Worrying comments

[leannejacobs]

There's a guy at my work, he's what I would describe as suspect, always joking around, sitting on other guys knees, singing songs like shania twains "man I feel like a woman" he asks others as well as me what size feet you have and mentions stilettos, last night he asked what I would call myself if I was a woman, he asked others too, I'm pretty confident that it's just his humour but can't help wondering if I'm "suspect"???

[Samm]

He either hates cd'ing and everything to do with it, or is deep in the closet and is trying to get out. Either way, it sounds like he's making himself the suspect.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Leanne,

Perhaps, but it sounds like these comments are made to multiple people and not aimed specifically at you. Perhaps because the behavior strikes on something so close to home you are just more aware of it?

Elizabeth

[Beverley Sims]

I have seen this behavior come an go, it can last for a few weeks and if no comments are made it turns into some other leaning, drunks, gamblers et al.

You may be aware of it, just see where it goes.

[IamWren]

Yeah, it sounds to me like he's a closeted CDer trying to give hints about himself.
On a side note... to sit on anyone's knee at work is completely unprofessional and the guy needs some instruction on what is and isn't appropriate in the workplace.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leanne:hugs:, Have you ever given him any reason to suspect you may be a Crossdresser ?? ...:daydreaming:...

[NicoleScott]

When he asks a question, ask him "Why do you ask?"

[Krisi]

He is bordering on sexual harassment.

[SherriePall]

I agree with the comments that he is "suspect," not you and that his actions do constitute sexual harassment (or just plain harassment).

[Nikkilovesdresses]

He just sounds like an asshole. Why do you think it's about you?

Next time you're in a group and he starts, ask in a loud voice why he seems to be so fascinated by the subject of women's shoes.

[Michelle Cheli]

I think some of you are misunderstanding the question. She's not asking If he knows about her, but rather she has a suspicioun that he may be one of us.

[Teresa]

Leanne,
I suspect he's openly dressing at home and is testing the water to see how comfortable it may be to come out .

I sometimes make cloaked comments and jokes, nothing too suggestive to see how others react , sometimes you do get a surprising response. I have had someone come out to me about being bi-sexual , they were so relieved to find a friendly ear, they had been struggling for some time with their marriage so it was good to give them the opportunity to talk.

[nvlady]

What would you call yourself if you were a woman?
Me.

[Stephanie47]

Sounds like a sexually charged work environment headed for an HR complaint. The boss lets this guy do this? Let us know when he either gets fired for sexual harassment or the company gets sued. If you feel he is harassing you in particular file a complaint. I would not encourage this behavior. Next time he sits on your knee dump is ass onto the floor.

[Leslie Langford]

Well, as they say..."if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, odds are it's a duck".

As the others here have already pointed out, sitting on other peoples' laps and singing tunes like Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" is a pretty clear indication as to where your office mate's gender orientation lies, and his actions are likely more of a reflection on his own personal situation as opposed to a fishing expedition regarding any perceived CDing tendencies on your part.

And yes, his behaviour is totally inappropriate, borders on sexual harassment, and he needs to be put in his place. Failing that, a formal complaint to HR would be the next logical step to put an end to those antics once and for all.

Of course, there's always the option of resorting to guerilla tactics and turning the tables on him. If your office has a Christmas gift exchange involving a Secret Santa approach, you could always find a way to finagle his name as your gift recipient, buy him a pair of stilettos (presumably his shoe size has already been established as per the previous conversations that you have alluded to), and see how he responds to being publicly "outed" in this way. But then again, we wouldn't do that to a potential "sister" - or would we? :eek: :heehee:

[Tracii G]

Sexual harassment come on really?
Thats part of whats wrong with things today people are too sue happy.
The guy sounds like an asshole but maybe he is a CD looking for a way to come out.
Lord knows we have some members that do silly stuff and post about it here do we not?

[leannejacobs]

My my, lots of opinions and assumptions ladies lol, ok, he hasn't sat on my knee or singled me out, I guess it's my guilty conscience that's making me paranoid, I/we work in a very male dominated work environment and no one is taking offence or being harassed buy this guy, he is a good laugh and it's all taken in good fun by all, I am in a more senior position than him and able to take him aside IF I feel it's required, as yet I see no real need, apparently he's been like this for a long time, I believe some of you may be correct that he himself is a CDer, possibly frustrated at being closeted in an environment where he or I have no chance of getting a dressing fix for lengthy periods at a time, I'm talking weeks, I'll leave it and see how it goes, he's not one of the guys I talk to much to find out more about him.

[Krisi]

If you ever worked for the government or some big corporations, things like sexual harassment are things you need to constantly be aware of. I'm not saying that's a good thing at all but it's out there and there are a lot of people looking to gain by bringing someone else down. I saw it in my career.

Perhaps we can get rid of some of this PC crap in the near future and learn to get along with each other.

[Micki_Finn]

Either way that's not exactly appropriate workplace conversation and if you want it to stop you should have a word with HR.

[HelenR2]

It sounds to me that he thinks he is gay or bi and just doesn't know what to do about it.

[SarahSerene]

I would qualify that as inappropriate behavior and could be construed as harassment (not necessarily sexual harassment but harassment in that it creates an uncomfortable work environment). I don't know the specifics of your work environment of course but its hard to imagine an environment where this is not distracting.

When anti-harassment training started to be more common, I used to roll my eyes at some of the PC sensitivities you learn you have to be aware of, but not anymore. I think they make sense, especially when considering that I may come out (as trans) at work someday - I may need to rely on those same protections.

[Krisi]

Different jobs have different cultures. If you are in the trades (plumber, carpenter, etc.), there is no HR department and you better learn to deal with these things by yourself. You would either make fun of him and give him a girly name or threaten to beat the crap out of him the next time he sat on your lap. Government or large corporations and less physical jobs would have a different culture and usually an HR department. The threat of physical violence would be inappropriate here.

[MzAlexis]

Like everything else I think it depends on the circumstances.. I work for a large company doing operations work which involves small groups working rotating 12hr shifts. And although the "Company" has a ton of rules about what's appropriate etc. similar to any other large corporation on any given day at least half of us could easily be fired for off color, sexual or deviant comments, and if there was anyone on the crew that objected then such activities would cease in their presence out of respect for the individual. Now none of it is said maliciously, but could be taken that way if someone doesn't know the source.. It's more poking fun at pretty much everything, especially anything that is considered "PC" (which is almost considered a challenge for commentary).

All that being said is this guys behavior way outside the box for the group and the situation? and has anyone Called him out on it if so? Or is some of it your sensitivity to what he is doing? (and I'm only saying this because being who I am I have to be cautious about how I interpret things). On the other hand he may well be a CD etc wanting to come out.. There is a lot of Validity in the the adage "The truth often comes out in Jest" (which is why you can tell a lot about society by popular comedy).