Not an "average" crossdresser

[Kiwi]

In my introduction thread, I mentioned that I was not an average crossdresser (if there is such a thing) and was subsequently asked what I meant by that.
As I have been reading this site, I have noticed that the things the majority of people do are not what I do. Here are some examples:
I don't shave my legs. The maintenance seems too high for me and I actually prefer it if my wife doesn't shave hers either.
I don't wear a wig, but I do have almost shoulder length hair so I don't really need to.
I don't wear makeup. I am an actor and the worst thing about that is the makeup (too thick) so I don't want to do that at home.
I don't have a female persona. I have a female name that I use in online games but I have the same personality whether I am dressed or not.
I don't need to fully dress. I am happy to just wear a skirt and a t-shirt (with a bra and breast forms).
I do want to transition, but I am also content as a male. Also, if I did it would cause more problems than it could solve.

Now, my aim in dressing is not to pass as a woman so these things are not important to me. But that doesn't mean that aren't important to you. We are all different, that is why I questioned if there was such a thing as an "average crossdresser". Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing you the wrong way.
That said, I initially came to these forums to see if there was anyone who did things in a similar way to me. I haven't found anyone and reading the experiences of others made me start to think that I should be doing more to be a crossdresser. But that is not the case, of course.

[Tracii G]

There are plenty of people here just like you and I would call you a pretty common CDer.
Not common in a bad way just pretty normal.
I don't shave my legs because I have very little hair there and I have long hair on my head so there is a commonality between us.
There are no rules to CD ing do it any way you like.

[mykell]

ive come to dislike that term, when one uses it it tends to infer the irregularity of others and i dont feel flawed or defective....

[Kiwi]

ive come to dislike that term, when one uses it it tends to infer the irregularity of others and i dont feel flawed or defective....

Do you mean "average"? I was using it in the statistical sense but I get what you mean. The societal definition of "average", as well as "normal", is almost always used to bring people down. But we are not robots. We are all different and that is a good thing. But it is also good to see others that have similarities to you, to see that you are not alone. Because, even though we try not to, those societal definitions affect the way we think about ourselves and I know I can see myself as weird some times.

[Tracy Irving]

From my biography:


I have little interest in pretending to be or look like a woman. I just want to wear the clothes. But I will try anything once...

[Steeltownfella]

Hello Kiwi and welcome. I am new to the forums and felt a little the same. My cding is lingerie and the feeling of silk on me and undies. I dont see myself shaving and do t want to go out as a lady. My wife has hinted at putting makeup on me and maybe a wig and that in my bedroom is fine with me if we get there. Its a journey and we are all more alike than we know. Tnx for the post.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kiwi:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home!

In the Crossdressers Hand Book it says if it feels good then do it, The only Rule is There no Rules!

To Each his/her own, For me I like to look as feminine as I can...:daydreaming:...

[ellbee]

Yep, these days I don't present as female, either -- but years ago I used to a lot.


No wig at the moment (and my natural hair would *not* suffice! :laughing: ). No hip/butt pads or forms (own a pair of add-a-cups which I rarely wear). I have some make-up basics, but I've worn that only once since I bought them... Kind of a time-consuming hassle, really.

I do shave most of my body & paint my toes, but even then, is that necessarily CD-related? :strugglin


Perfectly happy & comfy in guy-mode wearing leggings & a hoodie all day. (Nor do I change when I have to run errands or whatever.)


There are probably more of us like this than you think! :)

[DIANEF]

Its REALLY simple. You do what you do and are happy, I do what I do and am happy, someone else does something else and they are happy (we hope). Vive la differance!! (are we allowed French words.....?)

[mykell]

Do you mean "average"? I was using it in the statistical sense but I get what you mean. The societal definition of "average", as well as "normal", is almost always used to bring people down. But we are not robots. We are all different and that is a good thing. But it is also good to see others that have similarities to you, to see that you are not alone. Because, even though we try not to, those societal definitions affect the way we think about ourselves and I know I can see myself as weird some times.

i was using the "societal definition", as far as weird, "yea weird is as weird does" i dress like a women and i like it.

but to your point....in my youth i could have made these same statements:

I don't shave my legs.
I don't wear a wig,
I don't wear makeup.
I don't have a female persona.
I don't need to fully dress.
I do want to transition.

today not so much....but like i said i do not feel imperfect or faulty....

[Tracii G]

Trying to or finding the need to compare yourself to others is something I don't get.
Be yourself and if you are not the same as others its no big deal really.
Be unique be different.

[Samm]

Hi Kiwi. It looks like we're at a similar place in our dressing. Except, I have no desire to transition. I'm happy where I'm at, and with who I am. I feel like I have a pretty good balance. That being said, I do feel I need to experiment a little further with a more complete look. I guess I have that urge to see just how passable (or not) I can be. Is that "average"? Maybe, but I'm okay with that.

[Helen_Highwater]

Statistically an average is a describable figure however with CD'ers it's more a broad spectrum, a range. If you want to use a term then typical is perhaps a better one but even that has blurred edges.

[Lucy23]

Hi Kiwi, no, you don't have to do more, just do what you like, wear whatever clothes you like :)

I too am like you in many ways. In regards to your list, from top to bottom: check; check (although I prefer my hair short); check; check; partially check (I would dress completely either in men's clothes or women's clothes, and never mix them together as the styles would clash in my opinion); not check (I am absolutely fine as a male).

With that said, however, I guess I would try a complete makeover with a wig, make-up and breast forms, given the chance. I'm quite curious as to how I would like. And even then I would have trouble to express myself as a woman (we have distinct grammatical genders where I come from) because to me it would just seem off. For the time being, I just like the dressing part, that's about it and am fine with it :)

[AllieBellema]

I'm probably not an average cross dresser either. Really, the only shaving I do is to the face and sometimes upper chest, depending on what I wear. I don't worry about makeup outside of lipstick and I really don't wear anything that's considered everyday wear. Really, cross dressing is how you want to take it... Whether you want to be an everyday woman or just an at home cross dresser who uses it as an escape from the real world.

[lingerieLiz]

In my youth it was about appearing as a girl and doing girl things. I was lucky that I easily passed. Over the years the cute girl was left behind and I became an old man with a scraggly face from sun and water. Today I wear women's clothes most of the time. I don't have much hair so that isn't a problem. I dress the same as most of the older women do. jeans, tops, etc. I haven't reached the pull on pants stage just yet. I seldom wear makeup or dresses. I get up in the morning and put on my bra, panties, a top and shorts or jeans.

People know I'm wearing women's clothes and I don't worry about it.

[GeorgeA]

In my introduction thread, I mentioned that I was not an average crossdresser (if there is such a thing) and was subsequently asked what I meant by that.
As I have been reading this site, I have noticed that the things the majority of people do are not what I do. Here are some examples:
I don't shave my legs. The maintenance seems too high for me and I actually prefer it if my wife doesn't shave hers either.
I don't wear a wig, but I do have almost shoulder length hair so I don't really need to.
I don't wear makeup. I am an actor and the worst thing about that is the makeup (too thick) so I don't want to do that at home.
I don't have a female persona. I have a female name that I use in online games but I have the same personality whether I am dressed or not.
I don't need to fully dress. I am happy to just wear a skirt and a t-shirt (with a bra and breast forms).
I do want to transition, but I am also content as a male. Also, if I did it would cause more problems than it could solve.

Now, my aim in dressing is not to pass as a woman so these things are not important to me. But that doesn't mean that aren't important to you. We are all different, that is why I questioned if there was such a thing as an "average crossdresser". Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing you the wrong way.
That said, I initially came to these forums to see if there was anyone who did things in a similar way to me. I haven't found anyone and reading the experiences of others made me start to think that I should be doing more to be a crossdresser. But that is not the case, of course.

Welcome Kiwi,
It's very difficult to define an "average crossdresser". I've been here long enough to discover that just about everyone is different, and I have yet to find one exactly like me.
I will answer your points one by one to show how different I seem to be.
I do shave my legs as nylons wear better on shaven legs.
I do not wear a wig and my hair is very short.
I don't wear makup.
Like you I don't have a female persona and the rest applies too.
I do fully dress, but frequently wear an old male shirt with my skirt; no bra or forms.
I do not want to transition, I am a male and happy with it.
Like you I do not want to pass as a woman even though I spend 24 hrs in lingerie and nylons and only exchange my skirt for trousers when going out (always underdressed).
"Man-in-skirt" isn't a proper description either as that perhaps would exclude lingerie & nylons.
I should add that I have moustache and goatee, neither very feminine.
I have noticed some posters with some similar traits but but am not aware of anyone that matches exactly. Are you there? Let's hear from you.
My advice to you is be yourself and do not attempt "to fit in", as that is impossible; we are all different.
You will soon find out that most here are very friendly and helpful, in spite of the differences, or maybe because of them?

[LesliePinky]

My style is i put all my cd stuff in a bag then drive to another town at night maybe 9pm and maybe 30miles away from home then look for gays or ladyboys, then i would come up to them and befriend them and ask if i can join with them and if they can do my makeup thats it, then go to a dark spot to change then wear lens then after that go out with them until 3am dawn its so much fun you cpshould try my style by the way my location is philippines

[Marina rey]

i myself try to pass as a respectable and classy woman i shave all the time and get mani pedi reguarly

- - - Updated - - -

i myself try to pass as a respectable and classy woman i shave all the time and get mani pedi reguarly

[Dana44]

I think many of us here don't want to transition. I only shave sometimes. My legs are almost bare but needs shaving once in a while. I don't put on makeup all the time and only when going out to dinner or something when I want to look more feminine. I think we are all unique in a way. But I think you are a CD too.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe you r, maybe you're not "average". But, you're definitely not unique here!:heehee:

[sherlynn]

I'm not sure if there's such a thing as an "average" crossdresser. Everyone here dresses either according to their desire and/or comfort level.

I don't shave my legs or armpits, so when I'm out and about and dressed I either wear a long skirt or long pants and tops with sleeves.
I have short hair and I don't wear a wig or makeup.
I don't have a female persona but my username is the name of my first girlfriend because I lack imagination.
I don't always fully dress and I'm quite happy with just a blouse with bra and forms.
I don't feel the need to pass although I am a little curious. I would be perfectly happy dying without ever knowing so.
I have no desire to transition. I love women and I happen to love women's clothes too.

Everybody's situation is unique which make us all so interesting.

[redtea]

Actually i think going all the way is above average. Average is really just a bell curve where the most average people fall in the middle with all the common traits

wears panties Check
likes feeling feminine Check
loves nylon Check

As you go up the curve you will find less and less people since the number of things people wear/do goes up.

I may be in the 60% tile range since i got lingerie, outer wear like jeans/cami/shirts/shorts, am able to CD every day of the week.

But there will be people in the 90% tile range who got a whole wardrobe, do makeovers, go out, pass, transition...

But there are people in the 20% tile range who are only just starting their CDing and maybe only wear panties.

There is of course people who will say that you have to do x and y and z to be a REAL crossdresser, that being below the 75% tile range makes you a phony. In this case, Yes you are not an "average" crossdresser, Because the average would be the 87% tile range by this persons standards when in reality most people aren't going all out

Every year lots of us move up the curve and be a bit more unique and less average, but each year new CDers start their journey and start at 10-20% so it all balances out

It's hard to say what the exact 50% average is in which most CDers have things in common.

[Krisi]

We have a wide range of members here, all identifying as crossdressers. The range is from wearing their wife's (or sister's) panties once in a while to living and working full time dressed as a woman. If there is an average, it's somewhere in between. It doesn't really matter though, you do what satisfies your needs. Also, some of us find that we progress more into crossdressing while others stay about the same.

[Beverley Sims]

Well I think I am as average as every one else here.

We all have our own uniqueness. :-)

[dolovewell]

I consider myself outside the average because I prefer a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to a skirt or dress; I have zero interest in stockings, nylons, garters, slips, girdles, and pantyhose; I do not have interest in meeting up or chatting privately with other crossdressers; I do not dress for fetish or sexualized reasons and those who post pictures of their sexualized/fetishized crossdressing rubs me the wrong way; and I am a single unmarried man.

[ClosetED]

Welcome to the Forum! Lots of different opinions here. We often go thru stages, so 'average' is even harder. I don't shave my legs, but would like to. I have several wigs and like looking different in them. I love how makeup can make me look so different. I am still me, but have the pronoun for my feminine presentation to make things easier to know which appearance I am referring to - Ellen. I do not want to transition, and your comment that you do despite being content as a male confuses me. Why go thru surgical changes to reproductive organs and other parts if content as a male?
Hugs, Ellen

[Lily Catherine]

I for now am still a lot more average than I give credit for. Even though T shirt and jeans are a general staple of my daily wear, I still prefer taking photos of myself in dresses. I won't deny I also like stockings (and other hosiery) but I increasingly shy away from wearing them in an overtly sexual manner. Although I've already worn ball gowns, they're not something I'd like to wear often, pretty as they are. Should I get married in a dress it'll probably be knee-length and a lot simpler than the stereotypical wedding gown. Fetish garments (especially 'sissy' and maid style dresses) don't do anything for me.

I am not interested in being sexualised either, as much as I don't mind feeling sexy (not a goal in itself for me) or wearing sexy clothes (not always).

As regards extent, I increasingly want to go full-time, even though I don't find my situation favourable yet.

[Stephanie47]

I don't know if there is an average woman either. If there was an average woman, then wouldn't there be an average cross dresser?

What I found interesting in your post is the comment "I do want to transition, but I am content as a male." All the other "I don't" comments sort of make sense. if you feel you're a woman to begin with. If you "want to transition" wouldn't there be some discontent being and remaining your male self? Perplexed I am!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I do want to transition, but I am also content as a male ...my aim in dressing is not to pass as a woman

You seem a little undecided about what you do want!

I would agree Kiwi, you are not the average crossdresser... but there's nothing wrong with that, and this place is full of exceptions to the norm.

Welcome to the forum, may all your dreams come true.

Hugs, Nikki

[MzAlexis]

Just be Yourself ~ From your description it sounds like you are more non-binary than many. You like feeling feminine and mentioned transition, but it doesn't sound like you want to live as a woman. If that's the case I'm right there with you though perhaps more to the feminine side, I am currently taking hormones but not to transition (though I do want some breast development), wear panties full time and keep my hair long (no wig necessary), sleep in lingerie and wear female house clothes without makeup when I'm not going out without makeup. I do however have a wardrobe and makeup and dress when I can (and want) to, but often dress just to be comfortable. I do shave what I can including legs in the winter when I'm not able to go outs as a guy in shorts but that's just me. The truth is we are all unique and it's a personal journey with the only real difference between us and the general population is that our choices and who we are is still generally not accepted with a lot of stereotypes still being presented as truths. Perhaps some of us will see that change in our lifetimes (and some will say it has already though the truth is that is only in select areas) but until then Welcome! And I'm glad in this forum folks are open and accepting as I've seen many LGBT forums etc. that can be quite ugly if one falls outside of their "Norms" or definitions.

[Kiwi]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm glad this is a place where so many different people can find some common ground. I see now that what I thought was the "average" is not really. And average really was a bad word to use.


You seem a little undecided about what you do want!
I know what I want, but it is a want and not a need. I also know that if I went for it I would have so many troubles (family and church issues mostly). But since I am content to be a male in my public life I am not going to move towards transitioning.

[NicoleScott]

"...and all the children are above average....." according to the Prairie Home Companion. Why not us, too? Crossdressers.com, where all the crossdressers are above average.

[EffyJaspers]

Average or normal relating to people should only be chocked up to physical body appearance as in I have two arms/legs, a head, a torso, and other things. To claim there is a normal personality would likely be an abomination. I could go into my own opinions but in general someone understands what I mean and agrees/disagrees/opinion or doesn't understand.

I can't say more because.... I would all of a sudden go only skin deep into my opinion and that would be disappointing.

[Kiwi]

Average or normal relating to people should only be chocked up to physical body appearance as in I have two arms/legs, a head, a torso, and other things.

Well, statistically speaking, the majority of people in the world have more than the average number of legs.


"...and all the children are above average....." according to the Prairie Home Companion. Why not us, too? Crossdressers.com, where all the crossdressers are above average.

I like that :)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I know what I want, but it is a want and not a need.

Or perhaps it's a need that you don't want...

I think most of us would describe crossdressing as a need, though I think you may be referring more to transition when you speak of a want.

[CONSUELO]

Do what you feel comfortable with. There is no average. This is a very broad community containing all sorts of varieties of cross dresser etc. One aspect that I found is that over time my desire would change and so be prepared for that. Write down your list and in ten years check it.