Is this a natural progression ?

[Teresa]

Since going out socially in January I've found I'm not dresing at home as much, my outings have gone well with no bad experiences either driving to the venue or during the evenings, it has been so enjoyable.

I had a thread recently where I asked if members preferred being IN or OUT and Laura kindly worked out 57% of the replies were happily out and about. So I'm hoping if some have experienced a change in their dressing habits, as I have around the home.
I personally feel that I'm dressing to a level that I'm happy with and to others acceptable and thoroughly enjoying it so I don't want to return to a situation where I'm having to chase off and get changed when my wife arrives home. I would hope my DADT situation would change but my wife still doesn't wish to see me and I don't want to spoil what I've managed to acheive by going out so I prefer that awkward situation doesn't arise.

I will admit that once a month isn't enough, I do still dress at home but more to try out outfits for future meetings, seeing all the choices laid out on the bed is still a wonderful experience and working out the details feels very feminine. I know what I'm wearing for the Xmas party and the meeting after but then I realised I needed a warm coat , so I spent time with how to accessorise the new coat with a scarf and gloves. As far as the thrill of underwear that has changed to choosing the right bra style and colour for the dress or blouse , I still prefer to have matching suspenders and panties but with a more practical approach because of tucking, they might still be pretty but they also have to serve part of keeping things out of sight.

I think I'm beginning to appreciate something Reine said a while ago when she referred to the pendulum swinging , the excessive swings have died down and I can feel a balance now but I don't think it would have happened until I did go out into the World, which is what she urged me to do .

So for those who are out but possibly still in a DADT situation is it a natural progression to not dress at home as much and try and keep the peace ?

[Tracii G]

Depends on each situation I would think.
I can dress anytime I want but find going all out 100% girl mode is maybe 4-5 times a month but that is not a set in stone thing so it changes with my mood.
The desire to dress does seem to swing a bit so it really has nothing to do with a progression.
Just because you do one thing less at home doesn't mean anything.I think you are letting your brain think up things to distract you because you still have guilt about your CDing and your situation.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
There may be a grain of truth in that but I seriously don't want the hassle or return to the feeling of hiding again because it will take away something good that has come out of my CDing at long last.

[Dana44]

Most of us are not in DADT situations but I don't think it is a natural progression to dress at home for a DADT person. I would think most would do it out and about. I think they have said that they have other places to dress. And some do it in their cars hence the dashboard vanities.

[Tracii G]

Are you in a DADT relationship right now?

[Leslie Langford]

On one level I agree with your last statement, Teresa...

...So for those who are out but possibly still in a DADT situation is it a natural progression to not dress at home as much and try and keep the peace?...

and being in that situation myself, the feeling of satiation I get after an extended period of being "out and about" - especially after having gone to all the trouble of getting fully dressed and made up - can carry me for far longer than periodic and random short bouts of rushed and clandestine dressing up sessions as the opportunity arises. Probably the best comparison would be to the lasting feeling of well-being associated with having eaten a delicious and particularly satisfying gourmet meal, or else having just experienced a very pleasurable sexual encounter.

What you describe can be a bit of an oxymoron, though, as being in a DADT relationship and still being able to go out in public at will may well be a somewhat contradictory concept for many of us here who find ourselves in that type of a situation. In essence, the reality here is that one often has to settle for what one can get...

[Teresa]

Tracii,
Yes my wife doesn't want to see me but accepts I go out socially.

Leslie,
It may appear a contradiction but the compromise we came to while I was going through gender counselling and we discussed separating . We came to an arrangement where I had Sundays as my day while she was working, that appears to have been partly forgotten but going out was a follow up to my counsellor's suggestion. I have Carole to thank for that, I met her through the forum and she invited me along to her social group. We meet at a hotel so my wife's happy with that now she's got over the thoughts of me being gay, but that comment did come up again when I said I was staying over at Carole's because a member was holding a barbecue in the same village. I had to remind her that I'm bi-gender and only interested in women. She appears to be happy that I'll be stopping over again at the hotel for the Xmas party only because it finishes later and we will be having a drink with the meal and after, my only concern about that is the room is also used for other parties so we will be eating and dancing and of course sharing toilet facilities with other members of the public, yes she does know this .

Your last comment, taking what we can get, the social side is giving me a balance and a meaning to my CDing, it could also be why I'm dressing less at home, but that's the point Reine made in her pendulum idea, I would dress more at home if my wife had no objections to seeing me.

[Lana Mae]

Teresa, do not know if it is a natural progression or not but I would think it was more dependent on individual circumstances! Not all DADT situations are the same(from what I read here!). IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Helen_Highwater]

This thread aligns itself with others around how once that threshold has literally been crossed being dressed around the house looses a certain something. This I feel is only natural. It's a sense of confinement. You know there's a bigger world out there and you sense just staying in is in someway not fulfilling, as Darth Vader would put it, your destiny.

Having said that as someone not in a DADT but a closet relationship, I'll take any opportunity I can to dress. In truth I still feel the same tug of the wild, the desire to get out there having experienced it many times in the past. However life is what it is and we make the best of it. But yes I do understand where you're coming from.

[ReineD]

I think I'm beginning to appreciate something Reine said a while ago when she referred to the pendulum swinging , the excessive swings have died down and I can feel a balance now but I don't think it would have happened until I did go out into the World, which is what she urged me to do .

So for those who are out but possibly still in a DADT situation is it a natural progression to not dress at home as much and try and keep the peace ?

My SO didn’t stop dressing at home to keep the peace. It doesn’t matter to me what he wears. He stopped dressing at home because it wasn’t as satisfying as dressing to go out, once he opened that door. GGs don’t bother dressing up when they just stay at home either. :p

He did dress strictly at home for years before he met me, but this was because he hadn’t given himself permission to go out. No one stopped him other than himself. Maybe he hadn’t given himself permission because he felt he would be read, and the prospect was terrifying. I don’t know. It did take years for my SO to go from thinking the CDing was something to do only in the privacy of his home, to wanting more and having the confidence to do so.

In any case, dressing at home now is only a stop-gap measure, for when his schedule does not permit the time it takes to get ready and enjoy a solid block of time out dressed. And like Tracii, the need to dress ebbs and flows. We'll have periods of month after month of no dressing at all, followed by more frequent desires to dress for a short time, and then the cycle begins again.

I dare say that if my SO didn't feel he could dress anytime he wanted to, he likely WOULD want to dress a lot more than he does. There's something about feeling constrained that makes everything worse.

[ellbee]

"He stopped dressing at home because it wasn’t as satisfying as dressing to go out, once he opened that door."


Same here.

Back during my dressing hey-day, once I *really* started going out (beyond the gas-pumping, drive-thru's, convenience stores or whatever :laughing: ), I couldn't stop.

At that point, getting dressed up only to stay at home felt boring & silly & stupid & pointless. I needed to go places & do stuff. I needed to hang out with people & interact -- not even necessarily somewhere out in public, either... If it was just a quiet evening at their place, that was perfectly fine.


But that was back then. These days, getting all geared-up (wig, make-up, padding, etc.) seems like a total hassle. So, I don't bother.

Perfectly happy simply going out now wearing just the clothes in guy-mode. And I say this while happily sitting at home wearing a men's t-shirt, some tropical leggings, and painted toes. Works for me! :thumbsup:


Anyway, nothing to do with DADT.

But yeah, stuff can naturally change over time. Just go with it.

[Leslie Langford]

Helen and Reine, I've often compared my situation and the addictive nature of going out in public en femme once that particular (and terrifying) threshold has been crossed to a cat we once owned. ;)

She had strictly been a house cat for years (even been de-clawed) until one day, when she suddenly escaped into the great outdoors via a patio door that had inadvertently been left open just enough to allow her to squeeze through. We finally managed to catch up with her and lure her back into the house, but after that point, there was no way we could ever keep her indoors again once she had experienced this tantalizing taste of freedom. The constant crying and pawing at the door was just too much to bear... :eek: :doh: :heehee:

[Genny B]

My wife has no interest in seeing me fully dressed. She has seen me dressed but not with makeup and wig. So we are progressing. i also go out and let her know the when's and where's. It makes me feel better. Tomorrow I'll be going out for the third time within two weeks and I love every time I get to do it. There is something about when I get all done and look in the mirror, it's like 'Great to see you Genny! Where have you been?' I think many can relate to that. And then I do have periods of not going out. So the pendulum does swing... Isn't it great to be us when we get to be the real us!?

Genny B

[Diane Smith]

After I started going out somewhat regularly, the urge to dress at home almost completely evaporated. I still, of course, try on outfits and experiment with makeup, sometimes for hours at a time, but the purpose has changed -- it is not for the satisfaction of the act itself but part of the preparation for being seen at my best in public. I get out an average of once a week or so.

This has nothing to do with a spouse's feelings or behavior since I am single and live alone. I can dress any way I want at any time I want, but it just isn't necessary or satisfying anymore unless stepping outside is the ultimate objective.

- Diane

[Teresa]

I feel I should add a footnote here , maybe I've implied that no CDing activities go on at all between my outings. So I'd like to add that I still shave legs and chest everyday, after I always apply Olay Pro Vital anti-wrinkle cream , which I will add feels like a daily face lift, can't recommend it enough and I wear a nightie every night.

Also confession time my wife is on a training day so I'm sitting here wearing a fitted linen dress with a taupe coloured waterfall cardigan, 3" wedges and a touch of lipstick, OK it feels good !
So now I have to go out and rake all the fallen leaves up , shall I change ? Maybe not !

[CONSUELO]

Not sure how to answer your question Teresa but I think Reine has it right. If you are "forbidden" from doing something that "something" becomes more desirable. However it has been very interesting to watch you progress over the last several years. I hoped you raked the leaves in your heels --LOL.