Uncomfortable with men

[Lucy Long Legs]

I don't often go out dressed but when I do, I make a real effort. I dress in a very feminine way which emphasises the way I feel about myself, and always visit a make-up artist first so I look my best. Like most of us here, I am heterosexual but I think I am a very feminine guy in many ways.
When I am dressed, I am very happy in the company of other CDs or GGs but become very uncomfortable in the presence of men. I have considered this and think it is probably because real men make me feel very inadequate - I have never been a successful lover for several reasons, one of which being because I am very small in the relevant area. This has never bothered the women I have met, unless they are looking for a stallion. Somehow with men, our self confidence has a lot to do with our size - understandable I suppose.
Anyway, I attended a CD meeting where some members of the local police attended to give a talk on safety and legal issues for CDs - there were three of them, two women and a man.
The evening progressed well but at one point I saw the male police officer looking at me with great attention. I was wearing a tight skirt just above the knee but when I sat down it rose up a little but was still completely decent. I was wearing black hose and pumps so I suppose in the right light my panties might just have been visible when my legs were uncrossed. So of course I crossed them and nothing further happened.
However, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the effect I had on him and realise that it gave me a thrill - firstly to be able to attract him and secondly that I was happy being in a submissive role in both our minds.
Nothing more will come of this, but I wanted to share my thoughts.

[Aunt Kelly]

However, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the effect I had on him and realise that it gave me a thrill - firstly to be able to attract him and secondly that I was happy being in a submissive role in both our minds.
Nothing more will come of this, but I wanted to share my thoughts.
That sounds pretty "comfortable" to me. :)

I am far past being able to have that effect on men, but if I thought I could, I totally would. Don't get me wrong. I am not attracted to men, but having the ability to affect them in that way seems like it would be fun, not to mention very affirming. I don't mean I'd do anything overt to invite it, but I would certainly bask in it a bit if I noticed that kind of attention.

Oh, and guy to guy? Size doesn't matter. My respect for you as a man is measured by many things, but that ain't one of them. A partner worth keeping will have the same view. You should let that go.

Hugs

[Sallee]

sounds like what women do either intentionally or not. Depends on the woman Thats been happening with all species since time began. like the song says "the woman made the preacher put his Bible down" but did she mean too or did she just look good to him

[Lorileah]

I suspect you are reading a lot more into it than really occurred. I see your fantasy creeping in there.

Since it was a talk about
safety and legal issues for CDs - I would hope yu had his rapt attention on that issue


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

[Tracii G]

We have had police as guest speakers at out trans group meetings too.
Very positive to have the police on our side.
The size thing don't worry about it just because a guy is hung well means nothing.

[Vickie_CDTV]

If he is straight (odds are he is, as a majority of men are), I doubt it did anything for him. I wouldn't read too much into that.

I'd be awful careful of doing that in public. Instead of a positive reaction, you could get a bad reaction from a straight man who thinks you are trying to seduce him.

[Ressie]

Short, tight skirts with nice legs is something that catches the eye. And since women rarely wear skirts now days, I think he caught a glimpse of something that he hasn't seen much of lately. Keep those knees together!

[docrobbysherry]

Lucy, much like Lorileah said, this size thing is all in your mind. Considering all the guys I've met in my life, some were studs, some were wimps, and most were somewhere in between. And, no one had any idea of what size shwantz any of them had! (Except folks that had sex with them). The confident ones KNEW THAT, too!:straightface:

I'm not well endowed and I've done just fine with women and in business with men because I'm confident. My confidence arrived after I became successful, (in my mind). I was scared shitless of the pretty girls before then. After becoming confidence I dated a Playboy centerfold and married a Las Vegas showgirl!:battingeyelashes:

If u act confident you'll be amazed how different folks treat u!:thumbsup:

[Lana Mae]

Size does not matter period! Keep those legs crossed! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Just FYI, I know 2 good looking guys with big dicks. One of them gets laid constantly, the other doesn't - not for lack of effort. This tells me that it's personality which makes the difference, not the size of their dicks.

I'm neither of them, in case you're wondering.

I too feel uncomfortable in the company of most guys. Mostly they just bore me, but there's an insecurity to many which I find off putting. This insecurity often manifests as competitiveness or showing off, and one thing I hate is guys who leer at women and talk about them purely as objects.

But when I do find a man I feel comfortable with, it's wonderful. I love the feeling of brotherliness. It just doesn't happen very often.

[Periwinkle]

Most of my friends tend to be girls. In high school, I made an effort to be friends with mostly men, but it was difficult. They don't really seem to put themselves or their feelings out in the open. Often times I felt as though I was only seeing a small fraction of their personality. They'd talk about girls sometimes and I'd see some emotional response, but that never lasted long. Mostly they talked about sports and memes. And whereas memes are pretty fun, I despise talking about sports. I don't know how any of it works and it bores me to death. Luckily, no one ever talked about the size of their nether regions. I like to think that they were being considerate of my presence since mine is somewhat abnormal. The girls I associated with were much more open about who they were and what they enjoyed, and seemed like actual people. They were comfortable with themselves, so I was comfortable with them too.

[Helen_Highwater]

Perhaps your presentation was so good he was just amazed at how convincing you were. Some of us will always look like a man in a frock, some look absolutely stunning. I could imagine him going back to the police station and saying something to colleagues along the lines of, "One of those there, I tell you you'd be hard pressed to know they were male. Best pair of legs I've seen in a long time!"

As for the dick thing. I was told as a young male by those more worldly wise in these things, "If you want to pull the birds, make 'em laugh". Personality is a much greater factor in dating success.

[Shelly Preston]

I believe he saw a lovely lady and reacted they way men usually do. This does not mean he will act on those feelings. Take it as a compliment on your presentation.

[Maria 60]

When I do go for a drive dressed, I don't have any atraction to men or do I want anything to do with a man, but when I'm driving around and a man in a truck or bus shows me attention I see it almost as a sign of accepting and passing. I some times to wonder why it turns me on knowing I'm being look at as a women and receiving attention from a man. I don't want to be with a man but believe men are the judge of if we look good or not. In your case even though he was getting a eye full lookin up your skirt, he still knew you were a man under there so I'm sure it did feel good to you know he was checking you out. Well that's how I see it.

[Acastina]

I know exactly what you're talking about. It is tingle-inducing to realize that one is being objectified, however briefly or subtly, and I have gone further with it at times without regrets. There is a boundary out there somewhere beyond which it's a flirt and tease, and that can be easily misused and misread. A little goes a long way.

With regard to size, I have the opposite situation. I certainly learned how to use it in the conventional procedure, and more than one partner mentioned it approvingly, but it's not a role I ever really felt comfortable with. It's now been years since the last time, and neither my wife nor I miss conventional intercourse. We have our ways...

It's just harder to hide in girl jeans.

[sometimes_miss]

Regarding size; it's not always important. Sure, there will be some 'size queens' that won't be happy with anything less than a certain shape or size, but that's also true of men who prefer woman who are endowed with large breasts or butts. There are plenty of women out there that are quite happy with whatever shape organ the guy they love has. It's way too common for self centered men to believe that their penis is the most important thing about them. If it was, guys with small organs would have become extinct a long time ago. The typical person who is hung up on penis size, is a man, that wants to believe that all female pleasure is derived from HIS magnificient penis. When what's really huge about those guys, it their egos.

[Tina_gm]

Men tend to make me uncomfortable in general. I don't fit in all that well with the more rural macho masculine crowd, which these days I am basically surrounded by. Urban men make me less uncomfortable.

[Acastina]

Amen to that, from out here in rural macho country...

[Lori Kurtz]

What a lovely moment for you to enjoy: a man who had reason to know that were a CD apparently still found your femininity appealing.

[Lucy Long Legs]

Thank you Acastina. Those were my feelings exactly - it was a tingle.

[Julie MA]

I'm comfortable with men as long as they don't seem threatening or judging. And I love when a man, straight, gay, bi, CD or not becomes friendly or gives compliments. It's the safe acceptance that I seek when dressed.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Toward the end of your story you did not sound that uncomfortable. having men look at you in anadmiring way is very validating for your feminine side and is appreciated by both straight and "bent" crossdressers. Enjoy it for what it is.

[Sharon B.]

It doesn't matter if men are in city or country to me I just feel uncomfortable around them regardless wether I am in guy mode or dressed as a woman. I much prefer to be around women at least I know what they are talking about when it comes to fashion.
I would much prefer to be seen by women when I stepped out dressed as a woman.

[Acastina]

"It doesn't matter if men are in city or country to me I just feel uncomfortable around them regardless wether I am in guy mode or dressed as a woman."

Me too. I don't know if it's memories of feeling inadequate as a wimpy late-bloomer, having been bullied, or what, but I just don't fit in with the guys. I was in a band with four other men around my age (60s), and they and I were just, different. The attitudes, the jokes, nearly everything but the joy of making music in an ensemble was just a bit off-center for me. I quit after a year because my favorite among them, a retired doctor with a great worldview and sense of humor, died after a brief battle with cancer while the self-appointed leader got bossier and bossier. In the end, I wasn't sufficiently enthusiastic about the music we were playing to continue. And that was weird, because, if I tend to the submissive side, I shouldn't have resented his controlling tendencies; but, artistically, I felt cramped and unfulfilled.

Same with competitive golf, which I seem to have moved away from after a few years' involvement. A bunch of guys in slob shorts with hairy legs, lots of beards, lots of posturing, lots of pointless (and utterly unimpressive to me) machismo. Plenty of sexism and crude jokes; not my style, and not a way I want to spend a lot of time.

One of my issues is that a lot of women seem to be too far to the other extreme, and I don't really identify with that either. The women's golf groups, for example, long on flowers and fashion and pink golf balls and such, a little misplaced machismo (albeit with a lot of likable and inclusive camaraderie), but again a less-than-perfect fit for me.

I guess that's the androgynous/non-binary trap, feeling adrift between two boxes and not fitting comfortably within either.

Still looking for Baby Bear's porridge...

[Pumped]

Same here. Most men feel the need to be macho and make it known how tough they are. Hunt, fish, sports whatever, always a competition. I don't hunt, fish or follow sports so I get put down or get the deer in the headlights look because they can't understand why a guy would not be interested in all of the above. I do ride and wrench on motorcycles so I have that to fall back on!

[ellbee]

I think that's pretty common: Being more comfortable around GG's compared to men, when it comes to this stuff.


And not to put (non-CD'ing) men down or anything, since it is just the nature of the beast. GG's are probably more likely to "get it" (as long as they're not your SO, heh). They can certainly understand & relate on a number of levels, and are more likely to be cool with it all -- or at least neutral about it.


While men? Yeah, more likely to think (perhaps even say, in a negative manner) that you must be gay or something, and that you're trying to attract/pick up dudes -- including *them*. Come on.

Plus there's the whole awkwardness thing sometimes. A bunch of guys hanging out, just being guys... And another guy enters the picture, all dolled-up? Sometimes things can get a bit weird, like a strange & uncomfortable vibe in the air to be felt by all. Hard to explain, but it is a guy-thing, I guess you could say.

[Becky Blue]

I hope this makes sense. i feel more comfortable in the company of men when I am Becky. I am totally not attracted to them in any way, but I feel very confident and gorgeous (in my mind of course). I don't particularly enjoy the company of guys particularly in a group when I am in drab, I find them often boring insecure and feel a lot of their leering and comments to be very degrading of women.

[Nikki A.]

Unlike Becky I'm the opposite. In drab I have no issues hanging with the guys, however there are times when I may not agree with what they may be saying and I will defend my ideas.
Dressed I do feel more comfortable with women and not so with men. Not so much in common settings (church or other groups where there may be a common interest) but more in social or open settings where the person is a stranger.
The biggest change occurred when I attended another church (which was too far from where I live). We used to go out to a local diner after services, after a few trips out in public it kind of became easier to interact with people. The more I've gone out the more comfortable I have become with myself and with the general population.

[ReineD]

When I am dressed, I am very happy in the company of other CDs or GGs but become very uncomfortable in the presence of men.

GG here. I won't comment about your reasons for feeling this way (because I don't have one :p), but I do want to address your sentence above.

About 6 of my female friends and I (mostly the wives of my SO's coworkers) got together for lunch a few weeks ago. The conversation turned to who we feel most comfortable talking with, and the general consensus was that at least among these women, we feel equally comfortable with men as we do with women, in any social setting. We are all middle-aged or slightly past middle-aged. Granted, we don't have the appendage you speak of, so this part of the "competition" is a non-issue, but in terms of feeling relaxed and engaged in conversations ranging from current events, to economics, to sports (for those of us who are into sports), conversations with men are just as pleasurable as conversations with women. Now we've all known each other for years and we are all friends (the husbands and the wives), maybe this has something to do with it. And of course if ever I want to discuss relationship issues with someone, I would feel more comfortable discussing this with a close female friend than her husband. However, relationship issues seldom come up ... which leaves a wide array of interesting things to talk about with both the wives and the husbands. I also want to add that conversations about fashion and grooming just don't come up between myself and my female friends. Conversations about children do come up, but they also come up between myself and my male friends.

I wanted to mention this because I've read so many times in this forum that forum members don't feel comfortable with men and they feel a lot more comfortable with women ... which always puzzled me, because as a GG I've always felt equally comfortable with both. I have friends among both men and women. I always took it that I must be odd for a GG, until I specifically asked this group of women a few weeks ago how they felt ... which is just like me. On a side note, many of these women are professionals and have as long a list of professional accomplishments as their husbands, so there is no "inequality" between the sexes in our group of friends. Maybe this helps.

[Acastina]

"I wanted to mention this because I've read so many times in this forum that forum members don't feel comfortable with men and they feel a lot more comfortable with women ... which always puzzled me, because as a GG I've always felt equally comfortable with both. I have friends among both men and women."

If you had ever had the experience of being bullied as a boy, or been privy to certain kinds of male-only conversations in which crude comments about women or queers or whatever are commonplace, or felt professionally or athletically or sexually inadequate compared to other men, let alone the melange of fears surrounding crossdressing vis-a-vis "real" men, it would probably make more sense to you.

[ellbee]

Reine,

Were you presenting as a guy at lunch? :heehee:


Re-read the first part of what you quoted from Lucy...

"When I am dressed..."



Hey, I'm like you, too: Perfectly happy with either men or women -- when I'm in drab, that is.

But start throwing on some femmy stuff, and yeah, I'd much prefer the company of GG's & gay males, thanks.

[Christina D]

I have practically no experience with being around anyone en femme (I've only been out once), but my whole life even before I started dressing, I've vastly prefered the company of women. In fact, the only male friends I have now are the boyfriends/husbands of my female friends, and even then, I'm not close to them at all.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I feel so uncomfortable around men. When I'm around women, I feel fine just talking for hours, but when I'm around men, I feel like I have nothing to offer, like I'm not doing enough to be in their company.

[reinasblack]

I feel sometimes uncomfortable around guys when i am not dressed.
So guys testosorone never peaked out as in puberty. You need that peak to realize your maximum size and potential and then you will level off and at about 30 and lose about 1% a year.
Remember its gain and maintain to keep male characteristics ,as soon as you don't maintain the hormone estrogen becomes more significant in your body and you soften,lose muscles mass,gain fat,and just lose male characteristics.
What i am saying is go to a doctor and have him check your physical size and hormone levels to see if there in normal ranges.

[ReineD]

If you had ever had the experience of being bullied as a boy, or been privy to certain kinds of male-only conversations in which crude comments about women or queers or whatever are commonplace, or felt professionally or athletically or sexually inadequate compared to other men, let alone the melange of fears surrounding crossdressing vis-a-vis "real" men, it would probably make more sense to you.

I didn't have a lot of friends when I was a little girl. I wasn't like them and I felt like an outsider. I was a rather intense child who was interested in books, science kits, art. I wasn't into girly-girl, frou-frou stuff when I was a teenager (I was a late bloomer), and I did not want to be told that I couldn't do things that boys do. I was not bullied the way that boys bully other boys (girls are much more subtle about this), but I was "excluded". Still, I managed to find one or two friends I was close to, and as I grew to womanhood, I found more and more women who also cherished independence and equality. Today, my female friends all feel like sisters and I've kept some friendships for decades through multiple moves.

I say this not to diminish your experiences but to point out that it is possible to move beyond awkward or painful childhood experiences. It is always possible to find like-minded individuals to be close to.



Re-read the first part of what you quoted from Lucy...

"When I am dressed..."

I've just read the OP again and you're correct, I totally missed this.

My apologies to Lucy. I understand why you feel uncomfortable hanging out with men when you are dressed, especially if they know you are male (or would know if you engaged in long conversations with them). It has been my experience that men aren't as accepting of the CDing as women.

Sorry, I initially read it as if you were uncomfortable with men all the time. My mistake.

[Eva Bella]

Here in Los Angeles, we have a pretty large social scene for CD's and TG's. When I moved here this past it was my first time really interacting with men while dressed.

I'm not going to lie, it was unnerving at first. Most of these events have their share of "chasers," and they can be pretty aggressive. And given my figure, I tend to attract larger guys overall. My first few times of being hit on and bought drinks by dudes who look like Vin Diesel was kind of crazy!

But you know what.. welcome to the world of being in a girl in a short dress at a nightclub. This is how it works... you look sexy and have fun, and men come to proposition you. The vast majority of them are cool when you're honest. I'll touch their forearm and say that the attention is flattering, but I'm not on the market. I joke a bit and it's not that serious. Honestly, I wish that the various uninterested women of my youth would have told me that when I was wasting my time with them as a guy!

Two things that I've learned with this:

1) Don't let a man buy you a drink if you're not interested in him. It's asking for trouble and it's not fair to him IMO. I very strongly insist that I only buy my own drinks. And if a guy comes up to me with a drink already purchased, then I'll insist to buy him one or I won't drink it. I don't want to be obligated and there are no "free drinks" in this game unless you get it from the bartender.

2) "Straight" and "Gay" don't really apply. It's hard to explain. All of the chasers know the deal with us. But they're going to a t-girl club, not a gay bar. If they were simply gay, they'd meet a dude, which is not hard to do. A lot of "straight" guys find girls like us to be very attractive. They like the confidence and the feeling of femininity. It's a complex thing. I actually really appreciate that this is such a big grey area, it makes life more interesting.