Cross dressing when you have kids?

[shellybme]

Hi All,

I have questions about cross dressing when you have children. Does anyone ever worry about that?
Sometimes I have reservations about it. Please advise on any suggestions and/or experiences.

Thank you

[Teresa]

Shelly,
I'm not trying to dodge answering but there have been several recent threads on this subject, maybe if you go back a few pages you will find some good answers.

You will find members have a varying opinions on this but your own circumstances are the important consideration , you may find some aspects you hadn't thought of in some of the replies.

[Victoria92116]

Mine are young, 2 and 4, I suppose I'll cross that bridge when it becomes necessary, but for now and the immediate future I think for me secrecy with the kids is preferable.

[Jenniferathome]

Shelly, I'm the father of three kids. All grown now. it depends on what kind of a cross dresser your are. If you feel the need to dress daily, for example and they will be around, you need to tell them. If you re strictly a part timer, like me, then cross dressing has no impact on their lives so there is no need to tell them.

That aside, should you decide to tell them, even if you re a part timer, kids are incredibly adaptable. They can handle it but know that any "secret" you tell them will be public information shortly AND it would be wrong to tell them to keep this secret.

So what kind of cross dresser are you?

[PeggyNell]

I have a 9 yr old daughter. She doesn't know, but I still have toe nails polish on from weeks ago. Of course she painted them for me. That is one advantage of having a daughter, I play makeup with her too. I am just a great dad. I also am trying to teach her that it is ok to not be in the norm. But back to the question. I want and will tell her when the time comes and my family members. Only a few close friends know that I am a CD.

- - - Updated - - -

Well I when on a spill, back there.
Yes, I do worry about it very much. I am divorced and I am scared to death on what may happen if my ex found out.

[StefaniLara]

I'm fortunate in a way. I have a step-daughter from a previous marriage, no children of my own. My ex-wife knew about my crossdressing before we got married, but I didn't dress then. I had given up as a perversity. It took years for me to realize that denying my femininity was the source of my anger, but that's beside my point. After our divorce, It took a couple of years for me to give in to this need to get dressed up, and another year to let my ex know that I was dressing again. I don't know why it was important, but it was. She said she was okay with it, that that was part of who I am, and she accepted it. Her only condition was that I could never let my step-daughter know about my feminine alter ego.

A few months later, my step-daughter, playing on my ex-wife's phone, ran across my Stefani Facebook page, and figured out that the woman she was seeing was really a man, and further it was her Daddy. She questioned my ex about it, and my ex told her the truth. My step-daughter accepted it without question. She loves me and sees nothing wrong with it. In fact, she goes to school with a boy who is transgender and so identifies as a girl.

This has been my experience, so take it for what it is. I don't know how it would have played out had me and my ex-wife been married still.

[shellybme]

So what kind of cross dresser are you?

I am a part time CD. I have gone months without needing to dress. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Krisi]

I think it's best to keep your crossdressing hidden from your children and I'll bet your wife feels the same way. You shouldn't ask and you can't expect them not to let your secret out, either intentionally or on purpose. Knowing something "bad" about daddy takes away your ability to be the parent and the ability to tell them what to do and when and how to do it.

Also, kids can be cruel. Once the fact that daddy dresses up like a girl gets out, other kids may tease or bully your children with this information.

It's a decision you and your wife should make after carefully considering the pros and cons. You can always tell them later but once you tell them, you can't take it back.

[bridget thronton]

I did not tell my kids till they were in college - I did not wanted to protect them (however I was caught wearing odd clothing a couple times while they were growing up) - in the end they accepted me and still love me

[Athena_]

I have 1 grown child and 2 teenagers. I have not told them, and don't plan on telling them any time soon. My wife agrees with not telling them as well. I do think that 2 of the 3 would be ok with it, but I don't know about the 3rd one.

[Tracy Irving]

Many years ago I asked quite a few people the age of their earliest memory. The consensus seemed to be around four years old. So, my wife let me dress how I wanted until our son was 3 1/2. He is now in college but still lives at home. I have been lucky enough to avoid detection, so far, but I am also very careful. I don't feel like I have to dress full time so there is no need to tell him.

[Alice_2014_B]

Unfortunately I have no experience crossdressing around children to share advice.
It is something I think about for the future though.
However, if my cat could talk, wow!
:)

[JaymeCD]

Our daughter is 2 and my wife and I agreed to be very open her. My wife agreed to let me dress conservatively at home. A lot did go through her mind when we talked about it. I told her that everyone expresses themselves differently and if she grows up seeing it, that she'll see this as nothing out of the ordinary. When you raise a child, everything is taught. Raising an open-minded child is taught, racism is taught, attitude and even bullying is taught. When we are out in public, we never point anyone out or place labels on anyone.

[LelaK]

I'd tell the kids, but tell them not to tell others, unless you don't care.

[Teresa]

Lelak,
That's the problem, you can't tell them off for saying something, I still say it's an adult problem you're putting on a child's shoulders, they have enough problems of their own and you should be there for them not expect them to understand and support you. If a child comes to you with CDing or gender issues then it may change the situation, telling them may make them realise they're not alone with those feelings. My Cding started at the age of 8-9 I'm not sure if my father would have been supportive but my mother would have been OK about it.

[michelle.foster]

I have four kids, 3 girls, 1 boy. They were all married when I informed them. I did it because I was tired of hiding it and sneaking around. I told them I would not show up or push it on them. They all told me they still loved me, one told me she already knew - I never asked her how she knew. One asked to see me dressed, the others didn't. They have all seen my painted toe nails and now I wear acrylics on my fingers, due to nail splitting. That was several years ago, nothing had been said about it since. So being open with the children was a great relief for me. I am now being more willing to share this information with the other I hang with. If it comes up I don't think I'll hesitate to admit to it. I also have had couple heart issues that could have been fatal, which puts a whole different perspective on my life.

[5150 Girl]

I have no kids of my own, but have a step grand kid. I have a tiara that she found and she thinks we're both princesses. She was raised around it. to her, Pa Pa just likes to be a princess sometimes, that's just the way it is, nothing more, nothing less.

[SharonDenise]

I didn't tell my daughters until after their mother died. I have drawers and closets full of female clothes and I felt that I should let them know in case I got sick and they had to go through my things. My daughters are both in their thirties. I told my older daughter first who is quite liberal and I thought would be understanding. She acknowledged but didn't want me to discuss it with her further. It was the same with my younger daughter. It is a "Don't ask, Don't tell" relationship with both. They want to see me as their Dad and not as something else.

[mykell]

hi shelly,
i only have one and dressed the whole while, i suspect they may know but has not asked me, left the browser open with this site open on return from school once or twice and once had black high heels on the floor in the office, it was dark but....they are huuugge....

i was in the closet most of that time but now host a support group and get out every once in a while, as per the mrs. i can not leave the house dressed, so underdress as much as possible and finish up in the car. deconstruction is a little easier....

[Nicolesmyth]

Since you're part time and can go months without dressing, I wouldn't tell. I myself am in the closet. My two kids have recently left the house and it's freed me up quite a bit. Had several close calls through the years, but never got caught.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shelly:hugs:, My two daughters are 49 & 47 and I never saw the need to burden them with this program.

Only my wonderful:love:Wife and a few thousand friends here know my little secret...:daydreaming:...

[DIANEF]

My two boys are now adults and have never known about me, though to be honest I doubt if either of them would have any major issues if they did find out.

[TrishaTX]

My kids do not know but my wife does. I don't think it is relevant to be honest...in my mind this is my thing and they do not need to know. I also think it would be difficult for them to understand so why bother them with it.

[TinaMc]

There's a good academic paper on this subject here: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/29867633_The_lived_experiences_of_adult_children_o f_cross-dressing_fathers_a_retrospective_account

[HollyGreene]

I have two boys aged 12 and 9, and they know nothing about it. I wear underwear 24/7, but always manage to avoid letting them see it. I do have some plain underwear which without closer examination could be taken to be mens, which I wear if we ever go swimming etc.
I don't plan to ever let them know unless some time in the future one of them tells me that he is CD, in which case I'll say, "That's ok, so am I".
I think it's all down to choice and circumstances. I've know of people whose kids know and they just accept it (although they all seem to be daughters).

[Kiersten]

I was always a part timer. When both my boys were younger I always worried about it but never felt the need to burden them with it.
Both of my boys are now 25 & 23 and as far as I know they are still unaware of it.
As I get older, I still do not wish to burden them with it, but knowing the individuals they become, I don't believe it would be that big of an issue for them.

[phili]

Crossdressing is complicated and kids don't need complicated- they are going to have a hard enough time making friends without it. I told my daughter when when she was 28, and she said - that's fine- once they are adults they have other issues and want their parents to get their own lives straight- I think it turns out most adult kids will treat you the way they would treat anyone- no special favors.

[Laurana]

When I first started I tried to hide it from my daughter. One day a couple of summers ago she had gone out with her mother and was supposed to be gone most of the day. So I put on a bikini top and some short shorts and just watched TV. About 3 hours in she comes racing into the house. I barely had time to toss a shirt over my chest. Her reaction was "Oh". She had just stopped by to get something and was out the door again.

Fast forward several weeks, I was driving her to work and had that same bikini top on under my shirt. As we're driving she says "Your rainbow tie is showing". I awkwardly tried to ignore it and change the conversation. Time went on and one day I just told her and asked her how she felt about it. Her response was "Wear what you like. It makes no difference to me."

She's only ever asked once that I don't dress because she wasn't sure how some of the friends she was having over would react. Which was fine by me. I've also asked her to give me a heads up if certain friends were coming over as I've known them since they were in grade school and didn't want them knowing. So all in all it's been a very easy life.

It's only complicated if you make it complicated.

[christylee_sf]

This one is a tough subject for me, not because i have 4 boys and dont want them to know (even my wife does not know), but one of my sons like to dress. My wife was very worried about my son that dresses, and she asked me one time for advice. I told her that if he has a need to dress, its not something that is so strange, and we have to accept him how he is. I did talk to my son, and what i told him was that though we understand that he likes to dress, please please dont do so that would get you into trouble (he was stealing girls skirts at the school during PE so he could wear the skirts. Later he was taking some of my wife things.

The strange part is that my wife told my son that if he were to meet someone (he's attracted to women), that he would need to tell them right away in the relationship.
This one really made me feel guilty, because i did not have the heart to talk to my own wife about it, and after 22 years, its kind of like i betrayed her trust.
Anyway, somethings things are just very complex, and it depends on the situation.

[PeggyNell]

Here a question I am having a tuff time with.
I am divorced. I have a daughter that is going on 10. Nobody knows I CD.
I am so afraid that if my ex finds out and will take me to court over it.
Can I loose my rights to my daughter?
Didn't mean to be so heavy. I am actually fighting over having more time.with her.

[Judy-Somthing]

I have two children, grown up now. I don't think they know. They saw me dressed up on two Halloweens.

And when my daughter was 12 she found a box of dresses I had that were to small for me I had in the basement. I told her I found them and thought I could sell them.
She ended up taking them all for dress up.

As far as I know I'm still in the closet.