I Won't Beg

[Leah Lynn]

I've been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook begging for money for SRS. I'm slowly saving for my own and it's not exactly going real well. At the rate I'm going, I may not ever amass the small fortune necessary to reach that goal. However, there's no way I could bring myself to beg for financial help. It's just the way I am. If I can't do it, it won't get done.

Forever stubborn,

Leah

[Heidi Stevens]

Some of us are made that way, Leah! If you're proud that you tote the note on your own, good for you. If kind folks willingly know your plight without prompting, and want to help, don't be quick to decline. They may be happy to help you and how you respond can keep everyone proud and happy. Good luck on your quest.

[arbon]

I worked really hard three jobs. Still needed help and grateful to those that did help me to get there.

I did beg.

[Krisi]

Some people have no shame. And you don't know if the requests are real or BS. There's a great sense of pride in knowing that you earned what you have.

[Kris Avery]

Leah,

I actually tried a different kind of approach. I fully realize that everyone's situation is different and totally appreciate this fact. This method worked for me in my particular situation and is only another viewpoint. Your mileage will vary.

I begged my physicians to document my multiple urological issues (which they did), then begged my surgeon to document how they would fix said urological issues - and also provide a written estimate (which he did), then begged my HR department to consider my case; based on the merit of my urological conditions and the medically required process (and documented cost) to address those conditions (which they also did).

Everyone's case and situation is different.

For example, it's not all roses and rainbows for me. I can't get any of my extensive = $$$$$$$$ facial electrology covered. Heck, I couldn't even get them to cover electrology specific to the genital area - which was medically documented and was 100% required for surgery.

I could have gotten a BA - but didn't.

Even after getting the transgender surgical exclusion totally lifted at my company as part of the process...yay yay yay. I still can't get FFS coverage - not that I'm presently seeking that.

The point is that every single situation is different and what we do as we seek to achieve our goals is different. In the end it's only our specific personal approach (that we can live with) that matters.

I fully respect Leah and all others personal approaches to dealing with this difficult condition.

[jentay1367]

there's no way I could bring myself to beg for financial help

I can appreciate that attitude on the one hand. On the other and from my perspective, I've dealt with this issue most of my life. Some days are better than others. Some days are simply gut wrenchingly depressing. Heartbreaking dysphoria that washes over my brain and makes me feel like, what's the point? My empathy goes out to those desperate who feel they have no other recourse. That their option may be to lay in a hot tub, slit their wrists and slip away, or perhaps, just maybe, find some kind soul that would save them from that fate. Perhaps.... give them hope. An opportunity to see a path, not walls. I can't in good conscience, pass judgement on any of these people. I've known their pain and I'd have to be completely devoid of emotional empathy to begrudge them finding an opportunity to maybe, just maybe, make the pain stop. Many are hand to mouth working in menial jobs and have no ability now or in the future to even pay for something as simple as HRT. Firstly, I wish us all hope. I won't take that from anyone or judge them for how they choose to keep it alive. There by the grace of god, whomever or wherever they may be.

[Teresa]

Leah,
We have a choice in the UK, you can pay privately or wait for the NHS system, it may take longer but it's free and our entitlement .Saving for it may take longer but that comes with pros and cons, it may take a frustrating time to get there or it gives you the chance to think it through.

[JanePeterson]

Some people goFundMe for cancer drugs or for money for medication... Depends how badly you need it. I for one very thankful the that my GD hasnt driven me to that level of desperation and that I have some moderate means - but shaming those whos needs outpace their means isn't necessarily fair either.

[Leah Lynn]

It's just the way I am, I hate to ask for help in any form.

I remember being three and four years old and tried desperately to convince my family that I really was a girl. That just didn't fly in the early 50's, and after getting a hell of a beating, I figured I'd better try to be a boy. I spent nearly 60 years trying to be the macho dude. Finally the gd broke through and I spent a night with an implement of destruction in hand, seriously contemplating suicide. Finally I told my self that I'd get help the next day. Quickly put on hrt. Finally the name change and living 24/7/ and now,369! I'm happier than ever now. I spent decades being so miserable, most of my family didn't like me.

Yes, I want SRS, and I was put on a tentative list at the VA, to be in the first wave ,but that won't happen now. At least I'm living as my authentic self. And I really don't mean to criticize those that use gofundme or whatever, it's just not for me. Truth is, I have faith that I'll make it.

Love you all,

Leah

[jentay1367]

If someone else receives what I am able to fund myself via their asking others to help by their philanthropic nature, more power to them. It has no bearing on my fortunes. We are sisters first, we can't afford to divide ourselves using male focused idealism of bootstrapping or self sufficiency. The more magnanimous we become, the further along in the spectrum we'll find ourselves existing. It's my goal to be completely feminocentric, it gives me the best hope to align my consciousness.. I simply don't understand all this macho pride. It seems so mean spirited

[phylis anne]

I agree totally with the op , self respect is ery important I also will not beg if assistance is however offered without my solicitation then that is different ,I lived in the alaskan bush for quite a few years and you become really self reliant or else------ since I moved down to the l48 to care for my wife one of the more disturbing things I see is young people --at a glance able bodied but would rather beg for a living than earn an honest living and the self respect that goes with it maybe I am being very pragmatic but i was raised to earn my way , I surprised a restruant owner outside of fairbanks years ago a bear had wrecked my camp so I made the long trek in and found this place ,when I walked in I asked him how many dishes i had to wash for a meal ! took him totally by surprise , he refused the offer but made me sit down and eat , he left for a bit and i told the dishwasher he needed a break ,point made is everything we do in life is only worth what we put into it hugs phylis

[Rogina B]

Some people have no shame. And you don't know if the requests are real or BS. There's a great sense of pride in knowing that you earned what you have.

Because you don't live the life,you haven't a clue. Discrimination is real..causes job loss. Transition often causes divorce. Many transitioners are living on a a shoestring budget and barely surviving while working multiple low paying jobs. They are desperate for relief yet do not have the necessary money to take a step. Asking for help is not wrong as providing help is voluntary.

[arbon]

I've done a lot for other people in my life helping with money, volunteering, giving people my time, helping in many ways. I'm not going to feel bad for asking for help when I needed it.

Some of us have no shame? Whatever.

[Leah Lynn]

Some of you are reading too much into my post. I spend a lot of time volunteering. I help raise money for others. Perhaps I'd have enough saved if I didn't give so much away. BTW, I inherited my "won't beg for help" attitude from my MOTHER, the most self-sufficient, most GIVING woman you could hope to have met.
I'm sure the elderly widow down the street dislikes my attitude after I bought a battery for her car, since she couldn't afford one. The only payment I would accept was to sit and talk with her and have a couple cups of coffee.

Leah

[Kaitlyn Michele]

My brain tricked me.... It would not allow me to think of myself as transsexual until i had the money!!! that's literally true

[Starling]

Mind over matter.

:) Lallie

[Donna Joanne]

I begged, borrowed and was willing to do anything short of stealing to get my surgery. And I was only one of the few really fortunate ones who had health insurance that covered my GAS. But I still had airfare, preoperative and post hospital motel costs, and being out of work for 2 months. And I'd do it all again.

[grace7777]

In have come to the conclusion that almost all of us receive welfare in one form or another. Most of the time though it is not called welfare. So, I will not criticize someone who uses fundme to help pay for SRS.

I think it would be great if someday a non profit was established to help trans people pay of lesser means pay for gender conforming surgery. I know it is something I would be willing to contribute to.

[Eringirl]

One does what one has to given their circumstances......

[Cindy J Angel]

(but shaming those whos needs outpace their means isn't necessarily fair either.)

I agree with Jane I have good medical insurance but I'm not working and I thought of that I've been hurt

[Peggie Lee]

When a state side SRS in the US costs about $30,000 cash price, getting up the money any legal way you can and should not be looked down on, I had saved for years to get mine but not everyone can do it.

[OCCarly]

My health insurance covers SRS, provided that you are successful in jumping through all the WPATH hoops and a few of their own (such as showing up for all your scheduled appointments including individual therapy and group). I am not in any hurry to get SRS, but I am starting to look for extra work to raise the money for FFS.