Negative Experience

[sabrinaedwards]

Have any of you had a physical negative experience while dressed? I tend to frequet gay bars while dressed only because they are accepting of our mode of dress, I am always afraid of being attacked in some physical manner. Recently, I was the center of attention for a patron for which I had no interest. I vacated the place but I was concerned that I might be phisically harmed. Do any of you have an tale to tell on this? I love going out, but ?
Love, Sabrina

[Sara Jessica]

Why would you tend to frequent a place while dressed where you are always afraid of being attacked in some physical manner???

I don't have this problem because I go mainstream where I have pretty much no fear of being attacked in some physical manner. Problem solved if you ask me, or problem non-existent in the first place. It all comes down to being mindful of your surroundings and not going places where bad things are more likely to happen.

[Tracii G]

Guys and alcohol aren't a good mix and it doesn't matter what kind of bar it is.
I have to ask why do you think you HAVE to go to a gay bar?
Not every man in the gay bar is gay there are lots of straight guys that like Tgirls.
You are what is known as conquest material by those types.
If you don't want to be hit on don't go to a bar enfemme. Its common sense.

[ellbee]

Why would you tend to frequent a place while dressed where you are always afraid of being attacked in some physical manner???

I don't have this problem because I go mainstream where I have pretty much no fear of being attacked in some physical manner. Problem solved if you ask me, or problem non-existent in the first place. It all comes down to being mindful of your surroundings and not going places where bad things are more likely to happen.

I came pretty close to getting into 2 fights in my (at-the-time) neighborhood, as well as 1 at my (at-the-time) job, over this CD stuff.


Maybe I shouldn't have been frequenting those places? :strugglin

[docrobbysherry]

------------------------ there are lots of straight guys that like Tgirls.

:eek::heehee:

[Jessicajane]

Very occasionally....there is an awkward moment but as previous lady said it is usually a mix of alcohol and men...did have trouble with a couple...in the middle of the day at a shopping mall once...!!!...they shouted and pointed and laughter... I just ignored them ...to be honest I felt sorry for them ...they were very drunk and clearly perpetual abusers of drugs/booze....they moved on and so did I ....
I also heard a conversation once between two men talking about me...one said why would anyone go out looking like that..!!!...the other one knew I had heard and quickly changed the subject....
It hurts at the time but some people are just not socially great when outside their comfort zone....
I always make an effort when going out but the reality under close enough scrutiny I will never fully blend ....height and build doesn't help but I have never felt for my safety...just my bruised pride on these two occasions

[Sara Jessica]

I came pretty close to getting into 2 fights in my (at-the-time) neighborhood, as well as 1 at my (at-the-time) job, over this CD stuff.


Maybe I shouldn't have been frequenting those places? :strugglin

Seriously? I've been going out & about for going on 30 years and I have never been remotely close to getting into fights of any sort. Then again, I've never been in a fight in all of my years so perhaps I'm doing something wrong.

If I chose to walk out my front door in broad daylight presenting a female (rather than slip into the car while garaged or putting her on elsewhere), I'm not getting in fights. If I choose to infect my place of employment with this TG stuff of mine, I'm not getting in fights.

Like I said, it comes down to being mindful of your surroundings and watching where you go. Long answer to a short question, if fights are that probable where you live and work, then yeah, you probably shouldn't be frequenting those places when presenting as a female.

Or be ready to fight.

[Kandi Robbins]

I have never had such an experience, but know the world is full of (pardon my edited French) a-holes. Also, while anything is possible, I can handle myself if provoked. Doesn't mean I will never have such an experience, but it helps.

Never allow one such experience to hold you hostage, learn from it and be smart about where you go.

Personally, I don't frequent gar bars much. Alcohol, as noted here, is a variable you cannot account for. I do volunteer for a gay men's chorus and could not be treated with more love, respect and appreciation, so this community is certainly welcoming. But watch the bars. I prefer wine bars, you generally have a much calmer clientele and there are usually more women than men at a wine bar. You never see a bouncer at a wine bar, do you?

[ellbee]

Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

Granted, I was in guy-mode for one of the neighborhood instances, as well as the temporary summer job one -- but both were due to the fact that the other party had seen me dressed previously.


Seems like people here think the whole world is cool with CD'ers, that there's never any problem.

Might be true when dealing with polite & professional GG SA's at Macy's, but there's a whole lot of people (typically hetero guys aged 20-45) who get pissed at all this.


I could also share some things from the internet (yes, I know, it's all just an exaggerated act :brolleyes:), and some of you would be absolutely horrified at the intensity of hate & anger & disgust.

But I'll let you find that stuff on your own, if anyone is truly interested.

[Stephanie47]

Legal protection does not mean acceptance. Violate a person's comfort zone and discord will arise. Alcohol has been known to reduce inhibitions. Add those two together and expect the worst. The worst may not happen, but, just expect it.

[Rachel Morley]

Have any of you had a physical negative experience while dressed?
No. I go to the LGBT area of my city quite often ofr a night out and I've never had the slightest thing happen (yet) If anything, the feeling (vibe) always feels non-threatening and welcoming, that's to say it is where I go anyway.

The only time I had a negative (vulnerable) feeling was walking back to my car alone late at night one time as there was some creepy guy who seemed to be following me. I told my wife about it and she said, now you can feel empathy for a woman in the same situation.

[Lorileah]

Not to me. To people I know, yes

[Majella St Gerard]

In the past 6 months I have been in two altercations in gay bars. Both times it was because I was coming to the aid of a gay friend that had gotten into an argument with someone else. The last one resulted with me getting a cheap shot to the mouth and a severe cut to my upper lip that has left a scar. No problems in straight bars just questions.

[Ressie]

Anything can happen anywhere IMO. Certainly there are places that are more risky than others, but you never know who you may come face to face with anywhere. I met a CD who got punched just for being dressed and I know another that was gang raped. I'm not saying to live in fear while out en femme, but… we have no control over others' behavior.

One time at TG weekend in Saugatuck we girls all went out on the deck for a group photo. Some gay dude was out there and started lashing his belt out at me. I don't know why he singled me out, but I figured he was just playing. I didn't play back which eventually caused him to give up.

[TrishaLake]

wThis has never been an issue for me, for one I can protect myself and 2, I would just leave.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Sabrina, I see we live in the same state :). I don't know exactly where you are but, I have never had a bad experience in the 9 years I have lived here and I have been out a lot. I go to the movies, theater, malls, grocery shopping, church, etc. Basically any normal place.

The scariest experience I have ever had is being hit on in the movie theater and that guy was nice about it.

One place I think you can go is near Charlotte, NC. It's named The Friendly Moose. It's a good place to go. It's a bar owned by two gay men, but it's not a typical gay bar. It's more like a bar & restaurant. No loud dance music. Karaoke on some weekends (which I did while dressed - very fun). The restrooms are single use so no problem there. If you ever want to go there, PM me & we can make arrangements to meet or you can contact Candy Confused - she lives a few miles from the place.

[immindy]

I was at a mall , near where I live and while in one of the stores , a sales associaite, came up to me and quietly asked if a knew a guy . She pointed to him discreetly as he was standing near the store entrance. I said no and she told me he has been stocking me and taking pictures with his phone. The SA contacted mall security for me and he was promptly taken care of and removed form the mall. So yea , I guess that was a negative experinace as regard to the guy stocking me . I never even noticed he was till it was pointed out to me.

[Krisi]

When you dress as a woman, you have to play by the women's rules. One of those rules is, "nice girls" don't go to bars alone. Walk into a bar alone as a woman and everyone thinks you are "available". It's OK for a man to go to a bar alone, but not a woman. Sure it's not fair but that's how it is.

A bar is the last place I would go alone dressed as a woman.

And why do crossdressers seem to go to gay bars if they are not gay?

[dolovewell]

I agree with Krisi here - if you are not gay, yet you go to a gay bar, the patrons there will think you are into men. So if you are getting hit on my men at a gay bar, honestly, what did you expect?

It's why I don't go to gay bars. I don't go to bars period, because I feel like it would be intimidating and there would be drunk guys who would ridicule me.

I think not all bars are bad. I think a hotel bar would work, or one in a restaurant. But your typical pub/cocktail bar? No way.

[Judith96a]

Why do crossdressers go to gay bars if they're not gay? I think that it's because the crossdresser in question thinks (correctly or otherwise) that they will be perceived as female and therefore not hit upon by the clientele.
I'm actually very fond of one particular lesbian bar because men are only allowed if either crossdressed (it looks like a duck and is trying it's best to be a duck so we'll suspend disbelief and act like it's a duck) or 'properly house-trained' (ie vouched for by an accompanying female!) It feels safe. Safe is good!

[nonameyet1234]

The one and only time to date (unfortunately, as I'd love to get out more) was on Halloween on a pub crawl through a very LGBTQ friendly area, so I figured there'd be zero chance of issues. However, within 10 minutes of being there I was approached by a guy who was none too pleased I was a guy. From what I could tell, he didn't realize I was a guy but his friend did, and so he had the "I'm straight and I just checked out a guy" attitude. He came up to me and said, "you a dude right?" I said "yes" then he said, "that ain't right..." over and over shaking his head. His posture and tone were definitely agitated, but I really didn't sweat it because, 1 I'm pretty athletic, he was not, 2 I'm about 6', he was barely 5' 3 I was sober(we'd only been there 10 minutes and I was on my first drink), he was not, so it would have ended pretty badly for him getting whooped up on by someone in pantyhose had he decided to go that way. I kept it cool but made sure he knew it was best to move on and he did. I mean, it was Halloween for gods sake, what did he expect?

[sara.rafaela]

Hi Sabrina,

I began my voyage by frequenting gay bars. I found that some of these bars are centered around electronic music, attract a varied and diverse clientele, and are gay mostly in name. This is more my type of place. The other type of gay bar was really a gay bar. These I now avoid, not because of some fear, but because I am typically ignored. I go out mostly in SF and NY. I go to places that cater to more of a local clientele, rather than people coming in from the suburbs for the evening. I look for some type of "alternative" theme. The Cat Club in SF and the Poisson Rouge in NY are an example. I have not had negative experiences in general. At the worst, I am ignored. At the best I end up talking to people about different subjects, and have a great time.

Sara

[sabrinaedwards]

Hi Kim, I would love to go to the Friendly Moose with you all sometime. I looked it up on the internet and I would not have guessed that it caters to us crossdressers.
Love, Sabrina

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Hi Kim, I would love to go to the Friendly Moose with you all sometime. I looked it up on the internet and I would not have guessed that it caters to us crossdressers.
Love, Sabrina

Sabrina, Rather that saying the Moose "caters to crossdressers" I would say they are accepting of everyone. In the summer of 2015 I went to a fund raiser there. It was for a guy who had a bad car accident. The fund raiser included a kick ball tournement. We had a full team of CDer's. It was really fun & I got a nice neon bar light for a good price.

[Tracii G]

I have had problems with guys that thought I was a little too "different" in guy mode but never anything too bad in girl mode maybe a cat call or two.
I had to react to a physical altercation earlier this year (and yes I posted about it) so the guy got his nose adjusted by my male side.
I still go out as I please 50/50 mode or all out girl mode.

[Territx]

Like so many things, "nothing happens until it does"! Just just have to be aware of your surroundings these days -- no matter where or what mode you are in!

[Jenni Yumiko]

I spent 90 days in Hotel California (Chicago reference) on assault with a deadly weapon charges. While I didn't use the knife, it was on my person, my friends got assault charges and I-bonded out right away while I remained. Can't imagine how bad it would have been had I not been allowed to change and get makeup off before getting carted there from a small town local jail to Chicagos worst prison at the time. I have also gotten another all expenses paid trip to Addison and Halsted on assault and battery. Both instances I was defending myself at local bars. The first instance, it was considered gang assault, I was with a known high profile gang member and his friends, The second instance, I didn't throw the first punch, but hit the guy in the head repeatedly with a napkin holder.
Young dumb and full of ...
I'm a much much more reserved person now. these instances happened 20 plus years ago. Kinda funny you brought this up, as I'm attending a gay bar this weekend with my wife and friends. Must be a subtle reminder to not don't do anything stupid.

[sabrinaedwards]

I went to a club such as the one you mention in Arizona, called, Aint Nobody's Business. I had a great time and the proprietor thought that I might get "hit upon" because I was dressed so feminently and most of the other clientele were butch.
Love, Sabrina

[Violetgray]

When you dress as a woman, you have to play by the women's rules. One of those rules is, "nice girls" don't go to bars alone. Walk into a bar alone as a woman and everyone thinks you are "available". It's OK for a man to go to a bar alone, but not a woman. Sure it's not fair but that's how it is.

A bar is the last place I would go alone dressed as a woman.

And why do crossdressers seem to go to gay bars if they are not gay?

"nice girls" as opposed to who? I think the implications of that are... outdated.

Also cross dressers often go to gay bars because it's less likely that gay men will assault them for their perceived gender transgressions considering homosexuality itself is a perceived gender transgression.

[Tracii G]

Thanks Violet for saying that so I didn't have to.

[Krisi]

..................... I'm actually very fond of one particular lesbian bar because men are only allowed if either crossdressed (it looks like a duck and is trying it's best to be a duck so we'll suspend disbelief and act like it's a duck) or 'properly house-trained' (ie vouched for by an accompanying female!) It feels safe. Safe is good!

How does a bar legally exclude people of one sex?