Need some help and fast

[Cammi Anne]

The other day my girlfreind found one of my bras and a pair of panties in my car. She has no idea i dress. She also hasnt said anything about it yet i know she saw them as they where in plan site. What should i do? Confront her or just wait to she if she says anything?

[Lana Mae]

I would let her come to me with it. That way you don't seem so guilty. It also gives her a chance to think about it first. It could lead to all kinds of accusations so be ready for that. Best of luck! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracy Irving]

Lana Mae has a good point. Plus, you were going to tell her about it when you were ready...

[Cammi Anne]

Thats what im worried about lana mae is the accusations. That and figureing out what to say when she asks why there is a bra and panties in my car.

[Becky Blue]

She is probably going to presume affair, she is unlikely to connect them to you unless she has another reason to do so.

[Veronica4me]

Let me suggest a quiet place to have a heart to heart. Prolonging the mystery and concern is only going to make her question your relationship, whether she discusses it with you or not. The time is now to find a gentle way to discuss your interests. You might find that she embraces your feminine side and will help you shop. It could create a whole other side to your relationship, but it's in jeopardy otherwise, in my opinion.

[Rachelakld]

Whats worse -
1) her thinking your with other women or
2) you tell her the truth?
I would put number 1 as a deal breaker, my wife doesn't mind option 2 so long as it's not to often.

[Andrea2656]

You should simply explain it to her. I agree with the transparent approach. If this is a deal breaker for her, better you know now than later.

[Lorileah]

you left a bra and panties in the car...in plain sight? Roses...roses, dinner and a looooong honest talk

[Tracii G]

So do you have a fantasy about being caught?
Accusations? How about telling the truth when she confronts you?
Own up to them being yours and explain why they were there.
Show her a pic of you crossdressed that should quell the thought of there being another woman.
Now to the heavy question why were they in plain sight to begin with?
Humm that brings us back to the whole getting caught fantasy rather then you actually coming out and telling her the truth to begin with.

[Teresa]

Anne,
I know it will go around in your head not knowing the right thing to do, the best advice is see if she brings the subject up . The problem with that is not knowing what her questions might be, also in the back of your mind might be the opportunity to approach the subject of Cding at least that will be on your terms so you can think through what you're going to say .

Most of us of slipped up in some way and been in the same situation of being honest and tell or keep quiet and let her struggle with her own thoughts !

[IleneD]

Cammi Anne,

Try this. " Honey!! Now you've gone and ruined the surprise gift from Victoria's Secret I bought for you!" (They weren't used, were they?)
Honestly, Cammi darling. It could be worse, if you think in terms of only the worst. She could have found them ON YOU. BTW, that's what precipitated my own "coming out" a few months ago.

I was in a great pair of pink & black panties heading from the closet to the bed to fetch my jeans [thinking the coast was clear]. I failed to make it. The Wife of many, many years saw the full glory, stopped for a few seconds gazing in silence. I tried in ridiculous vain to hide behind a (see through) plastic laundry basket. She said nothing then exited the room for the master bath. She continued to not say a word about it all day as we went shopping. The silence was deafening. Later that evening I seized the secondary initiative, having obviously been 'caught', to have The Talk with her [about my life struggle with orientation and gender issues, and love of things Girly].
All in all, things have been cool since then. The honesty was refreshing, and took a life time burden of shame and guilt off my back.
Don't sweat this. The Truth is always the best way to go. Always.

[bridget thronton]

Lies are rarely appreciated - women do not like to feel that their partners are hiding things

[ReineD]

GG here.

DO NOT wait for her to bring it up. She likely won't, and instead will build up a huge untrue story that will explode one day. Or, she'll begin to write you off as non-bf material and she will keep her options open with other guys (I don't know how long you've been together and how committed you are).

She will most definitely appreciate an explanation. If you bring it up, she will feel as if you are prioritizing her feelings more than whatever is the explanation behind the bra and panties. You can get into as much or as little detail as you want, but if you don't want her to think you've been with someone else (which is a deal breaker in my book), then tell her they are yours.

[Kiwi Primrose]

Don't wait, it will be a much harder conversation when she has been brooding for a while.

[Cammi Anne]

Well i had no intentions of trying to be caught. I had them in the car cause i usually wear my bras and panties daily at work and change before i head home. Just so happens i left my wallet in the center console, we ordered something to eat i jumped in the shower she ran out to get my wallet while i was in the shower. So there is no way she didnt see them. Its hard to miss a VS push up bra thats alot smaller than she is and a pair of VS blue satin panties right next to them. The odd thing is she never batted an eye, nor a change in mood like everything was normal.

[leannejacobs]

As others have stated, don't leave it! I had a similar experience which didn't go well, she did assume the items she found belonged to another woman and it was devastating for her, we'd been married for about 15 years at that time, I did persuade her that they were mine and left it at that, no real discussion on it but she did believe me, fast forward another 7 years she knew I was hiding something, again thinking I was having an affair, I was forced to come clean and told all,,,, everything, it wasn't easy and it took her a while to digest it, present day, we have a loving and accepting relationship, I dress regularly in front of her without issue.

I would strongly suggest holding the conversation and telling all, it is a make or break one but it has to come out now or it'll eat away at her and blow up at some point, there's no easy way to do it, just sit her down, mention what she found and tell her you have a guilty secret to share, tell her you feel your love is strong enough to deal with it, at this point I assured her I'm not gay and have no desires to become a woman, you'll find the words, just take it nice and slow, I really urge you to tell all though because once she knows the basics she'll catch you out on everything else, believe me.

Best of luck with it Cammi

[Judith96a]

The odd thing is she never batted an eye, nor a change in mood like everything was normal.

And that is why you must take the initiative and talk with her. She's mulling it over, deciding what to do, without the necessary information. The longer that you wait the more likely it is that you'll not like the outcome.

[Elizabeth G]

Another vote for telling her the truth and doing it now. Waiting for her to confront you only allows more time for this to go to bad places in her head and it puts you in a reactionary position.

[Joan58]

It could just be that she did not see them,she went out to the car focused on getting the wallet.

I can't count how many times I have looked for something and then later found it in plain sight.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Depending how strong you feel you want to be with her I firmly believe that at some point you need to tell her. This is not ever going away. If you love her you have to tell her. I told my wife before we married and we got through it. There have been ups and downs over the years and she would rather I not dress but she knows it's who I am. If she's the one, you can look forward to a long loving relationship. Don't fall into the trap that you will just stop for her. That will not happen and you will still have to address this down the road. Do it now for both your sakes.

[Krisi]

If you are so careless that you leave your bras and panties lying around in plain sight, you had better come clean and tell her they are yours. She might still think you are having an affair though.

I hope you can at least learn a lesson from this.

[nonameyet1234]

there were a number of times I slipped up where I was CERTAIN that my wife had to have seen something. It was in such plain sight that there was no way she missed it. Since coming out I have brought up those intances and in fact, she never saw a thing (we get a good laugh about the now). I wouldn't assume she saw anything no matter how obvious. That being said, this may be your opportunity to come clean.

[Suzie Petersen]

Several possibilities here, lets explore:

a) _If_ she actually saw the items, she will most likely think they belong to another woman. And _If_ she thinks they belong to another woman, what would she possibly think had been going on before that other woman left behind her most intimate clothing in your car?
Only one answer to that, you must have been .. Naughty .. Not Nice.
It is actually technically quite difficult to leave those items behind by mistake if you are just a passenger, so yes, definitely Naughty!

b) If she did Not see them, and you fess up, you'll "Have a lot of Splainin' to do Lucy"!

c) If she Did see them, and it actually matters to her that you may have been having some fun on the side, her non-spoken language will let you know very quickly even if she doesnt actually say anything. Unless you are really daft, or dont really know her at all, you will pick that up soon and then you better tell the truth real quick.

d) There is the possibility that she Did see them, and chooses Not to have seen them! Denial .. you know the thing. Depending on how she normally deal with such things, it is possible you only have about 7 lives left Kitty Cat, or maybe only 1! If she owns any firearms or is into casting spells, you should probably consider checking on your Bug-Out bag now! Oh, and that new wart on your privates ... yes, you should have that looked at, tomorrow!

e) Then of course there is the possibility she has been desperately hoping that you were into dolling up like a girl, or that you were working on arranging a threesome with another pretty girl who is into leaving her underwear behind! ....... Well No, actually, that is not one of the likely possibilities, so just forget about that one, OK!

f) And lastly, if she Did see the items and she really dont give a hoot why you have a bra and panties in your car, then you should probably start checking out one of the dating websites. This relationship could turn out to be a disappointment for you.

So here we are, should you bring it up or not? You don't actually know if she saw anything or not. Doomed if you do and Doomed if you don't, kinda situation.
Some here will tell you that being painfully honest is the best course of action, but others here will tell you from experience that it will be the fastest path to being solo again.
You obviously already missed the opportunity to tell her before your got serious, so what to do? Well .. nobody here can tell you what to do. This is just another fine mess you will have to get yourself out of ;)

- Suzie

[docrobbysherry]

That's how I got caught. My now ex found my bra in our bedroom and thot I was having an affair.

I confessed it was mine and she felt better. Our divorce had nothing to do with my dressing. Which was less than minimal at the time.

[Phoebe Reece]

There's an old joke that I first heard way back in the 1960's that has something to do with this situation. It goes like this:
Two buddies were in the locker room at their golf club changing clothes. One of them notices the other is wearing a girdle. He asks his friend, "Hey, Bud. How long have you been wearing a girdle?"
His friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the back seat of my car."

[Nikkilovesdresses]

The adult thing to do is explain why they were there, the sooner the better. Waiting for her to ask puts all the pressure on her. If you care for her, why would you want to treat her like that?

Yes it's possible that she may decide she can't accept it, but it's going to come out one day anyway. It's absolutely not fair to either of you to waste years of your lives living a lie.

I find it impossible to believe that such a conspicuous error could be anything other than a clear message from your inner self that you need her to know the truth. We just don't make mistakes of that magnitude otherwise.

Bite the bullet and have The Talk. There's masses of advice on the forum of how to go about it.

Good luck!

[CarolBrown]

Another vote for 'A time for the chat'...

Wives and girlfriends don't miss much and may be on track with them being yours. I held back from telling my wife for over 10 years and in a way, I do regret not telling her sooner as life has been easier for me since I have been openly able to dress.

[Allsteamedup]

The issue isn't the clothes and this is where so many of you fail to understand the hurt caused.

The basis of mature adult relationships is trust. If you want to try treating your girlfriend like an idiot, which is disrespectful, she gets a good idea of the quality or lack of in the relationship. if you would like this relationship to have a future how, rather than what, you tell her is going to signal whether you are a future worth developing or not.

Men who know there is a problem but don't want to raise it until their girlfriend does are not a good future prospect. You need to mature.