Post purge

[paintmepink]

Hello girls.

I just wanted to let you know that it is so hard to stay away from crossdressing.

As a conservative, I don't agree with multiple ideologies that stem from LGBT groups.
However, I can't deny the urge to cross dress. Maybe it's because it's taboo. To be honest, I really enjoy the different types of frilly girly underwear. I love how it feels. I love the fact that girls get to have fun. I love the outfits.

How many times have you purged? Are you on your post purge? Let me know what you think.

[Jill_cd]

I've purged several times in as many years. From your title, you've already purged and are now regretting the decision? Maybe I was never able to reconcile my masculine self from my feminine self. I don't purge anymore, too many great clothes and heels gone, I just pack everything into the back of the closet and keep it out of mind. The urge, feeling, desire to crossdress will return. If I go too long, it will become unbearable. I will think about it all the time. Well, I think about it all the time now.
The overwhelming view shared on this forum is DO NOT PURGE! Great advice.

[Maria 60]

I purged once years ago. I got so mad at myself that I felt like I had an inner person in me that I couldn't control and I wanted to proof to myself I could control it. Well I couldn't control it and lost out on some unique slips and wigs and heels. I sometimes think of packing it up, but now I let myself sleep on it before I do anything drastic.

[wendy]

I've purged way too many times, and I've totally regretted it. I've tossed out many vintage clothing that I simply cannot get back, for example 80-90s aerobic wear.

If I had to do it all over again, I would be selective (at the very most) on items to purge, but that would be a very last resort.

[dolovewell]

You are no different than me. I am very conservative, a Christian, and like you, do not see eye to eye with multiple ideologies of LGBT groups and the movement.

I have purged many times, and my beliefs were a part of that. I had a hard time dealing with the shame.

However my last purge was my last one. I have accepted this part of me. Honestly, I see nothing wrong with it. I sat down and realized, what am I doing that is wrong? I am not using it as a gateway to other sins or immoralities. So I am wearing fabric designated for the other gender. So what? It's nothing more than a hobby. As long as you keep it pure, there is nothing wrong with it.

Purging doesn't work. It's too expensive to purge and the desire will always come back in some form.

[CONSUELO]

Over and over members of this site have argued against purging. It is a symbolic gesture that achieves nothing as all it does is eliminate the trappings of cross dressing but does nothing about the root cause which is the driving need to cross dress. So, for a very brief while you feel as if you have overcome the cause of your cross dressing only to have the need reassert itself within weeks if not days. Then you have the cost of reassembling your feminine wardrobe. If anything the process just exacerbates the feelings of guilt and longing that you already have. My advice is just don't do it.

[TrishaTX]

I urged four times an each time was worse than the previous. The waste of good clothes , the pain inside and then the panic of having to rebuy. No I'll pass an never purge again, if you feel the need , i agree hide them in your closet or something, that is much better.

[Lily Catherine]

I have been on a slow upswing after my second purge - I talk a great deal more about the first than the second. The first was when my parents found my stash and confirmed their outing of me, and the second was voluntary as we were moving. I kept (more accurately hid, let's not sugarcoat it) a few garments and one of my wigs from both purges. Doesn't help that I sometimes have to wear women's jeans anyway so it's a matter of frequency of presentation. Accompanied by these purges was an aching guilt, though - much of it was religious (Christian) and (socially) conservative, even where the two didn't intertwine.

Purging is symbolic at best, and doesn't really seem to do much beyond providing temporary relief. I'm still seeking answers myself; I suppose it's the process.

[AnnieMac]

Ok . . y'all mentioned this so what exactly are these: "multiple ideologies of LGBT groups"? Just curious, not political.

[Dana44]

Through my life I purged many times. The last purge hurt the worst and I will never purge again. Some things you cannot buy as the time has passed for things like pumps. I had really nice ones with the rounded toes that I did not think would go out of existence, well they did. I have totally rebuilt my wardrobe and have some nice pumps but they are not anything like the ones I used to have. Makeup and cloth you can replace, however the memory of lost articles never goes away.

[Tracy Irving]

I have never purged but have downsized a few times. I tend to hold onto pretty panties and bras longer than their useful life. Sometimes I look at something I haven't worn in a while (or ever) and wonder why I bought it. I then take a trip to my local Salvation Army and donate.

[Lily Catherine]

Ok . . y'all mentioned this so what exactly are these: "multiple ideologies of LGBT groups"?
These are definitely not limited to LGBT let alone the progressive side - although I'm noticing a general trend towards a self-serving sense of justice, a desire for preferential treatment in the form of "privilege inversion", and the "Accept us, even if we won't accept you" mentality. These are but the most salient features I've noticed on the extremes of both sides; I acknowledge these to be particularly vocal extremes. Perhaps these are, with the greatest respect, merely human at best.

[dolovewell]

Ok . . y'all mentioned this so what exactly are these: "multiple ideologies of LGBT groups"? Just curious, not political.

For me the biggest one is the recent trend of the militant social justice warriors and perpetually oppressed Tumblrinas. It's hard to win people over when these two groups are at the forefront.

[CarlaWestin]

You are no different than me. I am very conservative, a Christian, and like you, do not see eye to eye with multiple ideologies of LGBT groups and the movement.
I have purged many times, and my beliefs were a part of that. I had a hard time dealing with the shame.
Ditto.
The one thing that will never be purged is the maturity of self acceptance.
Plus, I would have to hire a moving company at this point.

[AnnieMac]

Hey Lily, I like your reply to that a lot, "we are merely humans". Right on Sister, and so true! I travel a lot on business and hope to visit Singapore someday.

[Judy-Somthing]

I've Purged about four times a year on average when I was young. You know those days when you hate what your doing.
Right now I've been wanting to Purge at least half my stuff, having 100 dresses is out of control.

[rachael.davis]

There are very conservative women, there are very liberal women - I'm not in lockstep with all of someone else's ideology because I'm transgendered

If you feel some sort of existential guilt on being trans something or another put your clothes, makeup shoes etc in storage for a period, if you're still feeling guilty take $100.00 out of the bank and run it through a paper shredder and set fire to the confetti - you'll still be ahead of the game from a cash loss pov

[StevieTV]

I purged about 7 years ago because I was moving. I gave away a lot of fabulous clothes and shoes. I do regret it now as it has cost me more money to replace them. I did purge a few items again this spring. I wasn't wearing them and thought another girl could use them. Mind you, now that the closet is somewhat empty, I do feel I need to fill it up again.

[Traci H]

About 6 years ago, I was having trouble with accepting myself and the guilt that accompanied it. Fortunately, I packed it all up and stashed it out of easy reach, sort of, kind of forgetting about it. Once or twice or so, during that period, I opened the boxes and then turned away, determined not to open that door again. As stated, it worked for about 6 years, but of course, it was never completely out of my mind. The pink fog got me again earlier this year and luckily all my stuff is there.

I do miss some of the things I had earlier and lost in previous real purges. Some were very nice things that I would love to have today.

As most agree, if it gets bad for anyone, just pack it away and seal it up...for the time being.

[~Joanne~]

Through out my life I have purged about 4-5 times. The only thing I wish I still had were the really cute wooden open toed heels that had to go. I haven't even thought about purging for years now and never will again. I do sell some things off at garage sales but that's only because they don't fit anymore, were bought in bad judgement or I just didn't want them.

[Cheryl T]

In my lifetime I must have purged about 6 times.
Every time I did I regretted it in short order and was soon purchasing items again.

Am I post purge? YES! The last time was about 15 years ago. Since then I came out to my wife, accepted who I am and never looked back. My clothes now hang in the closet where they belong and I wear them every day thanks to the loving support of my wonderful spouse. I no longer even consider purging. I do donate articles that I no longer wear and have become much more select in what I buy. If I can't wear it out I don't buy it.

[DIANEF]

Never purged and never would. I've invested far too much time and effort (and money...) aquiring what I have to throw it away. The feelings I have are never going to go away, known that a very long time. Getting rid of anything wouldn't change those feelings.

[Shely]

i also have purged several times trying to quit this thing. But I always kept something, panties etc. The last time i did it ALL. Never again will i purge. I do move some things out from time to time, like Judy says 100 dresses if at least one too many.

[ellbee]

I've purged too many times. I lost count a long time ago. Anything from simply 1 item, all the way up to a huge well-balanced wardrobe with all the CD-related things (wigs, professionally-made body-enhancers, etc.).


That latter of that extreme hurt. Big time. Want to say it was like 5 years ago. *Lots* of stuff. My biggest ever. Took forever to go through it all -- and I'm pretty darn quick & efficient, at that. Donated, and what I didn't feel right donating, was tossed. Lots of fun & adventures were had in that, and lots of money was spent in building it... Money I wish I had right now, I might add, LOL.

I've had a few large full-wardrobe purges over my life. They all hurt, but that huge one royally sucked.


Honestly, considering I started a very young age, and wrestled with all this for most of my life until recently, you figured I would have learned after even the first few times that purging solves nothing. Nope! I was going to be a man, and the stronger & harder I went at it, the more determined I was finally going to beat this thing for good? I had given it my all, every ounce of my being -- and yet I still couldn't accomplish that.

I finally surrendered & admitted to myself that this is who I am, fundamentally speaking. It will be with me for my entire life. At some point, you have to own up to that very basic fact. Substance abuse & common addictions, for example, can actually be defeated. This, however, cannot. And this is coming from someone who does not back down from a fight so easily, even when the odds are totally against me.


Clothes & material things can be replaced (more or less). Unfortunately, I also deleted *tons* of photos along the way, too. I no longer have a single one. I can never get those back. And losing those hurts way worse than even my biggest of material purges. Makes me extremely sad. :(

Purge your clothes if you truly must -- but at the very least, keep some photos. Trust me.



Anyway, I will say one good thing, if there is one, about purges. *When* (not if ;) ) you return to all this, you're able to start fresh with a clean slate, and perhaps take on a new & different direction -- which you may not have otherwise taken before had you simply continued along the whole time.

I no longer feel like I might be a stuck in a rut or a routine, but instead approaching it & specifically tailoring it to how this all fits into my life now in a much better-suited way. :thumbsup:

[Elizabeth G]

I'm definitely in the never purge again camp.

I have finally accepted myself for what I am (many thanks to these people on this site) and don't expect that I'll be questioning myself over my crossdressing the way I have in the past. If my interest wanes or if for some other reason I feel compelled to stop dressing I will just put my things away and wait. I know I will eventually want to dress again.

[AlyssaJ]

Thankfully I have never purged. The worst I've done is pack my things away for long periods but I never just up and threw everything out. We've been through multiple house moves and my clothes have always moved with me. I guess having a wife who's been aware of it all that time helped of course. Ultimately, while I've always been pressured by society to shamefully tuck my gender away and just conform to their definition of what I should be, I've never gotten so deep in shame that I was willing to believe I'd just be able to shut it off forever.

Regarding the ideologies of the LGBT community, as a Christian trans person, I will say just as with any other group there are extreme elements that drive the ideology too far. Just look at our present political situation for further examples of how this isn't exclusive to the LGBT among us. However, the simple ideology of let people be themselves and not abuse them because of who they are I think is one that all human beings should be able to get behind. I pray everyday that we all can see that light and just stop worrying so much about what the person next to us is doing and instead focus on how to better ourselves.

[_krysta_]

Hi! I have purged several times, unfortunately. I am actually in the process of re-building my wardrobe again. Sometimes though, I do regret buying female clothes again though. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel ashamed and then I start thinking what if something happened to me and my loved ones found my things? What would they think about me now that I was gone? This is what drives my purged. My problem is hiding my things and of course time.

[NicoleScott]

The purging and unpurging (a new word-just what we need-haha) cycle may be proof of denial.
"OK, self, I'm NOT a crossdresser and to prove it I'm getting rid of everything". ---- Denial.
Later........
"Oh, crap, what have I done? I AM a crossdresser. I NEED to dress but I have nothing. I need to go shopping." ---- Proof of denial.

Three times (slow learner I guess), the final one over 22 years ago.

[_krysta_]

This is exactly what I go through every time lol!