Am I Transexual or a crossdresser?

[michellesmith]

Hello All,

I've been trying to figure out what I am all my life. I've been fascinated by the female body for as long as I could remember and felt like I was shaped wrong. I got started by wearing my mother's underwear and have bought and purged (sadly) whole wardrobes several times. The women who I think about the most are family members; my mother, her sisters, and their daughters. They are a close knit group and spend a lot of time together. At various times I've tried on clothing from most of them and I imagine myself as another female family member hanging out with them in their all female spaces. On the other hand, I also find myself turned on by them. I have strange fantasies about all of them. How do I know if this is just a fetish or something that I should pursue more seriously?
Thanks,
Michelle

[jentay1367]

You start with a licensed Therapist. You need to align all these feelings in your mind so you can assemble something that makes sense to you. You deserve an awesome life. It's up to you to actualize it. Look online in your area for gender therapists and make that appointment. You're worth it! Good luck.

[Zooey]

A therapist, or preferably a psychiatrist, is absolutely in order here, though not necessarily for the reasons jentay mentioned.

Not to be harsh, but if you are having erotic fantasies about your close family members... You may need to address some other issues before gender identity makes it to the top of the heap.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It sounds like what you primarily want is intimacy with women, apparently starting with your mother.

Can you talk to her about that? Do you feel a closer relationship with her might help you feel better adjusted overall?

Without knowing a lot more about your upbringing and your historical relationships with your family, it's hard to define where you're at. But I agree with Zooey that gender concerns may only be a smokescreen for what's really troubling you, and it would be sensible to sort out your feelings about these women before trying to think further ahead. Therapy seems like a good idea.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum.

[michellesmith]

Thanks for all the advice to find a therapist. I struggle with even putting my feelings towards female family members into words because they are so strange and some contradictory. In all of them however, I am in a female position. Sometimes I'm born that way, sometimes they do things that turn me female or feminine. In some cases, I've even switched body parts with my mother and she assumes a more male role. It's all very disconcerting and I've been having a harder time living with it lately.

[Starling]

I'm confused as to whether by "feelings," you mean dreams, fantasies or self-analysis. But I agree you should see a professional soon, for your own peace of mind.

:) Lallie

[Pat]

How do I know if this is just a fetish or something that I should pursue more seriously?

I'd say pursue it more seriously and find out if it was just a fetish. ;) See a counselor, let them guide you thought some introspection and it should show up pretty quick if Michelle isn't the person you're looking for. I wouldn't worry a lot about weird rationalizations you might have made along the way -- when you're resisting being who you are, you can come up with some stuff that looks pretty silly in retrospect. If you are transgender or transsexual then that will fall away as you start recognizing the truth of yourself. Good luck.

[Nigella]

I think you have your answer, See a Therapist, thread done