"What would you say..." a testimonial

[jjjjohanne]

Several times, I have seen posts here where people ask, "If you saw a crossdresser in public, would you approach? Would you say you were a crossdresser? What would you say?" I had an opportunity this week to find out what I would do. There is an employee who appears to be transgender at a business I occasionally visit. This person appears to be a genetic girl who is living as a boy. The hair is short, the voice is not modified, the nametag is masculine, the blue jeans are feminine. I thought the jeans might be a need because the person has feminine curves. I confirmed that the name was his/her name by asking, "Your name is __? Hi, my name is __" I asked another employee if that person was transgender or androgynous so that I would know what pronouns to use. I was informed he was transgender. The next time I was helped at the cash register by this employee, I was going to try to slip in a "Sir" in my conversation. That's hard to remember to do. So, I went to the business one day dressed as a man in a skirt. He took my money at the cash register and we had a short, unrelated conversation. So, that's what I would do, I guess. :)

[Teresa]

Johane,
I'm sorry I can't see the logic in trying to break the ice wearing a skirt, that may have caused more problems by being take in the wrong way as micky taking . Also slipping a sir in might not have been correct, until you find out more details I feel you must treat the person as you find them, He/she may be perfectly happy without questioning or imposing on them.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Transgender people want to be treated as everyone else is. Drop the pronouns and just be friendly and polite. Em

[DIANEF]

If I was the employee I don't think I'd want customers engaging me in conversations about TG or CD issues. I would want to be treated like any other person.

[CONSUELO]

My advice would be to treat this person as you would any other employee. Be polite and business like, say please and thank you and throw in a good smile or two. The person just wants to fit in, not stand out, and you should respect that.

[jjjjohanne]

Thank you. I think that is what I did. I did not start any TG/CD conversations. At first, I was worried about saying "Sir" or "Ma'am" because I was not getting a clear vibe about what gender this person was presenting. Women have such a wide range of expressions that are all "feminine" that I wasn't sure what to think. I don't want to walk up and say, "Hey, you look trans. I'm a CD!" I thought, If I am going to go on an outing and there is a trans person there, maybe I will have my outing there and possibly make a friend.

[Tracii G]

I have been in that situation with a transman (FtM) cashier at the grocery.
He sure looked male but there were tell tale female signs like lack of adams apple, eyebrows, chest banded.
I went thru his line and he was nice so just a smile when talking to him.
I didn't act any different than I would with a male cashier. I sensed that he accepted me because I wasn't totally guy looking either.
When he said thank you for shopping with us I said you too man don't work too hard.
He smiled and said I have one more hour before I get off so I'll do my best.
I think by me saying man or at least acknowledging I saw him as male may have helped
Since then we have become aware of each other as being trans all without either one of us saying anything about being trans. Its just a thing we share.
I think in many cases there is no need to remark that you are trans too and just treat them as they are presenting.

[ellbee]

Why didn't you just do the secret handshake? :strugglin

[Tracii G]

Or wear that I'm a CD too button.

[lingerieLiz]

About 20 years ago I was at a mall in full drab. As I turned a corner I ran into a young CD in full fem (blouse, skirt) and scared to death. Up close it was easy to tell. He was actually pretty good looking but his nervous demeanor was a giveaway. I looked at him, smiled, and said, Relax, you'll be ok and you look good. He said thank you and smiled and looked relieved. I continued walking away.

[Tracii G]

That was nice of you Liz.