Golden Rules

[DIANEF]

So, just for fun, what do you consider are 'the golden rules' of your cd-ing. I have a few. One, never touch anything belonging to my wife, everything I have is my own (I know some members do share with their SOs). Two, never under dress, for me it has to be all or nothing (again many people do just that), and three, when getting ready it's always undies, face, clothes, hair in that order. Again, let me stress this is just for fun and not for anyone to suggest what anyone else should or should not be doing. Over to you!

[NicoleScott]

Agree with rule number one - get your own stuff. My rule number two - lipstick ALWAYS goes on LAST. Rule number three - bare legs are for guy mode. Always wear pantyhose or stockings. Number four - flats? Never.

[Maria 60]

I would say always wear pantyhose and my biggest Golden rule is, never, never leave my fem things laying around, or in my wife's space.

[redtea]

1- no stealing/borrowing
2- no chickening out once you have something in your hands at a store you intend to buy, Unless it involves someone you know.
3- If at first you don't succeed, Try again
4- Just do it! literally mind over matter yourself into the awkward situation.

[AlyssaJ]

This is actually pretty timely because as my wife works to be more accepting, supportive and encouraging, we've been setting limits and I've been mentally putting together my list of rules. Here's what I have so far

1. No wearing my wife's clothes unless she explicitly tells me I have permission to wear something (even then I'd rather not).
2. Never "out girl" my wife. If I look better in what I'm wearing than she does in what she has on, that's not cool. Always try to dress below her level.
3. Never wear the same outfit (related to #2). No twinsies, not running the risk that someone thinks I look better in it than her (including her).
4. Blend into the background and let her be the center of attention. My validation comes from being unnoticed, hers come from getting attention from other people.
5. If I buy myself something new, buy her something too. New shoes? Get her a pair too. New dress? Get her one too.
6. If I'm going out full femme, it needs to be full femme. In other words, everything shaved, no cheating on that. Appropriate makeup, again no cheating. All appropriate shapewear. If I'm trying to experience being womanly I have to experience the good and the bad.
7. No bare legs, always pantyhose or stockings. Unless I'm wearing pants (legs not seen) or shorts (pantyhose under shorts == no, no).
8. Look natural not over the top. Again the goal is to blend not stand out if I'm in full femme.

You'll notice a lot is focused on my wife and her feelings. That's because just reading this forum and other things on the interwebs, one of the key problems in CD relationships seems to be the self-absorption of the crossdresser in what they're doing at the expense of their spouse. If I'm going to openly dress in full femme attire, then I need to make sure I'm accounting for her feelings at all times. That's my rule not hers as my way of focusing on building trust with her.

[Lana Mae]

1. Do not force it!
2.Underdress as needed. ( not out and have no wig or makeup)
3.Dress as far as possible in the closet! (see 1.)
4. Try not to overspend! (so far so good)
5. Keep reading this forum to keep on learning and growing and trying to help others!!
6. If you can not say anything nice, do not say anything at all!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Judy-Somthing]

I always felt never touch any wife's or siblings clothing! I didn't want any CD-ing connection with them!

[dolovewell]

1. Don't go outside your comfort zone if you don't want to. I remember nights I would dress but didn't feel like going anywhere and just wanted to relax at my place. Instead I would say "A real woman would go out somewhere!" and I'd force myself to go out for the sake of going out and not enjoy it. No need to go outside your comfort zone if you don't want to. Don't try to adhere to a strict set of rules you make for yourself. Do what you want. Don't feel like there is a "right way" or "wrong way" to do this.

2. Act appropriately in public. For the love of God I can not stress this enough. Some of the comments I read on this board, I hope they stay on this board and on this board only. If you wouldn't say something or act a certain way around your sister or daughter or niece, don't say it or act that way to an SA or random stranger out in public.

3. Keep it simple, stupid. Being a woman is not easy and I would get myself stressed out and overwhelmed by it all. I would try to swallow it all at once, whether it be learning makeup techniques and application, outfit shopping, and so on. I would be trying to learn advanced makeup techniques and put together fancy outfits before I even got the hang of the fundamentals and it was too much for me. Master the basics and fundamentals first. Then take it one step at a time from there. Master that step and move to the next one.

4. Don't buy new clothes and makeup faster than you can wear them. Your tastes in clothing and outfit ideas will change every day. One good idea for an outfit one day may be outdone by an idea or inspiration you get the next day. I would buy so many clothes quickly and plan out outfits weeks in advance, and would always have more ideas than time to wear my ideas. So I'd literally buy clothes faster than I could wear them, which led me to getting burned out because I'd force myself to dress more than I felt like to justify the purchases. One way to remedy this is to buy pieces for outfits that work with multiple outfit ideas instead of just one(look up Capsule Wardrobe on Pinterest). That was a big problem. I'd plan out entire individual outfits, and the pieces would only work for that outfit, so I'd wear the pieces once and they'd collect dust in the closet.

5. It's supposed to be fun. If you aren't having fun, stop and take a break. Don't force yourself to dress or feel obligated to do so. Forced/obligated dressing never turns out well. Take a break and think about what you and enjoy and what you don't. When you start back up again focus on what you enjoy. 18 months ago I stopped dressing because I was no longer enjoying it. I had to take a break. Took a long break, and was able to reflect on it all and discover the parts I liked, and what I didn't like. While some of the things I didn't like can be worked on, I know what my favorite parts are so I can make it the centerpiece of my dressing going forward.

[Jane277]

Mine are simple
1. "Jane" never comes out unless wife is home
2. Wife may borrow whatever / whenever she wants of "Janes"
3. Whenever "jane" visits, make sure wife is center of attention.
4. If "Jane" buys an item for herself she buys something for wife
Always remember that behind every good man is a great woman

[Lily Catherine]

1. Decide to dress. Or not.
2. Keep the dressing under check - never let it overwhelm me.
3. Dress reasonably - I am increasingly realising this.
4. Avoid 'missing' dressing, and dwelling excessively on it.
5. Beard cover must be comprehensive.
6. The clothes shouldn't matter a lot, but at least look reasonably presentable. (I'm working on it, and I erred too much.)
7. Never buy any article of clothing on a whim.
8. Accept myself unequivocally (still working on it).

[CarlaWestin]

Never leave the house dressed after having even the slightest amount of alcohol.
If you get pulled over, you certainly don't need to complicate the situation.

Other than that, I underdress with panties everyday. I've tried on some of the wife's clothes. Not my size or style. And, I buy a lot of clothes but, from the thrift store. And, every now and then, I'll donate things back.

[Krisi]

My wife and I share clothes, no problem there but we each have far more than we need. We don't typically share panties but we have at times. I wear panties nearly all the time but I don't really consider that underdressing any more. A bra would be underdressing to me.

I have no specific order for becoming Krisi, but I usually put my wig on early in the process. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing Homer with boobs and wearing a dress.

The real "golden rule" is, don't let anyone I know see me dressed other than my wife. Don't answer the door dressed, don't walk out to the car dressed and carrying a purse, etc.

[2B Natasha]

When getting ready to go out. The order is always the same. Pick an outfit out. Decide a makeup style that will look good with it. Apply said makeup. Get dressed. Wig. Jewelry. But toss are. It really golden rules. More of an order that works for me the best. The golden rules are two really. Never embarrass my child or my wife by the clothes I wear, my actions or my deeds. Rule two. Don't do anything that would impact my wife's revenue stream.

[dolovewell]

4. Avoid 'missing' dressing, and dwelling excessively on it.

Lily I am not quite sure what you mean by this, but if I understand correctly, you are saying don't dwell excessively on dressing up, correct?

Because if so, that is a great rule. I know I am guilty of breaking it at times. Where all I can think about is dressing up, buying a new outfit or makeup, and it dominates my thoughts to where its all I can think about.

There is nothing wrong with being passionate and excited about it all... but don't let it become an obsession that affects other parts of your life.

[Lily Catherine]

Lily I am not quite sure what you mean by this, but if I understand correctly, you are saying don't dwell excessively on dressing up, correct?

Absolutely. The 'missing' part would refer to having the aftertaste of "that part of me" still lingering. I think it's just me trying to keep myself busy, though. I still insist that I not let it overwhelm me. It's not just the clothes, dare I say.

[Ressie]

No SO here to make rules for. I'm not really into rules except,

Take a good look in th mirror to make sure everything is in place before stepping out. (i.e. no visible junk)

[DIANEF]

As expected some very interesting replies. Thankyou everyone.
Diane x

[franlee]

My one rule is if it doesn't feel good or satisfying don't do it and if it does then do it with common sense.

[GBJoker]

My rule has evolved into "stop doing it." Too many risks, no reward.

[Majella St Gerard]

Makeup goes on last, it gets on your clothes and is a pain to get off. I don't understand the no bare legs thing, I love stocking and pantyhose but sometimes its too damn hot for that. And look at women, they hardly wear them.

[Scarlett398]

All great tips and well written tips. You really know what your doing. And if that is a photo of you, you're like me - you can't tell that there's a guy dressed in the clothing of a girl. That's one of the most exciting things to me about cross dressing. I love the fact that no one can tell that I am not a girl when I'm dressed in femme. But congrats on putting together five super paragraphs on the art and psychology of cross dressing!

[Kiersten]

I only have 3 rules:

1. Never use your wife's make up, I have my own.
2. Never borrow your wife's cloths with out her permission. (She will always know because you won't hang or fold it the way she did it.)
3. Lipstick goes last on last no exceptions.

[Alice Torn]

Golden rule: Don't wear dresses or skirts tooo short! The rare times i go out in public, I like to show some leg, but not too much leg,if you know what i mean- not a hooker look. My first two times out, way too much legs. Guys shouted at me from a truck. One guy told his kids not too look. AND, never leave stuff out in the open, making it easy to get CAUGHT!

[Fiona123]

Don't over do it. Dress your age. Don't over apply makeup. Less is more. (I know, that's 4)🌺

[Kate Simmons]

I don't have any "golden rules" per se but I do have my own personal "standards of excellence" when it comes to dressing. I have come to know what works best for myself and what doesn't. It's just a natural evolution on my part. :battingeyelashes::)

[Alice_2014_B]

Let me see.

Dress up as if I am going out in public
(Sub-point: I might hang around the apartment dressed up and in six inch heels, but those can change since I do not normally go out in six inch heels)

I never use anything belonging to my wife unless she says it is alright. Only things I can actually use of hers are shoes and makeup, but I have enough of my own.

Improve every time I dress up.

There is probably more, just cannot think of anymore at the moment.

:)

[VioletDoll]

My golden rule is "STAY OUT OF THE PINK FOG!"
It's so easy to get wrapped up in "gear up" mode and get absolutely out of control in attitude and spending..
I so want to go to eBay and get TWO coach crossbody bags, black and brown.. sensible shoes, some fantastic silver and Jade jewelry, Bohol lace dresses and light pink lipstick..

But no.. stay easy my friend.. small town, you aren't really going outside..
1 I under dress
2 I costume it up when Violet is invited over to play.

I don't overdo it, I'll go broke.

[TrishaTX]

1) I have my own stuff but she has used a waist cinched or two
2) Don't keep secrets, tell her so she wont think anything crazy
3) When you dress enjoy it for everything it is

[Scarlett398]

I agree. Don't over do it especially with your makeup. Watch pro videos on how to apply all different types of makeup. Don't look like a hooker or guy in drag. Try your best to look so much like a real girl that nobody can tell you are a guy in girl's clothes. They can't tell I am anything close to a guy when I'm dressed up. Maybe try to improve a little bit more every time you dress up. Act like a girl when you are dressed and walk like a girl too and don't over do the walk. Make it look natural which is very easy to do when wearing riding or slouch boots. The heals aren't high and easy to walk in. Have fun and enjoy being a girl for a short while!

- - - Updated - - -

All great tips, Lily....Scarlett

- - - Updated - - -

Super tips, Lana....Scarlett

[Becky Blue]

Here are my top 10
1. If dressing to go out - dress to blend in
2. Sexy underwear maybe be nice to wear in, but its probably not the best for going out
3. Passing is NOT important looking and feeling good IS
4. Dress in your own decade - ie forget those micro mini's if your 50
5. If you are going to have one expensive item of female attire make it a wig AKA don't go out in a cheap wig
6. If you wear stick on nails make sure you have accounted for all 10 before you go home
7. If you paint your nails, no matter how carefully you remove the polish there WILL be spots the next day
8. If you are close to 6 feet tall don't wear 6" heels out
9. Buy yourself a black long cardigan, every girl needs one
10. Who cares what strangers think

[Helen_Highwater]

Never leave the house dressed after having even the slightest amount of alcohol.

Sound advice. I did it once, not driving, just went for a walk and while it turned out ok it could have gone horribly wrong.

Other rules;
1 Control spending. There's some much nice stuff but it's like owning lots of cars. You can only drive one at a time.
2 Have your own things. Using your SO's especially without permission will at some point result in that fave dress or blouse being torn/stained and you with a lot of explaining to do.
3 Dress you age. If you're that bit older (mature) you can still dress to achieve a stylish look.
4 If you want to be a "successful" CD'er, observe what the GG's wear.
5 Make sure you fulful your CD'ing dreams. If you want to someday go out in public, find the reason to do it, not the reason not to. You don't want to be on your death bed thinking, "I wish I'd done...."

[Barbara Black]

Now that I'm open to my wife, and my clothes are easily accessible, I no longer wear any of my wife's clothing. I always underdress, but am restricted to dressing if the grandkids aren't around (my daughter's rule). I listen to the comments my wife makes about my clothing and dress accordingly because she's been a woman a lot longer than me. I also do my own washing of my clothes, letting her wash my male clothes only. I won't ever be able to 'outdress' her, but I do dress up much more fancy than she does at home.

[Teresa]

Diane,
The rule at the top of my list is give yourself enough time for nail polish, since my outings in January I have manged only once not to mess them up. I've ended up with strange marks on underwear when I've needed to go to the toilet and smudges on my steering wheel and seat belts when I've just had to go.

I don't use my wife's clothes anymore apart from things she given me, I prefer my own style now.
I don't underdress as much since going out, it's getting to the point of all or nothing.
When getting ready I'm bare chested in drab and after a close shave it's always makeup first, then underwear, the clothes I've picked which are usually washed and ironed a week before. Next jewellery and then a final brush through before the wig goes on , I then check everything out in the mirror and finally slip the shoes on.

Then it's time for the clean up and any evidence, my wife knows but it's only courtesy not to upset her.

When buying things make sure those sneaky little receipts don't creep out and hide from you but suddenly appear in front of the wife, how many have had that happen ??
Don't use a joint credit card if you are trying to hide your purchases , that one is now sorted I have my agreed allowance in a separate account .

[Miss Daisy]

Remember that you are you, and there is no one else who holds your unique attributes; you’re so irreplaceably valuable to the world...

[Georgina]

Only one. Enjoy it.

[DIANEF]

Thanks everyone, I didn't think this thread was still running!!! Teresa, only ever used nail polish a half dozen times or less, never very successfully, might invest in some stick-on ones one day! and only pay cash for clothes and shoes I buy and VERY careful with receipts!

[irene9999]

Let's see...

1. buy and wear my own clothes
2. try to dress to blend when going out(ie no high heels and tight dress during the daytime)
3. try to improve my dressing by observing GGs and emulating them as opposed to other CDs

[Emily Ann Brown]

Golden rule...be a lady and don't bring shame on the whole of crossdressing and TGs. I went to a girls night out in public in Raleigh. Left early because of theactions of some of the sisters. Em