Passing or deception

[Rachael Leigh]

All the recent threads on passing got me to thinking what is it we are after. Are we truly wanting to
pass as a women, be treated as such, doors held open, use the ladies room?

All those things that come with how you present, or do we just want to or feel as if we are deceiving those around us? Is it more about just being able to wear the clothes of our choice and the best way is
to present as a women? Or can you just be happy being a bit deceptive to those around you?

My answer is I just want to be felt welcome in society dressed as a women not that I am one but one
where it's ok to be dressed up. I know that most will know I'm not and that's ok because for me I'm not
trying to be one but just for those brief moments be out and dressed as one.
If that makes sense.

Let's here other thoughts on this what are your goals, motivations for all of this crazy thing we do
Leigh

[Lana Mae]

Passing would be affirmation but is not likely! I just want to dress to blend in, perceived as the girl next door, just one of the crowd! I want to be dressed at home and if I have to go get a loaf of bread at the store to not have to change clothes to do so! To just go about life and not worry about what clothes I am wearing! No deception...just me! Hugs Lana Mae

[Heidi Stevens]

In my case, being a transgender, I want to pass. Period. This is why the majority of my dressing style is the same as any GG is dressed where I'm going. Remember though, if you're trying to fade into the background, clothes are but a part of being successful. Your walk, your manners, your posture, your voice, your speech pattern, etc. All of this is going on to make your presentation work better.

[JustJoni]

For me, 'passing' would be more like Lana Mae above: I want to blend in, not be noticed and go about my business, but IF I am noticed, then a simple smile or nod is all the affirmation I need. And actually, more from women (a guy trying to hold the door for me would actually kinda freak me out). My first time out was on the last night of my honeymoon, and my new wife and I walked to a venue two blocks from the hotel. The clerk said on leaving "Have a good time out, ladies." No problem, no judgement. I met the eye of a woman in the alfresco section of an Indian restaurant on the way, and she simply smiled and nodded at me...that was all, nothing more. :)

In a way, I suppose I was deceiving them both, but only insofar as their brain filled in the details for them, and I was simply background to them. Most likely to the lady at the restaurant, we were simply two ladies dressed up for a night out...perfect!!

[MelanieAnne]

I just want to go out and walk around or drive somewhere dressed en femme, dress, heels, makeup, etc, and be left alone! And the more passable I am, the less likely I will be bothered or harassed. I love to look in the mirror and see a nice looking woman, and become someone else for a while. I am not looking to fool or deceive anyone. But as I posted, the more passable I am, the less likely I am to have a problem.

[Valery L]

I love presenting as a woman. At least for me, it is not just about the clothes, it is a feeling deeper than that, I want to be treated and to look as a woman when I desire, I just love to emulate one. Maybe it sounds like something that a transsexual might say. However, I think I am not a transsexual since the main (and perhaps only) reason I want to do this is for the sexual thrill, it has always been like that since my early childhood, and also I do not reject my male self, to live as a man is not a burden for me. And to answer your question, yes, I want to pass for two main reasons, I already gave the first one, I like "to be a woman" temporarily, and the second main reason is that it makes crossdressing a lot easier, if someone could pass then that person can do almost everything that a woman can do in public without the problems that a man in a dress might face, i.e. discrimination, uncomfortable stares, aggression, etc... Nevertheless, it is also good if one is unable to pass but people treat you well anyway, that is good too, but there is more probability that an undesired event might occur.

[Rachael Leigh]

In my case, being a transgender, I want to pass. Period. This is why the majority of my dressing style is the same as any GG is dressed where I'm going. Remember though, if you're trying to fade into the background, clothes are but a part of being successful. Your walk, your manners, your posture, your voice, your speech pattern, etc. All of this is going on to make your presentation work better.


I agree yes with this Heidi I mean I too feel this way at times, thus I do put myself under the trans umbrella.
However I know I'm not really trying to deceive just being me

[Kandi Robbins]

I clearly do not pass, but I do present myself well. I also clearly get out and about with no issues whatsoever (so far). For me, I simply want to go out, enjoy myself and interact with others. I have no problems doing that. I am not at all trying to fool or deceive anyone. I'm not trying to be anything other than this version of "me" and have been successful so far in doing so. I went out tonight, sat at the bar of a favorite spot, interacted with customers and staff, then went shopping, poking around the mall. I stopped in a number of women's stores, received quite a few smiles and had a couple of real nice conversations with sales people. Got in my car and went home, happy to have had such a nice evening. I've gotten past the thought process of "what am I trying to achieve" and am simply proud of myself for doing what I do, being who I am.

[Dana44]

For me I try to pass. I don't think passing is deceptive. I don't know why you do? If we wer trying to get men, that might be deceptive. But just passing and going out and having a good time is not deceptive at all.

[Babbs]

like many here I enjoy letting my feminine side shine. I do that by dressing. I love how I feel when I do dress. Like most women I want to look as good as possible when I dress. for me that means striving to pass as the woman I feel I am at that time. I may not ever reach the passable stage but it is and has to be, for me, my ultimate goal.

- - - Updated - - -

Dana, I'm right with you hon! part time girl, me too! can I steal that phrase?? lol

[Rachelakld]

I'm so with Kandi - she says it all perfectly for me.

[docrobbysherry]

When u r TS and pass regularly, I think that's great! I hope u realize how lucky u r?!:thumbsup:

For those of us dressers that can't? I would wish for all of u to experience what it feels like be thot of and treated as a GG female. U can call it passing, deceit, or macaroni. It doesn't matter. Because most of us never experience it!:sad:
I only have a couple of times at Halloween.:battingeyelashes:

It's VERY different from the PC, "ladies", and, "May I help u, maam?", dressers regularly get from SA's and waiters/waitresses. When it doesn't occur to them u mite NOT be female, u get treated quite differently!

[Tracii G]

Heidi and Valery pretty much sum it up for me as well.
I guess if you aren't transgender and just a straight male CDer you could think you are deceiving someone.
For me I am being myself so there is not one ounce of deception.
Do I pass? well maybe sometimes I do but most of the time I'm sure people figure it out.
Passing as a genetic female is not the point its being me and being accepted as a human being that may be a little different.

I read an article several years ago where a straight guy dressed as a woman and a very convincing at that.
He went out on the street and pretty much annoyed people by saying I'm not a woman what do you think about that?
That would be deceiving what CDers do is not IMO.

[dolovewell]

I don't pass. Which is fine. Just treat me like you would a normal woman.

[Teresa]

Leigh,
I can add another label to you list, a SA in a bridal shop said I looked convincing as a woman. I know I only go to social meetings so passing or not doesn't matter as much but I still try and think that's how a GG would dress in similar circumstances. Do I pass or not ? doesn't really matter , I'm just satisfying an inner need.

As for deception well makeup is a form of deception as are certain styles of clothes, women's clothes are designed to do just that, so yes I must deceive to a point, I make use of the same articles.

[Helen 2]

Of course I want to pass....hell, I work VERY HARD to try to and judging from many of the pictures in this Forum, I would wager not a trivial sum of $$$ that most of us that are out and about often are also trying very hard to pass.

Webster defines deception as "an act or statement intended to make people believe something that is not true".
When we dress with the intention of passing, we are trying to make people believe we are GGs and not CDs, so trying to pass is by definition trying to be deceptive.

And on this particular matter, that's okay by me.

[bridget thronton]

Passing would be nice - but I am content to be me and be treated politely by others

[Kate Simmons]

Never trying to deceive anyone. Just expressing my inner feelings in an outward way. I don't try to "pass". Whatever impression others get when I'm dressed is theirs and I don't try to be someone I'm not. :battingeyelashes::)

[Rogina B]

Kate put it nicely and I will add to it. For me,acceptance and social inclusion makes me happy.I am in the mainstream daily and when people are comfortable around me,and share themselves with me,I feel good. Doesn't matter where that happens,it just feels right and I don't put on an act to get that.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Em is who I am. I have been told I think like a women...I just so no way to be female in body. Em

[alwayshave]

I know that I do not pass, I just like to feel pretty. When going out, I only go to T/CD friendly venues.

[Krisi]

I want to be seen as a woman so I hope to pass. I limit my activities to those where I am more likely to pass.

I do not want to be seen as a crossdresser. If I don't pas as a woman, I have failed.

[katie_barns]

Obviously the people on this forum range from one end to the other. From the under-dress occasional CD to the Transgender and Transsexual. Passing can mean a lot of things. I don't pass all the time. To the casual glance walking down the street I pass; Up close One on one conversation, usually not. Just the way it is. I have been told a number of times that I'm very passable. Once was by a cashier that had to check my ID for a credit card purchase. The shocked look on her face told me I did, but she was a little dingy. :) I do dress to blend where ever I go. That helps. I shave my body hair including arms. Spent a lot of time perfecting my makeup skills. Years of skin care regiment. Padded panties to give me curves. working on my walk and body motions, even lots of time working on my voice. Still I don't always pass. I get the strange glances now and then. I can see it in their face when I'm clocked. But, If I am out dressed and having a good time and relaxed, who cares !!!! I have never been attacked, had any verbal abuse, or generally been called out when dressed. Ok, maybe once or twice but nothing major. I do try to never put myself in a bad situation.

Passing in my mind is being myself out dressed and being accepted for what I'm presenting.

[Rachael Leigh]

So there I was out today dressed to blend, sweater, black leggings of course wig an makeup. I went to the normal venues
Target and Walmart, I felt I blended well don't think my makeup was my best but felt good enough because if I wasn't fully
passing I'm ok with that. At one of the stores got mamed and then at Walmart same thing, so was I passing or were they being polite, I like to think I passed but for me at the end of day it just didn't matter I was comfortable and was being me
I in no way felt I was being deceptive

[Michaelasfun]

For me, it just brings me happiness to express my feminine side and wear pretty things. To quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam" ;)

[Jenniferathome]

Leigh, I'm not deceiving anyone around me. "They" know I am a dude in a dress or a skirt.

I think if you are trying to "deceive" then any time out with the normals will be stress inducing because you'll be on edge about being "clocked." Despite the wishful thinking of some, we cross dressers are all clocked, every time we are out. And that is actually good news because it means the normals really just don't care. We aren't impacting their lives.

[Rachael Leigh]

Leigh, I'm not deceiving anyone around me. "They" know I am a dude in a dress or a skirt.

I think if you are trying to "deceive" then any time out with the normals will be stress inducing because you'll be on edge about being "clocked." Despite the wishful thinking of some, we cross dressers are all clocked, every time we are out. And that is actually good news because it means the normals really just don't care. We aren't impacting their lives.

Couldn't agree more Jennifer, I think this is a process many have to go thru if you are going to go out.
You have to at some point realize you will be read, and for those who are working on transitioning well it's a whole other story I would think.

As I said I really don't feel I'm being deceptive either because I'm just being comfortable in who I am
especially among the normals

[mykell]

im a big girl, but i do try to manage for folks to have some doubt, thats my target, as far as stating opinions as fact, too old for that.....the ones who pass do not water here, they are out having fun doing the things i now regret that i did not do, youtube, instagram, snapchat, facebook, ect....there is a member of lgbt club i know, he is always in male mode when i see him, if him even exists anymore, sounds like a girl, mannerisms of a female, beautiful face, i can only imagine if i ever see this soul dressed as the person they really are.....so yah.....im just a wanna be, but i guess it could be deception cause my goal is to cast some doubt.....but im happy to have a pleasant interaction with the folks i encounter....

[lynnstar]

I don't dress to be a woman. I dress cause I just like wearing women's clothing, whether its a skirt, dress, pants or just a slip and panties. However, because of the area I live in, not trying to blend in , may not sit well. So! More for avoiding possible trouble, I do try to blend in when out. At home or in yard I don't worry about blending in. No make up and sometimes no wig. Just me and whatever I am wearing. But that's just me.

[Cheryl T]

I'm not going to say that I pass. I think I blend reasonably well at times, but actually being seen as a woman by the majority, well, I don't think so.

Personally, I do wish to be seen and accepted as a woman. This is not a costume or a deception on my part. It's an expression of who I am and how I feel.

[julia marie]

Honestly, there probably is a touch of deception. However, I love the feel of the clothes and being felt welcome. It isn't all one or the other.