Am I really a cross dresser or is this just a fetish

[Wiseguy123]

I enjoy wearing panties, bras, lingerie, nylons (all of them). But I really don't want to go out dressed as a woman. I do however enjoy wearing panties and stockings, tights, pantyhose under my guy clothes. Somebody help me. LOL

[sharon2]

I also do that when i can.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I don't know how old you are but I would say you are on the way to exploring the garments worn by women.
If you like the feel of the underwear you will really enjoy the feel of the blouses, skirts, shoes and dresses that follow.
To get the full benefit you will need to remove body and leg hair and soften your skin.
After you have done all this will you be in a position to answer your original question.
Good luck, I hope it goes well.

[Laura912]

Perhaps the quote from John Donne, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee..."

[CarlaWestin]

CD or fetish?

:straightface:

The answer is Yes.

[Lacey New]

I think many of us started out experimenting with women's undergarments as you have. For me, it was exciting and pleasurable. Later on, it was not only exciting to wear the undergarments but also exciting and pleasurable to see how well I could mimic a woman by wearing the outer garments and other accessories as well. However, even to this day, I have not gone as far as the wig or shoes but I have experimented with my wife's makeup and jewelry when she was not around. Like you, I have no desire to try to appear in public as a woman - I would never pass anyway. But the fascination with trying to get as womanly as possible is still there. Someday, I would love to go "all the way" with forms, shoes and a wig.
So, my point is this. Yes, I am a crossdresser and I think you are too. I also think that if you enjoy lingerie now, you may want to experiment and go a little farther later. And if that is the case, then have fun1

[deebra]

YES you are a crossdresser, when you said ":you enjoy wearing" tells me you do this often and it's something that brings you pleasure as it does all of us, so why stop? What you are now wearing brings pleasure but you'll want more to see if it brings a higher degree of pleasure, and yes the more you put on the better it feels. Not just how good the clothes feel and are so new and different than men's clothes but you start to take on the new, feminine feeling that makes you feel like a woman. Like Kiwi said, if you like the feeling of underwear you'll really love the feeling of blouses, dresses and walking in heels with breast forms. You need to go shopping.

[audreyinalbany]

I think you're kind of splitting hairs...you're a crossdresser

[Pat]

Yeah, I don't understand the question. I'm thinking you're layering some meaning onto "crossdresser" that's only there for you. Since you say "just a fetish" I presume crossdresser is an elevated state in your view. Perhaps you should think a bit about what you see as the difference between a crossdresser and a fetishist and see where that takes you.

[Tracy Irving]

You currently have no plans to interact with the public wearing women's jeans or a blouse. I don't see how that disqualifies you from being a crossdresser. Embrace and have fun wearing as much or little as you want.

[NancySue]

From your comments, sounds to me, you are a crossdresser. Ask yourself, "do I just want to wear or do I need (or both)" to wear mentioned items? I think both. I sense it will only be a matter of time before the feelings to progress will occur. It comes with the territory. I'm curious about a couple things...how long have you been underdressing and are you in a relationship. In any event, quit worrying,,,,have fun, explore and enjoy. 👠👗💄👜

[Krisi]

You don't have to go out (in public) dressed as a woman to be classified as a crossdresser. A crossdresser is a male who enjoys wearing woman's clothing and does it from time to time.

I believe you are a crossdresser. Low level, perhaps, but a crossdresser.

[NicoleScott]

When we discuss fetishes in the context of CDing, we're not referring to a string of beads with magical powers, but items of women's wear that bring sexual arousal. If such items bring you sexual excitement, who else but you would know that? OK, a partner maybe. When people post that wearing certain items bring them pleasure, enjoyment,etc., it could be anything from comfort or stress relief to identity-conforming to intense sexual arousal. That's not enough information for others to tell you if it's a fetish or not.
You can be a crossdresser, fetishist, both, or neither. Some men are aroused by their partner wearing high heels, but they don't wear them themselves. Some crossdressers dress for reasons other than sexual excitement. Some crossdresers are driven to dress by their fetish(es). And some men have no fetishes and don't crossdress (what is wrong with these guys? haha).
Don't worry about assigning a label to what you are/do/think/feel, especially if you're in discovery mode right now. And don't try to fit into a template. There are none.

[Micki_Finn]

I don't know that I can put it any better than Nicole just did.

To add, it doesn't have to be one or the other. Unfortunately we still carry enough sexual shame in our culture that you juxtapose cross dressing with "just" a fetish. There is nothing wrong with it being a fetish. For a great number of cross dressers it will never go beyond the sexual thrill. For others they find that the sexual thrill is a step down a longer path, or even masking deeper feelings. If all you ever get out of it is a sexual kick, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with what you do or that you're "lesser" than the girl who dresses 24/7.

[Lana Mae]

As others have said Both! You are a crossdresser if you like to wear clothes of the opposite sex. If it causes any kind of pleasure, you are a crossdresser. If you really do not want to go out dressed as a woman but continue to wear the clothes , then you are a crossdresser. Wearing women's clothes under your"guy" clothes is called underdressing and yes you are a crossdresser. Read this and all the other posts and you will know that you are a crossdresser!! Welcome to the sisterhood! Best wishes going forward. Hugs Lana Mae

[Ressie]

The definiton I go by: If there's a repetitive pattern of wearing a women's garment (or more than one garment) it's cross dressing. Dressing in an attempt to pass in public is taking it to another level, but of course it's still cross dressing.

Just panties twice a year - that's also cross dressing. Also, some of us may go for years without dressing for one reason or another but eventually start at it again.

[Jane G]

We all got a start some where welcome to the word of Cd. Now just try to be honest and you and it will slowly unveil..

[CONSUELO]

Many years ago I argued with a cross dresser friend that my desire to dress in fine lingerie was just a fetish and I was not a cross dresser. I was wrong. I still have as strong love of full slips and that is a fetish but wanting to wear them along with shoes, dresses etc. etc. is cross dressing. There is even a term I have seen in the literature on cross dressing called "fetishistic transvestite". That pretty much covers it.

[ellbee]

I enjoy wearing panties, bras, lingerie, nylons (all of them). But I really don't want to go out dressed as a woman. I do however enjoy wearing panties and stockings, tights, pantyhose under my guy clothes. Somebody help me. LOL

Heck, might as well just throw on a dress, some heels, a wig, some boobs, some make-up, jewelry, perfume, etc. -- and call yourself Shirley.


Don't worry, you still won't be a crossdresser, if that's what you want to think. ;)

[Marianne S]

Hi Wiseguy! "Somebody help you"??? What is it you'd like help with, exactly? Wondering if there's "something terribly wrong" with you? Finding the right label to stick on yourself? Does the term "crossdresser" bother you? Are you worried that you might be starting to turn permanently into a woman, but feel it's OK to have "just" a fetish?

Let me reassure you that it's perfectly OK to do what you're doing! Quite a few guys "underdress" in secret. Hey, walk down a busy city street some time and figure to yourself that out of every hundred guys you see, whether they're in jeans or business suits, the chances are that one or two of them at least are wearing lacy panties where nobody can see them! If you're feeling like an oddball, that exercise will make you feel "one of the crowd" right away!

If it's a matter of labels, people have different attitudes toward labels. Quite a few people here have said they hate labels. I'm guessing that's because labels so often "miss the target." There are so many differences among people who crossdress that labels simply fail to capture. Nobody wants to be placed into a "category" they don't quite belong in. (I'm sure that's true of labels and humans in general, not just crossdressers!)

However, labels can be reassuring if they give a valid identity to someone who feels lost because they otherwise have none. I know that was true for myelf when I was young--even if the label in question was not entirely accurate!

I started dressing when I was twelve or thirteen, but at that time I'd never heard of anyone else who had that urge. So naturally I felt weird and wondered what was "wrong" with me. Then I luckily got hold of a book about sexual deviations, and among all the other paraphilias--sadism, masochism, homosexuality, bestiality, exhibitionism, voyeurism--lo and behold, there was a chapter on fetishism! Fetishes come in an enormous variety, and are often highly specialized. There are shoe fetishists, glove fetishists (does anyone wear gloves any more?) and so on. Some fetishes are just plain weird and inexplicable. One psychiatrist told of a client with a fetishistic attraction to ballpoint pens! A ballpoint pen is a useful tool, but what on earth is erotic about it? Beats the heck out of me! Now that's truly weird!

But in contrast, hair, fur, silk (smooth as a woman's skin), rubber, leather: those are always right up there in the Top Ten of people's favorite fetishes. Understandably so. And topping the Top Ten in that cherished Number One spot we'll always find panties and lingerie! Mind you, I did start my dressing experiments by trying on my mother's skirt (which happened to be lying around when I was alone in the house), not her panties. But that's a mere detail. I got to her panties shortly afterwards: so deliciously cool and eilky! The point is, once I'd read that book I now had a label to stick on myself, which I'd never had before. Apparently I was a "fetishist"! That wasn't completely accurate, because there are other aspects to my own crosadressing that the term doesn't cover. But for the time being as a young teenager I felt far better knowing where I fitted in the spectrum of humanity, because somebody had a label for "people like me." It was far better than imagining I was some kind of "freak" that nobody had ever heard of before! So yes, labels can be reassuring.

Are you worried that your urges might be the first stage of turning into a woman? That's a transition some people do have to deal with, and they deserve our support because I'm sure it's a tough row to hoe. But if you're chiefly attracted to underdressing and haven't so far had a strong desire to dress fully as a woman, I think it's very unlikely that you're transgender. Actually you and I are different (as so many people here are), because I myself never had any special urge to "underdress." In my own mind I'd prefer to be either definitely male or definitely female at any given time, and mixing them up is... well... "confusing"! It seems to "spoil" the essential pleasure of being completely one or the other. But that's just me. I'm not trying to knock anyone like yourself who does like to do it. The only reason I'm mentioning this at all is to explain why I can't say much from personal experience about why anyone would want to underdress, and whether it's more for fetishistic arousal or more to assert a feeling of feminine identity underneath all those masculine clothes. That's something you'll just have to explore for yourself. Good luck!

[RADER]

I also do much the same thing; But I add that I also wear woman's jeans every day.
So I am cross dressed a little more.
Rader

[Maria 60]

Well I kind of started like that, and then of course we always want more. If your lucky and you can stay at that level, you will save time and money.

[Nati]

The new DSM - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) - finally, FINALLY ranks us.... In summary, if we can carry on every day activities (job, paying taxes, keeping the kids fed and god forbid, voting) then a fetish (anything short of engaging in an act that does not hurt you or others) is considered a lifestyle choice. Don't put yourself in a box. We Americans are so so so good at that. From a burger to a thought. If it feels right to you, it IS you. If you don't like you, then ask yourself is it really you that does not like you or is it others around you that don't accept you.??? And if the answer is "others". Then find other "others." Welcome to crossdressers.com. You are home. :-)

[Tracii G]

Wearing the items makes you a crossdresser to some extent.
If wearing panties get you sexually excited then you have a panty fetish to go along with it.
Don't worry there are a bunch like you here and its OK.

[girltime]

I started with a panty fetish at a young age and it just grew from there. I love to underdress in sexy panties in public. I sleep in a camisole and panties most nights. I haven't the courage yet to dress in public. But I am a cross dresser. Yes, indeed.

[Shayna]

Even if it's a fetish, you're a cross dresser, and that's absolutely fine.

[redtea]

Your situation is very similar to mine except I was mostly panties under dressing.

You aren't a Crossdresser and here's why.

A seed isn't a tree till It grows to a certain point, It's still technically a tree in it's early stages but when someone says "tree" they think of something that is at least 10 feet tall with many leaves and branches. You are just a tiny little stick coming out of the ground asking the world "Am I a tree? I got a couple leaves and I'm made of wood" The answer is not yet, But if you keep growing than you will be.

Basically you will know if you are a Crossdresser because you will look at your collection of clothes and your obsession with those clothes and just think "Boy I really AM a crossdresser" .

My only advice is to never purge and beware the hypno sissy porn.

[Stephanie47]

Does it really matter what label you stick onto yourself?

[AnnieMac]

I was thinking about something along these lines just this morning. Like am I really a crossdresser, or are we as "crossdressers" really just playing some form of childhood dress-up? Sometimes I think that the term crossdresser implies something a little more full-time or more openly wearing female things in public. Those of us still in the closet, are maybe just playing at it. Oh I know, I know, I'm not trying to talk myself out of who I really am. I think if I wasn't stuck in the closet, I would be out there dressed in public, and I thing about girl things all of the time. I dunno just thoughts really, and I guess the categories aren't really that important - love, Annie.

[Acejbarlow50]

There is nothing wrong with crossdressing women have been doing it for years.

[Fiona123]

I underdress with panties and a bra whenever I can. I wear a dress inside when I have the house to myself. I like the term transgender but crossdresser is ok too. Sure for me there is a fetish aspect, but it's more than a fetish. I try not to worry about labels. The important thing is to enjoy this absolutely harmless acivity.🌺

[Futurist]

I enjoy wearing panties, bras, lingerie, nylons (all of them). But I really don't want to go out dressed as a woman. I do however enjoy wearing panties and stockings, tights, pantyhose under my guy clothes. Somebody help me. LOL
Does it really matter? :)

Indeed, doesn't it make more sense for you to do whatever you want to do and not to worry about labels? :)

[char GG]

Welcome to the forum, Acejbarlow 50


There is nothing wrong with crossdressing women have been doing it for years

I just wanted to put my :2c: in. Women typically buy their clothes in "women's" department (not saying always). Women are not offended if people don't call them "Sir" while wearing jeans. Typically women don't try to "pass" as a man if while wearing pants. There is quite a difference. Women are NOT "Crossdressing", they are dressing. (Obviously you have hit one of my pet peeves.)

Over the years, women have changed the norm from wearing dresses that hang on the ground through mud and filth (100 years ago) to today. If men want to do the same, they need to ban together and do it. You just need more men who want to wear dresses.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Wiseguy:hugs:, I would think at 42 you should now know that you are a Crossdresser...:daydreaming:...

[sarahj2222]

well I too underdressed from an early age and thought it was some sort of fetish/illness/perversion. And society often confirms that view even today amongst the masses I believe. But we all know that it isn't and my personal experience of reading various blogs including this one is the majority of men who like to wear clothes that were targeted at woman are not perverted they just like the feel and comfort of those clothes as do woman. It doesn't matter than you don't want to go out fully dressed as a woman or not or the label attached to your desires, just enjoy and experiment , you might find that you want to enjoy wearing other womans targeted clothes and even want to try makeup and hair.

re choice in department stores:
Woman have a far wider choice than men. There is no hosiery/dress/skirts area in the mens department, But in the woman's department you have all those choices plus trousers,shirts,joggers,trainers (originally mens targeted clothes), So we have no choice but to shop in the woman's department.

[ellbee]

Crossdress - verb - To wear clothing of the opposite sex

Crossdresser - noun - One who crossdresses


:strugglin

[nikinylons]

I agree with Carla :)


CD or fetish?

:straightface:

The answer is Yes.

[Robert]

I've grappled with this question for years and I still don't really have an answer.

For quite a while I embraced the label 'transvestite' then, reluctantly, 'cross dresser'. Neither really seemed to wholly fit, as the concept of a gender binary just seemed too restrictive.

Now, if pushed, I'd say gender queer, but more often these days I say 'it's just clothes and I wear what I like'.

[sarahj2222]

I agree entirely Robert. And I am totally aligned with Eddie Izzard, They are just clothes and why can't we all just wear what we like when we like in any combination we wish.

Interestingly I was searching on a department stores website recently and guess what I found.
I searched and found a womans canvas shoes size 9 and then a mens canvas shoes size 9 in the two different departments.
They are EXACTLY the same shoe and there are many more examples like that especially when we look at items of clothing that have become more unisex (in most of those cases they were originally only in the mens dept).

[phili]

The term fetish is not well defined. It is somewhere on the 'I love this' scale, and is used when our interactions with what we love is highly focused and seems odd because it takes up too much of our attention and interferes with normal life. I think fetishistic behavior is a result of blocked living. I spent many years with my secret panty/nighty stash and in the short times I could enjoy them sexual release was a very efficient way to maximize emotional intensity and put it behind me so I could get back to my ordinary life. I wished then I could dress up and go out an have a girly life experiences, and now that I finally am there is no more trace of fetish.

The term crossdresser is getting wobbly too! There is a lot of crossover in clothing and the distinctions and variety are becoming more well known. Some crossdressers think 'guy in a dress' is an undesirable/lesser expression of crossdressing, but crossdressing it is. For many crossdressing is more cross-imaging- wanting to look like a woman in body, not just share their clothing choices!

[Bruce64]

Wiseguy I am exactly like you, it is what it is, I just enjoy it. You will get some answers here although I have no answer to your question.

[mona lisa]

The answer is "yes."

[redtea]

Id also like to add that it's not good to compare yourself to every other CDer on the internet. This is why i don't like umbrella terms like LGBT and Crossdressing, They go against individuality and create stereotypes. I'm a CDer but I am Right winged and I don't own any dresses or shoes. Most people will think of CDers as being left winged people.

Right winged = People who just want to co-exist without seeking any attention and will often try to sneak around thanks to their own narrative that the world isn't CD friendly.

Left winged = People who finally accept themselves and want everyone to know about it. The SJW liberals who make CDing a gender orientation thing when it doesn't have to be. People who are afraid of simply calling it a sexual fetish and get offended easily.

[Julie MA]

My wife asked what I was reading, when I was reading this thread. I read the OP to her and we had a nice discussion. In short, I explained my CD as both. And that I need an outlet for both fetish and femininity. She understood, but is not sure she wants to see or interact with it, yet.

[Aunt Kelly]

Id also like to add that it's not good to compare yourself to every other CDer on the internet. This is why i don't like umbrella terms like LGBT and Crossdressing, They go against individuality and create stereotypes. I'm a CDer but I am Right winged and I don't own any dresses or shoes. Most people will think of CDers as being left winged people.

Right winged = People who just want to co-exist without seeking any attention and will often try to sneak around thanks to their own narrative that the world isn't CD friendly.

Left winged = People who finally accept themselves and want everyone to know about it. The SJW liberals who make CDing a gender orientation thing when it doesn't have to be. People who are afraid of simply calling it a sexual fetish and get offended easily.
But "umbrella terms" like "right winged" and "left winged", or "SJW liberal" are OK? Oh, please...

[Dana44]

The term fetish is likely not an usual one.


fet·ish
ˈfediSH/
noun
an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
synonyms: juju, talisman, charm, amulet; More
a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.
"he had a fetish for writing more opinions each year than any other justice"
a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.
"Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots"
synonyms: fixation, obsession, compulsion, mania;

Now a cross dresser, yep if you wear any lady thing out like panties and hose. yep you are a cross dresser. Many here do just that. Likely not a fetish or mania. .

[StephanieM]

Sounds like you would be considered a partial crossdresser, I was in that stage for years and recently have evolved to more of being a complete crossdresser.

[redtea]

But "umbrella terms" like "right winged" and "left winged", or "SJW liberal" are OK? Oh, please...

why yes, they are ok.

Crossdressing is too broad a term. Some people are just starting with lingerie while others are into full outfits, some full outfits are casual unisex and some are entirely femme. Some Crossdressers are porn stars, some are the opposite and claim that there is nothing sexual to it. Some are actually Transgender and some are undecided/not. Crossdresser describes way too many people yet holds the stigma's that only apply to some.

[AKADonna]

Who cares about labels, anyway. If you enjoy it and it doesn't hurt anybody, just do it! We have all been where you are at some time or another! Enjoy the pink fog!

[gownman]

I used to be on a site called "Experience Project" - currently on hiatus (my handle was "gown1000"). My first post went something like "I am not a cross-dresser; I just like to wear nylon slips and nightgowns." Others on the site said "Of course you are a cross-dresser. You like to wear items of female apparel, so you are indeed a cross-dresser." I now accept that completely, but there also seemed to be the belief (I have also encountered that here) that I would "graduate" to more complete dressing. I haven't, and I don't think I will. I have been like this for decades. As for its being a fetish, I kind of don't think so. I have had plenty of great sex with no nighties involved. I'll admit it's more fun with the nighties. My number one fantasy is having oral sex performed on me while both me and the woman are wearing silky gowns.

[jennifer0918]

Ok 1,2,3, DO YOU !!!! Who cares about labels who cares what people think be you be happy

[Billy]

Who are we answering this question for? Original poster has only posted 2 posts, has not responded to this thread and has been inactive since October.

[Fiona123]

While there is a sexual aspect to my crossdressing, it is so much more than a mere fetish. Cross dressing is a identity issue; my fem self is who I am. Transphobic people use the " fetish" label to diminish who we are.

[ShirleyN]

I'd certainly agree with that. It was a fetish for me when i started and there was also a sexual aspect to it (given the fact that i was a young teenager at the time [13 years old]) naturally with hormones running crazy) very much depends on yourself.

[Periwinkle]

There's nothing sexual about my dressing at all. In fact, I feel like it has the opposite effect on me. I cannot get 'in the mood' in women's clothing. It's really the only thing that differentiates me normally from me when I'm crossdressing. Crossdressing me, apparently, does not have sexual urges. It's really weird, because regular me gets 'in the mood' all the time. But hey, it makes for a great way to calm down if I get too excited at a bad time. Like when I should be cleaning or doing homework or something. Just throw on a cute outfit and a wig, and suddenly I'm ready to focus on more important things. The excitement fades away about as quickly as I can erase a crappy doodle.

[Jaylyn]

I have a fetish about heels so tall that I can't walk in them. I have some and have tried, I am a crossdresser no doubt about it. I enjoy the wearing of smooth things on my skin. The older I get the more enjoyment I get out of it. I dress sometimes to relax, as a way of escaping reality I guess. In the relaxing time I'm usually not aroused but truly just seem to let the world go by not caring about my bills or life's problems. Now when I'm feeling frisky I guess is when the fetish side kicks in. I can dress in my mini, fishnets, garter, high heels, and see thru bra and silky black see thru top. I usually tell when I'm in fetish mode as I always love my makeup darker and my lipsticks even darker red. I can only dress this way for a time till I start fantasizing about everything I'm wearing. This mode of dress is not relaxing but the result of it can be. I guess this is my fetish side.
So answer to your question is as some have already stated "YES"

[NicoleScott]

Same here, Jaylyn. As I age and lose flexibility, it's more difficult to walk in my highest heels, so I just walk less. Killer high heels, compared to lower ones or flats, are less comfortable, harder to walk in gracefully, and less appropriate in general for public wear. So why not lower the height? Because I have a fetish for the highest heels. It's that fetish for high heels and a few other things that, when combined in a dressup session, brings me a lot of satisfaction, including sexual pleasure. Fetishes drive my crossdressing - whether crossdressing itself is a fetish is, for me, not an important distinction.
I think we should be more careful about the use of "just a ...." in our discussions. Just a fetish, just a crossdresser, etc. diminishes those who so identify. Whatever drives to crossdress - fetish, stress relief, comfort, feminine identity - is strongly compelling to each of us, in different ways, of course.