Question:- Out or In , what's your preference ?

[Teresa]

It's very easy to think everyone has the same needs as yourself with CDing, being in the closet to me was like solitary confinement , I knew I wouldn't achieve a balance until I could start to satisfy an inner need.

I accept now to some it's an enjoyable hobby that they may practice happily behind closed doors, that doesn't apply to me but I'm not knocking something another person gets a great deal of pleasure from.

OK some of you may say I'm not totally out, I may drive out of my drive dressed and travel the thirty miles to meet up with other members of the TG community in a hotel. Yes I have met the general public in those circumstances but this is not the same as going out dressed to shop and meet with others over a coffee or a meal, it's going to happen but I am taking it in stages, to keep the wife happy.

So to get to the question which I hope you will all take part in, It's a simple one of are you totally happy in the closet or are you happier being out and about.

I've always assumed it was the aim of every CDer to break out from the closet and be out in the open.

So what I'm looking for is the percentage of IN to OUT members . If you want to add that you prefer the other , that's fine give us your reasons.

Obviously TSs will have a different answer but it would be great to get some thoughts from them about being out.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Teresa,

I guess for me it depends on how you define "out". I'm firmly closeted at home (and losing hope that will ever change) and it does indeed feel like prison. But when I have the opportunity, I really enjoy going out shopping and just bring out and about in public. Those opportunities are rare for me but I just had one yesterday and I'm still not fullyback to earth from it (I'll be posting about it later:))

Beth

[audreyinalbany]

Being in all the time gets a bit boring after awhile, so I'd have to vote for out.

[ClaudineD]

In many other threads, I Was lucky to be out at age 16. But that was circumstance, benefitted by the strength of two Strong Women in my life.....I help volunteer at a local church that has an outreach program for Teens with gender conflicts .....it is apparent the turmoil and fear these kids face, when trying to wrestle with the inner needs and confusion.....thank god today there is a multitude of resources for these kids to seek.....days past or even today, the TG/TS/CD .....in or out....creates conflict....not just within themselves, but the ripple effect with family, friends and workplace.....use resources .......ENJOY yourself in or out of the "closet"......:love:

[dolovewell]

In. No one I know personally(except for 3 ex girlfriends whom I haven't talked to in 8-11 years) knows I crossdress.

However when I dress up I go out in public all the time. Life is too short.

[Allisa]

Happier being out and about. No more quick changes for a knock on the door, open curtains and blinds to let the sunshine in, quick trips to the store for little things without worry about being seen by neighbors. Of course no SO or children to consider but I think I would have dealt with that long ago so being out would not be a factor.

[josie_S]

I'm in...but I like to go out :P

Only my therapist knows I crossdress and I'm in a LTR and haven't told her yet (of course bc when we started dating, I thought it was all "behind me" and I could "move on" :bonk:) but I used to go out about 3x a year to Triangles parties (anyone from the northeast??) or other places. But never in my small town, always many many miles away from here, except for the occasional 3am drive...

I'm not ready to be "out" to others yet...I'm not sure I ever will be. But I doubt I'd ever be satisfied staying at home again...

[Krisi]

My wife knows and tolerates my dressing. I have been out in public a few times but left and returned to my neighborhood underdressed.

I would prefer to be "out" in that I could come and go as Krisi any time I wanted to and participate in my normal outside the home activities as Krisi.

The problem is, it would be too disruptive to my normal (male) life. I don't want to be known as "the neighborhood tranny". My wife isn't fond of the idea either.

We all have our own unique situations and we deal with them as best we can.

[Helen_Highwater]

Hi Teresa,

I guess for me it depends on how you define "out". I'm firmly closeted at home (and losing hope that will ever change) and it does indeed feel like prison. But when I have the opportunity, I really enjoy going out shopping and just bring out and about in public. Those opportunities are rare for me but I just had one yesterday and I'm still not fullyback to earth from it (I'll be posting about it later:))

Beth

Beth,

It would seem we're kindred spirits. Closeted at home but so relish the rare opportunities I get to go out. Meeting others as Teresa does, shopping, dining out is still a rush due to it's infrequency but also just so very normal when walking from say shop to shop. I would have to say it's in part because it brings all the elements of dressing together. The clothes, makeup, mannerisms and also being able to walk more than a few yards in femme footwear which is what happens if you're just at home. Literally walking the mile in another's shoes does put a whole different perspective on things while experiencing the simple thing of the breeze and or sunshine on face or legs.

[Lana Mae]

I am in and want to be out. It would be a problem now. My daughter lives with me and does not want to see daddy in a dress. But I would love to be dressed and just go to the grocery store without changing clothes, etc. Hugs Lana Mae

[Kate Simmons]

I'm basically happy just being myself. I'm not in the "closet" per se but my current circumstances dictate I use discretion. That having been said, should those circumstances change, I would have no problem living openly as a woman 24/7. I can do either male or female really. That's one of the nice things about making dressing a total choice rather than leaving it as a compulsion. You can be who you want when you want.I'm good either way myself and there is no overriding need to be one or the other. :)

[Lily Catherine]

In with a few rare exceptions. Quite a few know to varying degrees; most are tolerant, none have embraced this side of me, andmy immediate family wants it gone although they acknowledge it and I won't push for too much.

I've crossdressed at almost every institution I've been in, running the gamut from themed dressing days, to performance acts. I didn't get much of a name for it, and it doesn't really do me any justice. The social context of these events meant that I didn't need to care about being recognised.

I have only driven out dressed once, at the risk of being caught at home (which was, in itself, the worst possibility at the time). My worst concern is still being recognised; until I confront that concern, I wouldn't consider myself out even though I'm in a glass closet where all is as good as known.

I'm less than satisfied in my current position, but I suppose it would have been much worse.

[Cheryl T]

I am most certainly much happier OUT than I ever was IN.
Once that door opened all the guilt, shame and fear I carried around for decades disappeared.

[mycdmichelle]

In. Although my wife found a picture of me dressed and I had to explain. She seemed open to it, and even said she would do my makeup. Haven't taken her up on it yet

[michelleddg]

I'm out and about.

These days I essentially never get dolled up unless I'm going out. This is "relatively" new for me, I started going out about 15 years ago. For the 30 years prior to that I was totally content to keep it in the house but also was petrified to go out. The relative importance of these two reasons for staying home has blurred over time.

Hugs, Michelle

[reb.femme]

I'm absolutely chuffed to bits at being an out and about. I couldn't imagine going back now. In fact I won't.

Becky

[Taylor186]

I'm not really in but I'm not out either.

My wife knows and accepts that I am a crossdresser and has some tolerance for me dressing around the house. And, my minister knows. But, I've never come out to anyone else in my circle of family, friends or acquaintances. I have been out many times and still go out one or two times a year but always to a largish city an hour away. So far I have not encountered anyone from my hometown while out dressed.

I'm really happy with my current balance. I don't have the hide dressing or purchases from my wife and I am steadily 100% guy to my family, friends and acquaintances.


[edit] I should add that my wife thinks more people know than I think know. I can accept that. But, I no one has approached me directly or even insinuated that they know.

[Tracii G]

I'm out and love it.
I am not regulated by an SO and can dress the way I want any time I want.
I do find balance by dressing in a more andro way with clothes designed for women but be in guy mode.I know some here have issues with that.

[Jenniferathome]

Teresa, wasn't there a time when you WERE happy behind closed doors?

I think one has to get out to realize that being inside is so limiting. I was that way. Now staying home is pure boredom.

[KarenSusan]

I am retired so there's no work issue. I don't have any relatives within a thousand miles. When I am at home I am constantly dressed yet I cannot make myself walk out the door. If I can ever overcome this, it will be a life changing event.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe it depends on how u like to dress, Teresa? I dress to suit myself. Sexy, skimpy, ridiculous, kinky, and fetishy, over the top. I often spend hours on one dressing session.:D

Going out requires that I compromise my look. Dress to suit others. And, the dreaded, "Dress to blend".:doh:

If I didn't enjoy meeting with other T's, I'd never go out dressed in public again. Except at Halloween!:devil:

[Rhandi Spencer]

Teresa,
I am IN and the door is locked from the inside.
I have told a few close friends, but no one else in my life knows.
My family is very important to me and have made comments about trans gender, etc. So I stay in closet for now.
I am getting a little more adventurous with shopping but it is always in drab.

Randi

[Diane Smith]

I started out dressing entirely behind closed doors, like most, I suppose. But once I went out the first time to an organized CD event, in 1997, my interests quickly changed. Nowadays, the only reason I dress at home is to try on outfits and combinations to see what will work for my outings. The focus is entirely on being out and about in public. I try to average about one outing a week, although it can vary a bit, and those are the only times I will dress fully with makeup, jewelry, etc.

In addition to my full-femme outings, I do blend a bit all the time -- long nails, earrings, brows, eye makeup, sometimes heels.

- Diane

[Teresa]

It's great you've all taken part I hope we can get some more replies to get some idea what we really want from our CDing, please keep them coming.

Jen,
I was contented with dressing at home at one time because I would work in my darkroom for hours so it gave me plenty of time to dress even if the family were at home. When I came out to my wife my hope was she would be prepared to share it with me, it turned out to be wishful thinking and that's when the questions really started I had to find out about myself and in doing so discovered I was born like it and my needs were much deeper than realised. That's when it started to feel like solitary confinement , I needed to get out and express the female trait in me . I have to agree with Cheryl's point of losing the shame and guilt once you accept yourself and I found that didn't happen until I stepped out the door.
So for me there's no going back.

Sherry,
I dress for me or how a GG would dress going out in the same circumstances , I don't see it as a compromise I see it that I'm lucky to express my female side in this way.

OK watch out for the pictures from the Halloween meeting on the 21st of October, no dressing to blend in the outfit I've chosen, I think it hits all your needs !!

[ellbee]

Today I wore yoga pants to the post office & grocery store. Both places were pretty packed. Out & about among 100 strangers? 150? :strugglin

And yet I'd never wear them around my parents, for example.


Weird how that works.

[CONSUELO]

I think that an important dimension of this discussion is that most of us are both IN and OUT, in the sense that our OUT world is fairly limited and for much of our life we have to hide our cross dressing selves from substantial segments of friends and colleagues.

So we are leading a double life and I have read stories of people whose careers demand that they lead double lives and they have talked of the stress this imposes on them. Think of some classic espionage agents who had to completely compartmentalise their world and not allow anything cross from one part to another. What does this do to our mental health?

For example I have neighbors who have expressed a dislike of cross dressing and so I try to keep my cross dressing self away from them. In almost all other respects they are good neighbours and I value them. Or the time I was having dinner with some close friends who do not know that I am a cross dresser and the woman began to describe the problems she was having with one of her employees who is TG and is starting to "come out" at work. It was awkward for me as I wanted to be sympathetic to the person but I had to limit my sympathy to some rather anodyne phrases and comments. I suppose that I could have said that I was a cross dresser but I don't think it was the appropriate time for that. Was I being cowardly?

[Teresa]

Consuelo,
Yes I agree I posted a thread asking if members enjoyed their double life but it's the best I can do with my wife's acceptance level.
As for other people knowing, I don't have a problem with that, I think I might have found an opportunity to have a word with your dinner guest, I'm finding coming out actually helps other people, if they had a fear of dealing with CDers .

[Tracii G]

I will say once you do go out you will want to do it more.
Once you interact with regular people you find they are interested and curious about you.
That leads to making new friends such as SA's and dept stores that get a kick out of being around you and enjoy assisting you.
Going out seems like a harrowing experience at first but once you have done it its not a big deal.

[carhill2mn]

I am out in public to nearly any venue several times a week. My daughters and their husbands know that I dress as a woman but they have never seen me or any photos of me. Some of my neighbors have seen me go and come in my car but I do not know what they think. I am not officially out to them. I present as woman more than 90% of the time.

[GaleWarning]

The company for which I work appears to have a very strong pro-LGBT policy. But I am a teacher, and society in general has tended to expect higher standards of conformity from us, than others. Especially as I work with SEN students!

My SO and flatmates know. I am happy with my present situation.

[Tina_gm]

Currently in. Life would have many circumstances if that changed. Not saying that all would be bad. I would probably end up losing my marriage. Things would change quite a bit. Do I wish I hadn't put myself in such a bind where I have to make extreme choices? absolutely. However, the thought of being "out" and by that I am taking the meaning of it that some others know, and that I dress in public, perhaps in my local area, I am not really sure what I would even want to achieve other than the obvious of people knowing and it not being a shock.

I am still on the fence a bit though when it comes to how others would view me if I was a more public dresser. And I am not meaning this to be simply whether or not I would be treated rudely or with respect. Just the fact that I would be for the vast majority looked upon as "one of them." There may come a time where I truly do not care. I think already my attitude has changed considerably. This summer I let my legs be seen, really seen for the 1st time. So I guess in some cases I already am starting to get the I don't care attitude. While leg shaving may raise a few eyebrows here and there, fully dressed is still quite a bit different. Even though there may be a vast majority that will treat me respectfully, I am not quite over the part of being "one of them" It is my issue, I know this, but currently it is what it is.

[Cheryl James]

No doubts for me, it is "out". It has been a slow process for me, but testing my boundaries is the most fulfilling thing that I can do for myself. It has always been scary to get out there. However, I am doing my very best to lot my fears stop me. There are a lot of worst case scenarios running around in my head, but, I am determined to be me as much as possible.

[Taylor186]

I will say once you do go out you will want to do it more.

That is not my experience. Fifteen years ago I joined a social/support that met once a month. After attending for about six months I found the effort required for the once a month outing was too much for me. Too much pain for too little gain. I'm completely happy going out a couple times a year. We are all different.

[Micki_Finn]

I'd say I'm somwhere in between. I have no problem going out dressed, and some friends and family know. However there is a significant subsection of acquaintances who I do not tell. I'm not particularly concerned if they find out. I feel like this falls into the same category as what color underwear I have on: it's none of their business and it doesn't affect them. And I don't feel like answering a million questions which all boil down to "no this won't affect you or our relationship".

[Marcelo]

I very clearly remember a quote from a documentary on transvestites saying there was the "need to be seen." I think that sums it up for me and maybe secretly all of us. It's kind of like playing a musical instrument. You might enjoy playing for your own personal pleasure but it is a performing art and whether the musician has the courage to play for one person just overhearing him/her from another room or a packed arena or anything in between it's just one of those things that we all probably wish to do.

I have found my niche in volunteering/serving at running events and I've been fulfilling it quite a bit lately. I need to be doing something to be going out as Marcy besides just trying to blend in or go unnoticed. It's not to show off (as if I have anything to show off) but to entertain and make things more fun for everyone else while I'm having fun doing my thing. It's been working out quite well for me and I'm getting a bit popular in my area. I like to think of me going out as Marcy being the cherry on top of the sundae.

My mental capacity has just been drained or I would write more...

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Teresa,
Count me in as an out. Nearly from the day I joined the forum,
I wanted to get out and meet with others.
Little did I know that first meeting would have me walking around
in a shopping mall! (Thanks again for that one Ashley!) And a week later
strolling down a sidewalk (not many of those in my neck of the woods)
in the middle of SanFrancisco.
After that, the whole dressing and staying home thing has never been the same:(
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kandi Robbins]

I am 100% out. Spent my life in the closet and was miserable and only by getting out and establishing an identity for my female alter ego, have I achieved true self acceptance and a real enjoyment of the person I have become. It is the interaction with those I have become friends with and those I meet for the first time that really gives me the greatest pleasure.

[Majella St Gerard]

Living in the closet was like being in jail. It too some time but now I'm out and this genie is not going back in the bottle. Today I dressed in ripped jeans over hot pink fishnets a hot pink bra and a white button shirt, blonde wig, hoop earrings, make up and clog wedges. Went to the bank, supermarket and dropped off my HOA fee check and spoke the the HOA rep, no problem. I am married but separated (crossdressing was not an issue) and I don't care what anyone thinks.

[DIANEF]

Definately in for now, but the compulsion to step outside is getting stronger and stronger. A few late night drives has whetted my appetite to venture out, though unfortunately a new job has halved my days for dressing. Doubt if I'll interact with anyone but escaping the confines of the house is really appealing.

[Karen RHT]

With out a doubt, my preference is out and about.

Not currently out near as much as I would like to be, but that's not due to fear or lack of effort on my part. As was stated earlier by others, having experienced being out of doors, I want more, much more.


Karen

[CynthiaD]

Out. I pretty much go anywhere I want fully dressed. I've made a point of going everywhere dressed that I go in male mode. The only place where anyone has made the connection is at the drug store, and that's only because I had to give my name.

[Fiona123]

I would much prefer to be out, without fear or shame or guilt.🌺

[GBJoker]

I am not happy being in the closet. But I'm not coming out again.

[Periwinkle]

Well, I'm in and out. My parents know I do it, but I don't let them see it anymore. My best friend knows I do it, and even helps me out from time to time. My SO also knows and is totally cool with it, but has never seen me fully dressed. I would prefer the people I work with or my more distant relatives to never find out. But if anyone else did, it'd be alright.

[Dee-anna]

I came out to my SO recently, i have a few times been to a remote location where i have dressed but have not been seen buy anybody.I love reading the stories of girls on the forum going out in public and aim to be able to do that my self .

[Ceera]

I get the most enjoyment from being out and about. In the town I just moved to, I am essentially fully out. I come and go as I please, regardless of my current gender presentation. In male mode I still wear pierced earrings and have my nails done, and at least part of my 'male' clothing is usually from the women's section - though not usually blatantly feminine. Most of my social time is en-femme.

Friends from my old town and job don't know, and neither do my sister and most of my relatives, who live a few hours drive away. I will surely tell them eventually, but there is no need to rush. I can happily appear male when visiting family.

At home, behind closed doors, it is a mixed bag. I might go only halfway at home, such as wearing a skirt or dress and my breast forms, but not bothering with my wig or makeup. I never step out the door that way.

[grace7777]

As a TS being closeted is not an option. When I saw myself as a CD, I was closeted, and would travel a good distance away from home so I could go out. Dressing just at home never appealed to me. As I started seeing myself as more than a CD, the closet door kept getting open wider and wider. Now that I am beginning to transition I only go out in male mode when I absolutely have to.



I don't want to be known as "the neighborhood tranny".

Actually, I am probably known as the apartment tyranny, and it does not bother me a bit.

[Panties4me]

In, but out to my SO. And happy enough with that. I have been crossdressing for about 57 years and married for 40. My wife knew that I liked to to wear panties from the get go. She even used to to buy them for me. About 15 years ago she found a bodysuit I had not returned to its hiding place and was pretty upset, stating she would have been happier if I was having an affair! So about ten years ago I threw out all my male underwear and she knows I wear panties 24/7. I have about eight drawers in my bedroom filled with panties and camis of many styles and types. Occasionally I will also have bras and pantyhose and other lingerie in there as well. Apparently my SO does not go through my drawers as a few months ago she found a shapping cami in the washing which I had not put away. Well, all hell broke out!!. I really assumed she knew of my collection but instead we had "the talk". The usual questions were asked and I answered truthfully. I like (love) wearing women's underwear, no I don't want to transition and Im not gay. I don't wear her clothes. She asked did I want to see a therapist and I replied that I didn't as I was comfortable in myself and put the question back on her. I stated that I have no desire to go out dressed as I know there is no way I could pass. That was about four months ago and it has been dadt since then. So, while I would like to be more out at home, I have no desire to be out away from home. I also have two close female friends who know but my SO would be furious if she knew they knew.

[Dana44]

I am out several times a month. My so and I generally go to a movie and dinner out. One theater I have only been there dressed and they know me as a woman.

[Shelly Preston]

Teresa, I did ask someone if they felt I was in or out. They said out but I was only out about 10% of the time then due to work family etc. Now I would say its more like 85% out as I have gained confidence. This was due to friends some of whom are members here. I owe them a debt which I will never be able to repay.

Not everyone knows and there is no reason why they should, but I am now a lot more relaxed and happier than I used to be.

[Jenni Yumiko]

In/out of closet, I'm in, only a few people know.
In outdoors, my ex and current wife like to go out but I really don't. While no one ever says anything to me, I have a very short fuse (Chicagoan) and would see me getting into altercations if someone made fun of me.

[sometimes_miss]

I've always assumed it was the aim of every CDer to break out from the closet and be out in the open.
I'm not sure where you could ever get that idea. If that were our aim, it would be simple to do. Unfortunately, there are potential consequences of outing ourselves that not all of us wish to risk. I'm a crossdresser, but that's not all that I am; yet, once people know that I'm a crossdresser, that is how very many of them will primarily define me, just as when they think of a gay person, a retired president, famous athlete, a pedophile, a murderer, etc., it's the most outstanding characteristic of that person. Quick, think of Bruce Jenner, what automatically NOW comes to mind? It used to be 'decathlon champion'. Not anymore, though. Same with, oh, Bill Cosby. Can anyone avoid thinking, gee, maybe he did drug those women? Jello pudding pops are no longer something that's on the top of the list to associate with him.

I don't want to be thought of as 'the crossdresser across the street'.

[2B Natasha]

Out. Definitely out. I hated being in. As soon as I figured out who I was and what I was it was out the door. I think I was in for 4 months once I set myself free to be me. What I mean is. That once I shed all the surporfulous stuff in my life and allowed myself explore who I really was. Why did I have this urge. Was it a fetish. Was it more. I quickly realized that sitting at home was just not something I was into. I don't get dolled up to relax. Honestly I don't understand that point of being. I know it exists, it's just not how I work.

[Teresa]

Marcelo,
That's a very good quote, " Need to be seen !" Maybe that's a subject for another thread , " What drives that need ?"

I don't play a musical instrument , well a piano very badly ! I do enjoy painting . About five years ago the tutor of our art group decided we must have an exhibition , that was quite a scary announcement , but we all put pieces in and to my surprise I sold one in the first ten minutes, since then I have sold several, so the need to be seen extends outside my CDing, without being seen I wouldn't be selling my work. Without being seen as a CDer I wouldn't have come to terms with it so well.


I haven't done a count yet of the , " IN or OUT " replies but it does look as if many are out and many want to be out. I appreciate the term OUT is a loose one , so I guess that it means being seen by the general public and hopefully without too many problems. Most appear to fear what the neighbours think , I know I've said this before but you may not be the only CDer in your street , who knows what goes on behind their closed doors.

[MissTee]

I'm in. No desire to be out. I've built a nice girl retreat for myself and am perfectly happy being in that space. It's like curling up in a comfy chair with a glass of wine and a good book. Maybe a fire in the fireplace on a cool night. A deep sigh, and a chance to simply relax and recharge my soul.

[Mickitv]

I love to go out dressed. I usually plan it after a professional makeover.

[Heather Chasen]

Teresa i'm very much in and thats not going to change in the forseable future. Someone said earlier that being in the closet is like being in prison, and I can relate to that so well, I have followed your story for some time now and am truly happy for you , your not that far from me and from time to time I think of trying to meet up but I know its not going to happen. You once asked if people here were happy in thier duel lives, well i'm definately not, but I whish tou well on your journey and I envy your freedom, its good to read of the outings of all here, it gives hope to those of us who are locked in our private little cells. Thank you. Heather

[StevieTV]

I'm out. I could care less if others have an issue with it. It's there problem not mine. I'm happy, if they are not, I have a therapist they can visit to discuss their issues.

[Alice_2014_B]

I am out, for the most part, to my wife and a few friends.
:)

[sharonsdream]

I prefer to be out and do normal things. I have come to the conclusion that most people in stores don't notice you if you are dressed like average women. Same in resturant.
I check in to hotels en femme and use my male credit card. I don't advertise I am male but don't hide it. Pass would be nice accepted is great. Blending is how you behave.
I don't make a scene. The shorter my skirt the more attention I get. But yes I like being out. I guess I enjoy being me.

- - - Updated - - -


I'm out. I could care less if others have an issue with it. It's there problem not mine. I'm happy, if they are not, I have a therapist they can visit to discuss their issues.

Well said. My feelings exactly.

[Rosemary+]

I've always wanted to be out, and I I did it recently.
I had to travel to Sth Africa and London on business.
I prepared my self to leave the confines of the closet. Sth Africa was to be my debut but I couldn't work up the "courage" while there.
I arrived in London and everything just felt right while I was there, I left the confines of the hotel on numerous occasions , albeit at night, but it felt so liberating , I was comfortable, it was easy, I thought the monkey is off my back. I'll be able to do it anywhere now, wrong I arrived home and my new found freedom disappears, back in the closet and worried about being seen.
I think it might be that I'm concerned about being seen as the "neighbourhood tranny"

I do travel for work , so my next chance to be out will happen soon so I might be able to get to build that away confidence for for when I'm at home

[Ashley090]

Well I am in, but I want (and I will one day ;) ) to come out. Not sure how far it goes this "be out". Night drives? Night walks? Evenning walks? Shopping (highly doubt that one), well who know. Ash maybe knows :D I feel like I had enought of in time. Also 80% I am not home alone so I realy like to use most of those 20% for me and Ashley. I think be all time in is like to buy a Ferrari and then keep it closed in garage where nobody see it. But I wanna to take it for a drive but to afraid of getting scratch on it. Hope you get meaning :)

[Teresa]

I let this question run for a while so now I've done a count up of replies:-

Members who replied preferring to be IN 6
Members who replied saying they were IN but would prefer to be OUT 19
Members who replied saying they had been OUT or were OUT 32

That makes the total number of replies 57 if my maths are correct .

That figure was out of 2,094 viewings , I wonder why so many are reluctant to even say anonymously what their preferences are.

I will thank Grace as a TS for answering, it's good to get an opinion from someone who doesn't have a choice.

I'm not trying to get the highest hit on replies but if anyone wishes to continue the question please feel free.

[TrishaLake]

Out , since my wife and few others know I have been much happier...

[Stephanie47]

OK, I read this thread several days ago and did not have time to pound away on the keyboard. I am an in-home cross dresser in a DADT marriage. I get about seven hours a day when I have the opportunity to be en femme. When my wife visits friends or relatives out of state I do venture out in the evening darkness. Unless I were to have someplace to go without being an attraction I'm content to be home. When en femme I accomplish a lot of domestic chores done.

I'm six foot even and 200 pounds and clearly have a masculine body which makes me 0% passable. Maybe if there was some cross dressing social/support group within a short distance I would consider socializing with other cross dressers. Just to dress and go out without any purpose gets boring.

[katie_barns]

Dressing at home by myself was fun for a while but once I went out I haven't looked back. Like others have said here, once I get all dressed up I need to go out. I will meet others CD's for coffee, meal, or just shopping. Movie theater, park, or anyplace I get the urge. I will admit it is more fun with someone, but I have a limited circle of friends that I am out to.

[nikinylons]

Home for me. I've been out before and am over it. Safe and happy here at the casa :)

[kayegirl]

Most definitely out, and so much happier that way.

[Bobbi46]

Both, yesterday was an out day going for petrol for my car then a little bit of shopping. I find that if circumstances cause me to be In for a length of time then slight nervousness creeps just before I go out then I am happy.
When out I have yet to conquer total happy ease in large shopping malls.

[Lacey New]

I am very much in. My spouse does not know and I have no intention of telling her - not much to gain, too much to lose. Same with relationships with friends, neighbors and acquaintances in a small to medium sized town. I go out underdressed from time to time but that is about as far as I will go. With my body size and shape, I'd never pass anyway. I would like to speak with a live human being about my crossdressing. So, maybe at some point, I might find a trusted counselor or even another member of the forum that I could meet in drab and just chat with. Anonymously, there have been some very nice Sales Associates who have known that I was buying for myself, but those have been cash transactions away from home. I even have a Dress Barn Blush card . But that's about as "out" as I will ever be.

[Adriana Moretti]

OUT....def out...at the stage I am at now there is no such thing as "in" anymore, unless I am not going anywhere that day, and I got on a mudmask LOL....
When I started though, IN was fun, I get it, but after a while I got bored, and wanted out...then out became everyday. Then this became life...everyone is at different stages and levels which is great as long as you are happy. Just have fun with it. xoxo

[Futurist]

Personally, I am somewhat, but not completely, out in regards to my own cross-dressing; indeed, I am certainly more out about this than I was, say, one or two years ago. :)

[nikinylons]

I have a question, I'm seeing DADT in some comments, could someone please tell me what that is? LOL thanks in advance.

[trisha kobichenko]

I am out to my SO, and dress whenever I feel like it at home, which is most days. I am not out to the community at large since I have commitments and responsibilities that would totally blow up if my CD persona became public. So, happiness is relative...I am happy to have the freedom to dress at home, not ecstatic that society in general doesn't recognize LBGT as a culturally legitimate way of life. You might argue that there are legal protections, and progressive agendas that are pushing for universal acceptance of any chosen sexual/gender orientation. But when Uncle Henry's teeth drop out of his mouth when he sees you in a dress at Thanksgiving dinner, you know there is judgment that needs to be dealt with.

[ellbee]

I have a question, I'm seeing DADT in some comments, could someone please tell me what that is? LOL thanks in advance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_ask,_don't_tell

[EllieOPKS]

when i first started dressing i was perfectly fine being in the closet and was somewhat crirical of those who were out or contemplating coming out. fast forward a few years and i am so envious of those of you who can go out in public dressed as a lady. i "sneak out" when i will likely not encounter other people. So i am mostly in but thoroughly the occasions when i can go out.

[NicoleScott]

Nikinylons, the link laurababe provided describes the official military policy, and there's a lot to read there, but it's good. However, when used here on the forum, it's in a different context.
For one, the military DADT was a policy about discrimination against members of the military based on their sexual preferences. Note that it was imposed unilaterally. Here, DADT refers to a relationship between (mostly, but others as well) crossdressers and wives. SO's, and other family members, and even non-related roommates (but let's mot get too nit-picky about who the CDers "other" may be). Note that it is a bilateral agreement.
Basically, it's this: a CDer reveals to the wife or "other" that he crossdresses. She wants to be supportive of his need to crossdress, but for any of several reasons, she doesn't want to see it or know about it, fearing it might damage her image of him as a man, her man. So she agrees that he can crossdress in private, and he agrees to keep it away from her sight/knowledge. Pretty much for her, out of sight, out of mind. For him, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Some members here say DADT doesn't work, but usually those members are not in a DADT relationship or they mischaracterize their relationship as DADT when it's not. Other members who are in a DADT relationship say it works. Here's what I think: DADT works for those who make it work.

[ellbee]

Can also be utilized with immediate family members (parents, siblings, children, etc.) ;)

[nikinylons]

Thanks Nicole.


Nikinylons, the link laurababe provided describes the official military policy, and there's a lot to read there, but it's good. However, when used here on the forum, it's in a different context.
For one, the military DADT was a policy about discrimination against members of the military based on their sexual preferences. Note that it was imposed unilaterally. Here, DADT refers to a relationship between (mostly, but others as well) crossdressers and wives. SO's, and other family members, and even non-related roommates (but let's mot get too nit-picky about who the CDers "other" may be). Note that it is a bilateral agreement.
Basically, it's this: a CDer reveals to the wife or "other" that he crossdresses. She wants to be supportive of his need to crossdress, but for any of several reasons, she doesn't want to see it or know about it, fearing it might damage her image of him as a man, her man. So she agrees that he can crossdress in private, and he agrees to keep it away from her sight/knowledge. Pretty much for her, out of sight, out of mind. For him, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Some members here say DADT doesn't work, but usually those members are not in a DADT relationship or they mischaracterize their relationship as DADT when it's not. Other members who are in a DADT relationship say it works. Here's what I think: DADT works for those who make it work.

[Fiona123]

I am in to the world and DADT to my spouse. I wish I had the courage to be completely out. 🌺

[phili]

I think the tension over being in and wanting to be with people is too great and so OUT is my answer. I go out to be with people, since my wife doesn't like it.

[immike]

I still remain closeted,in secrecy,since I get sheer enjoyment from prowling mothers closet&trying on her dresses&heels

[Jill_cd]

OK, I'm not trying to be the pessimist, but I just read this article on msn.com:

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/walking-while-trans-can-be-a-death-sentence-in-the-us/ar-AAjadmA?li=BBnb2gg#image=15

I need to get out more and I'm planning to get dressed today, maybe go shopping, maybe not. I know life is too short to care what others think, but please be safe out there.

[Teresa]

Jill,
I can't say it will ever happen to that extent in the UK, I pray it won't .

Again many thanks for voicing your personal choices, it is good to see so many members thinking about the issue and giving an honest answer .