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KymberlyOct
10-12-2016, 11:44 PM
So I traveled for the first time this past weekend as my real self ( a transgender woman ) but I will get back to that in a minute.

12 years ago I stood at a hotel room door for 30 minutes. My heart was pounding as I kept peeking out the window wondering if I should actually venture outside. What was the point in doing so I kept thinking. But there was something driving me to do it. Just staying at home or in the hotel room felt so fake and was beginning to mean nothing. So finally I mustered up the 'courage' and stepped outside - drove around for 10 minutes and scurried back to my hotel room.

Well in the years since the eventual evolution began - the wheels turned slowly. First a few more brief trips driving around - then a long weekend - a couple of makeovers - a trip to a trans-friendly bar and a visit to my brother's house. I really thought I had done something. For awhile.... then 6 months ago after going shopping at my favorite trans shop near Chicago - on the way home the light went on over my head - what am I doing? I have wanted to be a woman since I was 5 years old - why should I not be who I am? And so it began - Called a therapist at a trans-clinic - started electro - started voice lessons- had an FFS consultation. I saw the medical doctor at the clinic and start hrt in less than 2 weeks.

OK great - Time to start living this - I cant just go to the trans-clinic as myself - time to get out in the world. So the last few months I have pushed myself - first went to Starbucks with a friend - then shopping at mainstream places - the convenience store etc etc. Is it hard - hell yes. Does it feel good absolutely.

So this past weekend I flew from Mpls to San Francisco to meet some friends that I had never met in person. They have been great online friends but it was time to meet. So I put on my big girl panties (and almost wet them LOL ) and I traveled from start to finish as female - with my male ID.

Believe me I DO NOT pass. Am I the worst looking M to F ever? Probably not but I am 6' 2" 230. And not a feminine face. So how did it go? Not too bad. I was very nervous but most people were very nice and respectful. The airline agent when I checked in looked at my ID checked me in had a genuine smile - called me maam and sent me on my way. Did people stare ? Here and there - some didn't even notice me - others just took a second glance for a second - kind of like they were trying to figure it out "is that a guy?" But they looked for a second and went on their way. A very few gave me the obvious evil eye but only a few. The people on the plane were all very nice. Even the gift shop girl where I bought my water told me she really liked my nails. (which I spent 2 hours on the night before !! )

The only real jerk was one TSA guy. He kind of chuckled and said "well well, hello. And how are we today? " with a big smile on his face. Such an ass. Then after I went through the scanner ( the one that whirls around you ) a female agent did a pat down and asked me if I had anything in my right pocket. LOL ( figure it out - true story ) She patted me down and that was the end of it. She was nice.

But of the entire trip the first TSA guy was the worst. Most people were very nice and I saw A LOT. Both airports were packed and when I arrived we went out shopping and to restaurants. Was I nervous - yes. Did I survive? Absolutely. And remember I was that terrified person standing at the door afraid to go drive around for a few minutes in the middle of the night.

If you want to do this - you can. Is it hard - yes. But if you really want it and need it you can do it. We only have one life. Don't look back at the end and regret what you didn't do. I only wish I had started the hard part 12 years ago. Anyone that wants to PM me with questions that is struggling with wanting to do this but is afraid feel free to PM me.

Jesse Six
10-13-2016, 12:23 AM
Yup, courage is a skill, not a virtue. If you don't practice it, you don't got it.

Kim, sounds like you just "levelled up" - congratulations! :)

Mirya
10-13-2016, 02:07 AM
Kymberly, thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations on your recent milestone toward true freedom! :)

The Element of Freedom: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkHFUc-g2dc)



And the day came
When the risk it took
To remain tightly closed in a bud
Was more painful
Than the risk it took to bloom

This is the element of freedom

grace7777
10-13-2016, 02:18 AM
Hi Kymberly,

So happy to hear that everything went so well.

Often times our biggest fears are the ones we create in our own minds. I am finding the more I go out en femme the more confident I get.

Take Care, Sister.

Grace

Kaitlyn Michele
10-13-2016, 08:25 AM
That is a wonderful story..

You are doing exactly what you need to do!!! nothing beats experience.. nothing.

Way to go!!!


BTW... I stood in that hotel room 100+ times in my long closeted dressing career... there were times i could not go out of the room....I feel you girl...not easy


prior to my transition i was 6'2" 238 lbs...i'll never forget getting on scale in dr office and he was like "whats going on???".... if only he knew!!! LOL

anyway... i USED my transition as motivation to get healthy... especially for surgeries... at first i was quite depressed and so my appetite was lacking anyway... i got down to 160!!! it took me 18 months.... now i'm around 180...

its a very "passable" weight...and even tho I'm usually the tallest person in the room its never an issue

also your face is way more feminine than mine... WAY MORE... i did get FFS and i don't know if thats available to you, but learning about FFS and planning for it gave me a lot to do and a "specific" thing to worry about instead of just the overall worry of transition..

as i planned to go full time forever, i kind of experienced a realizing of transition rather than actually planning it and deciding to do it... i was doing it as if on autopilot.... i think it was because i was obsessed with being healthy for surgery..
the HRT stopped all the erections and shame of that and off i went!!!

I'm glad you are having mixed experiences and going through that... I've got the look... i recall at the DMV, the woman looked at my id and my appearance and i told her what was going on..."ok then....." was all she could blubber as she looked down and finished as quick as possible...UGH!! well....F&&& HER ...

anyway...keep going...keep sharing! get through ups and downs!!!

Georgette_USA
10-13-2016, 02:45 PM
Kymberly

Great story and so happy for you and sharing that. Keep at it as living as oneself is the most important.

I keep thinking back on how much has changed for all in 40 years.

As a teen before military I did my first steps out. Living at an Aunt and Uncles house in 68/69, would drive around while dressed. That stopped when I went in Navy until 72, living off base would again go out dressed and started to feel myself.

After Navy again on my own, I found others to go out at Lesbian clubs. That gave me the courage to actually go out shopping and sightseeing by myself. Lots of museums to visit in WASH DC. Plus my partner and I did goto non-LGBT clubs together.

Was NO Gender clinics or any support groups or organized places in those days. No FFS to think about, except for nose and Adam Apple. I legally changed my name, came out to work and the rest is history.

Not sure how brave I would have been if not for my partner and others to be with.

Was no other changes until after SRS in those days.

AllieSF
10-13-2016, 03:16 PM
I didn't see the man, nor the fear, nor the weight, though 6-2 is only noticeable to me as being taller than I am, which is the same for just about everyone I meet!. I did notice a youngish (much younger than I), cute lady who was quiet and who did not hesitate to reply and join in a conversation. Did I miss something?

I didn't know how new all this was to you and could not tell in our brief moments together. Congratulations and may the good experiences keep on rolling and far outnumber any negative ones. Come back soon.

Hell on Heels
10-13-2016, 05:40 PM
Hell-o Kym,
Coming to the realization that transition is something you needed to do
had to be a bigger challenge than opensning that door.
Stepping out takes a little courage (and some thick skin sometimes), but I think
it was inevitable for you, and you did it well.
Much Love,
Kristyn

KymberlyOct
10-13-2016, 07:22 PM
Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support. In sharing my story I am hoping to inspire others that are reading this that they can do this if they desire to. Many people on this forum and particularly those replying have already been down this road but for those that are thinking about being out in public and living their lives I hope my recounting of my trip demonstrates that although it is challenging it is not impossible. You can do this and it will be OK. :-)

BTW for those I met - Allie and Kristyn for example it was so much fun. Everyone I met at the event was fun and very nice. The rest of the weekend such as traveling and shopping and dining out was with a purpose. The event Saturday night was just plain fun. ( I am a terrible dancer - but fortunately that didn't stop me LOL )

jentay1367
10-13-2016, 09:10 PM
Good job Kym....that took a whole ton of bravery. Lisa

SarahSerene
10-13-2016, 09:29 PM
That is such a great story Kym! I know the feeling in the house/hotel room - how it just doesn't feel true to your self to remain in a box.

I mentioned in a response to one of your separate posts that flying dressed is a near-term goal. Just curious - was the jerky TSA agent in MSP? I fly a lot for work (weekly almost, and am TSA Pre-Check) and I would love to fly dressed if for any other reason that routinely flying in male mode just gets boring. I've seen so many great outfits and shoes on GG's and I've thought "dang I wish I were wearing that right now!" Just to entertain myself, often while transiting an airport I imagine "what if I were dressed right now" just to run the simulation through my head - how busy is the airport, how hot/cool is it, where would I go to the bathroom, where would I sit, that sort of stuff. It's actually a fun thought experiment and it helps me prepare for the real thing.

Sarah

PretzelGirl
10-13-2016, 09:43 PM
Kym, you had an amazing attitude and it was fun being with you. I am glad you got these experiences as the good ones accumulate. Much love to you!

tgirlamc
10-13-2016, 10:51 PM
Well done Sis!!!! ...I'm so proud of you!!!... Off the high dive ...into the deep end of the pool... and onward you go!!!!

A 😀

KymberlyOct
10-13-2016, 11:18 PM
Sarah, The jerk TSA was in Mpls. And so was the pat down. The pat down agent was nice. For some reason on my return they waived me through to the TSA pre check - not sure why - he looked at my ticket and said go over there - like it said something on there. Not sure if it had something to do with presenting as the opposite gender or not. I am not TSA pre check - I used to travel a lot for work but not in the last few years so I am not signed up for pre check. Oh well - whatever - the line was shorter and no problem. But the pre check was on the way back from SFO. You mentioned the bathroom. On the way out I used the unisex - on the way back I couldn't find it and had to go. so I just used the women's - walked in did my business - and left - no big deal and again when I arrived at Mpls. In the future I will continue to use unisex until my DL is changed when a unisex is available but if not I will continue to use the women's from now on without hesitation- but I will be quick.

SarahSerene
10-14-2016, 06:29 AM
Thanks Kym, good to know! I agree, that would be my plan too - use the unisex bathroom at the airport unless circumstances were such that it made sense just to use the women's.

P.S. - not derailing this thread into an airport bathroom discussion!! :)

Heidi Stevens
10-14-2016, 07:43 AM
Hey Kymberly, sorry you ran into the problems at MSP. As nice as most Minnesotans are, every bunch gets a jerk to show up now and then. On the trip that followed, you got lucky and won a free trip thru the TSA Pre Check line. They do that for non members to help spread the load out a bit when Pre Check lines are not expected to be busy. Your profile didn't set off any alarms and so you won the free pass. It shows up near the top of your boarding pass as "TSA Pre Check".
I've yet to try flying pretty, but I will the next time the conditions will allow me to do so. Take care and travel on!

Nicole Erin
10-14-2016, 09:48 AM
Yeah you eventually reach a level of confidence when you don't even think about it and by that time, people just do not give you a hard time even if they know, like if someone doesn't pass all that great.
Once in a while there might be some anxiety even after years of doing this but it is brief.

Barbara Dugan
10-14-2016, 10:05 AM
Congratulations,It gets much easier with time, I did a almost a 5000 miles Road trip tru the SouhtWest pretty much the same one I did last year when I was more new to be Out, and this time was a lot more easy and enjoyable experiece .

Lauren B
10-15-2016, 10:17 PM
Congratulations! You being out into the world makes it better :)

karla2016
10-17-2016, 08:01 AM
Wow...this is the only thing I have left in my list that I have never done it. Travel by airline as Karla. I wish I could do it sometime in the near future. I know one should be very nervous for the first time. But definitely I will do it in the next year. I have another trip to Vegas in February and maybe that would be the trip. In the meantime thanks for sharing such a nice experience.

karla