Questioning everything

[exploring femininity]

Hey all!

I'm a 23 CD who has just started to get serious about it. I've bought some pretty dresses, tights, heels, flats, panties, bras, makeup, etc. I've been painting my fingers and toes, shaving my legs and chest, and have gone out on walks en femme. I've started dabbling sexually, as well. Mainly just by myself. I've even come out to my parents, whom I live with, recently that I've been questioning my gender for some time now. They don't know I CD yet, but I'm debating telling them soon. They were very accepting of me when I came out about the gender issues. We are a highly liberal family, so I'm sure they'd be fine if I told them I want to start dressing as a girl anytime I'm not at work, but I just have some anxiety about it. I don't wanna get the whole 20 Questions situation even though I know that just comes with it haha. I do thoroughly enjoy being dressed en femme and doing girly things. What's best is that I actually feel very empowered and sexy when dressed; something I never have felt in male mode. I'm really just questioning my identity and who I am and how I want to appear to everyone. Sadly, my job field is very conservative so I'm not too sure how accepting people would be of it.

Any advice? Comments? Suggestions? Questions?

Thanks, girls! :)

[Micki_Finn]

Sounds like your parents a pretty understanding. A simple "I don't know, I'm still figuring all this out myself" should suffice to put them off any question you're not comfortable answering. It's natural to want to go full bore with it, but I think it's a good idea for you to start with just dressing at home. You're still very young and you've got a TON of time to figure yourself out, so take your time. One step at a time.

[Teresa]

It's hard to give answers to someone who has a totally different lifestyle. At your age I had been married a year with a mortgage round my neck, I didn't have spare cash to buy my own stuff but my CDing was very sexual.

I guess what I'm saying is you still have to get your own life together without your parents, you don't say if any partners are involved , only a little sexual dabbling on your own . Maybe you're allowing yourself to become obsessed before you've found your own life. Dressing will take you through those stages , questioning so many things, if you can't answer them yourself do try and get some counselling help.

I do admit it's taken me too long but at least I have a great family around me and wouldn't trade them for anything, maybe they might trade me now !

[Julogden]

Keep in mind that for many, the sexual part of it fades with age and experience if your primary reasons for dressing are gender identity issues, so that aspect of it may not be part of your situation forever.

One thing that I would strongly urge is to find a counselor who is familiar with gender issues and get working on your dressing issues immediately. For now, avoid any serious relationships, because you really need to work out who you are and what you need without having to take a partner into consideration. A partner really complicates everything, and this is a time when you need to avoid that set of complications. Once you know who you are and where you are in the gender/dressing spectrum, be honest right from the start with any potential partners. And be honest with yourself, too, VERY important.

I wish you the best of luck! :)

[NicoleScott]

I'm a CDer without gender identity issues, so what do I know? Here's what I think, if you have a grain of salt to go with it:
There's no deadline for figuring it out. There's no template. While you're on your journey, be cautions and discreet (especially about your sexual response to CDing, lest you be thought of as a sexual deviant). And consider counseling, but only from someone qualified in gender matters.

[DIANEF]

Well, you've got a head start with having understanding parents, and at 23 loads of time to let your true self develop. There is no rush to do anything, enjoy your experiences for now and as has been said, take one step at a time. A lot of people question their gender identity, I did at a young age but only a few follow it completely to the stage of transition (if that's what you're ultimately considering? I don't know). Anyway, good luck on your journey.

[dolovewell]

I am not too much older than you are so I can relate to where you stand. We should consider ourselves lucky that we get to begin and explore this side of us in today's world, where people are going to be a bit more accepting and it has become a bit more normal.

I am different from you in terms of the whole coming out angle. Myself, no one I personally know knows about my crossdressing, and I prefer it that way. I like to keep my male life and female life separate. Crossdressing is "my" thing. I don't think I would get negative reactions were I to come out to family and friends regardless, but its my own little secret.

Best advice I can give you is to understand just how expensive this can get, and to pace yourself. Since we are younger, we may not be where we want to be financially yet. Instead of going out and buying new clothes, make do of what you have first. I know its hard not to buy new clothes, but you can still shop and just make a wish list. I ran into the problem of buying new clothes faster than I could wear them. Same with makeup. Instead of buying newer, fancier makeup, try to maximize the effectiveness of the makeup you already have. I fell into the trap of believing more expensive makeup will automatically look better, but in reality makeup is 90% application, 10% quality. There are girls who can do wonders with cheap drug store makeup. Learn how to apply makeup first before going for the higher end stuff.

Get the most out of it while you are young.

[Lana Mae]

Like everyone said slow one step at a time! I am 65 and just figured it out last year!! You have many years to go on your journey!! Find a good gender qualified professional to speak with about your issues!! Best wishes on your journey!! Hugs Lana Mae