That Feeling, and Losing It?

[Wierd Matty Makinen]

Not long ago, I had stated that I was going to go on a road trip this Halloween with some friends; at the destination, in an effort to boost self-confidence and exorcise at least a fair portion of anxiety, I was hoping to be in full CD getup. The plan itself has gone belly-up, though I’m still keeping it in the back of my head.

[Yes, there’s a point to this].

Just to see how I would have looked, I put on the clothes I was going to wear there. Nothing really gaudy [or intelligently selected; I would have been frozen the moment I stepped out of the vehicle], just some things I thought looked nice and went well together. At first, I liked what I saw [I actually smiled at a mirror—unthinkable!], but afterward, I noticed a faint gnawing of general concern or something similar tingling in the back of my head. This was unusual, because whenever I put on women’s clothes I feel genuinely positive, maybe happy; negativity seems more easily banished. I’m somewhat hesitant now to crossdress for fear that my pessimism will poison the mindset I attain whenever I do, that I’ll lose that exuberance I normally get.

I understand that each individual has their own reasons for indulging in feminine clothing--Has anybody else ever felt like this? Is there anything I can do to combat it? Or am I being silly and there’s a simple answer that I’m not seeing [which is all too often the case]?

[Lana Mae]

Find out what the "gnawing of general concern" is and fix it! Generally these things come and go. Maybe related to your plans going awry! Best wishes with working thru this! Hugs Lana Mae

[Elizabeth G]

I know that I go through phases with my dressing and I don't think that is uncommon based on what I have read here. I can get to the point of obsession (pink fog) for long periods and then fall into long periods of reduced or even no interest, so I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. For me the interest and pleasure I get from dressing always returns.

I hope it all works out for you.

Beth

[Teresa]

Matty,
It's a shame your plans went belly up !

If you could have still gone out it may have made a big difference. I knew I was pushing my envelope going out to our Halloween meeting wearing the Union Jack dress , I'd never worn anything that short in public. The first time I tried it and looked in the mirror I thought no way and thought about either returning it or finding ways to add some length. Despite what it looked like I wore it the rest of the day at home to get use to the length along with the heels, and it worked, each time I glanced in the mirror it didn't look as bad.
By the time the evening came round I just slipped it on not even thinking about how short it was, popped a coat over the top and drove off to the meeting. I'm so glad I did because it was a lot of fun, I will admit the photos came out OK in the picture section but a GG took a picture of me on her smartphone, she must have caught me at a different angle because I just didn't believe it was me , even I was speechless for a moment and that takes some doing.

The point is don't be put off what you think the mirror shows you, others will still see you differently, next time you get the chance to dress up and go out take it , you're still more likely to regret not going out than doing so.

[CarlaWestin]

..........and then fall into long periods of reduced or even no interest, so I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. For me the interest and pleasure I get from dressing always returns.
Matty,

On my long journey to where I am now with crossdressing adventure, there seemed to have existed an imaginary tether to the narrow minded thinking and attitudes of the past. Like an adventurous space walk, it reeled out more and more each time I ventured out into the unknown. And then there was the "what am I doing?" effect of reeling back in.
One day it dawned on me that there were times I desired to be male and times I desired to be female. That revelation was the scissors that cut the cord.
It's OK to just not feel like getting girly. Just think of the times that you didn't feel like being manley.

[Fiona123]

I struggle with depression. That combined with stress and exhaustion from work often impedes the desire and joy from dressing. Sorry to be a downer.

[Krisi]

It's simple: If you don't feel like crossdressing, don't crossdress. Unless you are living as a woman, you are under no obligation to dress if you don't feel like it.

As far as "fixing it", I wouldn't try. If you were to lose interest in it altogether, your life would be much simpler.

If the desire comes back, fine. If not, that's fine too.

[Tracii G]

Stop being so pessimistic and enjoy life for a change.
You sound like you overthink things too much.
If you want to dress then do it if not then don't, pretty simple concept to me

[itsgonnabepretty]

Your experience highlights a some of the fears I have had in letting go of myself a bit and seeing where this takes me. For so long I've worried that if I dressed up in something nice, that my body or looks would ruin it. Once I got past that and felt the exhilaration of seeing myself and feeling the clothes on my body I couldn't wait for another moment alone to do it again. But while I am past that key point, I still fear what might happen in the future, when I get older, or if I ever consider going out in public. Will I freak out? I don't know, but right now I'm thinking I should just seize the moment and not worry about all that.