female touching

[Allisa]

Thought I'd start this thread as a result of another one that got me thinking about female touching. It seems they(females)as a rule are more tactile, just think about how soft and smooth the attire is as compared to more masculine clothes. As far as touching ones arm it's like a hand shake female style, they clasp both hands on another's hands or clasp an arm instead. Just my observations being out and learning the ropes. As an example I recently went window shopping(en-femme) and found a small shop selling jewelry so I stopped in to see if they had larger size rings(both size and fit) and as I browsed a smiling woman behind the counter asked if she could help to which I replied I was looking for rings for everyday use(holding up my hand to show her my style) so she then proceeded to gently clasp my hand and turn it to get a closer look. After she sized my ring and fingers she then proceeded to slip many different rings on and off my fingers many times holding my hand and sometimes just holding my hand for a few seconds while we talked. She was very good at selling but I think she generally liked picking out one's for me to try. I did buy a couple nothing over the top by any means and nothing sparkly but she did try. She did make a favorable comment on my nails, even though they are artificial.

[Mayo]

In North American society, men aren't allowed to touch each other unless it's in a 'masculine' backslapping/fist-bumping/hard-gripping/aggressive kind of way; women are socialized differently. And, of course, men are absolutely entitled to touch women.* There are other cultures where it is more acceptable for men to touch each other, so I don't think there's any essentialist argument to be made about how one gender or the other is 'naturally' more or less inclined to touch.

Check out this article on Bosom Buddies: A Photo History of Male Affection (http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/07/29/bosom-buddies-a-photo-history-of-male-affection/).


* Edit: To be clear, I'm saying this sarcastically. Patriarchy/rape culture socializes men to believe they have the right to do so. They don't.

[Lana Mae]

I have noticed this also. Two women talking and one is holding the other's hand or arm. Men do not realize how much touch is a part of communication. It is not just a prelude to sex! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[rachael.davis]

Women touch other women in sales and social situations fairly freely, it's one of those "you're in the club" moments when it happens.

A couple of years ago I was getting a wax, I get along with the tech who was asking about if I was thinking about implants, I said I wanted to wait a while and see what was going to happen (there was a bit of a Korean American / irish American language barrier going on I figured out later)
She finished up, I sat up and said see, I'malmost at a B cup, she startled and said Ohhhhh - and grabbed a breast (bug eye emoticon), she called a couple of the other techs in who ooohhhed and ahhhed.
so I got home and called a GG who has become my big sister in many ways and said I just got felt up by my waxing technican (bug eye), she said she does you bikini line, and you're worried about a tit? Women touch other women

[Tracii G]

Women touch other women. Rachael thats a good point.
Its a shame guys don't do that.I sure wouldn't mind.

[Julogden]

For many years in the late 1980's through the 1990's when I was going out to clubs and bars several nights a month, my home away from home was a lesbian bar not too far from my apartment, and I quickly learned firsthand just how much women make physical contact with friends while just talking and socializing. As a guy, I'd never experienced such a level of physical contact with friends. It was wonderful. :)

[Alice_2014_B]

That is a very nice experience, Allisa.
There is definitely something a gentle touch helps in comfort and in sales.
I have personally seen in the middle-east that men are more comfortable touching each other in the manner you described.
In the U.S.A. it is, for the most part, just women that do in such a manner.

:)

[Lorileah]

Men tend to make every contact either sexual or dominant/in charge. Men touching men, off limits unless you are (in most cases) establishing who is in charge. Firm handshake, stare in the eye or slap on the butt or hand on shoulder with all the power and force you can muster. Men touching women..no longer allowed because men used it to be sexual or establish control (or both). Women are nurturers from an early age so touch is allowed (most women don't fear another woman as being sexual toward them).

Consciously or unconsciously men have made most touch on a woman, sexual (I have men grope me while hugging). Rarely have I seen a woman on woman touch read as sexual.


addendum: the woman who sold rings wasn't doing anything different than a shoe salesperson would do to your feet

[AllieSF]

And Lori, not ALL men and males are as you described. I was never that way, nor were most of my male friends throughout my long life. That is your experience and not mine.

[PeggyNell]

As a former massage therapist, I did get the strange looks and inappropriate comments from my guy and gal friends. When they asked "do you massage men too!?"
Yes!! I massage men too. They acted like it was so taboo. But they have never got a message before. But I do see more women getting massages more than men where I worked. And when I call to book a massage the receptionist asks
" is it for me or someone else?" Because most men schedule it for there SO.
It is very much a culture thing, and it is stupid!

[Lorileah]

Did it say "all" I didn't see that. OK 5 men did it and messed it up for thge rest.

[Helen_Highwater]

My observation has been that women rather than hold or grasp another woman's arm tend to gently touch their hand on the forearm of the other if the conversation is a "shared experience" sort of thing, the "Oh I know what you mean" type of chat. Holding takes place if there's perceived to be a need for moral or emotional support.

[redtea]

And, of course, men are absolutely entitled to touch women. [/URL].

Because I am poisoned by the feminist agenda to some degree, I will say that we are not entitled to touch women. Perhaps being a man is feeling entitlement to a womans body to some degree...

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

I always found it titilating to touch others in many ways; touch enhances any experience. When greeting an old friend, a warm, extra-long hug increases my joy in seeing them - it's a shortcut to re-connection. For strangers a pleasant hug is a way of saying, "I'm not scared of touching you" and quickly gets a person to either drop their guard or at least reconsider their preconceptions about you - especially as a man. Extended hand holding and eye contact creates a very deep emotional connection - even without words - and greatly enhances any story-telling experience, especially if there's a painful element. It's one of the things I love about group prayer in church - the hand holding. I love feeling the size of their hand, the warmth or coolness, the softness or callousness, the nails, the strength - it is one of the few times in my culture that real intimacy is not only permissible, it is expected of even the "straightest" of men.

It can work the other way too - you might be be frightened by a movie, or a dark alley, but if someone were to touch you in that environment the emotion would be sent over the top! I guess touch is just another kind of vulnerability, an attractive trait in women and and undesirable one in men. What a shame!

[Nashmau]

it seems to be an english thing. since i came to the usa i am always confused why my hubby and his best friend never hug each other? so wierd, in germany it is rather normal to hug each other for a hello or goodbye, especially if these ppl are close friends. i give everyone that i consider a friend hugs.... should have seen how skirmish ppl are here.

[Leslie Langford]

Nashmau, things must really have changed in Germany since I was there as a student one summer back in the late 1960's.

On one hand, it was common back then for men - including executives - to wear shorts and sandals to the office even at the large, structured and hierarchical multinational conglomerate where I was working, although the fact that air conditioning wasn't all that common back then might have had something to do with that.

On the other hand, interpersonal relationships were very formal. Hand-shaking when greeting someone was always the norm, including all of one's office or shop-floor co-workers first thing in the morning, each and every day. It was also always a big deal when someone allowed you to address them with the informal "Du" (you) as opposed to the more formal "Sie". Making the transition from one to the other was often years in the making, and was usually marked by small celebration and/or the offering of a toast.

Similarly (and by extension), being on a first-name basis was also considered to be a special privilege, as everyone else was otherwise addressed as either "Herr" (sir, Mr.), "Frau" (Madam) or Fraulein (Miss). I became quite chummy with one of my co-workers while doing my internship there, but despite that - and despite us both being in our early 20's at the time - we called each other "Herr" XXXX and "Herr" YYYY all during that summer, and never seemed to break through that "Sie/Du" barrier.

Titles were also still a matter of great pride and importance back then, and woe to anyone who didn't address a Ph.D. as "Herr (or Frau) Doktor" XYZ when greeting them. And if they happened to be a university professor as well, then it was always "Herr (or Frau) Professor Doktor" XYZ.

[Nashmau]

@ lelsie

besides that not even my mother was born to that time when you were a student, some things did change, some things did not :P

the sie and du especially in a work hirachy is still part of it. of course you are not hugging a coworker, but they are usually not your friends either. plus this is professional life. i am not sure how to best explain that, since in the usa the professional and private live seems very connected. which i really find wierd. lol i even remember when our boss in the company i worked before moving here asked us to say "du" to him. all my coworkers refused.

so what i ment is especially the friendcircle, of course we hug each other. i find it important, my friends in germany find it important and its i dont know reassuring and comfortable? does that make sense?