out for the day...which bathroom

[Babbs]

Ok Girls. This coming week on thursday I'll be out for the day, shopping and what not, in eastern MA and southern NH. In the past, the few times I ventured out it was for limited time and I didn't have to worry about the bathroom. I know there have been other threads about which bathroom to use and I know I've basically said if you are a man in womens' clothes, you're still a man so use the mens' room.. But now its for real for me and I just don't know what to do. I'm not looking to reopen this argument I'm just looking for safe practical advice. Do MA and NH have laws governing which bathroom to use? If it doesn't matter, which one will cause the least commotion or issues? once I choose, If i'm called out, what do I say or do? Your advice and experiences will be greatly appreciated. Please help!

Thank You Dears

[Pat]

In Massachusetts you're fully protected in all public accommodations and can use the bathroom that matches your gender identity. I take a liberal read on that and translate it to use the one consistent with your current presentation if you're not full time TS. In NH last time I looked they didn't have any specific law on the topic.

[ellbee]

There's a "Sticky" thread about bathroom laws up above. Not sure if you've read that yet.

On the last page a couple others & I talked about some of our personal experiences with that.


Anyway, years ago it got to the point where I was using the women's room. Just made sense for me, as it was the lesser of two evils. Then again, I'm also not a 6'6" 350-pound dude sporting a beard & a tutu, either (yes, I'm using an extreme example, LOL).


Use your best judgement. If you're not trans, but look reasonably-enough like a chick, you might want to consider using the women's. Get in, get out, no weirdo creep biz.


I still personally have no issue with using the men's room, if I still went out presenting as female. Really don't give a hoot. But what might be cool with me might not be cool with those I share it with, ha!

[dolovewell]

I try not to drink any water 4 hours before dressing so I don't have a need to go, but sometimes I have to go anyway.

I use the women's restroom. Ive never once had a problem. Even in southern states.

However depending on where I am at, like at a mall, I'll use a restroom that may not be so active. Like one off the beaten path instead of a high traffic restroom, like near the food court. Not because I don't think I would have a problem using a high traffic restroom, but just to minimize the risk just in case.

Just go in, do your business, and get out. Don't be a creep, don't linger around.

[Nicole Erin]

Women's. Maybe try to use one at a gas station or some place else where you can lock the door. Or at least someplace that likely has a more polite crowd like the senile shoppers at thrift stores.

One thing people never really mention about restrooms -
Though Tg are often worried about things becoming a scene, if there is anyone in the ladies room who is likely to make a scene or act stupid, you will hear them in there before you go in. Like stupid teenagers giggling about the selfies they are about to post on social media, or if it is young kids you can hear them making racket.

As far as restroom laws, who the hell knows. I somehow doubt the police are going to race into the place to arrest some TG who used the women's room. If you are really that worried about it, use the restroom right before leaving. That way you will be gone by the time the police and local news arrive and are talking to witnesses and pulling the security tapes to be sent to forensics.

[Princess Chantal]

Eventually the which bathroom issue wouldn't be much of a decision making issue here in Winnipeg. Several places have switched to gender neutral or have an eye on the future and are being built with no gender specified bathrooms

[ReineD]

I suggest you use the ladies room, but be prudent about it. Don't go to the most used bathroom in the mall, for example near the food court. Instead, use the ladies rooms at the back of department stores. Every time I use one, there is no one else there. Or if there is a restaurant in the mall, use the bathroom there. Restaurant bathrooms often are single-user.

If you're not going to a mall, schedule a coffee break somewhere and use their bathroom. If it's a small shop, they likely have single-user bathrooms as well.

Another tactic if you are flexible with your schedule, is to schedule a bathroom stop outside of the busy hours for whatever you'll be doing.

And I don't think you'll be called out, not in the Boston area. Just don't dawdle. Pee sitting down, wash hands and leave.

So, what are your plans for the day?

[Babbs]

thanks girls...sound advice...My first stop is at Florences Fashions(a cute boutique very CD friendly) where I had a bra fitting a couple of weeks ago, to pick up two new bras. I'll shop in there for a while then one of the bigger malls, probably the Rockingham in southern NH (no sales tax) where I'll grab lunch as well. I'll be out for about six hours which at my age means multiple bathroom stops.

[Sara Jessica]

As has been said, we typically use the restroom which corresponds with our gender of presentation. YMMV of course, depending on your local laws of which I have no clue. Target is on record though of restroom non-discrimination. Starbucks has also been a good option given that many/most of their locations have single restrooms which lock.


If i'm called out, what do I say or do?

Never happened to me in years and years which means it'll probably happen to you your first time!!! ;)

Don't talk if you don't have to, don't linger at the mirror. Sit, don't stand. These things should minimize the odds of being called out.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

I always use the ladies and have never had a problem.
In fact, I have had several GG's make conversation with me at the sinks....lol
If they only knew!
Regarding Rockingham, I have been there many, many times and during the day its easy enough....
Nighttime does bring the teenagers in but you should be all set during the day with the old folk.
They are basicially harmless....
Good luck! :hugs:

[SarahSerene]

Last time I went to the mall I used the family restroom. The nice thing about that was - I was out and about for a long time, a windy day, etc. The privacy of the family restroom allowed me to adjust my presentation without feeling rushed. Granted, there may be a family that needs to use it, but if I don't hear anyone trying the door, then I take the time to do what I need to do, i.e. - adjust my wig, brush it out a little, reapply lipstick, apply a little powder, etc. One time I even needed to shift my hip pads too! Taking that time to touch up really helps me keep my confidence going.

In the women's restroom I don't mess around - in, out.

[Krisi]

Many shopping malls and some individual stores have "family" restrooms or single user unisex restrooms so those would be my first choice. You will look really out of place in a men's restroom dressed as a woman so that's not a good choice. At least, use a stall, don't hike up your skirt and stand at the urinal. If you look reasonably like a woman, use the woman's restroom but don't linger. Do your business, wash your hands and get out.

I suggest scouting out the restroom situation in advance in male mode. Make a mental (or paper) note of the places you can go without issue.

[Nigella]

... I know there have been other threads about which bathroom to use and I know I've basically said if you are a man in womens' clothes, you're still a man so use the mens' room..

mmmm Have you not answered your own question?


But now its for real for me and I just don't know what to do.

Ah, now the "advice" you gave in the past is not good enough?

Now you should begin to understand the issues faced by all those "men in dresses" who have gone before you. My advice is simple, unless there is specific law that prevents you from using a restroom designated as female, use that one if you are presenting as female.

[Lana Mae]

Just as everyone else said, if you reasonably look like a woman use the women's. Get in, get done, and get out. Even here in NC it is not being enforced so far! The only case was a GG that was caught by police due to a complaint. So the women's is not even safe for real women!! Single use or family if you can! Good wishes go with you. Hugs Lana Mae

[dolovewell]

The main reason I do all I can to avoid using the bathroom when dressed, is because its a pain in the butt. I am tucked and wearing spanx holding in hip pads. Going to the bathroom means I have to take off my spanx, undo my tuck, and hold my hip pads in place while I go to the bathroom, then re-tuck, redo my hip pads and spanx.

Last week I was out for about 9 hours and didn't go to the bathroom once, didn't even feel the need to, which was great.

[CarlaWestin]

Babbs, Honey. You've been one of my faves for quite a while. Love you! JUst use any bathroom. It's just really not an issue, it's a distraction.

[Tracy Irving]

If you are trying to blend in and not be a distraction, it makes sense to use the women's restroom.

[Michala]

I agree with Princess Chantal and the Canadian progress. Wasn't in Winnipeg but was in Manitoba for a couple of days 2 weeks ago and every gas station/convenience store I was in had 2 bathrooms as is common, but both of them were available to men and women. Use the one available. These bathrooms for the most part were single person with locks on the door.

[Babbs]

gas stations , starbucks, family only bathrooms ..good ideas thanks! Virginia Mae, weekday at the mall, your right, mostly just older folk, should be less of a worry...Right back at ya Carla!!...dolovewell, I'm 56 can't go more than two hours without having to pee, lol. Nigella, don't be an " I told you so" nag. lol

Thanks again Girls, wish me luck

[Helen_Highwater]

It can be one of if not the most nerve racking choices to make. In the UK, technically all public toilets are gender neutral. Ladies and Gents are just social conventions but public means just that and in law no office is committed by a man using a female toilet provided he doesn't do anything lude.

However that doesn't make the actual act of walking into a "Ladies" any less stressful. If the toilet I'm intending to use hasn't a constant stream of GG's coming and going then I'll opt for that as while it may either be a bit of a shock to see a CD in the toilet it's unlikely to escalate into fisticuffs. The same can't be said for being in a gents enfemme. If it's busy I'll tend to look elsewhere, my ideal being a single use, disabled/family/ nappy changing room.

Also as said, I get in, straight into a stall, shut the door and now I'm anonymous. Once done I also listen out for others coming and going and try to exit while things seem quiet. There's no point in pushing the envelope too hard but at the end of the day, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

[Krisi]

.................. JUst use any bathroom. It's just really not an issue, it's a distraction.

That's not good advice because it certainly can be an issue.

[dolovewell]

I agree with Krisi that it can be an issue and not to dismiss it as not a big deal.

Unfortunately, I know there are crossdressers out there, who look forward to using the women's restroom, and that it will be the highlight of their day. That they WANT to be in there and will go as many times as they can, and linger. There are some crossdressers who dress up just to go into a women's restroom. I think that's a bit disturbing and creepy and its these types of people that give energy to the bathroom legislation. I do all I can to avoid using the restroom and only go if I really need to, and even then try to find a low traffic restroom.

I suggest to everyone, to question your motives. Do you really need to use the restroom? Or do you just want to use the restroom?

[OCCarly]

This: http://www.refugerestrooms.org/about

- - - Updated - - -


Unfortunately, I know there are crossdressers out there, who look forward to using the women's restroom, and that it will be the highlight of their day. That they WANT to be in there and will go as many times as they can, and linger. There are some crossdressers who dress up just to go into a women's restroom. I think that's a bit disturbing and creepy and its these types of people that give energy to the bathroom legislation. I do all I can to avoid using the restroom and only go if I really need to, and even then try to find a low traffic restroom.



Crossdressing just to gain access to a women's restroom is a criminal act of the "peeping tom" variety in most jurisdictions,

I've been on hormones for five months, and I have reached that point of awkwardness. I am starting to have trouble passing for male, and when I wear my old male clothes I sort of look like a girl wearing her boyfriend's clothes. But at the same time, since I have not had facial hair removal yet (my health insurance will pay for it after six months on hormones) I can't pass for female either without really caking on the makeup. And my voice is hit or miss. I need a safe restroom more than anyone, and for some pervert to take situational advantage of our freedom of expression is just very, very wrong.

[ellbee]

But an issue / big deal for whom? :laughing:


The GG's in the women's room?

The guys in the men's room?

The management of the place?

The CD'er, themselves??



The first time I ever used the women's room -- was at a hetero bar, no less -- a guy waiting for me to come out (it was a "single") legitimately thought I was a chick using the *men's* room. And *he* had a bit of an issue with that (though he was very polite -- and surprised, LOL -- about it, too).


After that incident, my friends I was out with (males & GG's) told me I really needed to be using the women's for the rest of the night, because I looked a heck of a lot more like a chick than a dude or CD'er.

Here's the thing, though: *I* had an issue with that, LOL. I honestly didn't want to, because I didn't think it was "right."

They eventually & successfully made their case, however.


Next time I had to go? Women's. And as I was exiting (*their* single), a GG was outside waiting for me to finish. She didn't even bat an eye. We even smiled. I'm guessing she "knew," but was cool with it. No issue.


And throughout the rest of night (when I drink, I have to pee a lot, LOL), I'm sure the waitresses & bartenders & management (as well as a bunch of the patrons in the place) saw me using the women's room. Not one peep or stare or glare. No apparent issue with them, either.


So, oddly enough... The only ones who had any kind of issue? Myself and some guy, LOL!


Bottom line: Not always just about the GG's. :)

[Valery L]

When I am in female mode I use the women's bathroom, since I am presenting and acting as a woman. I have never had any problem and I really do not care about it, I use the bathroom whenever I want, even when I only want to use the mirror to fix my makeup for example.

[Periwinkle]

I can't use the women's room. It makes me too anxious. I just avoid using any public restrooms.

[dolovewell]

Crossdressing just to gain access to a women's restroom is a criminal act of the "peeping tom" variety in most jurisdictions, and this kind of behavior is exactly the justification that the Christian Right is using to promulgate Bathroom Laws designed to prevent transgenders from using any kind of safe restroom.


I agree, which is why I say that using the restroom is a big deal, and dismissing it as "not a big deal" is naive. To use the restroom as a crossdresser, you must be responsible about it. It must be done in an appropriate manner. Because there exist crossdressers who dress up with one of the main reasons to be to use women's restrooms. They view it as a thrill. Which is why I say, question your motives. Do you really need to go? Or do you just want to go so you can be inside a women's restroom?

I consider myself a Christian Right type, and my entire family as well, many of which live in Houston. They all voted against the ordinance there. I opposed it, and oppose bathroom bills, but I can honestly say I at least understand their point of view. A lot of them just don't want their young daughters exposed to someone who may be crossdressing just as a free ticket to a woman's restroom. I get it. I try to explain that those types make up a fraction of all crossdressers. I do my best to educate.



But an issue / big deal for whom? :laughing:


The GG's in the women's room?

The guys in the men's room?

The management of the place?

The CD'er, themselves??


Reading your story, a single bathroom at a bar, is one thing. I think its different when you are talking about a bathroom with a lot of traffic that will could young girls inside them. At this point, you need to be very responsible and not vouyeristic.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The best, cut-to-the-case, no PC, no-BS answer:

The best bathroom to use is the one in which you are in the bathroom alone. Plan ahead and know where the single user restrooms are. Done.

[ReineD]

I know!

You can go downtown to Faneuil Hall Marketplace (http://www.faneuilhallmarketplace.com/)where there are tons of shops and restaurants (you can even have a drink at Cheers!), just across the street from Boston City Hall!

And you can nip into Boston City Hall whenever the need arises to use one of their numerous gender-neutral bathrooms (http://time.com/3918249/boston-city-hall-bathrooms-gender-martin-walsh/), if you feel uncomfortable elsewhere. :)

Chances are though, that other places of business in the area have also placed gender-neutral signs on their bathroom doors as well. I live in a very small town in the Midwest where restaurants no longer have male or female single-user spaces. Both spaces are now available for all genders.

[ellbee]

Reading your story, a single bathroom at a bar, is one thing. I think its different when you are talking about a bathroom with a lot of traffic that will could young girls inside them. At this point, you need to be very responsible and not vouyeristic.

Of course there are tons of variables involved. :)

Not only in how one presents themselves, for example, which I personally think is a big factor (others may disagree)... But also as you mentioned, location -- and who may be in those restrooms at the time.


My first time, at a hetero bar, no less, with no young kids to worry about, and yet I was *still* apprehensive. Yes, it was a single with a lock on the door. But tipsy GG's can still get pissed about it & cause a scene or "rat me out," LOL.

Though take another hetero bar/club... Multi-person men's room? With a bunch of rowdy drunk dudes in there? Yeah, might not be the better alternative, either. And in those instances, I used the women's (save for one Halloween when I just used the guy's -- I didn't really care, wasn't waiting in line with the GG's, thanks).

LGBT club? Pfft.. Does it really matter which restroom?? :laughing:


Obviously I used to mainly keep my "long-haul" 100% femme stuff to a social setting, whether publicly or privately. I was not one of those who would spend all day at the mall or whatever... My shopping was always limited to a quick stop at a convenience store or something, LOL.

That said, my original posts stand, whatever the situation: Use your best judgement. And also, it can be an issue / big deal to a whole host of groups above & beyond the GG's, including one's own self.

Because no matter what you do, there's always someone who may potentially make a big stink -- pun not intended. :heehee:

[larissa-laurie]

I thought I looked pretty passable so my first experience in a restaurant was at Changs and their stalls go from the floor to the ceiling. It was a good thing too because just to use the toilet, I had to peel off my Sweater, dress, slip, and lower my pantyhose, and that darn body briefer --I was standing in my panties then lowering them just to use the toilet. Good thing they didn't have a fire then.

[Krisi]

I thought I looked pretty passable so my first experience in a restaurant was at Changs and their stalls go from the floor to the ceiling. It was a good thing too because just to use the toilet, I had to peel off my Sweater, dress, slip, and lower my pantyhose, and that darn body briefer --I was standing in my panties then lowering them just to use the toilet. Good thing they didn't have a fire then.

You didn't sit? Shame on you! At least when using the ladies restroom, have the decency and good sense to turn around and sit to do your business.

[Majella St Gerard]

When I dressed without the wig I would use the men's room, now wearing the wig I use the ladies room. I have never been challenged, women either avoid eye contact, smile and nod or gush and compliment. I assume that they believe me to be transgender. And yes I always sit unless it's a single.

[CD Tammy]

I would look for the unisex handicapped or companion bathrooms when available otherwise, I would use the women's bathroom. The only time that you are really exposed is entering, exiting, and washing the hands. If it real busy, I'd look for the least used restroom in the place. Maybe even stop at places like a Dollar General that have small bathrooms that are one at a time use.

[Babbs]

Thanks again girls. If I have to go it will be in a single use bathroom. My decision is based on avoiding any problems with guys in the mens room or girls in the ladies room. I would prefer to use the men's room but that's where I'm afraid that someone would start trouble and then it could get physical. I have no desire or get no no thrill out of using the ladies room and it wouldn't make me feel more feminine. I would only use it if I was confident I could avoid a confrontation. I hadn't thought of the gas stations and certain restaurants that would have single use bathrooms. I'm flexible where I go tomorrow so that's what I'll do.

- - - Updated - - -

well girls took the advice of using a private family room. there was one in Target. How do you like my new gray wig btw

[Ressie]

Oh dahling, you're too young to wear a gray wig. But I love it.

[Helen 2]

Babs....with your looks (specially the new gray wig)....honey...I say 'you go wherever the hell you want'

:D

[Tracii G]

You did what I would have suggested so good for you.

[donnatracey]

Love the gray wig, Babbs....you rock!

[ReineD]

well girls took the advice of using a private family room. there was one in Target.

There seem to be a lot of gender-neutral facilities in the Boston area, so you really don't have a problem with this.

[CherylFlint]

Women's bathroom.
To avoid talking I keep a card in my purse that says "LARYNGITIS".
It works.
DON"T linger.
In and out.

[binair10]

Only needed to use the ladies loo once. Also touched up my make-up after. Two or three ladies were also in there, they just smiled and carried on with what they were doing.

I did not have any trouble at all. Mind you it was a private function.

I must say that the ladies toilets were a bit `al a posh`. Much better than the male toilets.

Julie.

[joanna4]

From my experience, I've only used the women's restroom in the past like at a crowded mall. Last week, I had to ask for someone to open the restroom for me at a store, the manager went and unlocked the women's restroom for me which I thought was very nice of him. No problems there.

[CONSUELO]

Here in Houston I came across something that would be a resolution of the entire "bathroom issue". In a popular restaurant the bathroom consisted of a long wall of individual and very private, lockable "stalls" while on the opposite wall was a line of sinks for washing hands and a wall of mirrors so one could check makeup etc.

Now to make sure this works we need a change in bathroom habits. No stand up urinating and please make sure that the toilet stall is left clean. Personally I dislike using bathrooms in popular places such as airports. I always use a stall and sit and the number of times I have come across wet and dirty toilet seats is legion. I once mentioned my disgust with the way males use bathrooms to a female friend and she told me that women's bathrooms could be just as disgusting.

Why are we such slobs?

[dolovewell]

CONSUELO I used to volunteer at my Church and would clean the bathrooms. From my experience women's restrooms are always far worse in terms of cleanliness and neatness than men's restrooms.