Should I tell a friend I crossdress?

[Lucy23]

As I have said in my introduction, aside from an ex-girlfriend, no one knows about my crossdressing. Having struggled with a lot of things over the years, seeing therapist has helped me become more comfortable with who I am and no longer want to hide and feel ashamed.

That's not to say I want to out myself to everyone I know, definitely not to my parents and family. It's just that I want to confide in a close friend of mine (a girl) who I believe would be accepting because of the kind of personal things we talk about and know about each other. The reason I would like to tell her is to share a part of me that has been pushed back and want to take responsibility for.

Still, I would like to turn to those of you who have talked about this part of yourselves to your friends. Is this reason enough? What compelled you to tell your friends in the first place? Were there any traits you were looking for in particular? Thanks!

[Lana Mae]

Only you know your friend and what being out to them may mean! I am out to my children but no one else. I would do this on a need to know basis. IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[S. Lisa Smith]

As Lana has said, you know this woman. We don't. Be careful!!! I have told women friends and have done well. On the other hand, I have had the urge to tell other woman friends, but something stopped me. As time passed, I was glad I didn't tell them. It's a big chance, for good and for evil.... good luck with your decision!!!

[Rachelakld]

I'm out to family members and a daughters friend who caught me leaving while dressed one morning.
My close girl friend knows, she has always been like a sister to me.
She has always been the mature one and it was that sole factor that allowed me to know I was safe with her knowing.

[Bonnie Chan]

I think if you really want to tell your friend, you should be prepared for the worst scenario that can happen too, i.e. your friend spreads this secret to others. You can't control what other people would do. So you need to come up with a backup plan if things are not going according to what you expect. You can either prepare your mind to be out to everybody, or just make sure there's no evidence that you ever tell your friend about this, so you can simply shrug the rumors off when things go bad.

Anyway, you should know best how your friend would behave once she knows about this. So only you can decide for yourself. The only advise I can give is to just make sure to have a proper preparation first.

- Bonnie

[Micki_Finn]

Listen to Bonnie. You may trust her now, but what happens if you guys have a falling out? Or she just slips up because she's not used to being as careful with your secret as you are? Not saying don't do it, just saying be prepared because nothing is 100% safe.

[Lorileah]

I will refer you to this thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?244926-Mistake-told-the-wrong-person-I-dress

[Tracy Irving]

I have thought about telling a few different friends from time to time. I like to test the waters by dropping a few super subtle hints and work my way up until I meet resistance. And I have always met resistance. So glad I didn't jump off the deep end with anyone other than my wife (before marriage).

[ImJessicaNow]

Tracy, that is very very good information. I did the same thing, found a lot of resistance and some awesome freinds who love me and share crossdressing with me but it took months if not years of hints and reviewing feedback. I opened up to my ex right away due to wanting to trust her and no secrets and she hated me for my crossdressing, her loss :)

[Tracii G]

I understand you want to confide in someone but you really have to look at it from all perspectives and is it really a smart thing to do in the long run?
You can drop hints here and there but you need to be able to read her reactions too.
I have gone for full disclosure many times and the positive reaction has been 2 in 10 were OK with it and the 8 will have nothing to do with me as a friend.
So Its up to you but just be ready to accept more than one person is going to find out about it.
You know her better than we do so its up to you.

[DIANEF]

My dear mother taught me to never trust anyone, at least not 100 percent. Even though I have had close, and very close friends, there's never been one I could confide in about my cross dressing. History has confirmed the soundness of my mothers advice.

[AnnieMac]

Naw don't!

[MelanieAnne]

Why the need to tell anyone? Friends come and go.

[JenniferMBlack]

This could go either way. As it has been said you know your friend, and would know better how she would handle it. I have told a few friends has not been a problem for me. If one was to say something it wouldn't bother me to much though.I have a friend we don't spend much time together but I knew she would be cool with it so I told her. Well I sent her a pic and asked if the outfit made me look fat LOL. She was a bit shocked but was otherwise cool.

[ellbee]

While many here so far are focusing on what you have to lose, I say look at it a different way: Imagine, if all goes well, at how much you have to *gain*!


There is no way in heck I would have had so much fun while en femme had I decided to stay in the closet years ago.

It is pretty awesome to have a GG gal-pal (or a dozen) who's cool with the whole dressing thang.



Of course, as others mentioned, only you know her.

If you've known her for a while, and know her enough, and you're pretty darn sure she'd take it well? I say go for it. :)


Different ways of going about that. You could dive in head-first, or slowly wade in from the shallow end.

Words, like telling her about it at some level? Full confession, or just making an "innocent" joke about something?

Visual, like showing some photos in some manner? (Keep it classy, though. ;) )

Actions, like simply wearing a pair of bootcut yoga pants sometime you two hang out -- and see how long it takes her to notice? :D



Anyway, yeah, negative things can happen. But so can some very positive ones.

Good luck, and let us know either way if & when!

[Lucy23]

On the other hand, I have had the urge to tell other woman friends, but something stopped me. As time passed, I was glad I didn't tell them.
Do you know what it was that stopped you?


I think if you really want to tell your friend, you should be prepared for the worst scenario that can happen too, i.e. your friend spreads this secret to others.
Yeah, I have considered this too, but it's not her nature to freely divulge others' secrets. Moreover, aside from her mom, whom I know very well, we don't have any mutual friends.


I will refer you to this thread
Thanks!


I have thought about telling a few different friends from time to time. I like to test the waters by dropping a few super subtle hints and work my way up until I meet resistance.
That is really good advice. I have dropped a hint that I have worn a skirt and then she asked whether I liked it. She was casual, but I imagine that she thought I did it just for fun...


I have gone for full disclosure many times and the positive reaction has been 2 in 10 were OK with it and the 8 will have nothing to do with me as a friend.
I'm sorry to hear that. Would you then prefer not telling them or is it better this way? I have read on many occassions that is better to know despite the pain.


Different ways of going about that. You could dive in head-first, or slowly wade in from the shallow end. Words, like telling her about it at some level? Full confession, or just making an "innocent" joke about something? Visual, like showing some photos in some manner? (Keep it classy, though. ;) ) Actions, like simply wearing a pair of bootcut yoga pants sometime you two hang out -- and see how long it takes her to notice? :D
Thanks for the suggestions! From reading the thread I guess I'll try dropping hints, or maybe try wearing leggins in front of her. As for the photos, I don't have any :D However, don't worry about classiness, I prefer business look :)

[Vicky_Scot]

My wife and I decided to tell our closest friend (female) about Vicky as we have been through a lot together and were like family or closer. Unfortunately the one person who we thought would accept it did not want to know. So be careful as once you tell someone its their secret now and they can tell others.

[dolovewell]

I have been in your situation before. I have told 5 women in my life that I crossdress.

You want to know how many times I told myself afterward "That was a good idea, I am glad I told them."?

Zero. 0. Zilch. Nada.

I have regretted it. Every. Single. Time.

The thing is, before I would tell them, I'd have fantasies play out in my mind where I tell these women I crossdress, and she says "That's awesome!" and wants to go out shopping with me and such and therefore I have a female friend who is awesome and accepting and is a shopping buddy and stuff.

Unfortunately that was just fantasy. It never played out like that at all.

Of the 5 women I told, 2 were girlfriends, both of whom ended up breaking up with me shortly after. When I told them, they were confused more than anything. Didn't really have a reaction, just a puzzled look. Like a "It's not a big deal but I just don't see why would you want to do that" type of reaction. Things seemed OK, but then they broke up. They claimed it wasn't my crossdressing that caused them to split off, but I knew that's what it really was. I am not an idiot.

The other 3 were friends of mine, who I thought would be open and embracing and accepting of it all. Hell, their Facebook profiles would say things like "I am super open minded" and such. Yet, all 3 were clearly weirded out by it. One of them was a girl I would study with a lot for a class we were in in college. I told her, and then added more when we were talking on Facebook. Turns out I saw her showing the conversation to some guy in our class the next day. Thankfully I don't think he learned who I was. She was so weirded out she didn't want to study with me anymore. Another girl who was a friend that I told never talked to me again. Literally. The last one seemed to be OK at first, but it didn't take long for her to stop talking to me as well. I ruined 2 relationships and 3 good friendships by opening up about this.

Once the cat is out of the bag, its out. There is no going back. So tell yourself. Is this info you really want these women to know? Can you trust them? Will you be able to trust them a year from now, 5 years from now? What makes me cringe is that these women still have this knowledge. Women that are friends with my friends and family. What if they told people? If I want someone to tell someone I know I dress, I want it to be me, so it is not misrepresented.

In my opinion, I think part of the problem is HOW I told them. I would sit them down and say "I have something I want to talk to you about". So I made it out to be some big deal from the start. I made it too serious. I think if you really must tell someone, to make it organic. I honestly think the best way to tell someone is to have them see you in the act. Have them see you dressed, unplanned. I am not saying schedule a meet up with them and show up to that meet up dressed. I am saying the best way would be to run into them somewhere while you are dressed. However, this is not easy. So if you must tell them verbally, don't build it up. don't say that you have something you need to tell them. Just be having a random conversation with them and find a way to organically and smoothly transition into telling them casually that you dress. Just keep it casual, don't let the tone all of a sudden get serious. Act like its no big deal at all and perhaps even change the subject. If she wants to learn more, she will change the subject back.

[CONSUELO]

Lucy,
I understand your need to tell someone about your cross dressing. Keeping our cross dressing secret is one of the great burdens that we cross dressers have to bear. For some it can be crushing and isolating. However you also say you are not prepared to be outed to everyone and just telling one person could set you down that road. No need for me to give you advice or argue the pros and cons as the many replies here and those in the recent Thread highlighted by Lorileah will give you a wide spectrum or opinion and experience. Just think it through carefully before you do something and imagine how you would react if the person finds your confidence upsetting and goes on to tell others about your cross dressing.

[MissTee]

My thought is that if you want to share with one, then you should be mentally prepared to share with everyone. That is to say you can't control the message after it has left your lips, and there is absolutely no gaurantee it will be well received or protected. Fortunately for me my wife is the one person I've shared this with and she is accepting. That's enough for me, and it is my one person so I totally understand wanting to have someone to share it with. Just be careful, and good luck!

[Shelly Preston]

The first thing you should ask yourself is

Do they need to know ?

If they don't I would suggest you don't tell them

[Tracii G]

Lucy The friends that weren't OK with my "coming out" I let go without a whimper.
I figured they weren't real friends in the long run.
I kind of look at it as weeding out the the un desireables

[Stephanie47]

I see these threads and I wonder "Why?" I totally understand the need to feel comfortable with one's own cross dressing, but, What the driving force to tell another person who may reject it and you? And, there are consequences if she tells someone else. The best kept secret is kept by one person...self. So, you tell her/ Now what? Are you going to go shopping together? Out to a club together? Dress for her?

If you're or anyone has the driving need to burst this information out to the world be prepared for any and all adverse consequences. Perhaps, if you really want to burst out of your shell maybe going out totally en femme at some distant locale is a better choice.

Personally, I found just going out for a drive with a stroll through a residential/retail neighborhood was sufficient to satisfy my seemingly uncontrollable urge to express myself. And, there was no adverse consequences. Think twice before you act.

[Lucy23]

I have been in your situation before. I have told 5 women in my life that I crossdress. You want to know how many times I told myself afterward "That was a good idea, I am glad I told them."? Zero. 0. Zilch. Nada. I have regretted it. Every. Single. Time.
I'm sorry to hear that. See, that it is the reason I asked you girls first; to learn what the confession entails in the long run or to learn whether there's something I might have otherwise neglected, since I think you have way more experience with this. And thank you for the idea to act like it's no big deal.


Just think it through carefully before you do something and imagine how you would react if the person finds your confidence upsetting and goes on to tell others about your cross dressing.
Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks.


I see these threads and I wonder "Why?" I totally understand the need to feel comfortable with one's own cross dressing, but, What the driving force to tell another person who may reject it and you?
Honestly, because she is one of the few people I know around whom I feel completely accepted and not judged. To fully explain this would require several lines of pitiful words like depression, loneliness,... yada yada yada... self-hate, you know the drill. I know what those feeling are my own doing, though unconscious, but I don't feel being judged or the need to defend myself and put on a smily face when I don't feel like it around her.

Big thanks to all of you who replied and gave some advice :)

[Taylor186]

I would ask you, "what does your friend gain from this revelation?" Dragging someone into your closet doesn't seem like a great outcome, to me. My sense is you gain and they lose, which doesn't make you much of a friend.

[ellbee]

It does amaze me how many so far who have replied, prefer to stay in the closet when it comes to this.


Maybe I've just been "lucky" (doubtful), but I've come out to about a dozen or so GG-friends over my life. All, but one, were neutral to positive about it. And the one that wasn't simply didn't agree with it all, but we still remained friends for a good while afterwards, until we eventually just drifted apart like any other friendship does sometimes.


Did I choose the right friends to tell? Did I share in the right way? At the right time?

Why are my experiences so different? :strugglin


And I gotta say, it's been pretty cool. And there are/have been some who hung out with me while I was en femme. Lots of fun experiences & great memories! :)

These are/were GG's anywhere aged from their 20's thru their 50's. Single, BF, married, whatever. Heck, one of them even opened up to me (and showed pics) of *her* CD'ing hubby! I was not expecting that, but it was pretty awesome, the same.


I dunno, here. Maybe because I've seen the other side, but by staying in the closet, you're potentially missing out on some fantastic things in life. Stop looking at what you might lose, and start to see what you might have to *gain*.

My 2 cents, anyway.

[sometimes_miss]

As always, evaluate the worst possible outcome. If you can accept that, then proceed. Far too often, people in our situation glamourize the possibilities, dreaming of a wonderful, accepting, enthusiastic friend who will love us and our crossdressing. Unfortunately, that's not usually what happens. The pink fog gets in our eyes, and we don't get a clear view until it's too late.
As others have mentioned, if you're ok with losing your friend (and potentially other friends and family members), and being out to the world including everyone at work/school/etc., then proceed. Because that's the possibility, and you won't be able to reverse that if it happens.


It does amaze me how many so far who have replied, prefer to stay in the closet when it comes to this. Maybe I've just been "lucky" .
yes, you've been lucky. Not everyone has similar experiences.


I would ask you, "what does your friend gain from this revelation?" Dragging someone into your closet doesn't seem like a great outcome, to me. My sense is you gain and they lose, which doesn't make you much of a friend.
I think ^this is something virtually no one here thinks about when they consider telling another person about their crossdressing. It's 'all about me' and being accepted and loved for who we are. NOT about accepting and loving the other person. Interesting, isn't it, how that's virtually never brought up when this question is discussed. Glad you did, as it's a very important consideration.

[Lucy23]

I would ask you, "what does your friend gain from this revelation?" Dragging someone into your closet doesn't seem like a great outcome, to me. My sense is you gain and they lose, which doesn't make you much of a friend.
That is something I've been thinking about. I saw several posts from the GGs who were otherwise open to their friends or family, but once they knew about their partners' crossdressing, they couldn't share what was bothering them anymore. And to be honest, that scenario is not something I would want to put my friend through...

[~Joanne~]

Here's the best piece of advice that no one has offered. If You do decide to tell her, do it IN PERSON. do not do it through a email or text. If she does flip on you, it's plausible deniability, her word against yours if it was a conversation. something written? a totally different story.

I agree with most here though, why tell her at all. I understand the need and the want to share this with SOMEONE but like already said, friends come and go and even the ones that you think are really good friends may not be after you tell them. I would play with caution is all I am saying.

[ellbee]

Joanne,

Some good advice.


I'll also throw in that one should try to maintain control of any photos that you may share.

IOW, don't send them -- show them from *your* electronic device. :)

[dolovewell]

I agree with Joanne that it should be done in person, and combine that with the advice I gave - do not treat it like a big deal. The bigger of a deal you make it, the bigger of a deal she will make it in terms of the way she reacts to it, especially if its not a positive reaction.

[Lana Mae]

In person is the only way! For the reasons stated and it is just the way it should be done! There are events in our lives that should be face to face and this is one of them! Hugs Lana Mae

[Lucy23]

Here's the best piece of advice that no one has offered. If You do decide to tell her, do it IN PERSON. do not do it through a email or text.
Definitely a good piece of advice, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for the warning though, I will think this through.


I'll also throw in that one should try to maintain control of any photos that you may share. IOW, don't send them -- show them from *your* electronic device. :)
No worries, I don't take pictures of myself dressed :)


do not treat it like a big deal. The bigger of a deal you make it, the bigger of a deal she will make it in terms of the way she reacts to it, especially if its not a positive reaction.
Yeah, this one really got me thinking and I searched the threads. It would seem that is quite a common advice as to how to approach the whole deal. Thanks for bringing this up! Actually I fing this part the hardest...

And thanks to all of you.

[CartoonistChick]

Definitely sound advice from everybody thus far, and I'd like to share my own experience if I may....

When I first came out of the closet a month ago by discussing things with my wife, I felt as if the most gigantic of weights had been lifted and yes, I wanted to shout from the rooftops at first. Instead, I chose to tell those whom I hold very close to my heart, ones that I've chatted with plenty about various personal stuff regarding myself or them. I guess I'm the lucky one too then, because the responses & support have been phenomenal, even more so since I was dreading worst case scenarios. I can't tell y'all how much I've been thanked for thinking that much of them for telling such important news...but without me making some big production number out of it. And in turn, I thanked them for all the love 'n support and told them how much I loved them for it.

[daphne g]

I've told some old school friends i.e. best friends while growing up ,i told them when i was in late 20s ,I'm now nearly 50 and we are still very good friends
they've seen fotos and such and are fine with it, i think everyones got something wrong with themselves lol.
but dont forget you cannot untell someone so this needs to be well thought out

[Territx]

I agree with those that suggest that you try to gauge her interest and potential acceptance by steering a conversation to the general subject. But it is certainly one of those things that you can't "take back" in your relationship with each other. Good luck.

[twelvestepemily]

Okay I have a different story. I told my best friend and his fiancee a couple weeks ago and it may have been the best decision of my life. They have been sooo accepting and supportive, and we've all become so much closer as friends as a result. I have people in my life now who I care about that I can talk to about things and I know that know matter what negativity I run into, that there are people who have my back and love me no matter what. I feel like I can finally just be *me* without that constant stress of worrying about *what if* someone finds out. It's so liberating! I feel very lucky and obviously it depends on your friends, but let me tell you about my progression in case it might help you.

About 9 months ago I started seeing a therapist. I had never told *anyone* about crossdressing and it was a secret I had been prepared to take to my grave. Opening up to the therapist was *extremely* difficult and painful. But after moving past that, she helped me to accept myself for who I am. She also recommended I go to a local trans support group. I came to identify as genderfluid. It was so great hearing the group's stories and understanding that I'm not alone. I got the confidence to go out dressed. (Never thought I would do that!)

Beyond the therapist and the support group, the next person I told was a girl I met and had a whirlwind romance with. I felt like as difficult as it was, I had nothing to lose. It was very difficult opening up about this to her, but not as bad as when I told the therapist... And she was super supportive and accepting! Things didn't work out unfortunately (for other reasons), but I was glad I had gotten the experience of telling someone I cared about.

I made a crossdressing friend online and we went out to local gay bars together, and I met other trans people and crossdressers. Again, that feeling of not being alone in this was huge. These are real people with real lives and real struggles, but they weren't hiding in shame like I had for so many years. Awesome.

Finally, there was a fire in my apartment, and I had to stay with my best friend and his fiancee for a couple weeks. I decided I needed to tell them and I had to do it while the iron was hot. I mustered up the courage and went for it. Luckily, they had been talking about that show Transparent (on Amazon) so I got to use that as a lead in. Surprisingly, telling them came easy this time! It wasn't a huge deal, it was more like I was just letting them in on a something they had never known about me. I told them everything and let them ask questions. They were kind of enthralled by the revelation - who knew! They offered so much love and support, and assured me that they would never betray my trust by outing me to anyone.

With each of these instances of coming out, I made sure to show a couple pictures (just a few though - never wanted to come off as voyeuristic). The idea being, I knew if I didn't, then they would fill in the blanks with their imagination. They appreciated it and commented how pretty I was as a girl.

A couple days after that, I was getting ready to go out with my friend I met online. I was running late, and after venting my frustrations, my best offered to give me a ride (I was going to take an Uber originally). To my amazement, it wasn't weird at all! He was super gentlemanly and even opened the car door for me, without even a hint of irony. A couple weeks later, I made dinner for the two of them in gal mode and we hung out, and again, it was just comfortable. Total acceptance. And his fiancee and I have fun talking about makeup and clothes and feminism, it's great.

What once was a huge source of stress and shame has become something I love about myself. I love being different. I love being a shapeshifter. I love being...me. Sorry if thats corny, but I never would've expected this turn of events in a million years. I'm so happy. And now I'm kind of at the point where I don't feel like I need to put so much effort into hiding. I'm wearing whatever clothes I want when I go out. If anyone is bothered by it, who cares? That's their own toxic hangups and I couldn't care less (obviously safety and smart decision making is key). If friends, family, coworkers find out, then I know I'll have the confidence to handle that when it comes.

I agree with everyone here that you have to be cautious and don't want to just jump in and out yourself to the world if you're not ready, but I do think that if you keep yourself open to the idea of being increasingly honest to people, and keep an eye for opportunities, then you can start with very low risk scenarios and work your way up, so that telling your friend doesn't have to be this massive weighty secret to burden them with. (Lastly, about a week ago I told a girl that I started dating recently about my femme side - no big deal!! :) )

Anyway, that's my story. I can't promise all of it will be applicable to you, but hope some of it helps at least and gives an alternate perspective to the other posters' stories. Whatever you decide, you've only got one life...choose wisely! Best of luck!

[Krisi]

My advice is to tell only those who need to know. In my case, that is my wife and nobody else. That is, of course, if you're not comfortable being known as "the tranny down the street".

Most likely, your wife or parents will keep you secret to themselves because they love you and it may be embarrassing to them to be the wife or parents of a crossdresser. Unless you want to dress around your friend she doesn't need to know about your little "hobby". Nothing good can come from you telling her and it's possible that she may tell others.

I say "No."

[Periwinkle]

My best friend and I have known each other since we were toddlers. She's also pretty open-minded, and in the past she would always make comments about how she wished I would try make-up. Shoot, I learned all my make-up skills from her and YouTube tutorials. She's also more than willing to give me a second opinion when I come up with a new outfit.

So personally, I think it's good to have at least one friend who knows. It's great to have someone to talk to about it.

[CarolBrown]

I will try to make the answer in a nutshell..

Unless you can trust your friend completely and without doubt then don't tell her, even if you have 1% doubt. That level of doubt will amplify and create a level of insecurity within yourself that is very hard to ride. I came out to my wife about a month ago (I have been married over 10 years) and even though I do fully trust her, I am still worried that she may tell someone.

For someone unaware, it can genuinely be earth shattering news that you are a cross dresser. Think about all the questions you will be given (let your mind run wild, you may well be asked questions that you had not thought about) and see if you can sort an answer out, the biggest being 'why?'.

The other thing to prepare for, is the biggest rush of pink mist that you have ever expected (think of a dam breaking and the river rushing through, the dam being your closet door)...

[Krisi]

My best friend and I have known each other since we were toddlers. She's also pretty open-minded, and in the past she would always make comments about how she wished I would try make-up. Shoot, I learned all my make-up skills from her and YouTube tutorials. She's also more than willing to give me a second opinion when I come up with a new outfit.

So personally, I think it's good to have at least one friend who knows. It's great to have someone to talk to about it.

I'm assuming you are not married. Most wives would not be happy with their husbands having a female "best friend", especially if they spend time together in private.

[Lucy23]

Okay I have a different story. I told my best friend and his fiancee a couple weeks ago and it may have been the best decision of my life. They have been sooo accepting and supportive, and we've all become so much closer as friends as a result.
First of all, it's good to hear it you have found such an amazing and accepting friends, and your easiness and happiness echoed throughout your post. Thank you for the story.

Like you, I too am seeing a therapist because of my depression. I haven't said anything about my crossdressing yet, but he's been immensely helpful throughout. He has created a space I can feel safe and not judged. I never considered crossdressing to be in any way related to the depression; that is why I didn't mention it. That's not to say it's been easy.

What he did help me with was providing a space I can for the first time feel completely accepted, that I can open and find support. Several weeks after the firt session, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say I am proud of myself, that I love wearing women's clothes and be happy about it. With acceptance came the desire to share more of myself with people whom I have come to trust over the years. That's why I asked this question in the first place, to help me gain perspective and decide if it is really a good idea.

Currently, I am moving out and with a new place have come new opportunities. For example, I have left a poncho in the open and when a good male friend's girlfriend saw it, she asked where did I buy it. I casually said I had bought it in a women's department because I liked it and wanted something warm to cover myself, neither batted an eye. In fact, she said it looked really good and we chatted as if nothing happened. I think of this as a testing of waters of some sorts...


So personally, I think it's good to have at least one friend who knows. It's great to have someone to talk to about it.
Yeah, this is something I am looking for...


Unless you can trust your friend completely and without doubt then don't tell her, even if you have 1% doubt.
I am completely sure that if it is anyone aside the therapist to tell, it's her. I'm still thinking about the possible questions, and as well as the "why"

[Lucy23]

So, today I finally did it. I told the friend. She probably knows more about my fears and worries than anybody. Last week we were chatting and I told her that at the time that I wasn't well, that something is bugging me, something about me that I am close to accepting but sometimes it strikes back and it was one of those times. I asked if I could confide in her. She was like of course, you definitely shoud.

There she was, sitting in front of me, and I with a few days of inner rehearsal as to what and how, my heart in throat, voice squeaky... I mean, seriously, what kind of advice is act as if nothing when your whole life was spent hiding it? Anyway, as I talked I noticed she was smiling compassionately. She was like it was the most ordinary thing for a man to do. She asked me a few questions, how I feel about it now, etc.

Basically, she said that it is a part of me, that there is nothing wrong with that, nothing to be ashamed of. I'm really happy to know that there is yet another person aside from my exgirlfriend who's cool with it and says it's okay to be like that.

[Trans_Cate]

That's great Lucy! I find it incredibly sad that so many people get a negative reaction....all we're doing when we open up is being tuthful about who we are.

[Tracii G]

Basically think about how it will effect the person you share the info with.
There have been many times I wanted to tell someone close to me so bad it hurt so I know the feeling.
I did realize in some cases its a huge mistake.
Once you are out you are out and things change.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lucy:hugs:, Be sure to read line #4 in my signature...:daydreaming:...

[Aunt Kelly]

Basically think about how it will effect the person you share the info with.
Terrific advice, Traci. Sometimes it's next to impossible to honestly weigh our motivation/need against the potential impact of acting on that need. I don't mean to say that it's never the right choice to tell someone, but it must be for the right reasons.

[Tracii G]

Some have great luck just blurting things out and getting accepted and I am happy for them.
For me its not worked out very well so my advice may seem jaded to some degree but all I can do is tell it the way I see it.

[Scarlett Viktoria]

I told a couple of friends. The first was the drummer of my old band. He had come out as gay prior and revield a photo of his fiance in drag. I revealed my profile photo. I came very close to telling the other band memebers but from reason didn't. I think if I had that extra 10 seconds of quitet I would have. They are all very liberal and accepting. I also told my best friend from high school. This guy is very accepting of everyone and I don't know him to judge ANYONE. As expected he was cool with it. He lives in CO so we only talk via text or FB so it doesn't ever come up in conversation. Thought about showing a couple pics. Anyway, my wife knows and I told two or three other people I only knew via online to test the waters originally. But again, I was very aware of their acceptance levels.

Just try to think about what you'll get out of telling this person vs what you could lose. But if it sounds like she's open, maybe she is.

[KristinaK]

One way to sort of come out which is actually how I got my start CD was for Halloween. It started as a, I want to cross dress for haloween, to going all out with makeup, shaving, waxing the brows, etc. almost everyone was having fun and didn't bat an eye at it. It allowed me to broach the subject with my wife about doing it more often several years later (now this past year). Asking a friend for help might be a good way to broach the subject.

[Rhanda]

I can't see that cross dressing is so bad. It is only the way that we like to dress. Makeup was once the purvue of noblemen and was reserved for those who could afford it. Today there are just a greater number of men who can afford it. For the most of us cross dressing does not change us from men to women (though it does make us think more like women).
There is no shame in liking to look great. I like to look great whichever mode I choose, male or female.

It quite easy if you only try to blend in.

The fact is that no one is accepted 100% of the time, no matter how they present themselves.
Just present yourself the best that you can and have a good, clean, time.

Rhanda

[Diane Taylor]

I've told a few of my friends and co-workers about my crossdressing and they were accepting of me. I think that might have to do with the fact that we all knew each other for a long time. The first one I told was a co-worker who was an ex marine. When I told him he said that there always was something about me that he thought was a little different but he couldn't put his finger on it. Though we're both retired, we are still good friends today.