Its still a secret somehow is'nt it?

[Bobbi46]

I we all so locked into this secret that no matter what whether in a DADT or not somehow there will come a time when the truth will out? very few people know I dress and those that do treat it as confidential but no matter how hard we try wont there be a time when the whole picture is there for all to see?
Where I live in my hamlet about half them know I dress and the rest do not but there must be a time when they all know two of them are expat's I think they know but they show no sign of knowing. But there must come a time when everything will out.
But having said this I do not think dressing is something to hide behind at all. In a way I/we should be proud of what we are doing in whatever level we are in be it just at home or going out a bit or lot.
So how much of a secret is it in what we are doing?

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I think you know I try not to make it a secret, there has to come a point when the hiding has to stop, we have to get over what people think because it isn't going to change the feelings we have and the needs that have to be satisfied. OK if it's a hobby shared with a partner then they may wish to keep it a secret. As I've said before I wouldn't insult my wife and family by calling it that and to me hobbies don't cause that level of anguish and pain.

You never know you could be living closer to other CDers than you think if you get my drift !!

[immindy]

You know , I am beginning to think more and more people think it is not that big of deal. My adult kids know I cross dress, they have seen me wearing woman's clothes. We don't really discuss it but it has come up a time or two in conversation. I am actually transgender and on hormones now so , of course, my wife knows . I present as male to most of my family simply because my grand kids and kids are more comfortable with that. My wife enjoys me both in husband mode and as her girlfriend . I have friends with whom I present as male and friends with whom I always present myself to as a woman. I am not really trying to hide I am just discrete maybe ?

I think what I am trying to say is . Don't worry to much , just be you. We need to be sensitive to other people and relational commitments but If we are honest it seems to all work out .

[Bobbi46]

None of my relatives know, least of all my son and daughter that for me is where the secret lies, should it though? Part of me worries that I would lose them, I only reconnected with my daughter 3 years ago after 15 years of not knowing where she was. But would I be better of within myself if they knew? I do not know. One thing I do know is that it should not be a secret but on the other hand there so much to lose.

[Jenniferathome]

Bobbi, if your hamlet has more than 7 people living in it, they all know.

[Stephanie47]

It is almost impossible to stop the spread of information and gossip once it is out there in the public. Of course, if you're sequestered in a home all the time the information is not likely to be out there. Venture outside so a neighbor sees you, then be braced the information will spread. Maybe a sole person seeing you will decide to not say something, but, each chance encounter increases risk. Inside the home, it is the same.

My wife knows I am a cross dresser. It's DADT. I do not believe my two kids know, but, maybe they do. There is no indication they do since I have not detected any messing around in my stuff anywhere in the house, whether my feminine wardrobe or other things. My wife, since she has chosen to be an ostrich and stick her head in the sand, does not know the extent of my wardrobe; 140+ dresses, 400+ slips, scores of panties, etc. Whether anyone in the neighborhood knows I don't know. Several years ago the family in the rental next door observed me and did make comments among themselves. I only have to deduct they told other neighbors because they were gossipers. None of the other neighbors have given me any indication they were told, but, they have not changed the manner we interact at all. Maybe they just don't care.

I always take the position anything I may do is on a need to know basis. There is no reason to plaster your personal life out there so anyone and everyone can see it.

[Bobbi46]

Jennifer, There are 9 of us including me, 2 of them are a expats, am I being overcautious then?

[Jenniferathome]

I'll give you a "maybe" then. Actually, people are horrible at holding information to them selves. If anyone beyond your wife knows, it's more likely that all know. That's a tiny hamlet indeed.

[JenniferMBlack]

I don't know that I hide it. Sure I'm not going around telling everyone. Why should I? IS it really anyone's bussiness what I do in my private or public live? I look at it this way if they are close enough then hey know if not then why tell them. Example I don't tell Co workers or extended family. What good would it do? If they find out so be it if not then it don't matter.

[Krisi]

It's as much of a secret as we make it. As Jennifer posted "If anyone beyond your wife knows, it's more likely that all know."

Obviously, if you are walking out your front door in a dress, people know. If you post pictures of yourself as a woman on Facebook, people know.

And remember, once it's out there, you can't take it back.

[Stephanie47]

Bobbi, you're seventy according to your bio. There are six others in your hamlet, including your wife. Half know. That makes about three who do not. How are the three who do know treat you? Are the other six husbands and wives? With you kids? Are you banned from local festivities with them? I think it is a safe bet some of the others, if not all, know too. I guess your situation may come down to whether your cross dressing needs would really irritate your wife if you wanted to go public.

[suzanne]

I think you are mistaken to think half the town doesn't know about you. If it is a hamlet, as you say, then anything newsworthy spreads around FAST. An the thought of a man in a dress is indeed newsworthy. You, my dear, are out. Even if you go out in drab, people now refer to you as "The man who wears a dress" But not to worry. The ones who supposedly didn't know about you don't really care. You should just be yourself, presenting as you wish, and go through your day without thinking about it.

[TrishaTX]

depends on what your situation is and what you have to lose. I have certain people that know, mostly women, and most people don't. I have allot to lose at work so of course I do not mention it, I agree it always feels like a secret....and shouldn't have to.

[sometimes_miss]

So how much of a secret is it in what we are doing?
How much? Well, the first person who found out was my ex. She then used it to blackmail me. Next up were mom and sis. Neither took it well. The only others, were those who were in the closet about things themselves, so letting my info out would be an invitation to me letting their secrets out.
No one new since then. I'm not ready to be the poster 'girl' for the crossdressing nation. In the closet I'll stay. It's a big closet, and it has lots of my favorite things in it.

[belinda0003]

I understand your feelings. I am in the closet also. Would love to be able to go out dressed with someone else.

[Bobbi46]

First off I do not have a wife, my son and daughter are in UK both grown up with families n my hamlet there are a total of 4 married couples, two of the couples are related the third are at the end of my lane and they have seen me a few times and don't treat me any different another husband has seen and he is related to the to the other couple who have not seen me so in that equation I guess those that have not seen me dressed must know and by the way they also treat me in the same way as they always done, I suppose in a way I am making more of what it actually is and should I be anxious about being seen? in that respect I suppose no, it just seams that in the whole picture there will always be a degree of secrecy, I am I wrong in this? in a way this is all still new to me despite the time since I discovered my true self. The various post people here have seen me, I also know that they do chat to others round me so in one way as has been pointed out they must all know, Do I worry over this I guess not, its apparent that they must all know. In that alone there is much comfort to be gained in thinking why should I be concerned? Why should I try to hide this fact?. When one lives on ones own certain thoughts do get churned round sometimes without being resolved but here I am in the comfort of you all discussing something that has been going round and round and finding such comfort in the replies.

[Beverley Sims]

If the genie is out of the bottle, there is no need to suppress it.

You don't necessarily need to be proud and flaunt it, just carry on low key and ride any bumps that come along.

Eventually everyone may find out but, most won't bother or care about it anyway.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Bobbi, I also live in a French hameau and so far only one neighbour knows about me...I think...

[Bobbi46]

Beverly, I don't flaunt it at all but when I do go out I dress appropriately so as not to attract unwanted attention, but yes I get you drift on this there is a line between being proper and being a spectacle.