when asked about a persons cross dressing was that to suppress the urge to cross dress was to risk a build up of frustration.
Certainly for me I find that as long as I can dress whenever I like I feel calmer and more relaxed. If circumstances do not allow me to fully express my need to cross dress then I find my mood changes and I become more frustrated and the frustration can express itself as flashes of irritation and even anger. However in your case you say that you are new to cross dressing. Did you ever feel the need to cross dress earlier in life? For me and many on this forum, the desire to cross dress has been with us for most of our lives, so it is the suppression of the desire to cross dress that can lead to frustration. I see that as being different to finding that cross dressing is a therapy for angry feelings.

[Jane277]

Micki, I agree that the problem is not gone just because the symptoms are not visible, but when I dress I can honestly open up and face my demons, as far as Gd goes (I assume you mean gender disorder) I have none as I am a man and I love being a man, I just do not like the man I had become, but still have no desire to be anything other than a man, yet it is weird that dressing as a woman has allowed me to discuss my emotions fears and concerns with my wife, when before I started dressing, I couldn't, I was raised being taught that men did not show emotions nor did we discuss our problems, as far as masking the problem no not by any means, in fact it is quite the opposite as I am able to face them head on and work towards solving them in a calm constructive manner vs an angry destructive on.

Consuelo

No I have never had the urge to cross dress until me and my wife were joking and she said I would look cute in her dress, so being a smart ass I put it on and that is when the "pink fog" everyone talks about engulfed me, wich I felt disgusted with myself for a week or so, but not angry. I am no longer disgusted with myself and have embraced cross dressing and ever since me and my wife talk, I mean really talk and it has helped me to explore why I have been so angry all these years, and none of it has anything to do with gender or dressing but rather things that I have seen and done throughout my life

[Cheryl T]

While I'm much calmer and composed while dressed I don't see it as "anger management" for me.
Yes, I get upset at this stupid world on a daily basis, but I began dressing long before things were crazy.

[Tracii G]

I'm happy it makes you a much nicer person to be around.

[Kate Simmons]

Whatever works but we don't need an excuse to CD. Just do it and be happy. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jane277]

Whatever works but we don't need an excuse to CD. Just do it and be happy. :battingeyelashes::)

Not an excuse to do it just a side effect from doing it :tongueout

[Alice_2014_B]

I started a thread some weeks ago about how just browsing online at dresses and heels is a great stress reliever.
And anything from lounging around at home in heels and guy-shorts to being fully dressed up is just overall amazing; I can definitely see your point, Jane.
There're many facets to how crossdressing, or just thinking about it, can be therapeutic.
:)

[sometimes_miss]

FWIW; suppressing the desire to crossdress leaves our minds less capacity to deal with other forms of stress, so we're more likely to lash out. Alleviate the frustration of holding back the crossdressing, and we're calmer individuals, better able to deal with the OTHER aggravating things in life. Crossdress and feel carefree!

[ReineD]

Before i started dressing i was angry all the time and it started taking its toll one my marrige and friendships to where noone wanted to be around me because noone wanted to be the one to set me off (never violent just angry) but since i started dressing i have noticed that i am not angry anywhere near as much as i used to be


I was raised to where men didn't show emotion, or discuss personal issues, that's what women do, so when I dress as a woman I am able to get everything out in a peaceful (for lack of better words) manner, even though I only open up to my wife all those who are around me has been able to benifit from it.

Regardless of how you were raised, if you still now truly believe that men shouldn't show emotion or discuss personal issues AND that only women are allowed to do this, I don't blame you for having anger issues when you felt you couldn't dress. This is an awful way to live ... to not allow yourself to feel the full breadth of human emotion. This must have been so stifling!

You need to know though, that regardless of how you were raised, many men do in fact show emotion and they do discuss their personal issues ... maybe not to everyone while shouting it all from the rooftops (most women don't show their emotions in public either, nor are they in the habit of discussing personal issues with strangers), but certainly both men and women can be honest about how they feel with close friends and loved ones.

So maybe you can work on what you allow yourself to do when you're in guy mode. Let your guy self join the human race, and this would help with your anger issues. I'm not saying you shouldn't dress - go ahead and dress all you want - just don't repress yourself so much when you're in male mode, for example don't make rules that you mustn't drink wine or eat salads (or whatever else you might think men shouldn't drink or eat), or that you shouldn't dance or tell someone if you feel down or worried, etc, when you're in guy mode. This is not healthy.

I agree with Micki_Finn, I don't think you should use the CDing as a form of anger management. Instead, work on un-stifling yourself while in guy mode, I think this would help you get to the bottom of why you were so angry before.

[EDIT]
Having said all this, IF you were getting angry because you wanted to dress but didn't feel free to do so, then this was like having a tantrum. A lot of people don't get to do what they want, but they don't lash out at others because of it. Getting angry to the point where others don't want to be around is not productive, since fundamentally, other people are not responsible for the decisions we make. It is best to do as you have done ... acknowledge that you want to dress, and take steps that will enable you to do so. So, good on you for having accomplished this! :)

[Alice Torn]

I struggle with anger all my life, too, for a number of painful issues. My parents did not want any of their kids to ever marry, and kept me from the opposite sex. I try to be a kind, gentle giant as a man, but if i do not have any social needs met at all, I can morph into the Incrdible Hulk, easily, becausae i have no friends and no one to talk, all alone in an indifferent world. to.As a 62 yo never married loner CD, i cannot even imagine what it would be like to have a wife who tolerates, or accepts CDing! You are so very fortunate to have a So you can talk to. All the women i have tried to date, tell me i must quit CDing, rise above it, and overcome it.

[DIANEF]

Definately a stress reliever for me but I don't have any particular anger management problems. In female mode I feel more relaxed and content with myself, only if I have extended periods when I can't dress does it become an issue, and even then It's something I can control.

[Leslie Langford]

In my case, I wouldn't call crossdressing a form of anger management so much as a great stress reliever. Much as I can see the cause-and-effect dynamic of stress leading to frustration and that, in turn, leading to anger and potentially turning me into a miserable and bitter person whom no one wants to be around, I rarely let it get to that point before turning to this unique yet highly effective safety valve for relief.

Crossdressing to me is a means of escaping to a sort of fantasy world ("Da plane! Da Plane!" ;) ) where I can leave all the stresses and sometimes rigid and onerous gender-based expectations of "male world" behind - almost like taking a brief virtual vacation from the daily grind to recharge my batteries. That is not to say that the real world that natal women have to deal on an everyday basis is all unicorns, rainbows, and lollipops, either, but it is a change of pace and an oasis of calm and contentment for people with our predispositions. From a clinical standpoint, I would imagine that crossdressing for us releases those endorphins to the pleasure receptors in our brains that result in feelings of peace, contentment, serenity, and overall wellness. A type of natural "high" probably not unlike that experienced by runners or other extreme athletes.

I've always maintained that no matter how burdensome some of us may feel that our crossdressing can be at times and how much it can complicate our lives, when it comes to relieving stress it is far less harmful than drinking alcohol to excess or taking drugs. Besides, not only is it non-fattening either - if anything, it even encourages some of us to lose weight to either achieve a desired "girlish" figure (or reasonable facsimile thereof ;) ) or else to finally be able to fit into that "to die for" dress that we have been salivating over for what feels like forever :heehee: :daydreaming: .

[Maria 60]

It's funny because when my wife sees I start to get stressed or moody and there is no opportunity to dress, she suggest I get dressed and go for a drive. If the kids go away for the weekend and I get overwhelming time to dress, she notices I'm much calmer and focused that week. So you could say it is good therapy. It's like escaping yourself for a little while.

[ReineD]

Sorry to keep harping on this (re my edit to post #15), but Maria doesn't this put undue responsibility on your wife (having to read your moods and come up with solutions for you)? Might it not be better for you to take responsibility for yourself and develop the ability to determine when you feel you need to escape yourself for a little while, so that you can then tell your wife that you need to dress?

[Jane277]

I'm starting to regret posting this topic as most of you have completely missed the point

1. Not being able to dress has nothing to do with my anger issues as up until last month I never had any thoughts about, or desire to cross dress, my cross dressing started with a joke from my wife that I would look cute in her dress so I put it on and decided I liked it, because the clothes were soft and comfortable that's it. I have no desire to be a woman, I just discovered I like the feel of women's clothes

2. My anger issues are plain and simple that I have always been unable to deal with life's everyday stress so I kept everything bottled up until I lashed out with attitude which made me miserable to me around

3. Ever since I started cross dressing I am able to laugh at myself and not take everything so seriously which has made it easier to discuss everyday problems that have arisen as they arise.

[ReineD]

I'm starting to regret posting this topic as most of you have completely missed the point

If I was among those who missed the point, then I apologize.

I was going by what you said in post #5, where you were raised to feel that as a guy, you could not express emotion or discuss personal issues and you were taught that only women can do this. I was pointing out that any man who believes this would certainly feel stressed when faced with day-to-day stressful issues, and it makes sense it would come out sideways as anger if he keeps everything bottled up. The best pressure outlet for pent-up emotions is the ability to recognize them and then share them with others, whether we are male or female.

So I suggested that you should learn to express your emotions and discuss personal issues (with people you feel close to) while in guy mode, just in case the pressure should get to you during a time when you cannot dress.

[Jane277]

ReineD obviously I still struggle with discussing things, but that is exactly what I meant by it is therapeutic because I have begun to be able to open up no matter how I dress (of course only to my wife) but others get to see and be around a much calmer person, I cannot fault anyone but myself for missing the point as I re read all my posts and it truly was not clear on what I was trying to say, and for that I apologize. Like I said my issues are still there but I am working on them and the dressing opened the door to true progress, and to think I have spent thousands on shrinks over the last 20 years and all it took was a 100$ wardrobe lol

[Leslie Langford]

Sorry to keep harping on this (re my edit to post #15), but Maria doesn't this put undue responsibility on your wife (having to read your moods and come up with solutions for you)? Might it not be better for you to take responsibility for yourself and develop the ability to determine when you feel you need to escape yourself for a little while, so that you can then tell your wife that you need to dress?

I have to agree. There certainly seems to be a passive-aggressive component to this type of behavioral pattern...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jane:hugs:, It's been said that Crossdressing soothes the Savage Beast...:daydreaming:...

[Leslie Langford]

O.K., Jane, in re-reading your OP and your subsequent "clarification", it sounds more to me as if you are not transgender or a "crossdresser" in the same sense that most of us here identify.

Not only did you start late in life, according to your own admission it was at your wife's prompting that you first donned women's clothing and decided that you liked the feel of them. Now you seem to do it for "sh*ts and giggles" (the laughing at yourself part being the stress reliever, and not the crossdressing per se) and you seem to get a kick out of looking silly in your female outfits. In other words, like an over-the-top drag queen who creates a caricature of a woman as opposed to someone who tries to recreate a credible representation of one as most of us here strive to do - whether in private or when going out in public en femme.

You strike me as the kind of guy who dresses up as a woman for Halloween and plays it strictly for laughs with ill-fitting clothes, a bad wig and/or make up, and teeters around precariously in his high heels to the great amusement of all those around him (and also mocking real women in the process). This is not what most of the crossdressers here are all about except perhaps for the ones who are of the fetishistic variety, and not coincidentally, are also the ones who give the rest of us a bad name among the "muggles" and lead to backlashes like the infamous "Bathroom Bills" of late.

If dressing up in a "funny" outfit is a way to generate laughs and relieve your stress, might I suggest that you either take up cosplay or else slather yourself with theatrical make up and don a clown outfit replete with a fright wig, fake nose, googly glasses, a baggy jacket and pants, and oversize shoes that would be as challenging to walk in as a pair of 5" stilettos.

By all means, dress up to your heart's content and do whatever floats your boat, but don't demean the term by calling yourself a "crossdresser" here if you are just doing it as a gag. You're still a novice at this game, the urge to dress up is not coming from deep inside of you, and quite frankly, you haven't paid your dues yet to be worthy of that designation like most of the rest of us here.

[Teresa]

Jane,
It's so good that can dress with your wife's approval because she appreciates how it helps with your mental state. I'm in the frustrating situation where I know dressing can offer that relief and comfort but my wife doesn't want to know. At times she must sense it and finds somewhere to go out but then I have a guilt complex because I feel I'm driving her out of her home because of my CDing.

Leslie,
I'm not sure it that's what Jane is suggesting, if she's just starting out she may not know all the answers yet, especially as it's her wife's suggestion. In those circumstances I'm sure many of us would have more humour in our Cding. After a couple of drinks one night my wife looked at me in my nightie laughed and told me I looked an absolute pratt I just laughed and agreed with her and made the same comment about her PJs.

[NicoleScott]

It might be that Jane does have that internal drive to crossdress and the dressup session for comic relief was the trigger, or the key that unlocked it. It's probably too soon to know. But who cares if it's for comic relief or even to disrespect women? Dressing up in the privacy of her home has the positive effect of helping Jane to manage stress and anger, whether it's a side effect or more direct cause. There are no dues to pay to call yourself a real crossdresser.
Fetish dressers don't dress for comic relief or to disrespect women. They (that is, we) dress the way we do because we are driven that way. By definition, for fetish dressers, the fetish is the reason, the dressing is the activity. Also, it's not all or nothing. Sexual pleasure is ONE aspect of CDing for many of us.
Finally, how absurd it is to assign fetish dressers blame for bathroom bills.

[redtea]

Because "getting your panties in a bunch" is not something one ever wants to hear as a CD =)

[Jane277]

Leslie, the only 2 things you were correct about me is I am new to dressing, and I am not transgender. The rest you were way off base, i will not waste time ripping your theory on me apart one line after another except to say I dress classy not drag, I have too much respect for my wife, I do not disrespect or mock people, and I don't judge people as I was raised better than that. And I'm very scared as to why I like and feel as good as I do when I dress, I guess you forgot what it was like why you first discovered you liked women's clothes, and looking like a woman and how scary it was to want to go out dressed as a woman but couldn't because if you get caught you could lose everything you spent the better part of your life building, I'm sorry I did not discover the tranquil effects of pretending to be a woman 2 hours a night until I turned 39, maybe if I would have discovered and wanted to do it much younger i would have be able to handle this in a manner that is more respectable and less offense to you and cross dressers everywhere,

I must say thank you for helping reinforce the idea that it's best to keep my thoughts and feeling to myself

[stormy_skyxx]

I think, as many other girl said that cd.ing has indeed a good effect on anger.
In my case it has improved my health as well as i started to watch more carefully my diet, to do some workout, quitted smoking.
And then i realized that i have to "force", myself to go out at least once a month...
I quoted force because its something i do eagerly, and going out as a lady its always a feeling that never ceases to make me feel free and beautiful, its like i set zero to the anger meter, set zero to general nervousness, all bad things are reset to zero.
So my answer is yes it is true, and there is nothing bad about it :-)
Go for it whenever you can and of course when you feel it :-)

Gilda

[NicoleScott]

Jane, there is support to be found here. Unfortunately, there will be mean and snobbish responses to your attempt to find like-minded members with whom you can discuss issues important to you. Some believe that their flavor of CDing is legitimate and yours isn't. You can 1) ignore 2) push back, which you did, and good for you 3) withdraw, which I hope you don't do. If you do, the bullies win. Hang in there.