I did it (/am doing it)

[ElleStreet]

I've been putting off starting dressing and getting my own stuff because it was too risky to do at home. There were always at least 2 other people in my house so I could never dress unless the stars aligned and everyone just happened to be out for a decent amount of time (and I felt bad about using my sisters/cousins things)

Now I've just moved across the country to uni (I'm 19) and through a series of mixups I've ended up with no roommates so I thought I'd make the best of a bad situation (and a student loan) and get some stuff for myself (Using the free amazon prime I get as a student)

I got makeup, underwear, a wig, and a dress and got fully dressed for the first time and it was great, I'm pretty sure I can pass really well once I'm less wobbly with the makeup.

So, filled with confidence after the first dressing session, and because I don't have the internet at my place yet I've ordered a lot of girly stuff while sitting at the library (which is a thrill in itself) a few days ago. I've got shoes, more makeup and more casual clothes (and a girls jacket) so I can go out as a girl and get used to that. And the big thing is I've ordered a 'little red riding hood' costume that I'm gonna wear to the university halloween party and all the accessories to go with it (also I've got general shapewear)

I think I've spent more on girls things in the past week then I spent on guys clothes in the past year, and I can't wait to try it out (the stuff that hasn't arrived yet anyway)

[MartineCD]

Hello Elle

May I be the first to welcome you to the forum. Here you will find a wealth of information, advice and friends as you begin your journey.

Not wishing to 'rain on your parade' but I'd like to suggest caution and a moments pause in your new found freedom before you are carried away on this tide of excitement and adventure lest you find yourself in an unexpected or unfortunate situation.

If you have any queries or questions someone here will be able to advise.

Take care

M x

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Elle,

I see this is your first post - Welcome!

It sounds like your going to have a lot of fun. Enjoy!

Elizabeth

[Lana Mae]

Hi, Elle. Sounds like you are having fun. Watch your spending it is easy to overdo it. Best wishes going forward. Hugs Lana Mae

[Sophie Yang]

Elle,

Welcome aboard.

I had an interesting day yesterday, National Coming Out Day, at a local college yesterday. I was not aware it as National Coming Out Day. I went to attend a lecture at noon and a follow-up workshop later in the afternoon that the college opened up to the public. I also saw a different workshop that was going on at noon titled "Transness, Body, Dysphoria, and Race." I ended going to that instead of the first lecture and then went to the workshop.

About 20 students showed up. I was the only CD'er and non-student, probably 30 years older than everyone else there. The moderators threw the topics out there and took notes. It was an open discussion format. Most students were there to listen and a few did most of the talking. I mostly commented on what I heard them say and some of my experiences. An interesting experience.

In addition to this form, I assume that the university will have a LBGT organization there as well that you can tap into.

[ChristinaK]

Hi Elle, welcome. This is a fantastic place to learn from! Congratulations on your new found freedom and girly stuff.

You're brave to go to a party as Little Red. Are you sure that's going to be okay?

[ElleStreet]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, I'm back at the library now.

I was just told that my red riding hood costume arrived (with shapeware) but was left at a neighbours house. I went to go pick them up nervously and well... Just thank god amazon delivers everything in plain brown boxes xD.

You're right about overspending I think after I've got the basics (makeup, shoes, heels, casual clothes, dress, halloween stuff, shapewear, underwear, wig. Anything I've missed?) It'd be smart to contain myself until my scholarship payment comes in at least.

I tried on everything, without doing makeup, and it fits, and looks great, although it's a little loose around the waist. I think I'm going to order the next size down ( there's also something a little thrilling about the fact that I'm a 'small' or 'extra-small' girl) and return whichever fits worst

As far as lgbt groups there a pretty large one organised by the union but a lot of the people seem a bit too 'in your face' for me I've always been quiet/more subtle but I'll attend a meeting and see what happens, there's also a 'kink' club that looks good, even though this is more of a hobby then a kink I think they'll be more accepting than the average person, the good thing is the club has a strict confidentiality policy which is what got me interested.

I'm just at the library now finishing up some homework, but when I get home I'm going to get all dressed up and see how the 'almost' complete picture looks, then take a bunch of photos probably ( my second time dressing here I took over 200 photos and deleted most of them)

This is the costume
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B004MNNZXU/ref=yo_ii_img?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Although the styles for small and extra small are a little different for some reason and if the extra is a better fit I'm going to miss the 'false corset' looking thing

[sarab]

Welcome, sounds like you've got a great plan and tons of freedom to do it in!

[ElleStreet]

I was pretty sure I could pull it off after some more makeup practice. Now that I've received the costume and tried it on I'm almost certain I can pass anything but the most discerning look( in a dark club at least) in a city where no-one knows what I look like

I do need to work on acting and talking more femininely though which is why when I get my casual clothes I'm going to dress most nights and practice until the big day

[Tracii G]

Welcome Elle nice to have you with us.
Enjoy all this site has to offer and post pics when you can we would love to see you in girl mode.

[ElleStreet]

To sarahb
I just feel a lot happier now that I've started, after seeing myself for the first time I just couldn't stop smiling ( which is awful cause I hate my smile) was annoying that strands of hair kept catching on my lipstick though.


To tracyg
I will do, I've took a lot of pics but there's a couple things stopping me from getting one I'd choose: my cameras pretty bad quality, it doesn't have a time delayed photo mode, and I don't have a full length mirror ( I do but it's too thin to get a good pic in)
So to get apic with my full outfit in I have to stretch my a as long as possible and take it. From the highest angle which ends up meaning you can't really get a feel for what I'm wearing at all

But that's not gonna stop me from trying, trust me

- - - Updated - - -

A scary thing is that I'll be going to this event alone, going out alone is daunting enough as a guy but as a girl I have no clue if I'll be able to handle it (hopefully I don't flake out at the last minute) there's around 2500 people going though so I think I'll easily get lost in the crowd

I'll need to find that balance of being drunk enough to face the night and sober enough to not out myself embarrassingly, xD

I think if I do get found out though it won't be too bad (as long as it's not in an embarrassing way) I think students tend to be more accepting right? But who knows?

I also need to get a wicker basket that'll double up as a prop and purse for the night, red riding hood had a basket right?

[Alice_2014_B]

Sounds very exhilarating Elle!
I hear ya about having to wait until roomies are out of the house for a decent amount of time; at least you have privacy now.
:)

[sarab]

[QUOTE=ElleStreet;4008090]To sarahb
I just feel a lot happier now that I've started, after seeing myself for the first time I just couldn't stop smiling ( which is awful cause I hate my smile) was annoying that strands of hair kept catching on my lipstick though.

Good to hear, its nice to embrace one's self! Can't wait to see those pictures!

[suzanne]

I'm really happy for you, starting out on this adventure. I'm guessing you are probably young looking enough to pass without much difficulty.

I can see you have already run into the main problem with online shopping, which is getting clothes that fit right. As a financially limited student, you can't afford to make purchases that stay in your closet because they look crappie on you. I urge you to build up your courage and shop in the stores near you.

The benefits are many. You can use the fitting rooms there, and with the expert help of the sales Assistants, learn what really works on you and why. You can try on LOTS of outfits, rather than just the one Amazon delivered, and leave ALL the mistakes behind in the store. Best of all is the OMG excitement of seeing yourself in the mirror wearing the dress that makes you look better than you thought possible.

I hope you can find a way to get yourself to a store and ask the sales assistant "I'm looking for a dress in size (your size here)" and be able to answer "Yes. It IS for me!" You'll be pleased with the response you get! I'm rooting for you!

[dolovewell]

Congrats, it feels great doesn't it?

You remind me a lot of myself when I first started a couple years ago. I am 8 years older than you, but probably closer to your age than most posters here

A couple pieces of advice I want to give you. First, pace yourself. This is a problem I ran into when I started. I wanted to dress everyday. And I wanted to buy clothes. And shop. And buy new makeup and lipstick all the time. I began buying clothes and lipstick faster than I could wear them. So that meant I had to dress more to justify buying all the new clothes and lipstick so frequently. When I first started I wanted to dress all the time, everyday. But eventually that wore off for me, and while I still wanted to dress, I was getting burned out. There would be days I didn't feel like dressing, but would make myself because of all the clothes I was buying. It became more of an obligation and chore. That's why I say pace yourself. Be spontaneous instead of planned/routine when it comes to your dressing schedule. Dress only when you really want to. Maybe you are different from me and will be able to dress more often without getting burned out. But crossdressing is exhausting. I dressed this past Sunday and didn't do anything but take pictures and I was worn out and drained at the end of the day.

Second, passing. You claim you can pass, and I haven't seen pics yet so I have no idea if you can or not. But its best not to get caught up in passing. Worry about being as presentable and as feminine as possible and let the passing chips fall where they may. In my opinion, its very difficult, nearly impossible for a MTF crossdresser to pass. It's one thing to look passable in photos. It's another thing to be passable out in public when people can see you from all angles, and see your posture, how you move and walk, your gestures and manneurisms, and so on. There are a thousand things, big and small, that all add up to people reading you male or female. It's difficult to be able to check off the "female" list on all those things, especially the ones out of our control.

I say don't worry about passing because when I started, I thought I passed. It was made worse by posting my pics in online communties and getting positive comments, some telling me I passed. Therefore passing became a priority to me. I thought I passed, would go out in public all the time with no issues and be treated well so I thought I passed. Until one night I got humiliated by a group of teenagers and it shot my confidence, I almost quit crossdressing that night. I spent the next few weeks in denial about my passability. Instead of accepting the fact that I don't pass, I just tried to work that much harder at passing. I bought more expensive makeup, practiced my makeup application all the time, bought expensive razors and tried to shave as close as possible. The harder I worked at passing, the more stressful and unenjoyable it was. I was so caught up in trying to pass that I expended all my mental energy into that, and was no longer enjoying the actual act of crossdressing. I could no longer go out in public anymore and had no confidence because I was so preoccupied with whether or not I was passing. I ended up purging because I was not enjoying it anymore and was too stressed.

I strongly recommend just not worrying about passing and instead being the most presentable, feminine woman you can be. Otherwise you will stress yourself out and won't be able to just relax and enjoy it.

Anyway that's just two pieces of advice that I wish I had followed when I started, then I wouldn't have gone through an expensive and time wasting purge. Good luck!

[ElleStreet]

To dolovewell
Thanks it really means a lot that you can relate, yeah I did notice that a lot here seem to be on the older side do you know why that is? But this place seems to have the best community out of all I looke at, ( I liked the reddit but it was just pictures as opposed to any real discussion or stories y'know?)

As far as pictures I took a load last night, and a video to show my full outfit, I'll ipload them when I'm not in mobile internet and you can tell me what you think,

With passing do you really think it's close to impossible? There's such a wide spectrum of GGs that as long as you don't have any of the super prominent manly features you can probably pass right? I guess the problem is that the chance of having at least one is quite high? Is that what you meant.

And I feel so sorry for you, young teenagers make me nervous dressed as a man (hell they made me nervous when I was on of them) so I can't imagine facing that when dressed all pretty but I'm glad you're over the worst.

I've only dressed here a couple times now so I'm not forcing myself, on the contrary it's all I've been thinking about but I keep finding reasons that I can't dress each night unfortunately (if I could dress as a girl in the library I'd be so happy)

With passing again, last night I realised I'll really need to work on my voice if I'm going to do this halloween thing, I don't have a deep voice at all but my accent is from a part of England that isn't traditionally feminine at all, luckily I live alone hear so practising a female voice is slightly less embarrassing (I don't get why For me dressing is A-OK but trying a voice is so daunting, maybe it's because I can hear how far away from presentable it is at the moment) how did you deal with changing your voice

- - - Updated - - -

To suzanne
I'm 19 and by no no means at all a manly guy (something I've been upset about my whole life... Until now)

And yeah I'd love to go to stores but before that I need to get what I can on amazon to make myself presentable, another thing I love the idea of is to go to a salon, or any other girls only place really (maybe get my nails done?) are there any other female bastions I'm forgetting?

[phili]

Good for you for going for it- and forget passing- it is not necessary- just go as a feminine man- it is quite normal now in your age group for boys to claim that space- and lots of girls will support you.

[dolovewell]

Elle,

Yes this community is older, but I view it as a good thing compared to communities that skew younger. Because this community is more laid back and I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells to post. In younger communities you can't say anything because anything and everything will be interpreted as offensive or hurtful.

I participate on the reddit subs, just be careful and use a single, separate account for posting on those subs. I used one reddit account for posting on the CD/trans subs and all the other subs I post in, and they banned me from the CD/trans subs because it was discovered I was posting in subs they didn't like(I'm a Christian and politically conservative, and was posting in subs for those ideologies) as well as banning me from their IRC channels. They don't seem to tolerate certain views so be careful.

I do think passing is close to impossible. It's not about one feature. People will claim that some women have broad shoulders, or narrow hips, or an Adam's Apple. But its not one feature, its the sum of them all. Like I said there are hundreds of features, big and small, that add up to where human brains will analyze them all quickly and read male or female. I feel like I am blessed with several features that are either non-masculine or feminine, more than most men do, and even then I do not feel like I can put them all together to where I can pass. If you still want to try to pass, my best recommendation is to focus on your posture and manneurisms. If those are not right they will be a dead giveaway, no perfection of makeup application and outfit and wig will be able to overcome it.

If you can dress every night and want to go ahead. Everyone is different. The main reason I take time off between dressing is mainly my face and shaving. If I shave too much my face will get really irritated. I need to give it time to settle down. You may not have this problem.

Voice is another issue. In my opinion its only important if you are trans, because what you are doing is retraining your voice muscles to operate in a different way. I have tried to work on my voice in the past, but since I am using my male voice 99% of the time its hard to be able to retrain the muscles. I made videos for GGs on Reddit and they told me my voice is gender neutral anyway and can pass for a woman's, so I stopped worrying. It's up to you. You may not have a gender neutral voice and will need to work on it which I understand. I know when I'd go out in public and go shopping, I'd be terrified of using my voice. If I had to speak, I'd use a stupid sounding high pitched voice that sounded like Minnie Mouse. It was pathetic. I wasn't passing anyway so who was I trying to fool? Eventually I just started using my normal voice but at a slightly higher pitch(that still sounded natural) and my public outings were much more enjoyable, as I was able to actually hold conversations and not be afraid of talking. Yeah I may have sounded more like a man but like I said I probably wasn't passing anyway.

[Lily Catherine]

Elle - congratulations on your first step out. There really isn't much for me to say since it's mostly been said here already.

Being in university, I can relate all too well to where you're coming from, although I haven't given myself as much license to dress as you do. I do advise you to build up your wardrobe by going into shops - certain less overtly feminine items like jeans, T-shirts and sweaters are easily accessible, but go ahead and dare to ask about the overtly feminine ones (skirts, certain tops and dresses come to mind). Buying online isn't advised, unless you're entirely sure of the sizing - I'm personally sceptical about sizing despite being the "Asian size" many Chinese vendors claim to sell to. This being said, I'd advise you against buying on impulse - the best place to start is planning a versatile wardrobe. I personally like the idea of a 'capsule wardrobe', avoiding impulse purchases and making it easier to compile outfits.

Don't worry about passing - this has already been said but I can't emphasise this enough. While being mistaken for a genetic woman is quite the Holy Grail this side of the Internet, it is such for a reason - it's almost impossible to reach that level. On the other hand, it's good to at least look presentable, confident and self-assured - these are much more important than make-up and the physical features you think you'd need to pass. If blending is your aim, presentability would be paramount.

[suzanne]

What I didn't convey as well as I wanted is that anyone, including you, can go into any women's clothing store and shop without receiving negative feedback. Whether you are dressed or in drab, it makes no difference. The biggest obstacle is your own comfort level. Naturally, you'd feel a lot of anxiety the first time, but nearly all of the sales ladies are great at making you feel comfortable. After that, it gets easier and more fun.

[irene9999]

Good for you, I wish I had started that young! I was super skinny and could've probably fit in any girl clothing back then no matter how small. I'd say just try a few looks/makeup and see what works best for you, just go out and have fun!

[raeleen]

Good luck with you as you start your journey, Elle. Sounds like you're lucky in that you get to immerse yourself in the experience, and I hope it goes well. The advice folks have given on here is great. Use the community to help build yourself support. A friendly ear never hurts.

Look forward to hearing more about your experiences on the boards, girl!

Hugs,
Raeleen

[ElleStreet]

Girls I'm so upset. I just wrote a massive post and then when I tried to send it it deleted :'(

The gist was, I've just went out as a girl for the first time to post this and upload my photos

I'm wearing a black dress (body con) my padding:underwear and red 3" heels (and false eyelashes, practising for halloween )


It's 4am-6:35 I've been walking for an I'm walking around the unit campus

It would only let me upload 1 photo so I'll do the rest anothe time

Here it is, hope you like it
http://imgur.com/zmGw5AU

- - - Updated - - -

Also walking in heels is a real challenge, bit hopedully I just look like the other drunk girls in a Friday night out

[dolovewell]

It's not the highest quality picture, but you do have some things going for you. The face shape is good. Eyebrows look shaped, good eye shape. Lips aren't thin. Can't really tell if the wig is good or not. Glasses read masculine, I'd get more feminine ones. Nose could use some contouring.

[ElleStreet]

Here's some more photos from my time, they're in reverse chronological order though
http://imgur.com/a/nqt7g

I've seen people caption individual pictures on imgur which is what I was hoping to do so some of the pics may seem a little out of place

Yeah, I was worried about the glasses, I think I'm just gonna go without when i need to but I'm not sure of I like how look without them though, I'm not sure how contouring works, I bought some of these contouring crayon things but it seemed way to heavy and the when i tried to rub it in it seemed to just come off straight away.

My camera is pretty bad but hopefully there are some better pics in there

[dolovewell]

A lot better without the glasses!

Honestly you have a lot going for you.

I think your eyebrows could be in a more feminine shape, though. I know its a fine line to straddle to have feminine enough brows for when you dress and masculine enough for when you are in male mode, but its doable. I think your eyebrows here read androgynous at best. Your eyebrows actually frame your whole face, which is why I say if nothing else, eyebrows.

I wouldn't line the entire lower lash line. If you are going to line it, I'd stop halfway. You have big eyes, you don't want to close them off! I too have big eyes, and I used to line the lower lash line the whole way. Then I got advice from GGs saying don't, because I have big doe eyes and closing them off will ruin the feature. Check out the pics on my Flickr https://www.flickr.com/photos/thegirldownthehall/ and notice how I line my lower lash line. I generally dust a brown eyeshadow half way, blend it out, and apply a small smudge of brown eyeliner on the outer half of the lash line. It gives it a soft look that defines it without closing it off. Also since you have big eyes, tightlining your lower water line with a white(or light) eye pencil will bring it out and brighten it up even more. I do this, using the NYX Wonder Pencil in Light. Play up your best asset. I would only line your entire lower lash line if you are going with a really dramatic, sultry eye look.

As far as contouring, I wouldn't use a crayon personally, those have a higher learning curve and if you haven't contoured before, can be very unforgiving and heavy because of the blending needed. You need to be good at blending first. I'd go with a powder. I use NYX HD Blush in Taupe for contouring, its cheap and gets the job done. I first apply my bronzer/blush/highlighter, then apply the contour powder on areas I want to contour, generally the hollows of my cheeks, my jawline, my temples, and my nose. Nose is the big one. Your nose, like mine, is masculine and contouring it will make it slimmer and feminine. Contouring is something that takes practice, especially when it comes to blending, but I think its necessary as MTF crossdressers to slim up and demasculinize our faces. Lots of YouTube videos on contouring. Look up contouring for beginners.

[ElleStreet]

I'm not too fussed about my eyebrows in boy mode, But I'd be too scared to go and get them done, it's a big step y'know ?
I'll try the eyeliner thing next time I dress. I guess, being new, I just naively assumed more makeup = more feminine (within limits obviously)

I'm still awful at applying eyeliner and eyeshadow which is why I'm looking upset in that pic, I had just picked a fight with my eyeliner and lost.

Ermmm... I've never heard of bronzer or highlight before. are they important? Also is there anything else important I may not know about?

Since you said it's better without the glasses here's anothe pic I wasn't sure about putting up (it's a little embarrassing)
http://imgur.com/3Sz5lKX

[dolovewell]

Waxing eyebrows is a big step. I didn't do it until I was about 2 months in, but it was a great decision. I get mine waxed about once every 6 weeks, and maintain in between. I just show them a pic of what I want my brows to look like.

With eyeliner, the top lash line always gets lined for me. I, like you, would line off my lower lash line completely. I did this until I made a post to the MakeupAddiction subreddit on reddit, asking for general advice. I got about 1000 comments giving advice and I had to take a week off just to digest it all. The most common piece of advice I got was about my lower lash line, saying don't close it off! Yes more makeup looks more feminine, but makeup is about accentuating your features, especially your best ones.

Applying eyeliner and eyeshadow is not easy. It takes practice. For eyeliner, I use a gel eyeliner and a flat angled brush to make it easier. It's more forgiving with gel than liquid or a pencil. Brown gel eyeliner is ideal for beginners, as its very forgiving and good for more casual daytime looks. I also have a black gel eyeliner I use when I want a more dramatic look, but its less forgiving than brown. Eyeshadow is also something that takes practice. For eyeshadow I recommend investing in higher quality shadows. I use a LORAC Pro palette myself. It was $44 but the shadows are very pigmented and silky smooth. The drug store/cheaper shadows are more chalky and less pigmented, meaning they are much harder to apply and blend. Eyeshadow is all about blending. Your eyeshadow will only look as good as you can blend it.

Bronzing and highlighting is very important. I do not think its optional, especially for MTF crossdressers. I was certain you weren't using them in your pics. The thing is, with just foundation/concealer/powder, your face will look evened out skin tone wise, but flat. Bronzing/highlighting adds shape, color and dimension back into your face. I sweep bronzer in the hollows of my cheeks, my temples, and my jawline. I sweep blush on the apples of my cheeks and down toward the ear, and then highlight on the height of my cheekbones and the center of my forehead. Bronzing and contouring is not the same thing. Bronzing just adds a sun kissed bronze back to your complexion where it would naturally be without makeup. Contouring is meant to create definition and shadows as well as downplay areas you want to downplay. I contour the hollows of my cheeks on top of the bronzer for more definition. I contour the hell out of my jaw line, especially around the jaw muscle in the mouth, to downplay my masculine jaw and make that area look smoother. Finally, I contour my nose to downplay it and make it look slimmer.

This is pretty much my routine:

-Shave
-Moisturize
-Primer
-Orange Concealer on beard area
-Foundation
-Eyeliner
-Eyeshadow
-Mascara
-Undereye Concealer
-Pressed Powder
-Eyebrows
-Lips
-Bronze/Highlight/Blush
-Contour

Moisturizing is really important, as men we have dry skin so without moisturizing we will just soak up all the moisture from the makeup and our faces will look fake and cakey.

I do under eye concealer after mascara and eye makeup because if there is fallout from my eyes that falls onto my undereye area I am not messing anything up