Why?

[Kandi Robbins]

Why is it that we feel the need to put ourselves into box? Put a label on ourselves?

I present myself as a woman often, a few times a week. It makes me unbelievably happy. I have been able to make friends that would never have been possible otherwise. I have seen and done things that I could never have imagined just a few years ago.

Am I a man? Woman? Man in a dress? CD? TG? What am I?

Why do we care? We are people. We are good people. Many of us are very good people. Isn't that enough?

In 2016, I (and I am a crossdresser), I have been out 101 times (so far), doing multiple things when out, having various experiences. I have probably met a thousand people while out dressed. No one has said or done a single negative thing to me.

Listen, I know the realities of the world, but still marvel at how we are sometimes our own worst enemies. I am zero percent "passable".

I guess I am just frustrated at our seeming inability to live our lives as we wish (I am not unrealistic, I live what I say). Not sure I have even made a point here, it's just after two years on this forum, I just want to share the happiness I went out and found. I made a life for myself and know it is possible for so many of us.

Go out. Be smart. Be yourselves. Love yourselves.

[DIANEF]

Well said Kandi, this forum seems to have become obsessed with 'labels' lately. Just enjoy what you do, in your own way and call youself anything you think fits.

[ronda]

yep I'm me what you see is what you get your just not seeing the same thing all the time but its still me

[Rachael Leigh]

Kandi you are one of the most positive people on this forum and I really appreciate your perspective on all aspects of what we do. I actually attribute some of my own confidence at going out to you.
Thank you for being here and being you
Have a blessed Christmas and New Year
Leigh

[Maria 60]

You said it perfect, we all do it for different reasons, don't try to label it. Instead enjoy it and make it what you want it to be, and most of all make sure you make it fun and be happy. Thanks

[Abbie965]

Kandi you are one of the most positive people on this forum and I really appreciate your perspective on all aspects of what we do. I actually attribute some of my own confidence at going out to you.
Thank you for being here and being you
Have a blessed Christmas and New Year
Leigh

totally agree. Positive posts, that offer nothing but encouragement to go out and be yourself. I know you have helped me personally over the last week by reading your posts. I've been out many times, never experienced anything negative, but, I used to read the "going out posts" looking for negatives to see how the experiences were handled, as well as trying to get a feel for everything negative thing that could possibly happen (obviously i know that is not possible) , but now, after your posts, I am only focused on the positive. You are a true inspiration. Planning a few days as Abbie, and as always, I get nervous, but again, after reading your posts, it feels so much easier....

[Jenniferathome]

It's just easier to give in to fear. Unfounded though it is.

[Rachelakld]

I know people who only buy Ford,
only wear Federation clothes,
only wear brand make up.
People who only vote Republican.

These are all lables (Ford, Federation, Republican etc)
The make us feel certain ways, maybe even makes us sound better.
Think of the lables "war vet", "laywer", "fireman", "drug dealler","insurance salesman", "unemployed" - all are human yes, but they bring different images to mind.

5 years ago, there was a media uproar in my area as a lot of "trannys" in see through nighties started working a local street so I would not like to be labled or described in the same way as them.
Being a Tranny in my social envirourment is not a trendy nor is it great, being a cross dresser has more respectability as it's not closely related to street prostitution.

[Becky Blue]

In some respects labels do have some value, they may help someone to understand themselves. Imagine how it would have been before the internet. For example imagine feeling strong urges to crossdress and not knowing if you are the only person in the world to feel that way or if every guy feels the same way at some stage. Now one can Goole and find the various labels and learn a lot very easily and quickly. Labels are also quite valuable on sites like this so we can get a better understanding of where people are coming from.

I think once we have been around a bit and understand ourselves then perhaps labels are not relevant. But how would we get to that place without labels at the start?

[raeleen]

I appreciate the positive energy Kandi brings to this post, and to this site in general (I love reading your stories, Kandi, and I love your style!)

But I think I also agree with Becky. I've resisted labels for much of my life, but I think in my processing of the notion, I've come to a new undestanding and appreciation of the value of these labels. As human beings, we are always seeking to find community and comfort. Looking for others like us. And we do so by identifying ourselves in specific ways, creating labels. Without these labels that many hold proudly and protect fiercely, we wouldn't necessarily be able to find others like us, to build that community of like-minded individuals and find affirmation. The problem arises when others try to label us, mislabel us, or begin to attribute things to our social identifiers that aren't true or create negative images.

So yes, label yourself, but don't feel constrained or find yourself limited to the generally accepted labels out there. Explore new ones, find others who fit within your mindset and use them to build positive community.

[Beverley Sims]

When I was three I used to love getting put in a box.
My enthusiasm then waned and the only time I worry about getting put in a box is when it is time to be six feet under and pushing up daisies.
Life is too short to get depressed and worry about your CONDITION, yep go out and enjoy life whilst you can.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Kandi, this is one of the most admirable posts I've ever read on this forum.

Thanks for this.

[Rogina B]

"Same person,just different packaging" Life is way too short not to be yourself.

[Krisi]

In some respects labels do have some value, .....................

Of course labels have value. How would we know if a can had beans or soup in it if there wasn't a label?

Labels are important when communicating with each other. We often need to know where someone is coming from to understand what they are saying.

Labels aren't going away, we might as well accept this.

[Vicky_Scot]

It is society as a whole feels the need for labels. It makes them feel safer and in control if they can pigeon hole everyone.

[Dana44]

Kandi, I agree we should love ourselves and go about our days out and about. I have had great times out and about. But i only go to safe places. No teenager has got me yet..Like st movie theater. I think they would be the worst. However the young waitresses are amazing and we have ha a lot of good talks and they never even asked me about me it just seemed natural. Yes here are a lot of great people every where I found hat out in my travels. So many good people. However there are some bad ones and we need to not cross their paths.

[Joyce Swindell]

All of the streets are labeled in my town so we can figure out where we are going. So labels serve their purpose in everything. It's how much thought we put into it that causes issues....good or bad. A label is just a label....helps a person know where or what in conversation. How people react to a label is on them.....not me. I do know that it's really not all that simple and circumstances often direct us. If it were that simple we would all be wearing what we wanted to wear whenever we wanted to wear it.

[Kandi Robbins]

Thank you all for the positive feedback! All I know is what I have experienced personally. I go out, smile (quite a bit), speak in my regular voice and have been almost universally accepted. Maybe I'm just lucky, maybe it's because of my attitude (and also I am smart about where I go and what I do). I have determined I am only going to be a positive influence whenever I can. That is what keeps the smile working for me.

Bless you all!!

[robbieatbest]

Grayson Perry, the famous potter has a similar outlook and confidence. Relaxing and being the natural you, especially with a smile gets a smile in return.