Almost a year!

[EllieMayxxx]

First I just want to say im sorry for not being on for a few months. I have quite a lot to catch up with lol.

I was thinking about how fast 2016 has been and what has happened during the year. I find it nice sometimes just to stop and reflect on what has happened because sometimes time just flies by and one moment it's July and now its November! Where has the time gone!?

I think it was the 23rd of November when I signed up to this amazing site hoping to find somewhere that accepted me and I could express my thoughts and feelings about this part of me that I kept so hidden. I have spoken to some great people on here that took their time to help and explain things, on the other sites i go on for different interests people never took the time to help each other out and there were some really rude people too. Thats why I love this site because everyone is so nice to each other.

In January I wanted to start transitioning into a woman and I tried contacting a counsellor but I couldn't afford the sessions so I decided that I would wait until i got a job and passed my driving test to start contacting the counsellor again. I was dressing almost every day and i was feeling like I wanted to transition so much. A few weeks pass and I finally got a job! Iwas taking driving lessons and progressing really well and that all had to stop because i lost my job.

For a couple of months I didn't feel as strongly about transitioning and I wasn't dressing as much, it was like I just lost motivation to do anything because it was pointless looking for another job as i was going to be moving in another month or so. In the beginning of June two weeks before i was about to move that spark came back and i was set on transitioning again, i was talking to another trans woman that i was friends with and she gave me some good advice.

When i moved i was able to get a little bit of makeup and start learning how to apply it and when i saw myself i just felt so good and i was happy at what i saw in the mirror, I looked so different and it was amazing. I kept trying to build up confidence to tell my parents that this is what I wanted but there was never a right time and the risk of being kicked out stopped me.

There was another time in the summer when I thought what is the point at this rate im never going to transition but after a couple of weeks those feelings disappeared and the desire came back.

This leads up to now with almost a year passed by I still really want to transition and i want to stop holding back my true self. Im still fearful about coming out so I have just accepted that im going to wait until im living on my own or my parents ask about it. Hopefully i can find a job soon and start pursuing this. Im not using makeup as much now because I almost got busted because I couldn't wash off my lipstick all the way and my lips still looked red but I managed to make an excuse for it. My hair is getting to be a decent length now and its past my shoulders quite a bit. I want to get it styled but with my parents always asking when am I going to get it all cut off every few days im definitely not going to bother yet.

Thank you all for the support and nice comments over this year. I just wanted to share this and sorry for the long old post. Hopefully next year is better than this one not just for me but for everyone. xxxx

[Lana Mae]

Hang in there, Charlotte! One day at a time!! Best wishes Lana Mae

[bridget thronton]

I hope you are able to find a job soon - if that is the thing hildi you back

[Teresa]

Charlotte,
Try and take one step at a time, the transition aspect may have to wait until you can get the correct counselling, try not to fret too much , it's going to take time and money which you don't have at the moment. Dress enough to relieve the stress so you can get yourself together and find another job, you need the stability of a steady income. The situation with your parents may resolve itself when you get into counselling , find yourself and decide what you really need and then you can sit down and talk to your parents.

At the moment you have age on your side , you can't do everything at once but try and find some independence by getting another job, that will boost your self esteem. You are young enough to have your hair as you choose , at your age I had hair to my shoulders, how I wish it would do that now.

Hang in there Charlotte and let the forum give you the support you need , that's what it's here for .

[EllieMayxxx]

Thank you, over the last month or so i have put transitioning slightly to one side while im looking for work. I can not put into words how much I appreciate the support on here because a few months ago someone, (sorry I forgot their username), told me to make a plan that goes over a short period of time so it doesn't get too overwhelming.

I guess sometimes I forget that there isn't a set deadline for this and i have to get so much done in a two month period or it won't happen.