Why the connection?

[Princess Chantal]

This question are for those that have a habit to connect their sexuality description side by side with being a crossdresser when describing/introducing theirselves. Examples are "I am a straight cd" and "I am a bi cd".
Do you feel necessary to make the connection? If so why?
What is/are your intentions in combining them?

[Krisi]

I would say it's because the public's perception of crossdressers is that they must be gay if they dress up as women. Also, many of the subjects brought up on this forum relate to sexual orientation in some way ("Have you ever kissed a man?") and it helps to know the orientation of a person rending or giving advice.

[NicoleScott]

It's a piece of information that, along with other pieces of information (age, how long CDing, marital status, gender identity, etc.) enable others to better see the writer's point of view of a post.

[junetv]

I guess it's like the bumper sticker that I saw on a Toyota Prius this morning that said "I'm not a Liberal" - the public has certain stereotypes of how crossdressers are supposed to be, however we have so many different flavors of gender identity, that we feel the need to express our particular characteristics. I happen to be a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't Chantal. Unless some guy is coming on to me-----:brolleyes:

[AllieSF]

I think that whether one will really admit it or not, they feel that being labeled gay is bad. So, to me it is a type of homophobia.

I have an issue with myself as I sometimes label my friends as "my gay, or lesbian, or CD or trans friend", when all that is needed is "My friend so and so"! Hard bad habit to get rid of for me.

[Teresa]

Chantal,
I've never found the need to add a comment about my sexuality when I come out to people. As far as I can recall not a single woman has questioned it, but some male friends know I'm not gay but assume that most of the others I now know must be. I do correct them on this issue, as we all know very few of us are gay so when I tell them many wives and partners accompany them they are surprised.

I personally don't don't have a problem with it, I just accept they are wired differently to me , I just can't relate to a male to male relationship .

[franlee]

The fact you are asking this is the reason. It is a piece of information that put you in perspective from the beginning of your interaction and may affect your desire or need to make that connection or exchange.

[Mickitv]

Since I consider myself a bisexual crossdresser, I feel that it doesn't matter whether I am designated as gay or not. I love being with men and women equally.

[leannejacobs]

I think it becomes habit, I go on Facebook too and always emphasise that I'm a happily married heterosexual CDer, purely to ward off the attention of people who try chatting me up or asking to see more, talk dirty to them etc. Doesn't interest me in the slightest so I'll continue to state my sexuality.

[Lana Mae]

Only out to my kids(adults). I said I am a crossdresser and I am not gay. Only because that is what many "straight" people think! It is only on the same level as I am not planning to transition. Only mention them due to societal misconceptions! Hugs Lana Mae

[CynthiaD]

I never discuss my sexual orientation. I consider it private.

[CarlaWestin]

For me, it's letting newly met CD friends know that _______ is out of the question, right up front.
It's a courtesy.

[Rachelakld]

For me, I used to assume everyone thinks of a cross dresser as gay (it's was your typical stereotype back in the 80's & 90's).
The world has come a long way since then, so I don't disclose my sexuality unless a male is hitting on me (which hasn't happened in the last 8 years).

[Lorileah]

Man @ bar who sees you there: Hi, I'm (blank).
You: Hi
Man: I saw you here and was wondering, do you date guys?
You: No (or yes) I'm straight( Bi, gay)
Man: But you wear women's clothes so you must like guys

THAT is why most people put the qualifier in. As noted above, the assumption is 1) you dress for sex and 2) you dress for sex with random men

[Princess Chantal]

The fact you are asking this is the reason. It is a piece of information that put you in perspective from the beginning of your interaction and may affect your desire or need to make that connection or exchange.

Actually, I wish to not know the sexuality of my friends.... crossdressers or not as I really don't care and don't need to know

I think Allie hit it the prime reason on the head, being perceived as being gay. Before I became better engaged with the LGBT community (and became aware of my pansexuality), I had this homophobic perception that gays and bisexuals are always sexually on the prowl and I wished not to be hit on. So I tended to throw up (what some in the local lgbt community call it) "The hetero defensive wall". However, when I first took the step into the crossdressing community, I did not feel the need to put up that "hetero defensive wall" as I did not associate crossdressing with sex. Perhaps it was due to me being ignorant of the sexual presence on the internet and did my researching of crossdressing solely on the Masquerade social group (and alike groups) and transgender resource pages in which notes often that the majority of crossdressers are heterosexual.

[sometimes_miss]

I think that whether one will really admit it or not, they feel that being labeled gay is bad. So, to me it is a type of homophobia.
Not so. It's simply a way to avoid unnecessary confusion. As others above mentioned, most of the population just assumes we are all gay. So it's necessary to be sure that people understand. Especially if you're single, otherwise even when you might meet a single women who could be interested, she will just assume you won't be.

[leannejacobs]

So it's necessary to be sure that people understand. Especially if you're single,

I'd say especially if you're married/attached, if you're single you have that choice, I'm married and committed to my wife 100% it doesn't float my boat so it needs to be made clear from the start, if you enter into conversation with someone it IS assumed you're gay or bi unfortunately so better to be straight with them, no pun intended. And nip any intended advances in the bud to save any awkwardness.

[Princess Chantal]

I find it funny that in the real world (not internet) I have had several heterosexual crossdressing friends (married and not) make advances towards me once they find out that my partner (Vanessa, also a cd) and I are more than just close friends and only had a couple of bisexual/gay crossdressers make advances. Makes me wonder if they assume that because I am not straight, that I am open to let them "experiment". It shocks them when I turn down their advances. Fact is that I am not all that sexually charged person and rarely have sex on my mind when socializing with people.

[Charlotte1971]

I never considered myself gay when I started cross dressing or even before. I was surprises after I started communicating with others as to how many others are not gay and are committed to their marriage.

[MissTee]

I would offer up that since there are so many flavors of "us" it helps add clarity to ones perspective.

[Tracii G]

I think the manner in which its said has something to do with it as far as it sounding homophobic.
If it reads "I am straight but love to CD with my wife". I don't get any homophobic vibe at all.
Now if it reads "I love to CD but I am NOT gay". That to me is very homophobic.
I think you should put the info out there but how you do it is up to you.

[NicoleScott]

Maybe some day I'll stop being surprised at the super-sensitivity some people have, nit-picking over how others express themselves, and CHOOSING to take offense when none was intended. Saying "I'm straight" is reasonable sharing of information, but "I'm not gay" is received as "very homophobic". Do you need a safe space and a coloring book to cope with such hateful speech as "I'm not gay"?

[Aunt Kelly]

Do you need a safe space and a coloring book to cope with such hateful speech as "I'm not gay"?
First of all, your comment made me smile, Nicole. I admire your wit. Still, the direction the thread has taken makes me realize that context matters, and that we sometimes ignore that, to ill effect. Really, who makes the statement, their tone of voice, the context of the conversation, all these things should give clues to whether or not the speaker was merely stating a fact or expressing something more. Yes, words matter, but so do other forms of communication.

[Contessa]

Some of the people that dress and go out to bars and clubs probably are gay. Dressing is actually a way to think that they aren't be cause dressed as a woman makes it okay to be with a man. They can still think themselves heterosexual. I was not gay as a man but due to my condition I am a gay woman. I don't think any need to worry about being gay and if they are still married. If don't they leave there wives to venture off to some bar or club. And any way if you are not gay you may always want or feel the need to say you are straight cause the truth is what need to be heard. I would not attend a club unless I knew there would be other lesbian there. Except that now I have realized that I should now find a cis gendered bisexual woman. A woman who wouldn't care about whether I had the sex organ that they would expect of the gender they present as.

[Ally 2112]

The thing is there is still a lot of people out there of course who think if you crossdress you are gay or creepy

[Princess Chantal]

So letting people know your sexual orientation lessens their thoughts of your crossdressing as being creepy? I doubt it! Perhaps stating one is straight or bisexual may contribute to their concerns of crossdressers using the women washrooms for other reasons than the main reasons why.

[Majella St Gerard]

It's not the first thing that comes out of my mouth but it always comes up when meeting new people. I will bring up the fact that I am straight especially when I meet an attractive woman.

[Stephanie47]

Maybe your question should be directed towards men and women, especially wives. Why is their first question out of their mouths when they meet a crossdresser "Are you gay?" How often will the average person encounter a MtF cross dresser unless he or she actively seeks one out? Now, if you are 100% passable and a person passes you in the street or at the mall, then having achieved your goal of being passable as a woman, the public has not realized you're a man wearing a dress. I have seen some men wearing a dress who are visibly so not passable that the public will see cross dressing as "creepy."

I have not had to answer your question because I am an in-home cross dresser by choice. My wife did not even ask me the "gay" question because my sexuality was fairly confirmed before the "talk." Try to explain it to her? I cannot explain it to myself. Anyway, the question is based on ignorance. And, a societal perception that men who do not act "manly" in societies eyes "must" be gay.

On the site it seems it is just part of one's introduction. It also allows interaction on threads to be based on some premises. I am not gay. I do not understand why a person is a gay man or a lesbian. In my interactions with others it does not matter. As a man, if I went to a gay bar noted as a hook up joint it would be a necessary bit of information.

I see a therapist on one on one counseling...war combat related issues.....not sexuality/cross dressing. For several years I talked about my son-in-law. Once it was necessary due to the context of the conversation to mention he is African-American. She said to me that I never mention that before. I retorted "why?" He's a great guy. And, the counselor is a black woman too!

PS: As to the washroom issue, perhaps when the issue is raised one should tell the inquirer the truth...women, young girls and young boys are raped and molested by men who are not wearing a dress.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
My wife accuses me of being homophobic, my answer to that is I'm not but being wired as bi-gender I can't relate to a male to male relationship. I don't have a problem with it I just accept they are wired differently.

Maybe I do add it sometimes as reassurance for my wife and family , the first time I stopped over at Carole's home my son asked me if there was something I'm not telling them.

[Beverley Sims]

I have always let people decide for themselves, they will inquire of my sexual orientation if they desire.

When I was twenty I had a lot of boys try to hit on me, I always went home with one or more of the other girls in my group.

[sometimes_miss]

Makes me wonder if they assume that because I am not straight, that I am open to let them "experiment". It shocks them when I turn down their advances.
Sounds like you're getting that well known authentic female experience; that of having a male assume that there's absolutely no reason why you wouldn't want to have sex with him!

[Princess Chantal]

Ummm, sometimes_miss
Is that authentic female experience you speak of be propositioned to be service on the the female's manly parts. That person ended up having her experience that she wanted with some guy at the gay night club the following weekend. The others were wanting crossdresser on crossdresser experience.
I assume that they believe the stereotype that a pansexual person or bisexual person is wild and promiscuous sexually.

[Emily Ann Brown]

My experience in gay clubs and some CD groups was GET IT OUT QUICKLY- I only have sex with GGs. Groups will have many different people with lots of different wants. Em

[Princess Chantal]

Why so necessary to get it out quick at crossdressing groups, Emily Ann?

[Emily Ann Brown]

Because I goes to this kind of get togethers for fun and meet sisters in my part of NC.....not to be hit on. The last time I want to a group (3 years back) it turned in to grabass party. Em

[Princess Chantal]

Yikes! Mind to share which group, as would be a shame for other crossdressers (no matter what sexual orientation) to experience the same. Especially if the group is promoting a safe non sexual intention environment.

[MissJoanne]

This is a subject I've touched on many times. The general (mis)perception of MtF CDs is that we do it because we ultimately wish to transition and/or wish to have sexual relations with other men. In the vast majority of instances, neither is true. As such, some of us feel it necessary to make our "straightness" clear. I personally don't feel that need, but I understand why some may.