Harassment?

[AnnieMac]

Hi, I was wondering if any of you where ever socially, or even sexually harassed un-wantingly while out dressed and
how you handled it? I want to be prepared for what to expect and what's appropriate when I do go out in public.
Keep it appropriate here of course, I'm more interested in your reaction than the initial event.
Thanks girlfriends! - Annie

[Lana Mae]

Have not been out in public situation yet. I do know TaeKwon Do however and it is possible instinct will kick in. I do not know but I will protect my self if I have to! Hugs Lana Mae

[Jenniferathome]

Asked and answered:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?244111-Have-You-Ever-Been-Challenged-in-Public

[Tracii G]

Act like you would if someone touches you in an improper manner.
Just because you are a guy in womens clothes doesn't mean much.
Think over what you said and I mean really think about it.
If some guy won't let up you will have to make him stop by whatever means possible right?
Of course you would.
It amazes me sometimes the questions like this that get asked.
You are a guy dressed as a woman and I assume straight so why would you put yourself in a situation where a guy comes on to you?
Or why would you entertain a man knowing a come on is possible if you yourself say you are straight?
Something is just not adding up here.

[AnnieMac]

Traci G, who said I was talking about just men? You make the generalization that only men are capable of this. It was just a question about people in general. And thanks Jenniferathome. that's kind of what I was looking for :)

[Tracii G]

You didn't to be honest but I just took off with the assumption that you were wondering what to do in the event that happened if you were dressed enfemme.
I'm sorry if I misunderstood your question,this is a CD forum after all.
If its a woman and you are a straight guy what would you do?

[AnnieMac]

Traci, hmmm now that is a good question. I am a straight guy and I wonder what I would do if I was nicely dressed enfemme properly for the location I was in and then a woman starts to hit on me, maybe because she has read me and is intrigued by it, or thinks I'm a lesbian or something. I gotta give that one more thought- I really don't know!

[Tracii G]

I think a lot of questions we can answer on our own if we sit down and really think about it.
Its bound to be different for a lot of people so asking a group of people would not really tell you what you as an individual would do.
Sorry to sound esoteric but some questions are best left to us to answer.
If a woman hit on me in girl or boy mode I would not enjoy it because women really aren't my cup of tea.

[Teresa]

Anniemac ,
I've read your profile and you don't say if you have a partner or married, obviously this makes a difference if you have concerns about cheating on someone.

I'm bi-gender and married so I do have concerns if I'm hit on by a GG . We have a Xmas dinner dance coming up in December to be held a hotel , other parties will be using the same room so we will be in mixed company, it's the first time I will have been in that situation but I'm not worrying unduly about if I hit it off with someone it will a little fun just for the evening, I don't intend to be a wallflower. Obviously if a guy shows an interest I won't be interested but I won't be rude unless he presses the point .

[Tracii G]

I would love to catch the eye of a nice guy Teresa so if you see one send him my way please.:)

[TrishaTX]

I have not but I am originally from NY and of course have that attitude lol:)

[Nicole Erin]

Traci G, who said I was talking about just men? You make the generalization that only men are capable of this. It was just a question about people in general. And thanks Jenniferathome. that's kind of what I was looking for :)

It is like this - if you are out en femme and a woman hits on you wanting to roll in the hay, buy a lottery ticket THAT same day. Then call the boss and tell him to kiss your ass. You won't be needing to work for a long time. Women are almost never attracted to TG and even if one is, why not have a little fun? :D

As far as how people act -

Men are typically interested in younger, cute, slender women with big butts. There is a small chance a man will hit on you but usually it is some lewd comment about what they want to do, just vacate the scene. They are not likely to get aggressive. They do not know if you are packing heat or whatever... Plus a lot of the guys who seem interested in us look like they live in a sewer and are not likely fighters.

Harassment - Usually it is groups of teenagers or groups of really low class riff raff that is most likely to talk crap. Just avoid them best you can. Normally it is laughing.

I know there are often stories about Tg getting killed for who they are but there is more to it - A lot of times it was the young attractive ones who forgot to mention something important, especially when it is a hooker. It is seldom some older, conservatively dressed TG who is minding her own business.

Occasional harassment comes with the territory but it is nothing big.
The more confidence you gain by going out, the less you get bothered. Bullies want easy targets, not confident ones.

[dolovewell]

Never. Just make sure you are dressed appropriately and do a good job with makeup based on the occassion

[Julogden]

Yes, back in the 1990's by a couple Chicago cops, harassed me and three friends while we were in a restaurant eating a very early breakfast after a night of nightclubbing. Thankfully, the waitresses in the restaurant were good friends with one of our party and they told the cops to leave us alone because we weren't doing anything wrong.

There were also a few minor occurrences from people on the street over the years, but nothing serious. The cop incident was the only really upsetting one.

[Tracii G]

I agree with what Nicole Erin said.

[Kate Simmons]

I was once. However, once I showed them I wasn't afraid of using Rich's muscles, they backed off. :)

[AngelaYVR]

It is like this - if you are out en femme and a woman hits on you wanting to roll in the hay, buy a lottery ticket THAT same day. Then call the boss and tell him to kiss your ass. You won't be needing to work for a long time. Women are almost never attracted to TG and even if one is, why not have a little fun? :D

Emphasis mine. Erroneous statement yours :P

I can categorically tell you that a lot of women fantasize about being with girls like us. A lot. I have been hit on by so many women (I was on the receiving end of an attempted seduction just last night - being married is hard!) and others you can see giving you that certain stare. Not many of them would want to be in a relationship with you but, believe me, they'd like to sample the goods.

I have no idea what sort of percentage of women we appeal to but enough that, if I was single, I would have a permanent smile on my face.

[Tracii G]

You have pics Angela?

[Vickie_CDTV]

The odds of a GG coming up to a dresser in public and making advances, much less cross the line into sexual harassment, is virtually nil.

Possible a male might, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. Outside a club or bar, it probably won't come up. Just don't show too much skin or look like you are looking for attention and you should be ok. You might want to get a cubic zirconia ring that looks like a wedding ring, certainly not a sure thing but it might help a bit.

[jennifer0918]

That's a tough question I have never been harassed while being out and dresses,knock on wood.

[AngelaYVR]

You have pics Angela?

Yup. Now I remember why I left this site. If some people don't see something it just can't exist, right? Enjoy your bitterness.

[Tracii G]

I tend to think its extremely rare.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
Sorry I missed your reply , Consider him gift wrapped, how would like the delivery made ?

[Alice_2014_B]

Been out in public a number of times, never had such issues.
:)

[Krisi]

I have not been harassed and it may be because I don't put myself in a situation where harassment is easily done. I'm out in the daytime or early evening and I don't go to bars or the questionable parts of town. I stay out in the open with lots of people around.

[dolovewell]

Krisi is right

Last week on another CD community a user posted a pic of her wearing a really short, tight dress. She did not come close to passing in her pic. She said she was going to go out wearing it at a bar. I said, if you are going to an LGBT bar, that's fine, but if not, I would not wear that out. She said that she was just going to a regular college bar. I tried to talk her out of it, but no luck.

There are places I won't go dressed, and a regular bar is one of them. I have no interest putting myself out there infront of drunk meatheads/frat boy types.

In my early crossdressing stages(when I thought I passed) I went to a restaurant in the downtown area of the city I lived at in the time, Madison WI. College town. I was dressed up wearing a tank top, blue jeans, and heels. The restaurant was fine but when I left I had to walk by a bar to get to my car. A bunch of college age guys were standing outside on the sidewalk drinking their beer bottles and I could all tell they were trying not to laugh at me, and a couple of them were cracking huge grins. Then this butch lesbian looking lady stared at me like she wanted to kill me and started to lunge at me but withdrew. I kept walking and got in my car. I told myself to stay away from bars after that. I didn't even go inside of one and had a bad experience

People will say I am victim blaming here but I am just trying to say to be smart where you go dressed up. Some places are not worth the risk/reward to go to dressed. In this community we will be supportive of you, but unfortunately society doesn't play by the same rules.

[Karmen]

It happened to me this week for the first time. :Angry3: I don't go to public places fully dressed, because I don't pass, but since it was Halloween I took a chance and went to a Halloween party in a night club for the first time, wearing short white party dress, white glittering pantyhose, black jacket and black high heels, black long wig and lots of makeup and also partial facial mask. People noticed I'm a guy, but they didn't bother me, I even got occassional smile or a wink.
It was cool experience, I relaxed and I really enjoyed myself until some drunk guy hugged me from behind when I was standing next to a pillar facing the dance floor and leaning against the guardrail. He put his hand on my ass and said "let's dance". A moment later and before I could say or do anything, his hand already slipped under my skirt and stopped almost between my legs. I was so shocked I didn't know how to react and didn't even move, except instinctively squeezing my legs together and try not to pee myself from shock. When I got my breath back I said "no", but his hand was still there for a moment or two, exploring, then he just said "ok", let me go and got lost in the crowd. I was shocked, felt totally violated, but didn't want to make a scene and just quickly left the place. Definetly not a pleasant moment, but a night to remember. I just didn't expected something like that could happen in a club. I was always more affraid that might happen somewhere on the street at night if I cross path with wrong people by chance. I don't even know if he knew from the start I'm a man, since he came from behind.

[Valery L]

I have received mainly wolf whistles, and a couple of "compliments" from guys, I say "compliments" because they were direct sexual insinuations (I am not counting the true compliments by nice men that I have received too), the kind of comments that normally women hate.

However, the time that I was physically harassed, was like 3 weeks ago, when a guy who complimented me and wanted to talk to me offered himself to give me a ride to my apartment. I said yes, so it was my fault (at least partially since accepting that does not give him any justification to touch me). He wanted to take me to a motel, he was really insistent. Nothinga happened but at the time I was very scared, I mean, he could do many things with me if he decided that. The only thing that happened is that he touched my leg over my skirt and wanted to put his hand under it to touch my legs, when that happened, the car was parked and we were already near my neighbourhood so I simply got out of his car.

[ellbee]

I used to go clubbing & bar-hopping (en femme) all the time. Hetero, LGBT, didn't matter.

But here's the thing: I *never* went alone. It was typically with a group (3 or more others), oftentimes a mix of GG's, males & TG's.


There were a few instances I went with just one guy (guess you could call them dates :laughing: ), but those times it would be a small, quiet place in the early evening on a weekday -- and I looked more like a chick who just spent the day at the office, and *not* wearing some sort of club-wear.


I know it's not easy for some to do so for whatever reason, but going with at least one other person is a lot easier & makes any issues that less likely and/or difficult to handle. :)

[dolovewell]

I am sure if I had a support group of friends to go out with I could handle going to bars and such. But, unfortunately no one I know, knows about my crossdressing. So I would have to come out to friends first, none of which live where I currently live.

I am sure if I were alone, I could go to a place like a hotel bar or restaurant bar on a slower night, like during the week. But definitely NOT on a Friday or Saturday night.

[MelanieAnne]

I do know TaeKwon Do however and it is possible instinct will kick in.
"Discretion is the better part of valor" Better to avoid any situations. If the cops are called for some bar brawl or other assault situation, they often arrest both parties, and sort things out at the jail.

[I Am Paula]

How to choose an appropriate place to have a drink enfemme.
Do not go to a place called 'The Stumbling Bigot', or any place the patrons carry pool cues, with no pool table in sight. If there is more than two fights, or the jukebox plays three Def Leopard songs in a row- Leave.

Good place to go- A place called 'Ciao enormously overpriced wine bar and tapas.' Here, the only real danger is being bitten by the bichon frise at the next stool. Order red wine by the glass, or a bellini.

The only proper place for a lady to drink beer is the 19th. hole after golf.