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Maria 60
09-20-2016, 09:06 PM
When we arived home tonight there was a phone message from my doctors office telling me I have an appointment for a test on Saturday. I have had a little problem lately and my doctor wants me to do some testing to take the "C" word out of the equation. After the message we both went alittle quit and I guess it's times like these that make people think.
My wife securing me that it's going to be OK, and then starts questioning me about my life and if I was happy and fulfilled with it. I asked her if she knew something I didn't know about, she laughted and just told me it's times like these that get a person thinking. We talked for about half an hour on how proud I am of our children and what an amazing wife and mother she is. To much to repeat but she did surprise me with, what about Maria. I said what about that, she asked me if she would have loosened the leash what would I have did different. I told her it seems like this situation is like a time bomb, one wrong move and it blows up, and that's my fear for her and my family.
Iam very open to my wife but I have to be careful because when we tell her we want something, she goes out of her way to make sure her family is happy. I told her I would probably would have joined a social group that got together once a week, and would love to maybe go to a club and talk to other sisters or dance every once in a while as Maria.
She wasn't to surprised with my answer and her being very open with me, she asked me when iam dressed and if I had opportunity to go to a club or dance and believes I feel like a women when dressed, if there would be any chance that Maria would have any feminine feelings of being with a man.
She was very surprised that I didn't answer her right away but instead I just stood there staring at her with an almost, I don't know look.
I asked her why she would think that, she told me because when I go for my once in a while drive I dress for attention. When I drive her around dressed I usually wear a wrap around dress and she says it's usually very unwrapped or when wearing a skirt it's always pulled up showing lots of leg and I enjoy the attention I get from vans and trucks. Thats what makes her wonder if in the right situation what Maria would do with the attention from a man. I tell her I don't find men in any way attractive , but when fully dressed and feeling feminine, I don't think my opinion will change. After all I'm not gay and maybe getting some looks from men in trucks makes me believe I look like a women.
She didn't have a convinced look, but she told me that if I was curious about that, it's something I could consider when she's dead. We both laughted it off and she said that in the last few years she let the leash loser then she ever thought she would. I told her I couldn't believe this conversation came up over a phone call. I guess she's to worried to get mad with the test coming up, if the test goes good I might be having this conversation again. Lol. I really didn't answer her question and to tell the truth to all my freinds here, I never thought about it, who knows under the right conditions. Right when you think you have it all figured out. Guess again.

Sheila11
09-20-2016, 11:23 PM
Good luck with the tests. My wife just had to deal with three C surgeries.
Our conversations never made it to the fulfilled life aspect.
I know how insecure and confused it all makes a person feel.
Best of luck.

baldy1
09-20-2016, 11:28 PM
The very very best of luck with your test having just come through the most difficult times in our life with the wife and ovarian cancer its seems like why me but she has survived and what a trooper she is so i am sending you her strengh

Julie

ChristinaK
09-21-2016, 12:35 AM
Hi Maria,

Good luck with your test. I sure hope you'll be okay.

If it all works out, you may be in for some more freedom. Sounds like you have a great wife.

Lana Mae
09-21-2016, 05:49 AM
Best wishes that your tests are good!! Sounds like a great wife!! The best to you both!! Hugs Lana Mae

BLUE ORCHID
09-21-2016, 06:30 AM
Hi Maria:hugs:, That was a very interesting story, I sure hope that it is just a false alarm...:daydreaming:...

Pat
09-21-2016, 09:13 AM
I hope it doesn't amount to anything, but a brush with mortality can be a motivating thing. That's what brought me out -- the realization that I would have huge unresolved regret if I died before accepting this part of me. Perhaps it might also be giving your wife pause that you might be facing mortality and she would feel bad if she felt she kept you from having an experience that was important to you. Sounds like you guys know how to talk it out. Be honest with her and good luck.

Stephanie47
09-21-2016, 12:14 PM
Hope your tests come back negative. Waiting can be scary. Waiting brings on reflecting on the past. Life is full of "what ifs." We cannot change the past. We can only go forward. I envy you because you and your wife can have an adult conversation concerning your cross dressing. Maybe she will come to the realization there are needs you need to fulfill before it is too late. I know from your posting you have been very considerate about your wife's feelings. Maybe she needs to think about the comment concerning "letting the leash loser." If you were to pass on without fully experiencing something that is very important to you, ask her how she would feel about it.